I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....
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In my experience men for the most part are just trying to make their women happy. I think he's used to the status quo, where these are the items that you guys usually buy when grocery shopping. Maybe in man logic, you are grouchy because you are hungry so he's trying to feed you what he knows you might find tasty. He's helping out by doing the shopping to make you happy.
I suggest to use positive reinforement rather than negative. Whenever he buys or brings home something that fits with your new eating lifestyle, give him lots of praise and kisses! Whenever he does bad, don't critique him - just don't react to it at all. Men are very straight forward. I bet if you tell him "I want Vitamin Water Zeros instead of soda" he will do it. Spell everything out, no hinting or reading between the lines. Sometimes we women like to nitpick how they are doing laundry or loading the dishwasher, then get mad if they stop doing these things all together.
Your journey is your responsibility. Make sure to eat enough calories each day, and don't let yourself get to the point where you are starving, because you will eat the junk. Give your hubby love, and he will respond better than if you chew his butt
Good luck, you are strong!!0 -
I have had the same problem.I have told my husband I will just throw the junk in the trash, I have even done that.You just have to put a smile on your face and eat something else that is within your meal plan.This is what I tell my husband,You can have pizza or whatever but I am having a salad, yogurt ect....After a few dozen times he has finally gotten the picture for the most part and usually prefers to eat a salad or somthing healthy with me anyway these days.Just stick to it.:flowerforyou:0
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I have been right where you are actually...not this time but when I lost my first 80lbs My husband said he didnt need to do it so he ate whatever he wanted to! It was hard but motivation for me to show him I was stronger then his tempting...you are too! I know its harder without support at home..but set up support all around you....here at the net at work...people that will keep you accountable...If every once in a while you want dessert have it...but In 1/2 or 1/4 the suggested serving0
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I'm in the same sort of situation, my fiance really doesn't take my weight loss goals seriously. He himself is about 80lbs overweight, but he doesn't mind it. If he's not ready to get healthy then I'm not going to push it on him. But whenever I try to make a "healthy" family meal for dinner I get dirty looks or back handed comments. He also brings home junk and asks me to pick it up at the store. My family isn't nearby to support me this time round either so I have been relying on MFP for motivation. It has helped. I'm sending you a request. Good luck!0
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When you decide to make a life style change on your own, sometimes it's hard to get your loved ones on board. Did he agree to the new rules, or did you just implement theM? If it's the latter, he might be feeling resentful, so he's being passive aggressive rather than just coming out and telling you what's up.
I guess the other posters who think he's trying to keep you fat may be right... it seemed far fetched to me, but so many agree, I guess it's a possibility.
If this (bringing you food) is a habit he had from before you changed your diet and lifestyle, it may be a way for him to show affection and it's probably hard to stop.
Just my two cents... hopefully you find a good solution.0 -
You can't change somebody else, only yourself. It makes little difference what he brings home; you are the master of what you eat.0
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He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
I must say I agree with this. I can see where it may seem as if he is trying to sabbatoge your efforts, however perhaps its just that he doesn't feel he should have to change his habits completely because you are. A heart to heart is the best way to figure out where he's coming from.
Best of luck! Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything!0 -
I have a similar problem. My husband is the only one that is able to buy groceries- one income family with one car. He will pick up what he thinks is what we should eat. Often times he will also pickup junk food for him. It's really hard to avoid the bad food, especially since I'm a stay at home mom. I check all the calories and fats of the foods that are in the house and I try to balance the meals out since I'm the one cooking. I have him pick up fresh fruits and veggies as well as steamed and I try to go to those before I dive into the junk. I also drink lots of water. Our sink is right next to all of the food so if I get to craving something I grab a glass down and drink till I feel full then move on. I've talked to him about the junk food and he often tells me that he doesn't want to be forced to go on a diet and that when I keep those foods from him that it's hard on him. This I can understand. Doesn't make it any easier when I don't have much choice in the matter of what's available to me.0
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Going thru the same situation ... it's soooo hard!!0
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Thank you all for your comments. I understand that it lies in my hands and that i need to avoid temptation. And yes, I am well aware that there will always be temptation. I just want to limit it in my own house.
I am not saying he can't eat what he wants but he could at least hide it before I get home! He has always bought junk but it seems like he is buying more of it now that I am trying to lose weight. Buying my favorites at that. I already buy all my own foods so I do have other things to eat and I am able to avoid most of the temptations.
He is not underweight nor is he overweight. He eats whatever he wants and stays the same. Unfortunately he claims to like nothing that is remotely healthy. No fruits, no veggies nor does he like any kind of seasoning. Defiantly a meat and potatoes kind of guy. During our ten years of marriage I have always cooked what I wanted and if he doesn't like it he just resorts to the junk. I can't live on red meat and potatoes everyday like he can. Plus I need some flavor in my meal!
