Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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Replies

  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,081 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @KickassAmazon76 But Friends and family won't know if you don't tell them? I know if a dear friend of mine or if my sister needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Even if you could give them something specific and small to do, they'd probably love to be asked and to lend a hand. Everybody needs to be needed and clearly you're not one to take advantage of others. I wish I could help. :(

    I saw my sister survive on very little sleep every single night while caring for her dh. It's not sustainable for good health. :( We were all afraid she was going to go before he did; we have no idea how she survived on a couple hours of sleep.

    There will be a light at the end of that tunnel but you truly don't want to crash before you reach it. <3

    Ok, I'll quit nagging now. :)

    You are never a nag! You are so sweet, compassionate and wonderful. :heart:

    I feel the same about if a friend ever needed me, but I think I struggle with knowing where anyone could even start to help. I do have a friend who often asks me what I need, or if they can help, and I have no idea what to tell them. I can't very well say... Someone for me to tag team when it's 2am, I am so tired I can't see straight, and my son is crying? (I can chuckle at that now).

    I cannot express how much it just helps to have a safe place to share my overwhelming feelings. It really does make a huge difference knowing someone out there cares.

    Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. :heart:

    It is a very real drain on caregivers, but I do understand your sister.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,081 Member
    Recently I went to a party with my coworkers. I got a little tipsy and told one of my colleagues that my both parents passed away. To which she replied: I don't care twice. And this deeply deeply hurt me. It was not intentional talking about my parents, I was a little drunk but somehow I was not expecting such a reply. The next day I woke up and the first thing that popped up in my mind were the words she said. Even though her reply is playing on my mind, I'm trying to remind myself, she is not my friend and she is not my family. I just need to laugh it off even though it hurts.

    Wow. I would have also been hurt. Incredibly so. It shows a level of callousness that is typically reserved for online anonymity. While she may have been drunk, in my opinion, people just become more authentic when they're inebriated - they're not different people, they are just less inhibited.

    I would have a hard time getting over that. So sad this happened to you (and so very sad for your loss :disappointed: )
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,081 Member
    Eltriste73 wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Oh @KickassAmazon76 if only we all could just hang onto you and help you through your days. :( If you were my neighbor I'd be right over next door and help in whatever ways I could. Do you have any relatives or neighbors you could ask for some help? I know your children have challenges they're both dealing with but are they seeing how exhausted you are? Can you hire someone or barter services somehow for some extra help? Something to lighten your load??

    You cannot overextend yourself forever. :( PLEASE take care of yourself as much as you're taking care of everybody else! <3

    So much love to you, Reenie. :heart:

    My kids are so wrapped in their own issues, they don't see me. (Or they pretend not to). I try not to add to their burden either. Honestly, I don't know that people in my "real life" - the ones close to me - know just how hard or bad it is. After a while, you get tired of being the person everyone feels sorry for. Or, at least, I did. So I withdrew. Pulled away more and more because I was tired of being that person who pulled down the energy from the room.

    I know people love me, and I know there are some who would be sad if they knew how much I struggled and hid from them. I share bits of me here and there, in easily digestible chunks, but don't feel like there are many people who could (or would even want to) handle the full meal. Really, the people who see the biggest picture are the ones on here... where I'm somewhat safe in my anonymity (and can be easily ignored if I'm found to be too much).

    I keep hoping that it will break soon. There seem to be tiny hints of hope sparkling in the air. I just need to hold on a bit longer. <3

    I wish you the very best and that you find the way. It will eventually happen, sending you lots of hugs

    Thank you so much. *hugs back*
  • Sixteen_Tons
    Sixteen_Tons Posts: 61 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @KickassAmazon76 But Friends and family won't know if you don't tell them? I know if a dear friend of mine or if my sister needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Even if you could give them something specific and small to do, they'd probably love to be asked and to lend a hand. Everybody needs to be needed and clearly you're not one to take advantage of others. I wish I could help. :(

    I saw my sister survive on very little sleep every single night while caring for her dh. It's not sustainable for good health. :( We were all afraid she was going to go before he did; we have no idea how she survived on a couple hours of sleep.

