WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2021

Kim - I often used to get my students, in Drama, or Creative Writing, to do presentations like that. The best one ever was when I was running a writers' workshop for the British Council in Nairobi. On the last day I asked each student to bring in an object that was important to them, and to talk about it. It was so moving! One of the most glorious, transcendent, 'present', hours of my life.
Having a 'prop' like that can really help. An old trowel that perfectly fits the hand .... a packet of seeds ..... or ..... or .....
I hope DH will get the Christmas decorations out of the garage loft today. I'm relenting and putting a tree up in the dining room for the grandchildren's Christmas Eve lunch. A few sparkly lights somewhere and I'm done.
I will put the timed lights on our outside spruce. It's growing naturally and was here when we moved in. I was reluctant to put baubles on it because in London they would not have lasted five minutes before someone 'knicked' them, but I noticed that all the gardens had decorations, so I hung some out. I lost not a one!

Fiona - If I added up all the money I have cost the NHS over the years, I would have the same reaction! None of us pay a penny. Yes, we are supremely privileged to live right here, right now. Living your best life is the way to pay that back.
Your depression is understandable, given everything you have been through; your body, and mind, are just tired. But your rationalising is just that - exhaustion. Take your privilege and use it. Every day be grateful and let your cup run over.
And tell that husband of yours that you don't want to hear any more of his self pity and moaning. Let him get it out one more time, hear it, and then say STOP. This is the beginning of the rest of your life and you only have one of them. Don't waste a minute of the life you have. If you are costing all that money, it had better be a good one!
Lots of love to you,

and to everyone, Heather UK xxxxxxxx

OregonMother wrote: »

Good evening.

Oh, Allie, I hope you feel better soon so you don't have to go in to be checked out.

Katla, so happy that you are safely back in Oregon. It sounded like you had a wonderful time with your family.

Those aprons are adorable, Katie. I love aprons, and have quite a few, but none as cute as those are.

Feeling a little down tonight, not horribly, just melancholic.

The severity of my situation has finally hit my husband. I think he was just in survival mode during the chemo and surgery, and he was ready to relax a little and move on. Then we started talking about the medicines I am going to be taking, likely for the rest of my life, and he got very frustrated. He complained, not at me but at the situation, "This is never going to end!" And that is correct. I feel bad for him because this is certainly not what he signed on for, but the alternative really isn't acceptable to either one of us. I have a 15 year old for God's sake. I need to at least make an effort to be here for the next few years!

And this next bit is going to make me sound like a spoiled brat, but I just began to realize how much all of this is costing. I know that sounds entitled, because I haven't seen a bill for months. Literally. I go to pick up my medicines, go to my appointments, no co-pays, not a dime. Apparently my husband's company pays for incredible insurance. (I know it costs them a fortune,) and my deductible must be ridiculously low. I've been stashing money away since I was diagnosed, waiting for the big bill to hit, but I think it isn't. I mean, some of those early scans, I paid a pretty penny out of pocket, but then it was over.

Survivor guilt is a real thing, and I was feeling it last night and most of today. So many people, over the centuries would have just had to suffer and die, perhaps not even knowing for sure why they were sick, and I get scan after scan, medicine after medicine, without a thought for what it is costing. I made the mistake last night of looking up the cost of the nuelasta shot I got after most of the chemo treatments, and I was just aghast.

Sadly, the whole reason this came up is because for the very first time during this experience, my oncologist talked about the cost of something -- the Ibrance. $10,000 a month. No kidding. My insurance will probably pay for it, but she didn't want me to worry about the co-pays, which, she said, can be hefty, because apparently there is some help from somewhere to help cover the costs to the patient.

Anyway, I just feel bad. That's all. One of the first questions my nurse navigator asked me at the beginning of all this was if I was worried about how I was going to pay for everything, and I just said, "No. Not at all." And that ended up being true.

I feel bad because even if he wanted to, my husband really can't quit his job because the insurance benefit is too good.

I'm not looking for any, "you're not a bad person because you haven't had to pay much financially for this disease," but I just felt like I needed to get it out. I need to figure out how to deal with this guilt, and the feeling that I am not deserving. Which is actually true! I am no more deserving of treatment than people who lived in the past or people who do not have financial assistance available to them. Yet, for the luck of living in this time and having the insurance I have, I get benefits that others don't.

Flea
Willamette Valley, OR

Don't worry. In other countries, you wouldn't pay much for your treatment, medication, etc.

As for "This is never going to end!"

1) It's better than the alternative.
2) That's what happens as we get older.
Almost everyone starts developing issues that won't end until "the end".
Evidently, the fact that my stomach digests very slowly (so slowly that I need regular medication to process food) won't go away. Also my arthritis will likely just get worse.
In your case and my husband's case, it was a bit more dramatic.


But it is all exhausting and emotional.



M in Oz

Today, we held the ASH Dash 2021 -- a very challenging 200 km ride with over 4000 metres of climbing. 🌄🗻

We had near perfect weather -- moderately warm temps, blue skies, and not too much wind. ☀️

28 riders started and at least 90% finished or came very close to it. 🎉🎊 That is not bad, given the climbing in this ride.

In next years event, we do need to make the end of the route clearer. 🙂

We had 5 volunteers: One who cycled to two spots to check on the progress of riders, so he did quite a bit of cycling and climbing too. Two who did one "control"/rest stop each - they were at each for several hours. And my husband and me. I organised the event plus we went to a quick "control" early in the ride and then to the finish where we were from about 1:30 pm until 7 pm.

Fortunately, the finish area is a busy part of town with a lot of people walking, cycling and so on ... it was entertaining. Until 3 pm, there was some sort of large children's Christmas party (or something? there were a lot of families and activities going on) across the road from us and we were entertained with music from the 70s and 80s. A horse drawn carriage did its rounds throughout the time. People chatted with us from time to time. And of course riders were coming in.