I guess I feel a little more disrespected than anything. If he were to ask me not to bring certain things home or hide things to help him out then I would do that. I have always stood by him (through a lot might I add) and I just don't feel he is there for me which is more of the problem.
I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol
We just need to talk it out. Thank you all for the support. I have received many friend request and I am truly grateful for the online support!0 -
Sending you a request:flowerforyou:0
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My guy use to offer me foods like that also. He just didn't know how serious I was about changing and we had always ate the same stuff before....so it was an us thing that was now a him thing. It took a bit for him to understand but now he teases me and says he needs to feed me garlic to find me...LOL that still makes me giggle, but it makes me feel pretty :-)0
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Just stay focused. Only you can do that. Yes it's nice to have support, but in the end it is up to you.0
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This is why I'm so stoked to have a thin, healthy bf who is supportive of my weight loss and fitness goals.
Funny thing is...he's a chef!
Sounds tough, yo. But, ultimately, he should be allowed to eat how he wants so it's kind of up to you to just use your self-control.
What do you think?0 -
Have a sit down. Just tell him you're fine if he eats crap, but please do not bring home crap for you (you do not want it). Explain to him how hard you are working, and how badly you want this. Tell him you would like as little junk food in the house as possible, but will not disallow him to eat it. I do this with my boyfriend. I'm pretty good about controlling myself, but in the beginning it was really hard. You will get better at turning it down, and as he sees you keep working hard and getting smaller, he'll see how dedicated you are.0
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I believe us, as the overweight people who need to lose weight, need to learn to have the motivation ourselves to not eat it. My house is FILLED with crap food because that's what my partner snacks on; I'm not going to stop him just because *I* have a problem with it myself. Have I wavered at time and eaten things I shouldn't? Sure, but we all have.
I would never deprive somebody else of a normal lifestyle because of my own health issues. That's just selfish.0 -
i also feel the same way with my wife, but i decided to take over and take control of everything especially diet. along the way, i just realize that my wife is not really into healthy stuff. her knowledge about fitness is far from what i know.0
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He could say the same thing... "If she doesn't want to eat junk that's fine, but don't bring that healthy crap in the house. 'Nuf said."My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.
Am I the only one who finds this point of view incredibly selfish? Jesus.0 -
The first time I lost weight, my husband did the same thing! But once I got within a semi-healthy range and he saw how much more energetic and positive I was about myself, he became super supportive. Now, he hides his junk food on the top shelf where I cant reach it. And my mom, who is disabled, lives with us and my husband won't let her eat junk food in front of me. I think my husband was fearful that I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't get the results I wanted. I tend to have a fragile self esteem. He was also afraid that I would make him eat healthy too, and he certainly doesn't need to lose weight. I'm not sure what your husband's motivations are, but ask him. And remember, you are going to be surrounded with these foods everywhere you go. As hard as it is, you have to remind yourself that you are in conrol of your own actions. Best of luck to you, and hang in there!!0
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He could say the same thing... "If she doesn't want to eat junk that's fine, but don't bring that healthy crap in the house. 'Nuf said."My suggestion, take the "crap" he is buying and THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE as soon as he brings it in the door!! He'll get the message. Go to the store by yourself and make healthy food choices. If he doesn't want to eat healthy that's fine, but don't bring it in the house. 'Nuf said.
Am I the only one who finds this point of view incredibly selfish? Jesus.
No. You're not. I agree with you.0 -
Sounds like a very healthy relationship. I really wonder why you said "boyfriend" and not "ex-boyfriend".I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!
^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.
I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.
And FYI, my boyfriend also said that if I get too thin he's going to leave me because he prefers me with "extra meat." *sigh* I told him I'd probably burn a lot of calories helping him move his stuff out.0 -
I don't have an answer for you, but this is how I got my husband on board with me: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/501007-motivate-your-partner-alert-racy
If it isn't helpful for you and your husband, at least it might give you a good laugh. It sounds like one is needed right now. Hang in there, girl... you are doing this for you! Stay strong!0 -
so I am the type that the more that type of **** is brought in the harder I resisit...just to make a point.....so ..go out and bring in a bunch of healthy alternatives like fruit...when he brings out a brownie or cookie...you bring out an apple or orange...and then just smile real sweet at him while you eat it....oh and better yet under your breath say yumm.0
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A few things:
1. Compromise: I've had to compromise a bit with my husband and dear daughter (she is 12). There is a list of food that we avoid bringing in the house (for example, I can pass up potato chips UNLESS it is Cool Ranch Doritos). If they do bring it in the house I don't know about it.
2. I don't know if your husband is overweight or not, but even if he is thin he can't be healthy eating all of this stuff. Maybe you could encourage him to eat better, but make some allowances. For example, maybe healthy stuff and then Friday night is pizza night and on Saturday night there is dessert after dinner.
