You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n
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hmmm. people still say "Burn!!!!" ?
I do cause my husband is a dork and he uses it all the time. I kinda miss it. I wanna bring it back.
lol..."rock on".... there, I said it.... I want this back in circulation... err, if it was ever in circulation with anyone other than me...
dude, thats rad!0 -
I was about to ask the same thing.Attraction/looks are important as well as inner beauty. Let's not pretend that it is not.
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.0 -
I ask myself this.
Am I attracted to overweight men? The answer is no. Therefore, I should not be offended if a man isn't attracted to me because I am overweight. Does it suck. yes, but that's life, suck it up. Most people are more attractive when they are thinner (to an extent).. that is life..and it always isn't fair... the victim mentality needs to go0 -
Maybe said guy is new to the area, doesn't know a lot of people and sees that you and he might have something in common.
Maybe he was in a relationship before and is a stand up guy who wouldn't have looked at other women, but now he's free...
Maybe this guy was 50 pounds heavier last year. He's been working hard and he sees you at the gym and thinks, "she looks nice. She has lost some weight and works her butt off. I bet she would understand me and we'd get along."
Maybe this guy would never dream of being flirty with a woman at the gym but he thought he read some signals from you and was flattered.
Maybe he is gay and was actually checking out the guy on the machine next to you.
Maybe...you don't realize that you are a hot mama and deserve to be oogled a little bit ever now and then!
There are so many variables that are unknown. A friendly conversation might lead to a new friend, a workout buddy, a little romance, the love of your life, who knows. Enjoy the attention!0 -
Definitely be flattered and use it as a little morale booster...HOWEVER...be wary of these kinds of guys. Last year I had lost a bunch of weight and started dating a guy who seemed great. Until he showed me a photo of a girl on Facebook that he dated in high school and made the comment that he was glad it didn't work out because she had gotten fat since high school. At that point I hadn't told him about my weight loss so he didn't realize the effect that comment had on me. My dad always told me that he wished I would meet a great guy when I was heavier to make sure the guy loved me for me, not for how I look. So like I said (and it's just my opinion), definitely take it as a compliment that he's giving you attention, but be cautious about guys like that who never noticed you before.
And congrats on the weight loss!!0 -
Not sure why people are surprised or offended that you become less attractive when you let yourself go, and hotter and more noticed when you start to care more about your body and looks.0
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Not sure why people are surprised or offended that you become less attractive when you let yourself go, and hotter and more noticed when you start to care more about your body and looks.
Because people are supposed to love you for your personality duh! Even if they've never spoken to you they should automatically know you have a great personality. I myself have 4.0 -
Preach!People need to stop kidding themselves. No one person in particular.
But we are human beings. We are animals.
If you've never talked to someone before, isn't the very first thing that attracts you to them their looks?
I mean, really. Let's just be honest here. There are a lot of people who do not find an overweight person attractive.
We even criticize ourselves when we are overweight and say that we don't feel sexy. Or we don't feel attractive.
It's just human nature to want someone who seems healthy.
My two cents.0 -
Don't get mad at him. If he's nice looking and your attracted to him talk to him. Maybe he noticed you heavier, and now see's you lighter. U work out to get healthier and better looking and sounds like it's working. So cash in on it! Us guys are not as emotionally mature and aware as you women. We are very visually oriented. (For better or worse). It takes time to get to know someone, and a lot of guys are not willing to take the time if not physically attracted on some level. As you lose weight, your face changes, your body changes and guys will notice u more. I'd be flattered and happy that what I am working so hard to accomplish is having some definite acknowledgements.
I envy you. After I got up above 260# no more female looks for me. Even though I still worked out and am GORGEOUS.
Okay, maybe not quite gorgeous or even good looking.
Ed in Canoga Park0 -
I think the reason shouldn't really matter and you should enjoy the attention. Realistically speaking, as long as you don't plan on gaining the weight back, the past is completely irrelevant, especially if you didn't know him. The choice to get to know him is yours and yours only. Who knows, he may turn out to be a good workout buddy.0
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but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he doesn't KNOW you, then when you were heavier, or now! Besides, it's been proven that when we're physically active, we produce endorphins that result in more energy, happier moods, etc, etc, etc, so it stands to reason that since you've been working out and losing weight, you're most likely feeling better about yourself, giving off a more positive energy, and probably projecting a more positive attitude = why wouldn't someone be attracted to that? It has nothing to do with the person you are = he doesn't know that person. Yet. If you give him a chance.
on top of that, there are reasons that we have become, as a species, drawn and attracted to certain physical traits. it's not shallow in most cases, but an indication of values. the OP has added value to her attraction, and others can see it...this whole thing just drives me batty to think HE is shallow because he wasn't attracted to someone he found less attractive.
I DIDN'T SAY HE WAS SHALLOW. I just think it's sad that so many people think they have to be skinny to get a guys attention. The point I was making had nothing really to do with him. It had to do with the response I knew I would get that we don't see people for who they are just what they are. Fat, skinny, muscley, nerdy what have you.0 -
for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.0
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for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
Wow...scary. I wouldn't be surprised with a sneak attack like that that now he avoids you. Good job.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
At no time should a man ogle a woman, especially if it's making you uncomfortable. Tell him either to grow some balls and ask you out, or keep his eyes to himself. You're not there to be eye candy, you're there to work out.
