Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

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  • Barneystinson
    Barneystinson Posts: 1,357 Member
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    ha! My whole family is obese and black. the first thing you will hear coming from my grandmothers mouth is "N**** why you so fat? you need to loose some mutha f*** weight!" Yes its true....my grandmother should be one The Biggest Loser she'll make a 500 pound man cry in a heart beat!:indifferent:

    Your grandma should be my coach at the gym. I need some tough love motivation.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    My mother-in-law is the expert at commenting on people's weight! She is a nightmare. She is always asking - how is the diet/fitness regime? Have you lost any weight? She can talk lol! Myself and my husband know we are overweight - only me is doing something about it at the moment though!

    We share the same first name, but HELL woman, do we have the same mother-in-law?!?!?!?

    OHHHH this one fumes me to a level that I dare not type here... Lets put it THIS way!

    She is a Registered Nurse, has had two strokes, smokes like a chimney but tells people she quit last month (duh, we can smell it), loads up on all kinds of unhealthy foods, mostly fried and fattening, and has been told by her doctor that she needs to lose a good 100lbs... This we know because we were asked by the doctor to reinforce it. I told the doctor "You of all people should know that the only person who needs to make the changes happen, is HER! We cant make her do anything she doesnt want to do! She is in that hospital bed because she went against your wishes after her FIRST stroke!!!! She didnt listen to you then, and wont listen to you now! What good will we be to her when she doesnt listen, PERIOD?!?!"

    You cant tell her anything, she is an RN!

    But, this is the same wretched woman who had the cajones to sit at my Thanksgiving dinner table three years ago and had nothing but nasty comments over the fact I had a table of made-from-scratch foods that were all healthy... even the stuffing was made with whole-grain breads!!!! She wanted the sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows, the big biscuits with lathers of butter, the green-bean casserole swimming in heavy cream and fried onions... Sorry, but I have so many food sensitivities that I cant eat most foods, and my husband (her son), FULLY supports my dietary and medical changes....

    We told this woman to bring a dish along with her that way she can feel like she contributed... but nope - that never happened...but she also added her two cents in about how I should handle my weight loss efforts by NOT eliminating foods at all.

    My husband got fed up and said "you DO know she has a doctor for that.. and you are insulting her cooking - SHE IS A CHEF YOU KNOW?"

    2008 was the first year AND LAST YEAR that woman was ever invited to sit at our table with a meal.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    First, your 11-year-old child for whom you are responsible is not the same as your adult child/sibling/aunt/uncle/whatever. Apples and oranges.

    Second, with an 11-year-old girl, you seriously need to tread carefully to avoid turning a too-fat child into an either morbidly obese child (and yes, I HAVE seen this happen where bugging the kid makes it worse) or create bulimia or anorexia because even her own father doesn't love her because of her weight (I know that's not true, but it's how she'll take it if you approach it wrong).

    Thanks. I am tiptoeing around this very carefully. I don't try to ruin every visit with her. I think I would make more progress if I didn't have here full time caregiver, my ex, reinforcing the bad habits and convincing her that I am just being mean.
    Your ex definitely is a serious barrier and it sounds like she's using her daughter to justify herself. There isn't much you can do about that, unfortunately.

    Can you schedule a physical for her when you have her? Talk to the doctor before hand and ask him (her?) to bring it up. Doctors do that as part of their job and can phrase it right.

    And when you have her, just do what you're doing: Be active together and feed her healthy but tasty foods. She may figure out that she enjoys that lifestyle.
  • perdie7
    perdie7 Posts: 278 Member
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    and when the family is done telling me I'm over weight...can i tell say

    , sis in law, are over emotional you get worked up about the least little thing, turn everything into big drama, that is sooo not good for your blood pressure (or those around you), you really need to get a hold of yourself before you have a heart attack

    bro in law...you are just way to negative and critical of everything, this bad attitude is not good for you or those around you, you need to get happy, laugh more, and quit criticizing people. It's a proven fact that happy people live longer.

    brother in law...you were abused as a child...so what that was 25+ years ago...get over it, you have a great wife, wonderful children. Be happy quit dwelling on your past and using it as an excuse to hurt and be rude to others

    Ohhhhh, I could come up with more and go on, but you get the idea, why do people feel they can point out that, but not other stuff, that would be hurtful and wrong..gerrr

    I know I'm over weight, have know it for the last 17+ years, and nothing worked till I made the decision to do something about it. If you told me last Christmas, I would have just been more upset and unhappy than i already was.
  • Barneystinson
    Barneystinson Posts: 1,357 Member
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    Actually I'd love someone else paying for my membership. That's a lot more helpful than just saying "You are over weight"
    Agree, that'd be HEAVEN.

