You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n

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  • ahunkofmexican
    ahunkofmexican Posts: 199
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    Truthfully if i was the guy at the gym , and after reading all the pages of this RANT i would not be interested in you or seek you out again. Very hard on yourself and him for me to see a lasting relationship. Good luck with the next guy that makes a mistake and takes interest in you.

    Newsflash: Not every woman lives her life worrying about or based around what will or will not make guys interested in them.

    Newsflash: ~~~ She does !
  • DFWTT
    DFWTT Posts: 374
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    If I'm glaring at you, it's probably because you've spent the last 10 minutes on your phone while casually sitting on the last piece of equipment I have left to complete my circuit. Now I'm 10 minutes late to my favorite treadmill and it gets taken by a, God forbid, walker. I take another and the whole time I'm disgruntled because I don't like MSNBC and that's all that is on the TV in front of the replacement. Now I'm disgruntled and 10 minutes late for dinner and a shower so I go to bed pissed off and hungry and late. I wake up 10 minutes late and can't get to work on time. I know that text convo was really important so it's ok. Oh, you've lost 40 pounds? Sorry I didn't notice you before.
  • cantjustcant
    cantjustcant Posts: 1,027 Member
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    It also could be that he doesn't recognize the new you compared to the old you. I was in the grocery store one day and my own son walked past me twice! He got to the end of the aisle and called to ask where I was. I told him to turn around. He still didn't see me until I started waving my arms.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    Give the guy a break.

    Looks are what attract us to others. How can he be interested in your "personality" if he doesn't know you?

    It is completely fair for a guy to gain interest in a woman when she becomes more attractive. If he was your bff since forever and only wanted to sleep with you when you became skinny, it would be a different issue.
  • Fit_Canuck
    Fit_Canuck Posts: 788 Member
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    So now men can't show any interest in women that have lost weight or they may be labelled shallow because they may or may not have started noticing her because she's lost weight..wow this is confusing.
  • naku
    naku Posts: 109 Member
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    poor guy.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
    but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?

    because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.

    But he didn't know you before. If he had been a good friend of yours prior to this, you'd have a point. But how is a total stranger supposed to know that you're the same person now that you were when you were bigger? Did YOU ever approach HIM and try to get to know him as more than just "the guy I see at the gym once a week?" If not, why didn't you?

    I will never understand why so many women seem to think that a man should just be able to look at you and immediately know that you are the most awesome person who ever lived and that what you look like shouldn't matter at all. That's just not how it works. We don't get to choose who we are attracted to.

    I used to live next door to a really good-looking guy who never said more than hello to me ... until I lost a lot of weight, and he suddenly wanted to stop and chat every time he saw me coming and going. One day, he even left a note on my door with his phone number. Now, I could have taken the "To hell with you because you didn't care about me at all when I was overweight" approach. But I put my big girl panties on, and I realized that as I lost weight, I had not only become more attractive, but I had also become friendlier and more approachable. I got to know him better, and I discovered that he is actually a very nice guy.

    Don't miss out on the chance to get to know a good guy under the misguided notion that he should've seen your inner beauty all along. That's fairytale stuff that doesn't happen in real life. The truth is harsh, but it is what it is.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Fact is...he may have seen you as a fat slacker gym wannabe but maybe he's been watching your progress and is impressed and attracted now. It happens, don't discredit someone just because they didn't take notice before.

    ^^^That's what I was gonna say. If he's been going to that gym (or any gym) for a long time, he's probably seen overweight people come in and start working out faithfully at first, then fizzle out on their dedication. Maybe he's noticed that you're really committed and not just a New Year's resolutioner. Give the guy a chance.
  • mommajazz
    mommajazz Posts: 1
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    Maybe you are just now noticeing him. I know when I am feeling good about myself and doing well with weight loss I am a little more observant...Not walking with my head down. Maybe you are just doing that well that you are more confident and you are holding your head a little higher...take it as a compliment. You are lookin better and feelin better.:smokin:
  • MILICA1986
    MILICA1986 Posts: 172
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    I can't believe this topic is still going strong! Is this for real?! Or am I dreaming?! :sick:
    Poor man......He needs love too! I would love him, and cherish him, and call him 'darling'. :sad:

    I'm alright! :bigsmile:
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
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    So now men can't show any interest in women that have lost weight or they may be labelled shallow because they may or may not have started noticing her because she's lost weight..wow this is confusing.

