Why don't I get hit on?

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  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
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    I was in the gym the other day and this guy was there helping some girl lift the weights off of the rack that she wanted to work on. I've kind of gotten to know this guy so I jokingly said, "now how's come you never help me lift the weights off of the rack." He laughed but his response really hit home. He said to me, "have you seen yourself? You lift more than most of the men in here. I really don't think you need the help." And we had a good laugh about it. But here's the thing. I never think anyone notices me and I don't care if they do or not. But they do. Enough so that they know I don't need help setting up my bar. So here's what I've come to realize, it doesn't matter if someone else notices you. You gots ta love you and that's gotta be enough. When you stop caring whether or not someone else is noticing you things will change. You are beautiful, you are smart, you have made AMAZING progress and you need to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "damn, everyone on MFP was right, I am a sexy beast!"
  • simplyeater
    simplyeater Posts: 270 Member
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    Are you sure you're paying attention? I find it hard to believe!!!
  • anima_gemella
    anima_gemella Posts: 243 Member
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    cant understand why not, had a look at ur pics n ur beautiful lovely smile :) maybe they are just shy? or stupid...one of the 2 xx
  • chrissismone
    chrissismone Posts: 116 Member
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    I think you have to be cool with who you are. Like when I'm at the gym I don't smile or anything nor when I'm out too much bc that encourages folks to talk to you. However if your in your element and your good with you then I feel those who can deal with you will approach. Not every girl is a smiley type and that doesn't work for all. All that smiling and such makes me repel with such gusto. I'm sassy and general the ***** and I'm good with that. Men do look and they will approach in due time. I might look like I might bite I just nibble.
  • OfficialPR
    OfficialPR Posts: 1,610 Member
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    Are you open? Do you smile when you enter a room? Look straight ahead and at guys' eyes?

    Supposedly, I'm cute here on MFP.. but in real life I didn't get hit on as much as I do here on MFP.

    BUT I've changed some things about myself and have noticed a difference. Here on MFP I'm open and confident. It shows through my posts.

    In real life, I'm definately confident now but was having trouble showing it. Now that I'm really secure with myself and my self esteem has went up, I didn't know how to go from being in the background to making myself a show stopper instead. :bigsmile: I'm not the hottest girl at all but when I go out, I smile as soon as I enter the room at everybody. I look up when I'm walking. I stick my *kitten* out and walk with a sway in my hips. I play with my hair. I size attractive guys up and down and smile at them. I look into their eyes when I talk to them and smile. (smiling seems to be a good thing with guys)

    All these little things have made a great impact and now I will have guys come up to me to talk.. not just notice me from afar.

    Some guys might be intimidated but I think the looking approachable thing can change some of that.

    This might be a fake it till you make it thing, according to you since you said you have low self esteem. Just know you're beautiful, BELIEVE IT!

    Speaking from a guy's perspective, if a woman carries herself with confidence regardless, that WILL get a guy's attention. How long? Well that takes into account his taste along with hers but it will provide the initial draw. With regards to Cory, I agree you're quite beautiful and there will be guys that are intimidated always but that's not a reflection of anything wrong with YOU, it's a lack of confidence in THEM! Thus continue to do what you're doing and I'm confident you will get scooped up, perhaps it'll Mari, you never know...:laugh:
  • _Dan_
    _Dan_ Posts: 55 Member
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    I would so hit on you, but then my wife would kill me in my sleep. She's got these crazy "rules". :)

    I'm in the same boat as Hawksbillus ^_^
  • JamesLeichter
    JamesLeichter Posts: 2 Member
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    Most men are shy and easily intimidated. Most men need for a women to give them some type of hint or signal that they have a shot at you; especially when you are attractive. Another thing to remember, when most men check out women, they try not to get caught - so you may not be noticing how many guys are looking you over.
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    Boys can be shy.
    THIS^^^^^^^^ *Rollz eyes*
  • twinlaced
    twinlaced Posts: 46 Member
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    They're just intimidated.
  • bbbgamer
    bbbgamer Posts: 582 Member
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    we are intimidated by your awesomeness!
  • _LilPowerHouse
    _LilPowerHouse Posts: 365 Member
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    I'm afraid you're going to hit me over the head with a big club and carry me off to the cave.
    2193703_6366.jpg

    j/k. I think people do look at you, you just don't notice.