    Cooking healthy stuff instead of GARBAGE CORN SYRUP FILLED SWEETS would also be a good start, and choosing perrier, or something lovely, instead of heavy drinks. I know we won't win at christmas since it's a time of celebration, but what about making a hike or a jog a christmas tradition...?

    I've offered the rest of the crew to come run 5 miles with me before family dinners but all I seem to get is flipped off.

    :happy:
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    Re. pretty stones - I'm afraid I messed up the quote function - sorry!

    "Thank you for pointing this out. Sorry, I was kind of rambling there. We do other stuff now, I didn't just give up. A couple months ago we spent the whole day at the river collecting "prety rocks" I ran them thru my rock tumbler and will be giving them to her when I see her next week. "

    I like this! I wish my dad had been as concerned for my happiness as you clearly are for your daughter's.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend!

    Or maybe they will feel so judged that they start to eat in secret, or start eating for comfort after being shamed in front of their family, and then you have a real problem. This is the one time of the year when most people really like to let loose and relax - a little gorging this weekend is not the end of the world. More to the point, this is meant to be a happy, loving time of year. How happy would you be if someone called you out in front of everyone you cared about for soemthing that you're probably really self-conscious and ashamed about already. If you're really concerned, have a quiet, private chat early in the new year, or between Christmas and NY - public shaming is not a happy or helpful way to go.

    Exactly. My mom always kept healthy food in the house and cooked healthy meals. I got fat by taking my allowance money and going to the convenience store to stock up on candy and potato chips to hide in my room. My family tried to restrict my food, so sneak eating was my way of saying "I'll show them, I can eat whatever I want!" Even though it didn't even taste good because I would INHALE everything! Sounds messed up, but then again so is the whole obesity experience.

    Bingo.
  • pfeiferfit
    pfeiferfit Posts: 138 Member
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    To be fair, british people are a lot more frank than North Americans (i live it every day) and they may not take it personally, but i wouldn't tell a north american - we need a little more babying, and to be the ones to make our own discoveries.

    We have had this fat discussion over the holidays with various family members, and it never goes well, and I believe ALL of them/us are MORE overweight this christmas than at any one previous... So not successful.

    My deression from being overweight is a constant reminder, and it's lifting with taking control, but it had to be me that decided to come here and make changes. Fortunately even my british family realizes that weight is more complex than what you put in your mouth.
  • LauraSize8
    LauraSize8 Posts: 16 Member
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    My mother told me that I was getting "way too big." She told me after Christmas, however- but it hurt just the same. But...she was right and I didn't see it. We looked at pictures together and I started to see that I was indeed "way too big." She proceeded to challenge me. She told me that if I set a goal with a weight loss professional, and met that goal- she would take me on a trip somewhere warm and beautiful. So... after thinking about things, I decided that she was right. I was overweight, unhealthy and unhappy. So, I joined weight watchers and started exercising. I lost 50 pounds in about 4 months. It was easy. We went on a wonderful trip and I was truly happy. This was about 2 years ago.

    I have gained back 10 pounds, but I know that I can lose it again.

    I appreciate my mom having that uncomfortable conversation with me. It really was the key to jumpstart my weightloss. However, if it were ANYONE else in the world aside from my mother- I wouldn't have taken it so well. We are super tight.
  • Troll
    Troll Posts: 922 Member
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    this made me LOL. "merry xmas everyone! Oh, and dad,grampa,grandma,auntie.....you're all fat. so that cake i brought? Not for you."i see this going quite nicely. But seriously, my dad wants to lose weight and is getting dumbells for xmas from his wife. Hes never taken advice a day in his life, so i got him a snowman made of hat boxes to decorate with while id rather make a collage of simple exercises to do with dumbells. I know what he uses and what he doesnt. Besides, my family has a longstanding history of "eat til you need to puke...then keep eating." there are better days than holidays to bring certain things up.
  • LJCannon
    LJCannon Posts: 3,636 Member
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    :smile: I think my plan at Christmas would be the same as the other 364 days of the year. If someone says I look good or comments on how I look/feel I tell them about some of the Small Changes I made and am still making to maintain the Loss. The rest of the conversation would depend on Them--what they ask or what they tell me about their own Health.
  • clewis628
    clewis628 Posts: 94 Member
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    Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and buy that special someone a gym membership.

