WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JANUARY 2023

SueBDew-Sorry about your BIL.

Katla-Glad your DH is back nearby.

Kim-You're a trooper for finishing that drive. I think I would have gone back or found somewhere to stay for the night.

Allie-I'm so sorry your family is going through this with Kyle. I'd agree with others that he needs to get help. He likely won't do it until something changes that makes him want to seek help. That might mean Tracey leaving for a while.

Trash-What is it about men not taking out the trash/recycling? Mine seems to be ignorant to that task too. He will toss cans in the recycle and they will fall out immediately, yet he won't do anything with it unless I sit it out and specifically ask him to dump it. It's infuriating.

Neighbor issues. I'm bothered that the neighbor to our rental property wants to re-asphalt the shared driveway. It's keeping me up at night and I hate that. It adds no real value to the property and it's raining buckets! The asphalt will disintegrate by summer in this weather. We also may have to dig it up to repair a plumbing issue, if we didn't get it fixed last fall. We need more time to tell on that. I told her no. She hasn't replied.

It rained all night in southern California. All night the night before too. There is a lull at the moment, but that won't last long. The wind is coming up again. I used the lull to take out the trash!

Have a great week.

Tina in CA

Hi Gals,
Allie – I have a toxic Mom that I have made the choice to stay in relationship with, and do that with counseling.
I would (from my point of view) suggest that counseling for you might make it easier for the entire family.
Granted Tracy and Kyle need to go BUT the only person who can make that choice is Tracy and Kyle.

One of the things that my counselor convinced me to at least try was interacting differently with my Mom, some was boundaries but some was different wording, I use words differently now – instead of getting into the mother-daughter roller coaster I can word things in a way that may not get what I want but allows her to really hear me. I did (and still do) a lot of role playing to get the words, inflection and attitude to come out correctly. I am NOT perfect or even close, but I probably get conversation to work 75% of the time, which compared to about 3-4% is a win in my book. I understand that Kyle’s insurance doesn’t cover counseling, but yours might, or if you do the research you might find some that will do a sliding scale for you.
This is hard to write and will be hard to read, but remember how concerned we all were for you with Tom, and you didn’t leave – that is an example set for Tracy. It took you a very long time to leave Tom, and there were not minor children in the situation – Tracy may do the same. All abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, verbal is abuse and has a immediate and generational affect.

Allie I am saying this with love although I am sure it can be read as if I am being a (word for pregnant dog)

Thanks one and all for the concern about the drive, but truly once I was in it there was no where to go but forward.

Doctors appointments – I also have gone alone, but have gone with different folks at times and wished I had someone with me occasionally but only when I was very sick and felt like I would not remember what I was being told, or be able to process quickly enough to ask the questions that I would need the answers too. Now for all but regular check ups I do go with my mom. I have done the hospital visiting and mostly with folks with lower insurance as there seems to be such varied level of care based on the level of insurance. Something I suspect is not as big of an issue in places with national health care.

Sue, Betsey, Rebecca and others I have missed sending hugs and peaceful thoughts

Smiles Kim in N. California

Barbie- will say a prayer for Jake
Kim- thank you for your kind words and i just might and get my antidepressant updated
And I thank you all of my soul sisters for the love ..
Tracy will be 34 next month she got pregnant at 18 with Carmine so they have been together that long but got married in 2018
My weekend was marred with anxiety about all of this ,and Tracy and Kyle put alot of the blame on Carmine..but if they got to the root of why he is the way he is.. there might be a light there..
Where I live I can't have kids live with me because its over 55 place.
But I have to keep reminding myself of the serenity prayer.
Tracy came home and had to go back out and take Kyle meds as he is backtracking because he went back to work..so Miles fell back asleep so Im staying here with him while she went .

Just saw this on FB ... seems pertinent to the current conversation ...