    There will be a light at the end of that tunnel but you truly don't want to crash before you reach it. <3

    Ok, I'll quit nagging now. :)

    You are never a nag! You are so sweet, compassionate and wonderful. :heart:

    I feel the same about if a friend ever needed me, but I think I struggle with knowing where anyone could even start to help. I do have a friend who often asks me what I need, or if they can help, and I have no idea what to tell them. I can't very well say... Someone for me to tag team when it's 2am, I am so tired I can't see straight, and my son is crying? (I can chuckle at that now).

    I cannot express how much it just helps to have a safe place to share my overwhelming feelings. It really does make a huge difference knowing someone out there cares.

    Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. :heart:

    It is a very real drain on caregivers, but I do understand your sister.

    Hi KA, I think I've been where you are, years ago, honestly I don't think I would have survived it, except one day I had a meltdown in my GPs office, I really can't remember much, but, it was a wakeup call, he recommended a 72 hr. suicide watch. It's the only time this happened. I was allowed to avoid that(I own a few firearms, NYS has a law that would have confiscated them) so he insisted I undergo counseling. Best thing I ever did, since then many of the pressures have relented, and I am indeed able to cope again.

    The moral of the story is: make time for yourself before you reach that point, even if it means finding some one to take part of the load. Even if it's 2 hours a week it will help. I was lucky my best friend provided unquestioning support, he took some of the load. Even if it seems to you it's too much to ask, ask you might be surprised when they help.

    Take care of yourself, all I can send is a hug and some encouragement.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,081 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @KickassAmazon76 But Friends and family won't know if you don't tell them? I know if a dear friend of mine or if my sister needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Even if you could give them something specific and small to do, they'd probably love to be asked and to lend a hand. Everybody needs to be needed and clearly you're not one to take advantage of others. I wish I could help. :(

    I saw my sister survive on very little sleep every single night while caring for her dh. It's not sustainable for good health. :( We were all afraid she was going to go before he did; we have no idea how she survived on a couple hours of sleep.

    There will be a light at the end of that tunnel but you truly don't want to crash before you reach it. <3

    Ok, I'll quit nagging now. :)

    You are never a nag! You are so sweet, compassionate and wonderful. :heart:

    I feel the same about if a friend ever needed me, but I think I struggle with knowing where anyone could even start to help. I do have a friend who often asks me what I need, or if they can help, and I have no idea what to tell them. I can't very well say... Someone for me to tag team when it's 2am, I am so tired I can't see straight, and my son is crying? (I can chuckle at that now).

    I cannot express how much it just helps to have a safe place to share my overwhelming feelings. It really does make a huge difference knowing someone out there cares.

    Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. :heart:

    It is a very real drain on caregivers, but I do understand your sister.

    Hi KA, I think I've been where you are, years ago, honestly I don't think I would have survived it, except one day I had a meltdown in my GPs office, I really can't remember much, but, it was a wakeup call, he recommended a 72 hr. suicide watch. It's the only time this happened. I was allowed to avoid that(I own a few firearms, NYS has a law that would have confiscated them) so he insisted I undergo counseling. Best thing I ever did, since then many of the pressures have relented, and I am indeed able to cope again.

    The moral of the story is: make time for yourself before you reach that point, even if it means finding some one to take part of the load. Even if it's 2 hours a week it will help. I was lucky my best friend provided unquestioning support, he took some of the load. Even if it seems to you it's too much to ask, ask you might be surprised when they help.

    Take care of yourself, all I can send is a hug and some encouragement.

    Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate it so much. *hugs*

    I'm so glad your doc was able to intervene and that the timing worked out to keep you safe until you were able to cope again. I have a doctor's appointment this morning. He's my son's doc and has now taken me on as a patient... so he's at least aware of the stress I'm under as a result of everything my son has been going through. I am not sure if I'll come out of the appointment with meds, or advice... But at least that door is open.

