Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

She's had health problems (bone cancer), and lost a leg (above the knee) (she's 23), and exercise is just starting to be really possible again, because her prosthetic is good enough. However, as her brother, and as the only damn person who will say, "Hey, look, you've gained weight this year, I know we talked before about food and diet, but you need to take this **** seriously now", I feel it's a responsibility. I love her, and so I need to make sure she keeps her head out of the sand.

Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

Not once do I intend to tell her she's fat. But I do need to tell her her weight's creeping up--maybe she's not noticed, I think we all know that can happen--and she might want to start a healthier lifestyle in the new year.

I'm telling her because I care, and don't want to see her unhappy and unhealthy later in 2012.

You really, truly, honestly believe she hasn't noticed? Good grief. I'm glad you're not *my* brother.

Actually, yes, I do believe she won't quite have noticed that her weight has been CREEPING up. As in, slowly, sometimes hardly noticeable, until you go up a size. We've had a few discussions this year about diet and food and lifestyle and she's always been bloody grateful for the advice. She's been busy with studying, and incredibly busy with getting used to having her full mobility back, so I know she won't have switched back into "I am a normal person, despite the leg" mode, after having had trouble with her prosthetic this year. She's ready to learn to be normal and active again, and I intend to encourage this: she's grateful for the pushing, and has said so.

I love the assumption that I'm going to be telling her she's fat: in fact, she's got a bit of a tummy which she needs to lose, and besides that, if she adopts a healthy lifestyle, then she'll be great and healthy. She just lacks the education to really kick start her own healthier life, and lacks the confidence due to the rest of the family pressing her down a little regarding her disability.

I don't see why it's a problem to say "hey, we've started this discussion earlier in the year, let's finish it now and kick start a new you". She appreciates the care and attention--because nobody else gives it her. We have had conversations about diet and health, and she's not HUGE: just that the weight's been creeping on. HELL, if my weight had been creeping up and I'd been too distracted by life to notice (it happens; it did happen), then I would have loved for someone to give me a heads up.

But, it's always going to be a touchy subject for some, and people are always going to judge and think they know best.
Following previous conversations with my sister, I know she'll appreciate a quiet little word, where we simply talk about how she could benefit from MFP, and make some positive changes, for her health and how she'll feel. And I know she'll got for it, because she just needs a little encouragement and care.

My daughter is seriously over weight. She has been removed from public school because she could not handle the bullying. I see a lot of comments that we overweight people know we have a problem. Trouble is that my Ex is morbidly obese and she has brainwashed my daughter into thinking that "beauty is on the inside" applies to unhealthy people too. I know I am fat. I am working on that. When I have tried talking to my ex about my daughter, all I get is yelled at. When I talk to my ex's mother, she tells me that my daughter is physically active and that she will grow out of it. Sorry, she is 11, "growing out of it" is going to get really hard soon. When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go. I don't get to see my daughter as often as I like and I don't like getting phone calls every time from my ex yelling at me about me talking to my daughter about her weight. I am not allowed to weigh her so I have no idea what her weight is anymore. I do know that when I bought her school clothes last year, I had to but her women's capri pants so that they would fit her waist without being too long. My ex is barely over 5 feet tall and I know my daughter isn't going to get much taller.

My point, there are three pages of responses saying "we already know" and it just hurts feelings. how about a little help for those that are trying to help that have been convinced by their loved ones that they are "fine the way they are". Or should I just suck it up and be supportive when my 11 year old daughter has to shoot up insulin every day?

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend! I may just like this because I'm a weird person that just needs to be told hey your FAT or chubby, or requests my bf to tell me I need to do an extra 10 or 20 on the treadmill because I'm feeling a little fluffy in the mid section again! I think before this is yelled, there should obviously be some kind of relationship with the person, and discretion should be used while saying it, but if it needs to be said out loud than say it!!!!!!

Perfect! So that person can feel ostracized and munch on carrots sticks while everyone else gorges themselves on cakes, pies, and cookies!

Then next year when they are thinner they will be ostracized AGAIN for not eating the same crap everyone else is! It doesn't go away even with the weight loss. When I was fat, I had a few "helpful" family members make remarks implying that I needed to lose weight. So now when I turn down all that crap (50+ pounds later), I get more snide remarks because I "think I'm better than everyone else." BEFORE I lost the weight and told people I was trying to lose it, friends, family and coworkers made it a point to monitor everything that goes into my mouth. It's pretty sad when I have to keep my eating and exercise plan a secret from everyone.

I'm not even overweight anymore but it's left me with that permanent stigma. My weight was and still is open to everyone's interpretation. Sorry, this is a touchy subject with me, I should probably just go away now...

When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go.

Just in regards to this, if she refuses to ride a bike because she can walk where she needs to go, maybe that's a time to say "Awesome, then. Let's go for a walk." If she's seriously overweight like you say, walking will be a good start to getting activity in, and can provide more bonding time than bike-riding because you can walk and talk at the same time.

When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go.

Just in regards to this, if she refuses to ride a bike because she can walk where she needs to go, maybe that's a time to say "Awesome, then. Let's go for a walk." If she's seriously overweight like you say, walking will be a good start to getting activity in, and can provide more bonding time than bike-riding because you can walk and talk at the same time.

First, your 11-year-old child for whom you are responsible is not the same as your adult child/sibling/aunt/uncle/whatever. Apples and oranges.

Second, with an 11-year-old girl, you seriously need to tread carefully to avoid turning a too-fat child into an either morbidly obese child (and yes, I HAVE seen this happen where bugging the kid makes it worse) or create bulimia or anorexia because even her own father doesn't love her because of her weight (I know that's not true, but it's how she'll take it if you approach it wrong).