    (Sarcasm)

    I actually had a gym membership on my Christmas list. I wouldn't be offended. It's kind of hard to ignore the fact that I'm overweight...I think I might be offended depending on how said family member brought it up. Like if it was one family member who really has a very not so nice way of saying things - I might not want to hear their opinion because they tend to go a bit overboard. However, if it were my husband or mother, I wouldn't care and would agree with them.
  • 0RESET0
    0RESET0 Posts: 128
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    Your ex definitely is a serious barrier and it sounds like she's using her daughter to justify herself. There isn't much you can do about that, unfortunately.

    Can you schedule a physical for her when you have her? Talk to the doctor before hand and ask him (her?) to bring it up. Doctors do that as part of their job and can phrase it right.

    And when you have her, just do what you're doing: Be active together and feed her healthy but tasty foods. She may figure out that she enjoys that lifestyle.

    As many posts have stated, I can only hope to lead by example. I hope she will get inspired to help herself.
  • christibear
    christibear Posts: 93 Member
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    I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend! I may just like this because I'm a weird person that just needs to be told hey your FAT or chubby, or requests my bf to tell me I need to do an extra 10 or 20 on the treadmill because I'm feeling a little fluffy in the mid section again! I think before this is yelled, there should obviously be some kind of relationship with the person, and discretion should be used while saying it, but if it needs to be said out loud than say it!!!!!!

    Perfect! So that person can feel ostracized and munch on carrots sticks while everyone else gorges themselves on cakes, pies, and cookies!

    Then next year when they are thinner they will be ostracized AGAIN for not eating the same crap everyone else is! It doesn't go away even with the weight loss. When I was fat, I had a few "helpful" family members make remarks implying that I needed to lose weight. So now when I turn down all that crap (50+ pounds later), I get more snide remarks because I "think I'm better than everyone else." BEFORE I lost the weight and told people I was trying to lose it, friends, family and coworkers made it a point to monitor everything that goes into my mouth. It's pretty sad when I have to keep my eating and exercise plan a secret from everyone.

    I'm not even overweight anymore but it's left me with that permanent stigma. My weight was and still is open to everyone's interpretation. Sorry, this is a touchy subject with me, I should probably just go away now...

    I agree, this is a terrible idea, most people do not want to be insulted into change. I found out through the grapevine that my grandmother in law had a problem with my weight, and that had an affect on me, I also had a 14 year old cousin if I was pregnant because I had put on some weight, those were literally his words and they were not welcome words. Its rude, unless they ask nobody should say anything.

    I think the best way to inspire change is to just (without coming across rude or stuck up) share your excitement about your progress, and do it in a way that will let them know that they can do it to, without saying your fat. I did this with my mom and sister and my mom plans to start after the holidays and my sister is now on here and has lost 7 lbs.
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

    Yeah. Merry Christmas you fat b*stard!
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    'Geez... stop eating already. Don't you see how fat you've become!'.

    That's so harsh! I hope the two of you are O.K. now.
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    Don't know how? I can help!". I intend to point her towards MFP and encourage her as closely as I can.

    That's a great approach and with everything that she has been through with you by her side, I'm sure she will know that you are coming from a good and loving place.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and buy that special someone a gym membership.

    (Sarcasm)

    I actually had a gym membership on my Christmas list. I wouldn't be offended. It's kind of hard to ignore the fact that I'm overweight...I think I might be offended depending on how said family member brought it up. Like if it was one family member who really has a very not so nice way of saying things - I might not want to hear their opinion because they tend to go a bit overboard. However, if it were my husband or mother, I wouldn't care and would agree with them.

    I work out and eat healthy and love cooking. People in my life know this. I wouldn't be offended by a gym membership or some other weight loss/fitness gift. But only because it's something people KNOW I'm doing.

    If I wasn't already working on those things and didn't ask for something like that and someone gave it to me, it would be offensive and rude. It's not the gift itself, but the spirit in which it's given: You're already interested in this and I want to help vs. You're getting awfully husky, you really need to work out.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Telling someone they are overweight, which they know already, is not a terribly effective way to get them to change it and do better. I know because people did it to me when I was obese. It just made me feel like crawling into a corner and hiding from them.

    Instead, I find that living by example and being positive seems to help a lot more. Two of my friends have taken up losing weight since I started from recommendations to MFP and other sites, and it's been great to see them living better. It's also great encouragement for me because I know I have people looking up to me for support and guidance.
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
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    917l.jpg

    :sad: LOL

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