Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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Now I can release some of the pent-up anxiety I have been feeling. Things have been investigated and the abuse charges were found to be completely false, we are now working with the family courts to have visitation set up. My daughter will now have shared custody of her child and the father's family has been put on notice for making false accusations. I am so relieved that this has been resolved before the new year rolled around.6
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dawnfire72 wrote: »Now I can release some of the pent-up anxiety I have been feeling. Things have been investigated and the abuse charges were found to be completely false, we are now working with the family courts to have visitation set up. My daughter will now have shared custody of her child and the father's family has been put on notice for making false accusations. I am so relieved that this has been resolved before the new year rolled around.
Jesus, this sounds like a nightmare.1 -
dawnfire72 wrote: »Now I can release some of the pent-up anxiety I have been feeling. Things have been investigated and the abuse charges were found to be completely false, we are now working with the family courts to have visitation set up. My daughter will now have shared custody of her child and the father's family has been put on notice for making false accusations. I am so relieved that this has been resolved before the new year rolled around.
So glad this was cleared up quickly. What a nightmare!1 -
Single parenting. Kudos to all the moms and dads who are able to do it without a mental breakdown.
Hanging on by a thread these days.8 -
dawnfire72 wrote: »Now I can release some of the pent-up anxiety I have been feeling. Things have been investigated and the abuse charges were found to be completely false, we are now working with the family courts to have visitation set up. My daughter will now have shared custody of her child and the father's family has been put on notice for making false accusations. I am so relieved that this has been resolved before the new year rolled around.
Ugh, false charges are horrible, so much hatred, bitterness and vengeance in the world!! Glad your family can look forward to a new year in a new and brighter way!1 -
Not that heavy right now but it was. Since it’s about epic amounts of depression and anxiety I’ll post it here.
I feel like my zoloft is starting to kick in and I don’t feel like a vortex of doom at the moment. Haven’t felt good or like I’m an actual person in a very long time. I feel like the fog is lifting and I can actually SEE. Today I feel especially healthy and clear. GOOD.
I haven’t been on zoloft in 8 years and I can’t say I was fine without it. I’ve not coped well on my own. I do remember though way back when, the meds working and my relationships did a 180. People at work went from avoiding me to being my best friends and always swinging by to gossip. When I stopped taking the meds everything went back to crap.
I get sad. The big sad. I get anxious and paranoid. I close myself off to everyone and disappear. I go silent. Mute. Best I’ve been doing is making myself keep a job but everything else falls into disarray.
I hope I’ll accomplish some things now and actually live life. I’m too damn cool and funny to disappear. 👽10 -
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I got pulled over last night...well, this morning about a block from my apt because of course I did.
I failed my smog test because I don't do enough (any) freeway driving so went for a quick 50 miles around midnight. I KNEW something would happen because nothing this year has gone right for me but I also figured not many cars around so less chance of an accident (driving next to trucks scared the *kitten* out of me tho).
Anyway, I did my best to stay away from others, not speed, and not accidentally veer off onto a different freeway offshoot so I didn't get lost. I actually used to make this drive a lot (brought back some mrmories) but it's been years and out of my comfort zone now.
I apparently was getting close to the shoulder a few times which makes sense because it was late, I'm not used to where the curves are, and I tilt to the right when I walk.
I was just so...OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED...and I couldn't get my license out of the wallet and the cop asked if I was drunk or high. I couldn't talk right because of my dental problems so just spouted out how I was just trying to pass my smog check and I'M HOME (literally half a block away) and I was just so frustrated about this and how my life's spiralled the past couple years (those were internally).
(I feel almost guilty about sharing this because a lot of you have recently lost loved ones.)
I'm just so scared what's going to happen the next couple times I have to go out again.
And this is just a really long and deflected way of sharing what I should be sharing and that's a few weeks ago, after my boss said he thought I had his back (and other he's disappointed in me type of things over the past few months), I was on my evenng walk and was doing my normal step off the curb to avoid the dogs thing but, because of my balance problems, have to physically stop myself from going too far out into traffic...and for a millisecond didn't want to.
I've just had enough of this year and it's not even over yet.
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I got pulled over last night...well, this morning about a block from my apt because of course I did.