Margaret--Thanks for the information and I will check when I get home.
Tracey-- So sorry for the news about DFIL. I pray DH gets some time with his dad. How far away do they live? Sending prayers and hugs for all of you.
Kylia--Great you are standing up for yourself at work. Sounds like you did get a lot done. Sending hugs!
KJ--You deserve the spa day!! Happy for you.
Suebdew--Sending prayers and hugs!
Rebecca--Glad you got the package and can use them. Makes me feel so much better than throwing them away.
Katla--Sounds like you and DH are getting to know people and that helps. Happy for both of you.
Kim--How scary a drive. Glad you and Levi are safe.
Sue--Your birthday plans sound fun. Glad you found someone to take care of the home and animals while you and DD are gone.
Allie--I am sure your DD knows you are just trying to help and she knows that something has to change and she is taking it out on you. Prayers for all of you.
Betsy--Hugs. Glad you have memories and friends to help at times like this.
Beth--I got a giggle out of your mom and you being the toasted bagel outlaw. Hope she gets it worked out. Is there someone at the home that would toast a bagel for her when she wants one?
Flea--Hugs.
Tina--I would not let them push you into doing something you are not ready to do and waiting to see the plumbing issue makes sense.
We have another winter storm coming the next couple days. We have been lucky so far and worst of the last several storms have not hit us as hard as they expected. See how this week plays out.
Blessing, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE

cityjaneLondon wrote: »

I have always been to medical things alone. It's my preference. I had my gallstones out, my hysterectomy, all my chemo, everything except my breast cancer op entirely alone. I have never had anyone with me for appointments and can't imagine wanting anyone there. I would have to think about them! I do much better by myself and enjoy it.
My friend Ros, who died a few years ago, was the exact opposite. She always took someone with her to appointments and had a rota of friends sit with her during chemo. I was one of them and delighted to do it. It was a privilege. But I can't think of anything worse for myself.
We are all different!
I have noticed that the US is much more likely to have people with them than we are in the UK in general. I don't think we do as much sitting with the person in hospital as you do. Just visiting hours. My brother and I did keep a vigil for my mother's last hours, but it was only a few hours.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx

I go to appointments with my husband because he wouldn't remember much of what happened in the appointment.

But he rarely goes to appointments with me.

And prior to his accident, if I had a surgical procedure, I would take the bus and walk to the hospital, then later he'd pick me up.

When he was in hospital for 100 days, I was only there during visiting hours.

I think it might be a different cultural perspective. My experience in Canada and Australia is that we expect the doctor or hospital will take care of us.


As for growing old alone ... I have never imagined anything else. Both my husbands have been/are quite a bit older than me so I have imagined I'll be one of those little old ladies in a cottage with cats ...

M in Oz

Stats for the day -

Walk w/family- rain 2hrs 14min 7sec, 44elev, 2.66ap, 96ahr, 123mhr, 6.49ap= 735c
Strava app = 795c
Zwift home bike trainer- strava stats- 15.44min, 72elev, 111aw, 19.3amph, 128ahr, 158mhr, 5.06mi= 172c
Strava app = 100c
Zwift stats- 15.46min, 72elev, 110aw, 61arpm, 19.26amph, 5.06mi= 100c

Total cal 907

*lucy walked the whole distance, didn’t notice any bleeding*

Worked, then went to bowling, then my walk around the block. I need to go to the vet’s so I’ll probably use that as my walk tomorrow. The plan for tomorrow is to do a body pump DVD

Lisa – when I volunteer at the Green Room or at the soup kitchen, many is the time when I have to go to the bathroom or if I can’t go in they don’t have a problem. Well, it’s volunteer. But it does get me out of the house and with people. Just an idea

empeywl – Happy Birthday and welcome! Awesome weight loss and even more awesome that you kept it off. Come back so we can get to know you. You CAN do this, I know.

Sue WA – what a way to celebrate your birthday! Wish I was there.

Allie – Tracey will see the light one day, just as you did with Tom. Just continue what you are doing. God made floors for a reason (having Carmine over). Get an air mattress. Good luck tomorrow

Betsy – HUG

Many times (unless it’s routine) I like Vince to go to the MD with me mainly so that I have a second set of ears to hear what the doc said. Also, sometimes he’ll ask a question that I would have thought of but only later

barbie – good luck to Jake

Michele NC