Sorry, I get right p.o'd when someone interrupts my gym time by leering at me. I don't go to be stared at, I go to kick my own butt.0 -
Well, if I was honest half the reason I wanted to lose weight is to be more attractive to the opposite sex. I get how the world works. I enjoy that I now get more attention from the opposite sex! Own it
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I so understand how you feel!! I used to walk when I was thin and a bunch of guys honked the horn, but when I gained my weight, guess what? No one even looked at me. It gets me upset that now that I am on my way back down, men are beginning to look again. It makes me feel like its just a physical thing....don't get me wrong, I am married and am NOT looking for men, but it upsets me when men only look at you when you "look good". So, I do get what you are saying.0
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for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
LOVE THIS! That was great.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
At no time should a man ogle a woman, especially if it's making you uncomfortable. Tell him either to grow some balls and ask you out, or keep his eyes to himself. You're not there to be eye candy, you're there to work out.
Sorry, I get right p.o'd when someone interrupts my gym time by leering at me. I don't go to be stared at, I go to kick my own butt.
THANK YOU!!!0 -
for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
LOVE THIS! That was great.
HAHAHA losing 40lbs hasn't dne anything to my confidence apparently. Stare long enough i will call you out.0 -
Take it graciously as a compliment, be proud!0
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Fact is...he may have seen you as a fat slacker gym wannabe but maybe he's been watching your progress and is impressed and attracted now. It happens, don't discredit someone just because they didn't take notice before.
I agree with this, especially at a gym. There's probably a lot of people go in, play with the machines for a couple of weeks and leave, but if you have shown dedication, and if he's attracted to the dedication, that's way better than someone being attracted to something physical about you!0 -
Don't overanalyze, just enjoy it! And if you don't, will you please send him to my gym? lol0
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I see it as being similar to a woman not being interested in a man because he doesn't have a lot of money.
Fast forward to a few years later..same woman, same man with a large bank account.
She's now interested in him. Some guys would be cool with that and others not so much.
the way I see it is this...if you didn't love me when I was heavy, how can you truly love me now? regardless of what is on the outside, i am *still* a fat woman. women, especially ones that have been overweight a really long time never really stop defining themselves as being "the fat girl." that is the way a lot of women's minds work. I thank God that my husband met me when I was fat, because I know that he loves me for who I am on the inside (as well as my boobs, lol). I understand that most men aren't interested in a fat woman. I don't have a problem with that. But if i were still single, I couldn't fully give my heart to a man that knew me when I was fat and only became interested after I lost the weight.
Just as there's nothing wrong with a man not being attracted to an overweight woman, there's nothing wrong with a woman feeling understandably insecure about the weight, even after it comes off.0 -
Do women really think this way... that it's because they were heavier in the past, and now my sudden attention is purely from their weight loss?
Can't speak for all women, and not the OP, but I do have a friend this happened to from one of my singles groups. My girl lost 40lbs, and one of the guys that always hung out was suddenly interested. She was interested in the other guy in the group, told him she wasn't interested, even though they were best buds, and then asked why, all those years he hadn't been interested. He freely admitted that he'd always enjoyed her personality, but it wasn't til she lost weight that he was romantically attracted.
Not saying this is right... just saying this is how things often work.0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
but...did he talk to you before, when you were heavy? Do you actually KNOW this guy? Did you have conversations about things you had in common? Did YOU approach him and get re-buffed? It sounds like this is a stranger at the gym who you might have seen before, who did not approach you in the past and is now appearing interested...um...
I think you're reading WAY too much into this, and I'm a woman. And I over analyze EVERYTHING.0 -
I just think it's sad that so many people think they have to be skinny to get a guys attention.
Not necessarily skinny... confident, definitely... not obese, yeah, but not necessarily skinny.0 -
This.Maybe he's just shy and has been building up his courage.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Be careful but enjoy the attention!0
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for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
Wow...scary. I wouldn't be surprised with a sneak attack like that that now he avoids you. Good job.
while this may have been (on your part) blunt and honest...I would imagine it could have been a big turnoff for him. You accuse him of stalking (even jokingly, that seems a little much)...then you give him a hard time about not noticing you 40 pounds ago...until you brought it up, maybe he didn't even NOTICE the 40 pounds...maybe you just looked muscly and self-confident and that's what he was attracted to.
I may sound harsh, but I had a similar experience (with someone I met through friends, not at the gym). The guy and I are slowly getting to know each other. A year ago when we were introduced, he didn't express interest...now he does. I'm gonna enjoy the attention and get to know him and see if we would like to date...I'm not gonna hassle him because he didn't ask me out when I was 45 pounds heavier.0 -
I would only really be offended if I knew the guy before I lost weight, he never showed any interest in me, and then after making some sort of comment about my weight loss, he is all of a sudden interested in me. If I didn't know him before I lost weight, then I have no room to judge on whether he actually thought I was attractive then or not.
This ^^^^0
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