    No men are only supposed to be attracted to women's personalities... even when we've never spoken.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.

    The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?

    This happened to me at work. In my case, most of these guys I had known for a while and seen on a weekly basis, it wasn't just a hi how are you sort of thing in passing. It bugged me yet it didn't....mostly because most everyone knows I'm taken and yet they still tried lol.
    Oh well.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Do women really think this way... that it's because they were heavier in the past, and now my sudden attention is purely from their weight loss?

    Can't speak for all women, and not the OP, but I do have a friend this happened to from one of my singles groups. My girl lost 40lbs, and one of the guys that always hung out was suddenly interested. She was interested in the other guy in the group, told him she wasn't interested, even though they were best buds, and then asked why, all those years he hadn't been interested. He freely admitted that he'd always enjoyed her personality, but it wasn't til she lost weight that he was romantically attracted.

    Not saying this is right... just saying this is how things often work.

    Yup, this.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Do women really think this way... that it's because they were heavier in the past, and now my sudden attention is purely from their weight loss?

    Can't speak for all women, and not the OP, but I do have a friend this happened to from one of my singles groups. My girl lost 40lbs, and one of the guys that always hung out was suddenly interested. She was interested in the other guy in the group, told him she wasn't interested, even though they were best buds, and then asked why, all those years he hadn't been interested. He freely admitted that he'd always enjoyed her personality, but it wasn't til she lost weight that he was romantically attracted.

    Not saying this is right... just saying this is how things often work.

    Yup, this.

    It's the same as when a woman who doesn't usually dress up/have a stylish hair cut/wear makeup goes out and gets a makeover. All of a sudden, because she looks different than she usually does, people (not just men) she has known for years are suddenly taking a second look. It's a natural reaction. Anything that's drastically out of the norm tends to grab your attention. Personally, I wouldn't be angry at a guy for taking a second look once I have lost weight. On one hand, I can understand the OP's point that you'd kind of like to know that your SO will be attracted to you and love you no matter what you look like because, over time, physical appearance inevitably changes. However, I also know that, when I look in the mirror at 257lbs, I certainly don't FEEL attractive. So why in the world would I expect a MAN, who doesn't know me from a hole in the ground, to find me attractive. It's like going to a job interview at a P.R. firm wearing dirty, worn out sweat pants and a tshirt. You could be the most qualified person in the world for the job, but if you don't present yourself well, they're not even going to take the time to look at your resume. That's just the way the world works. It's an unfortunate truth. However, I do think there's a difference between losing weight to be healthy, getting a makeover to help with confidence, etc..., and going to the extreme by having unnecessary surgeries, starving yourself, etc... to look like a picture in a magazine or to live up to the ideal of some man who probably doesn't even appreciate WHO you are.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
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    I can't believe this topic is still going strong! Is this for real?! Or am I dreaming?! :sick:
    Poor man......He needs love too! I would love him, and cherish him, and call him 'darling'. :sad:

    I'm alright! :bigsmile:

    hahaha
  • Miss♥Ivi
    Miss♥Ivi Posts: 461
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    I'd be flattered :smile:
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    Personally, from your profile picture, I think you're really pretty. I'd stare at you if you came to my gym.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    I wouldn't put this guy into that catagory.. only guys that I knew prior to losing weight, that had an idea I had a crush on them, or was told. After finding out I always got the.. "You are so funny, you are just like a little sister to me". Then later on when I (finally, thank God) grew out of my awkward phase and lost the baby weight I was suddenly moved out of the "like a sister zone" to being someone they would ask out. At that point, I would usually respond with, "that's so sweet, but I see you more as a big brother" then move on.
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I wouldn't put this guy into that catagory.. only guys that I knew prior to losing weight, that had an idea I had a crush on them, or was told. After finding out I always got the.. "You are so funny, you are just like a little sister to me". Then later on when I (finally, thank God) grew out of my awkward phase and lost the baby weight I was suddenly moved out of the "like a sister zone" to being someone they would ask out. At that point, I would usually respond with, "that's so sweet, but I see you more as a big brother" then move on.

    I always got, "You're a nice girl, but you're just not my type," , or , "I just think of you as one of the guys." line.

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