I failed my smog test because I don't do enough (any) freeway driving so went for a quick 50 miles around midnight. I KNEW something would happen because nothing this year has gone right for me but I also figured not many cars around so less chance of an accident (driving next to trucks scared the *kitten* out of me tho).
Anyway, I did my best to stay away from others, not speed, and not accidentally veer off onto a different freeway offshoot so I didn't get lost. I actually used to make this drive a lot (brought back some mrmories) but it's been years and out of my comfort zone now.
I apparently was getting close to the shoulder a few times which makes sense because it was late, I'm not used to where the curves are, and I tilt to the right when I walk.
I was just so...OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED...and I couldn't get my license out of the wallet and the cop asked if I was drunk or high. I couldn't talk right because of my dental problems so just spouted out how I was just trying to pass my smog check and I'M HOME (literally half a block away) and I was just so frustrated about this and how my life's spiralled the past couple years (those were internally).
(I feel almost guilty about sharing this because a lot of you have recently lost loved ones.)
I'm just so scared what's going to happen the next couple times I have to go out again.
And this is just a really long and deflected way of sharing what I should be sharing and that's a few weeks ago, after my boss said he thought I had his back (and other he's disappointed in me type of things over the past few months), I was on my evenng walk and was doing my normal step off the curb to avoid the dogs thing but, because of my balance problems, have to physically stop myself from going too far out into traffic...and for a millisecond didn't want to.
I've just had enough of this year and it's not even over yet.
Firstly.. your boss is a dick 😒what a thing to say to you.. man I'd be stewing over that.
I hope this feeling lifts soon, it sucks when it feels like everything you do and touch goes wrong in someway.. you start to expect the worst. Maybe that's just my spin on it 😬 sorry if I'm misinterpreting.
The good thing though is for all the low times life throws there are highs times too.. I hope this funk is behind you soon .Big hugs 🤗
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I helped my sister while she was losing her dh. It was challenging, sad, depressing, draining, exhausting physically and emotionally. I was there as much as possible for the both of them and their dd as well. I stayed strong throughout.
But wow, I'm not sure if it's the cumulative affect or what, but my 88 yo neighbor has taken a turn for the worse recently, past couple weeks, cannot be left alone at all. His dd is with him now, trying to get things in place, which is a long drawn out process in good times but now it's horrific. She's burning out and melting down. And my brain can only focus on dying, death, trying to be there for them and do what I can, worrying about everybody that matters to me. Worrying about everybody's futures and how it will turn out for them. Everybody in my life, is getting older. I'm even worried sick about my dogs.
I want to be with my kids and hardly ever see them. I need laughter. I need to get away from all this. I need good times and things to focus on. And not talk about or think about death now, 24/7. I just feel so bad for him and his family.
My mental health has taken a nose dive lately. Can you tell?6 -
I helped my sister while she was losing her dh. It was challenging, sad, depressing, draining, exhausting physically and emotionally. I was there as much as possible for the both of them and their dd as well. I stayed strong throughout.
But wow, I'm not sure if it's the cumulative affect or what, but my 88 yo neighbor has taken a turn for the worse recently, past couple weeks, cannot be left alone at all. His dd is with him now, trying to get things in place, which is a long drawn out process in good times but now it's horrific. She's burning out and melting down. And my brain can only focus on dying, death, trying to be there for them and do what I can, worrying about everybody that matters to me. Worrying about everybody's futures and how it will turn out for them. Everybody in my life, is getting older. I'm even worried sick about my dogs. I want to be with my kids and hardly ever see them. I need laughter. I need to get away from all this. I need good times and things to focus on. And not talk about or think about death now, 24/7. I just feel so bad for him and his family.
My mental health has taken a nose dive lately. Can you tell?
Oh Reenie, Im so sorry you are feeling this way. Nothing I can say will change it but just know I'm thinking of you and you are thought of with love and respect. I hope these worries/concerns ease and pass soon and you find a peaceful place in your mind
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »I got pulled over last night...well, this morning about a block from my apt because of course I did.
I failed my smog test because I don't do enough (any) freeway driving so went for a quick 50 miles around midnight. I KNEW something would happen because nothing this year has gone right for me but I also figured not many cars around so less chance of an accident (driving next to trucks scared the *kitten* out of me tho).
