Wrong answers ONLY!

Cat0703a wrote: »

How about “guess the number of stretch marks” or pin the tail on the baby? What mother to be wouldn’t appreciate such thoughtful games.

I’ll be on a ferry shortly for approximately 2 hours in order to get home. What should I do while on my “cruise”?

Y'know I don't think I've ever heard of piracy aboard a ferry, you could be a trailblazer. Head for the bridge, seize control then set course for open waters. A life of piracy on the high seas awaits.

As my parents get older, they often struggle with modern technology. What would be a good, old-person friendly gadget I could get them this Christmas?

The trick is to wake your partner immediatly you wake up - better yet, in that twilight zone when you are not yet fully awake and ask him/her an aggressive question.

If it is , for example, 3 am, you can then go peacefully back to sleep and your partner can remember the details for you in the morning.

Incidentally this suggestion is based on a true story - Paperpudding had a dream about her husband cutting down all the trees on our property and, half awake, woke him at 3 am to demand why he had done so.


What should you do if your partner brings up the suggestion of separate bedrooms?

asking for a friend

I wanted to be a pirate but instead volunteered at the local circus, my job was to be fired out of a cannon. I landed on my head but as far I'm concerned, I'm absolutely fine and not at all whacky.

What's an exotic but unusual location to visit next summer?

I heard that pyramid schemes and Herbalife are fabulous ways of making easy money; just buy a few million dollars of their 'fat melting tea' for resale and you'll double your money in no time. Failing that, I think you should invest the money in diverse holdings, I believe the startup company 'Dan's retirement fund financial holdings will gladly make your money work for you! and absolutely not buy a yacht in the Carribean.

Okay, so I had to Google the statue, that is sensational! I am from Cornwall in the far west of England, it's quirky here too, but you're absolutely right, there's no such statue.

What's a good way to endear myself to the Canadian locals when I'm there?

I've heard it's a law that visitors to Canada must participate in the annual bathtub race while drinking the national drink (which includes clam juice) so Dan should be prepared to participate or face jail time. I'm wearing my gray suede wingtip shoes today. Why are they called wingtips?

The answer to this question depends on who you ask, according to many of my ex girlfriends, no fewer than 56 pairs. Each pair representing an occasion or event that my primitive male brain could not forsee. I've noticed a trend however of men wearing sneakers with suits 🤮 - so it's possible that you only need the one pair; the sneakers will cover you for leisurewear, weddings, funerals, sports and gym!

What's a polite and gentlemanly way to turn down a date?

It's hard to choose because I have many pairs of shoes that I've stolen from the needy and deprived. It used to be a hobby of mine: In my possession I have a brand new pair of kicks that I took from the back of a truck full of overseas aid boxes and some scuffed up old boots that I removed from a sleeping hobo, but I suppose if I had to choose a favourite pair, it'd be the shoes that I took directly from Santa's sleigh at an altitude of 16,000ft over London on Christmas eve 2008. That bearded old man in the red suit puts up one hell of a fight when he's angry!

Were I to follow @Cat0703a 's stellar advice, and flee to another continent to avoid going on a date, where might be the best place to find a fake bride (and ideally fake family) I could masquerade with?

I'm always amazed by the generosity of the neighborhood kids bringing me candy. They ring my doorbell, hold out their bags, and ask, "Trick or Treat?" I always feel such a rush of warmth that they brought me treats as I reach into their bags and pick out something special. The looks on their faces as I close the door is priceless.

My teenage daughter has been invited to a Halloween party with her friends. Being a loving father, I plan to go with her as chaperone. What shall I wear? Should I have a costume to match hers so everyone will know we're there together, or will something else be more appropriate?

Change EVERYTHING! The best way to endear yourself to your underlings is to fill them with shock and awe, so your changes should be surprising and totally inspired. So, for example, if you previously had a casual Friday dress code, you should change it to black tie and gown. If you have a conveniently located water dispenser, move it to the most inaccessible part of the office. And most importantly, if you have a break room, convert it to a fully equipped coffee bar complete with a full-time barista (on the company dime, of course).

Who else has more suggestions for Cat?

Point out to the boss how much productivity went DOWN after you started working there. Let him/her know that, for the good of the company, you are willing to NOT come to the office, and instead agree to be paid to remain home. He/she will be so amazed at your willingness to take responsibility for company profits slipping that you're sure to get a pay raise AND, by staying home, the rest of the staff will be so much more productive. Bonus all around!

My daughter's high school marching band team just competed at state, which also means their season is over. What shall she do with all the free time now that she won't have practice and weekly competitions for the rest of the school year?