3. Your husband could very well feel self-conscious or guilty about what he is eating. Maybe he feels bad eating junk along, but not with you. Or maybe he is worried that you won't want him anymore. My husband actually asked if I was going to find a "hot, rich man" when I lost all the weight. He said it in half-jest.
4. But when it comes down to it... alas... it is your problem to deal with. There will always be fatty huge portions of food. At restaurants, family gatherings, breakroom tables, etc.... You control your fork and as much as that sucks it is the truth. We can only change ourselves.
Couldn't have said it better!
You are in control over what you eat no matter what he brings home. just because you are on this journey does not mean he has to be so If he chooses to eat that crap let him, but you don't have to. And if his intentions really are to keep you fat he will soon realize you are serious when you don't eat the stuff and will eventually give up trying to tempt you.
goood luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I used to weigh almost 250 pounds. I weighed more than my husband. I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told that I was pre-diabetic--a real wake-up call for me!
Over the past two years, I've lost 101 pounds....over 40% of my body weight. I've managed to keep every pound off. Today I weigh 147 pounds and am working on toning.
Not saying this will happen to you (because it's a horrible thing to say to anyone), but what happened to me is that after I lost the weight, my husband left me. He wasn't supportive of my efforts and even though he had agreed multiple times to be on board with me, he only made minimal exercise efforts and never gave up the soda habit (which he had promised he would do). He lost some weight, but didn't have results anywhere near mine. We had lots of sit-down talks about making lifestyle changes together, and he agreed he was on board every time, but he still would eat the same way he always did and make minimal efforts when we exercised together.
He finally broke down one day and just told me that he didn't want any part of this anymore and was leaving, and he did. I do think he was very intimidated that I would either (1) "make" him change, or (2) leave him. The funny thing is, I would have stuck with him through anything, regardless of whether I weighed 500 pounds or 100. He just didn't stick around to find that out.
Of course, my story does have a happy ending; I now have a great boyfriend. He and I are long-time friends, so he knows what I used to look like, and he thinks I'm just as attractive now as I was 100 pounds ago. He has been a fantastic fitness partner and is very supportive of my goals.
I just gave a speech two weeks ago about what it really means to lose 100 pounds. There are positives as well as negatives associated with it; it's not the fairy-tale that the weight-loss commercials and ads make it out to be. But in my life, the positive things that I've gained (confidence, mental and physical strength, the ability to inspire others) from losing the weight have vastly outweighed every single negative repercussion, no matter how dismal those negatives seemed at the time (e.g., snide remarks from others who are jealous/intimidated, others considering it "open season" on what I used to look like, losing my gall bladder, my husband leaving me). You do become a better, much stronger, more confident person who truly understands that anything you want in this world can be yours.
Don't give up; I wish you the best of luck with your situation and hope that all turns out well!0 -
You can't change somebody else, only yourself. It makes little difference what he brings home; you are the master of what you eat.
This is true, on its face. You can't force him to eat a banana when what he wants is a cheesecake.
However, and several people have mentioned this (runninginpink's story is particularly clear on this point), when you unilaterally change the status quo in your relationship, there will always be a reaction. The type and strength will depend a lot on your relationship, and on how mature your partner is. Many people will frantically try to re-establish the status quo, which is what I think your hubby is probably doing. Whether or not they succeed is YOUR choice. Others will, for their own reasons, choose to abandon ship, either literally (leaving) or figuratively (balking). Some will enthusiastically jump aboard the train with you. Most of us settle down with people who are at about the same maturity level that we are. So if you really are growing yourself as a human while you're shrinking yourself as a physical body, either your partner grows too or you end up mismatched, which frankly feels wretched for both parties.
Honesty and positive reinforcement are good things. Respecting the rights of both people involved is a very good thing. But when you start the conversation with "I've already put up with years of your crap, can't you just give me a LITTLE respect, this once?".... well.... even if you don't say it out loud, it communicates. If it's worth it to you to save your marriage, focus on what you DO love about your husband and reinforce that. Ignore the rest for a while, and see what happens.0 -
If I was you, I would defiantly have a talk with my husband and tell him if your not going to support me on my weight loss journey then I would appreciate it if you would not bring any junk food home for dinner. If you just feel you can't enjoy a healthy meal with me then I think I need to to start fixing my own meals separate from the family..See how he likes that my husband wouldn't..lol But no matter what decision he makes stick to your guns...THOSE EXTRA CALORIES ARE NOT WORTH IT..0
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Honestly, the dude probably just likes the food & wants to eat it...At the time he probably isn't thinking about the fact that you're trying to change your diet...Have a simple discussion with him...If he reacts in a negative manner then you have a problem. I highly highly highly doubt he's trying to "keep you fat"...0
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So because your on a diet he has to be to? unless he is sitting on your chest shoving food down your throat the only problem here is a willpower issue0
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I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!
Yeah heres good advice you put your foot down and tell him because YOU need to lose weight he is no longer allowed to bring the food he enjoys into the house that is his house too0
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