    Id have to agree, Im sure guys look but you just dont notice.. and some guys have it down to an art so they just dont get caught looking.. (im one of them.. LOL) but in all honesty i dont see why they wouldnt look, you are eye candy to look at.. :wink:
  • AlixDuncan
    AlixDuncan Posts: 5
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    You're beautiful! And your hair colour is to DIE for! :D It could be that you just don't notice when they are checking you out....I mean they're good at hiding it! Or it could be that you're just TOO gorgeous......guys think you're out of their league :)
  • memcd911
    memcd911 Posts: 230 Member
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    You remind me of my mother (only way younger, obviously. and in better shape). You probably don't notice people looking your way. My mom lost like 80 lbs and swore no one noticed or gave her the time of day, but she gets hit on seriously every time I'm around her. B/c she has low self esteem she just doesn't recognize it b/c she doesn't believe anyone actually would be.


    Make sure you're HONESTLY open to receiving the attention. It's bound to be there in bucketloads.
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
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    I have been wondering the same thing. Not to say that I don't get looked at, I do notice that guys look at me. But I look at people walking around/in restaurants/wherever, too, so just looking doesn't really mean anything.

    No guy, ever, has come up and said hi, or offered to buy me a drink, or stuck up a conversation. Not before I lost weight, not during, not now, not EVER.

    I mean, I don't think I'm God's gift to the planet or anything, but I do spend time attempting to look presentable and polished, and I would like to know that the effort is worthwhile. Maybe I should stop using make-up/doing my hair/wearing clothes other than sweatpants, lol.

    Note to guys: stop being little b*tches, and talk to hot chicks! If you're scared, you'll get worse than shot down, b/c you didn't even take the chance!!!!
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    If you just say hi to people, you wouldn't believe the difference it can make. I think everyone is right about opening up. But, it has to show in your body language, eyes, and face. If you say hi, but quickly turn away, that's a mixed message. But, if you say hi, almost like you know someone, and maintain eye contact and a smile, people really respond to that. I started doing that around my neighborhood. I just started saying hi as people walk by. And, pretty soon, people would stop and chat for a while, where before, they never did that. It's just a thing. You have to let people know that it's OK to talk to you.
  • chrisy0316
    chrisy0316 Posts: 18
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    I completely felt like this while going thru my divorce. Then I took a step back and panicked b/c I was getting hit on...by guys old enough to be my father, with no teeth. The guys my age wouldn't even look at me and then the guys younger than me would glance and run.
    My best friend once told me that I was putting off the "Don't hit on me" vibe that could be felt for miles. So I forced myself to relax and focused on the fact that going thru the divorce showed me exactly what I want and don't want in a relationship and that I wasn't going to settle for less.
    I ended up finding a lot of what I don't want out in the world and what I want was waiting for me all along.
  • legmotor
    legmotor Posts: 197 Member
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    You are very beautiful!

    I have the same problem too! Not the beautiful part......the "guys don't hit on me part"! :(

    I would only hope you are kidding, but you ARE beautiful. I don't know which sorry, son-of-a-gun told or convinced you otherwise.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Also, as a newly divorcee, I don't know the details of your divorce BUT my marriage had me in a funk. I felt horrible about myself, my life, my marriage, everything. It wasn't until I lost that 260lb man that I just blossomed.

    I rarely got hit on when I was married but like I said, I felt low. Now I'm single ready to mingle, confident, dress up all the time (and I've noticed you do too), love my body including my boobs (my ex made me very self concious about my breasts), love love love ME. And all it took was getting rid of him.

    I'm not trying to talk down on your STBX, but maybe that has some to do with your low self esteem and maybe you'll blossom like I did. :flowerforyou:
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    You're beautiful! And your hair colour is to DIE for! :D It could be that you just don't notice when they are checking you out....I mean they're good at hiding it! Or it could be that you're just TOO gorgeous......guys think you're out of their league :)
    As someone who spent the better part of their first 27 years (and I'm still 27 for a couple more weeks) being told she was ugly and unattractive, I find the "too gorgeous" thing a bit hard to believe, but thanks. lol
  • AlixDuncan
    AlixDuncan Posts: 5
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    I mean from what I hear, you're a tall, confident and beautiful woman....maybe some men find that intimidating. And if that true, those one's aren't worth worrying about if they don't think they can handle you! lol

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