Anyway, I did my best to stay away from others, not speed, and not accidentally veer off onto a different freeway offshoot so I didn't get lost. I actually used to make this drive a lot (brought back some mrmories) but it's been years and out of my comfort zone now.
I apparently was getting close to the shoulder a few times which makes sense because it was late, I'm not used to where the curves are, and I tilt to the right when I walk.
I was just so...OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED...and I couldn't get my license out of the wallet and the cop asked if I was drunk or high. I couldn't talk right because of my dental problems so just spouted out how I was just trying to pass my smog check and I'M HOME (literally half a block away) and I was just so frustrated about this and how my life's spiralled the past couple years (those were internally).
(I feel almost guilty about sharing this because a lot of you have recently lost loved ones.)
I'm just so scared what's going to happen the next couple times I have to go out again.
And this is just a really long and deflected way of sharing what I should be sharing and that's a few weeks ago, after my boss said he thought I had his back (and other he's disappointed in me type of things over the past few months), I was on my evenng walk and was doing my normal step off the curb to avoid the dogs thing but, because of my balance problems, have to physically stop myself from going too far out into traffic...and for a millisecond didn't want to.
I've just had enough of this year and it's not even over yet.
Firstly.. your boss is a dick 😒what a thing to say to you.. man I'd be stewing over that.
I hope this feeling lifts soon, it sucks when it feels like everything you do and touch goes wrong in someway.. you start to expect the worst. Maybe that's just my spin on it 😬 sorry if I'm misinterpreting.
The good thing though is for all the low times life throws there are highs times too.. I hope this funk is behind you soon .Big hugs 🤗
I keep meaning to come back to you!
And yeah, he has his moments but he's mostly a good guy (barring other things I know about him.)
I absolutely do usually expect the worst.
At least I decided to wake up early the next Sunday morning for the next 50 miles and nothing bad happened. 1 -
@slimgirljo15 Thanks my dear Jo, you're a sweetheart. I'm feeling better now. As I mentioned in my pm which I hope went through this time
it's his dd I worry about. She doesn't have a life at the moment and this is an exhausting place to be for anyone who goes it alone. And moving the process ahead of finding resources and actually being able to get real help, well it feels endless when it's needed, NOW. 1 -
Every day I wake up and the exhaustion is so real. I don't get enough sleep, I get to bed late... really late. (Well after midnight). My alarm goes off at 6:30, if my cats don't wake me sooner (and they usually do). I feed the kittens, make my way downstairs to check my senior kitty's blood sugars, give her insulin, and feed her. Then I make my coffee, slide down to the floor and lean against the cabinets by the heat register drinking my coffee while I keep her company. (She doesn't eat as well if I leave)
Lately I have been dozing off with my head against the counter. So damn tired.
I get the kids up and ready for school, then go work at my desk. I eat at my desk so that I can take my lunch to go pick up my oldest (she goes to school in the city - and it's 1h15 round trip when the weather is good). I come back and try to make up the time lost. I end up being late starting supper as a result, and meal prep is not a thing I feel like I can do. We don't often eat until 630. By 730 I am "supposed" to be working out, but I'm full, and exhausted, and carrying whatever burden my kids have needed to offload on my heart that day.
Sometimes I can drag my body downstairs, dig up the energy to workout, and then come upstairs to clean up and do the chores... but this past week... the exhaustion has been so deep that I just want to curl up on the couch and either cry or sleep. I've done both this week.
Last night my son had an appointment to get his hair cut. He's been doing a lot better lately and his hair was long so he asked if we could cut it. I thought I'd treat him to a hair cut at a real barber shop.
We drove 35 mins into the city (in freezing rain) and he got the cut. And he hated it. He got into the car and started crying. By the time bedtime came around, he was so upset that he had a full scale meltdown. I sat with him and let him cry (knowing it was so much more than feelings about his hair coming out). He cried well into the wee hours and I didn't get to bed until almost 3am. And the kittens started being idiots at 530.
So here I sit... even MORE exhausted... when I didn't think that was possible, wondering how I can keep putting one foot in front of the next. Dragging myself through each day, trying to support my family, trying not to fall apart.
Can someone just hold me for a while, so I can cry like he did?10 -
Oh @KickassAmazon76 if only we all could just hang onto you and help you through your days. If you were my neighbor I'd be right over next door and help in whatever ways I could. Do you have any relatives or neighbors you could ask for some help? I know your children have challenges they're both dealing with but are they seeing how exhausted you are? Can you hire someone or barter services somehow for some extra help? Something to lighten your load??