I'm slightly more sunburned/tanned than I was ... and I'm completely knackered! (So is my husband)


I've been busy getting everything ready to roll for the last 10 days or so. Now it's the tidy up process.

But for tonight, most of the left over groceries etc. are still in the van and can be dealt with later. My husband has gone to bed and I'll be going soon. Right now I'm listening to Christmas music with the Christmas lights slowly blinking on the tree ... yep, we did most of the Christmas decorations this weekend too!


Machka in Oz

Well im awake .. thats about it,got Alfie out and got his food set...and right now im laying low..
Thing is i have no fever just some shortness of breath and phlegm but feel a little light headed.. so I might just call Tom and have him pick Alfie up..
Maybe have Trudy drop me off at the ER.. ive used my deductible up for the year.. i hate to go but better safe than sorry

FLEA you sound so serene all around. I'm admirative. I'm glad you have good health care. I agree everyone should have it. Like in Aussi here in France everyone gets basic health care, including cancer treatment. So in many countries that is possible but not all. Still glad for those who have it. The fact that the same treatment might be billed 10x more or much more in one country than in another (where the cost of living is not very different) is something to deal with, but quite into a political terrain so I'll leave it at that.

BARBARA I'm sorry about the trouble with training, I hope it went better. I don't mind cleaning and greatly prefer it to filling in formulas and most or all adminsitrative paperwork.

BARBARA so interesting about the dog training you've done so far

SUE wow about the credit card. Good you caught it!

Lisa - Yes, laughter and talk is a wonderful thing. We laugh a LOT in this house, but I find we get to have more long talks when we go out for a drink or meal. Our other talk time is in bed in the morning when I bring him a cup of tea. I climb back in and we have 'a good natter'.
Otherwise we spend a lot of the day in separate rooms, writing and reading, and get together for lunch. We reassemble for aperitif around 5 and then have dinner at 6 and watch TV together.

Today DH climbed up into the loft space above the garage and I helped get the Christmas stuff down. We didn't use it at all last year, so I can't remember what is in the bags and boxes.

Now for my afternoon rowing.

Love Heather UK xxxxxx

I liked today's Oprah Archive quote she borrowed from Maya Angelou - "When you know better, you do better."
Ain't that so!
Just about describes my state of knowledge in my first marriage.

Karen - Such great sentiments in the poem. For me, boundaries, and knowing when to let go, has been huge.

Love Heather UK xxxxxx

Good morning all! Happy Sunday! I spent yesterday shopping (groceries; not gifts) and cooking/meal prep. Doesn't sound like much, but it took me a good 6-7 hours. There is rain in the forecast for today. My plan is to get outside and rake along the north side of the house (where the blowing leaves have congregated), get the leaves bagged and take them to the township drop off site. I also need to clean my grill and move my little tykes play houses to the back yard (otherwise they tend to get buried under the snowbanks made from shoveling the drive). I will also be "building" the gingerbread house for the kids and working on a few holiday activity centers.
Karen VA- Love the poem! So very true and insightful.
Heather- Yes! "When you know better; you do better." This is a mantra often quoted in my childcare provider circle! I often hear people complain about the constant changes in child rearing. The thing we have to keep in mind; is that it has only been the past 20 years that actual scientific studies and research has begun on the infant to age 5 age group! So much to learn and re learn!
Lisa- It is rather eye opening to realize that you haven't been your "happy" self. Oddly, I just realized this myself a week or two ago. So glad you and Corey were able to have a relaxing and happy evening of talk and laughter. It truly is gold when life starts to weigh you down. Hugs my friend!
Flea- PLEASE don't feel guilty about receiving something wonderful like great health coverage. This should be available to everyone. The ones who should be feeling bad ,that it is not available to all, are our government/congresspeople. I will echo the words of the others: notice your gratitude for it. IF that doesn't feel like "enough", donate to a charity or gofundme account for someone in your community who is struggling with healthcare payments, write to your congressmen about fixing the state of healthcare in our country.
Rebecca- Please share pics of the finished apron! Love the fabrics! Just curious what the writing one says...
Barbara- Love the dog training ideas! Sorry the training didn't go well with them yesterday; but it sounds like their love for Joe made them lose focus! I haven't made fudge in a couple of years due to the lack of family get togethers. Glad you are making and enjoying it!
Machka- Oh that final push to get an event running and finished! So much work; but it sounds like everyone had a good time! Glad you could come home and relax! I picture Rhodie (is that your kitty's name?) on your lap as you enjoy the lights.
Pip- I am sure Yogi made Santa's "nice list"! #goodboyyogi


Had a bit of a "triggering" moment while watching a GBBO holiday show, last night. The bakers had to bake a cake celebrating/commemorating their 21st birthday. As the bakers were remembering what was going on in their lives when they were 21, I thought, "Hmmmm...what was I doing?" Mental time warp back to Mexico. I turned 21 the month before returning home. I had an eating disorder, an STD, was mentally blocking a rape incident, and my head/psyche was a mess. Not a good time. Ended up bawling my eyes out (good thing DH wasn't around). I could not even wrap my head around what that cake would have looked like.

Anyway, we are still on "babywatch". Waiting for #3 to make his entrance. My daughter calls daily; and with every call, my brain thinks, "This is it!" lol So hard. They still don't have a name picked out. (so they say) I think they are going to go with my son in law's name suggestion from when they were pregnant with Joaquin (and later Miguel). After watching Fiddler on the Roof, SIL decided he liked the name Lazar Wolf. lol In my opinion, I would love to introduce a grandchild named Lazar Wolf ____! Epic!

Well, I better get busy! Hohoho and all that. ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)

Iii