    I also managed to find a really good counselor through work, but I am only able to get one session a month. She's been amazing, but so many times I have found that when I need her the most, my session is not for another x days / weeks. It's a matter of hoping you have the tools in place to help you through things the best you can, until the next session. She has definitely been helping me with those tools.

    My biggest problem is asking for help. Maybe it's because my dad always drilled into me that asking for help was a no-no. He always felt that it was a sign of weakness and left you vulnerable to be taken advantage of. (Really disordered thinking, I know). I will make an effort this week to accept help, and maybe even ask for it, if I need it.

    Thank you all so much for your love and kindness and empathy. It means so much to me!!! :heart:

  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,081 Member
    An old friend of mine from college (anime club) is missing. His family opened up a missing persons report today as his car is missing, but his place looks like he was meant to return (his cat was still there, awaiting his return.. and he'd never go away on a trip without him). He can't be contacted nor traced through his phone, no one has seen his vehicle and he hasn't been on any socials since Friday evening.

    His family is concerned he may have had an accident (it being a snowy place at the base of some mountains and all). His old anime group from college (us) are trying to reach out to everyone and inform them as some of us, he still routinely contacts and last I checked a few minutes ago, his Steam profile was still online and active. We're trying to amass anyone who may have had contact with him or might know where he was heading on Friday evening to see if the vehicle can be located or to see if anyone outside of where he lives may have had contact with him recently to get some insights. So far, though.. nothing has been found.

    ETA: As I finished writing this, his family contacted everyone on FB to let us know he *was* found. He is safe as well. A happy ending for once.

    OH THANK GOODNESS!!!!! So glad it wasn't the start of a horrible ending. Still, it must have been scary to not know and think the worst. *hugs*
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,511 Member
    @kosmoskitten Very glad to hear he's safe and sound and no harm came to him!

  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,457 Member
    An old friend of mine from college (anime club) is missing. His family opened up a missing persons report today as his car is missing, but his place looks like he was meant to return (his cat was still there, awaiting his return.. and he'd never go away on a trip without him). He can't be contacted nor traced through his phone, no one has seen his vehicle and he hasn't been on any socials since Friday evening.

    His family is concerned he may have had an accident (it being a snowy place at the base of some mountains and all). His old anime group from college (us) are trying to reach out to everyone and inform them as some of us, he still routinely contacts and last I checked a few minutes ago, his Steam profile was still online and active. We're trying to amass anyone who may have had contact with him or might know where he was heading on Friday evening to see if the vehicle can be located or to see if anyone outside of where he lives may have had contact with him recently to get some insights. So far, though.. nothing has been found.

    ETA: As I finished writing this, his family contacted everyone on FB to let us know he *was* found. He is safe as well. A happy ending for once.

    I am so glad he was found, some good news indeed. I thought about his poor cat, they don't know what's happening. I hope they are both doing well and I hope you are doing good too.
  • J_NY_Z
    J_NY_Z Posts: 2,457 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I think I've given up on trying. Whether it be work, home, or personal... what's the point? We (I) spend all this time and energy doing all these things that people say I'm supposed to do, but for what? None of it matters. There's always more to do. There's always someone else that needs something. There's always more frustration and disappointment around the next corner. If all paths lead to the same outcome, why shouldn't I take the one of least resistance?

    I think much like you. But I have kids and people who depend on me. That's how I justify keeping on.
  • Destanieroberts06
    Destanieroberts06 Posts: 103 Member
    I don't let people know the real me because then they don't have the ability to hurt the real me...I have built up a big enough wall around my heart and soul that no one is getting in
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,605 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    My brain is reeling at the moment. :( DH retired around the first of the year. He was close to many former co-workers. One of them committed suicide about a week ago; they had the memorial this afternoon. He's home an hour from that and gets a call from another former peer from work and a good buddy of his, their daughter was killed last night in a hit and run. I had her and her brother in my daycare when she was about 5. I'm stunned. Just stunned and shaken. She was 20.

    Im so sorry Reenie.. sad, such a young life cut short 😔
    And very sad that your SO ex coworker felt they couldn't go on.. so very sad for those they leave behind as well.