You cannot overextend yourself forever. PLEASE take care of yourself as much as you're taking care of everybody else! 
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Oh @KickassAmazon76 if only we all could just hang onto you and help you through your days. If you were my neighbor I'd be right over next door and help in whatever ways I could. Do you have any relatives or neighbors you could ask for some help? I know your children have challenges they're both dealing with but are they seeing how exhausted you are? Can you hire someone or barter services somehow for some extra help? Something to lighten your load??
You cannot overextend yourself forever. PLEASE take care of yourself as much as you're taking care of everybody else!
So much love to you, Reenie.
My kids are so wrapped in their own issues, they don't see me. (Or they pretend not to). I try not to add to their burden either. Honestly, I don't know that people in my "real life" - the ones close to me - know just how hard or bad it is. After a while, you get tired of being the person everyone feels sorry for. Or, at least, I did. So I withdrew. Pulled away more and more because I was tired of being that person who pulled down the energy from the room.
I know people love me, and I know there are some who would be sad if they knew how much I struggled and hid from them. I share bits of me here and there, in easily digestible chunks, but don't feel like there are many people who could (or would even want to) handle the full meal. Really, the people who see the biggest picture are the ones on here... where I'm somewhat safe in my anonymity (and can be easily ignored if I'm found to be too much).
I keep hoping that it will break soon. There seem to be tiny hints of hope sparkling in the air. I just need to hold on a bit longer. 5 -
@KickassAmazon76 But Friends and family won't know if you don't tell them? I know if a dear friend of mine or if my sister needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Even if you could give them something specific and small to do, they'd probably love to be asked and to lend a hand. Everybody needs to be needed and clearly you're not one to take advantage of others. I wish I could help.
I saw my sister survive on very little sleep every single night while caring for her dh. It's not sustainable for good health. We were all afraid she was going to go before he did; we have no idea how she survived on a couple hours of sleep.
There will be a light at the end of that tunnel but you truly don't want to crash before you reach it.
Ok, I'll quit nagging now. 4 -
Recently I went to a party with my coworkers. I got a little tipsy and told one of my colleagues that my both parents passed away. To which she replied: I don't care twice. And this deeply deeply hurt me. It was not intentional talking about my parents, I was a little drunk but somehow I was not expecting such a reply. The next day I woke up and the first thing that popped up in my mind were the words she said. Even though her reply is playing on my mind, I'm trying to remind myself, she is not my friend and she is not my family. I just need to laugh it off even though it hurts.5
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Viktorija38mfp wrote: »Recently I went to a party with my coworkers. I got a little tipsy and told one of my colleagues that my both parents passed away. To which she replied: I don't care twice. And this deeply deeply hurt me. It was not intentional talking about my parents, I was a little drunk but somehow I was not expecting such a reply. The next day I woke up and the first thing that popped up in my mind were the words she said. Even though her reply is playing on my mind, I'm trying to remind myself, she is not my friend and she is not my family. I just need to laugh it off even though it hurts.
Just a thought. Your coworker may have been drunker than you. I guess I'd shrug it off. Remembering the episode will hurt you more than her and she might not even remember anything. However, if she continues to make comments that are off, then I'd get riled. Sorry for your double loss.2 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Viktorija38mfp wrote: »Recently I went to a party with my coworkers. I got a little tipsy and told one of my colleagues that my both parents passed away. To which she replied: I don't care twice. And this deeply deeply hurt me. It was not intentional talking about my parents, I was a little drunk but somehow I was not expecting such a reply. The next day I woke up and the first thing that popped up in my mind were the words she said. Even though her reply is playing on my mind, I'm trying to remind myself, she is not my friend and she is not my family. I just need to laugh it off even though it hurts.
Just a thought. Your coworker may have been drunker than you. I guess I'd shrug it off. Remembering the episode will hurt you more than her and she might not even remember anything. However, if she continues to make comments that are off, then I'd get riled. Sorry for your double loss.
I didn't think of it like that, you might be right. Either way, nevermind. I shouldn't let things like that get to me. And like you say, she might have been drunker than me and didn't think what she was saying.1
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