Why don't I get hit on?

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Replies

  • Maystar80
    Maystar80 Posts: 85 Member
    i think it might be a combination of two things:

    1) the classic they're probably intimidated/ you're probably not easy prey argument.
    2) i think most people might overestimate how much hitting on actually goes on. you might think other women around you are getting hit on all the time, when in fact it might be as infrequent as you're getting hit on. i think this slightly flawed perception might be a huge factor. if your expectation of how much you should be noticed doesn't match up to the reality of how much men notice women you're guaranteed to run into problems.

    i say this because i think these were/are my main 2 problems. now that i have a boyfriend i don't think about it so much, but i still do sometimes wish i got hit on more often anyway, just to be noticed. also i notice that for myself when i'm actually free and hoping to find something, i tend to be more open and am approached more often without me doing anything. when i'm taken or i'm just depressed/moody, i don't get anything. emotional remnants from your recent divorce might be sending out don't mess with me signals, without you trying.
  • monala09
    monala09 Posts: 56 Member
    Mabey you are giving off a "vibe" that you don't even notice....My personal experince is my "shyness" came off as "stuck up" beacuse I rarely made eye contact with people, and my "focused" face came off as my "angry" face, and I walked around like this for years without even the slighest idea I was giving off that impression. Now I try to walk around with a smile on my face beacuse A) You can't go wrong with a smile B) I have alot more to smile about these days. :):):):):):):)

    Wow...this sounds just like me! I walk around with a "focused face" and people think i am seriously mad at something..lol. Im going to try the whole -smile all the time- in public thing..sounds like it feels a little awkward though.
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
    i have liked yeah since i joined mfp. you are so hot that i might get burned. but i do like your pics all of them there sexy
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
    Just checked your profile.. I'm in Phoenix! lol Come to Phoenix no shortage of men here. :wink:
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
    Do you have a smile on your face in real life and do you make eye contact? I am hardly the prettiest girl in the room but even now that I am married and older, men flirt with me a lot. They even do it in front of my husband. And like I said, I'm certainly not the prettiest girl in the room. But I have had them tell me it is because I am always friendly and smiling. When I was younger and in my twenties and wanted to meet someone I would usually just try to make eye contact and a lot of times they would come over and introduce themselves. You'd be surprised at how the smallest gestures are what cause men to take a second look.

    ^^^^ this is me EXACTLY!! I am sooo not the prettiest girl but I am the happiest and friendliest and most confident that I am interesting and have something entertaining to share .
    If I want to meet a guy I smile and make eye contact..if they are single they walk right up to me. Since me n the other half are going strong for so long now I have to lay off smiling at strangers so much , because now I am doing it just because I am happy!
    YOUR FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OP AND I LOVE YOUR POST, Your personality is awesome SO GO SHOW IT OFF!!! :flowerforyou:
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    It has everything to with what you put out there. Your self-esteem, confidence, strength, vulnerability, smile, sense of humor, etc. Sure, most hetero guys will certainly look at a pretty face, nice butt/legs/boobs/etc. But to really *keep* my attention, there needs to be more.

    Others have talked about it already. The vibe you put out has a huge influence on what people pick up on. It doesn't have to be sexual/romantic, either. Go to the grocery store and decide to be open, patient, loving, kind, generous and friendly to the person ringing your groceries up. When they acknowledge you, look them in the eye, speak directly and smile. Watch to see if their personality changes from when they helped the person in front of you.

    Unless you are seriously restricted in your social interactions, I suspect you are getting hit on and don't realize it.
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
    You look really tall in your pictures, which could be a factor. How tall are you, BTW?
  • shmunster
    shmunster Posts: 538 Member
    I wanna get noticed too lol, I look way better than I used to! Lol but the 2yo hanging off my legs probably puts people off! My hubby reckons he pervs on me all the time now though, says its like he's in bed with a new girl! Hahaha
  • prism6
    prism6 Posts: 484 Member
    If you wanted to get hit on, I believe you would
  • lmalaschak
    lmalaschak Posts: 346 Member
    I haven't read all the responses to this, but what facial expression are you typically wearing? Not like if someone points a camera at you or says hi, I'm sure you smile and look friendly at those times, but if you are concentrating or deep in thought does your face maybe just naturally have an "unapproachable" expression on it? I ask this because I have caught a glimpse of myself walking by a mirror before when I'm busy or whatever and I look like I'm frowning, or in a bad mood, when in reality I'm not. I think my face sort of gravitates to "serious." Possible?
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
    Tall women get hit on. Maybe not by men with LMS (Little Man Syndrome).

    I don't know why you aren't getting hit on, I think you're beautiful!
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
    I think people do look at you, you just don't notice.

    I have to agree with this.
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,290 Member
    This is probably going to sound really conceited, but I get hit on pretty frequently. I don't think I'm a supermodel or anything, but I think it's because I carry myself with a lot of confidence, usually have a smile on my face, and I think men (and people in general) are drawn to that. Women often strike up conversations with me as well.

    I had this friend who was SUPER cute, great figure, really good looking all around, but she almost NEVER got approached by men. Why? It was 100% her attitude. I kinda observed her once when I saw her at the store but she hadn't seen me yet, and I realized that she was just totally unapproachable even though she was very attractive. Her resting face said to me "I'm a b!tch, don't even try talking to me" and she just didn't carry herself in a way that made her open to a stranger talking to her.

    Now, I'm NOT saying that's the situation with you, because obviously I don't know you in real life, but I think the way we carry ourselves and present ourselves in public is like 95% responsible for who approaches us and how often it happens. Strangely enough, once I stopped hanging out with that particular friend (turns out, she actually was a b!tch), I noticed SO much more attention from people in general. A man hitting on me, a woman complimenting my outfit, just like night and day, because I think her attitude rubbed off on me when we were friends.


    It's almost impossible to say what you just said without it sounding conceited....but I know that it isn't being said that way, bc I totally agree with you. I smile alot, I talk alot, I am bubbly and happy and I get hit on. Cory, you are really strong, you are probably very intimidating to guys who are like "damn, I can't talk to her". Guys are looking though, I have seen guys check out all kinds of girls (Im not saying you are ugly) so it's probably you aren't noticing. Get yourself a good pair of heels (or equally awesome shoes of your style) and rock your confidence. COnfidence goes soooo much futher than we know!

    Both of these ladies have hit the nail on the head.
    I notice that I'm noticed when I'm feeling sassy. Get you some sassy pants and go to town!
    O, and the whole "fake til you make it"? Totally works :wink:
  • Wreak_Havoc
    Wreak_Havoc Posts: 597
    This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

    I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

    The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

    They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

    no one looks my way.

    Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

    It just doesn't make sense.

    Thoughts?

    ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

    I wouldn't hit on you because I'm married, but DAMNED if I wouldn't be looking and smile! Sun must be too bright in Tucson! LOL
  • tameko2
    tameko2 Posts: 31,634 Member
    You are quite, quite lovely with a great sense of humour (as I've seen on the boards here.) I would think it is one of two things:

    1) They are and you don't recognize it.

    2) You are subconsciously giving off "don't look/touch" vibes from the lack of self-confidence.

    Edited to add: looks like others have written the same thing :flowerforyou:

    according to my husband I am 3) which is that I subconsciously give off "not interested/too awesome for you" vibes from too much self confidence.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
    Mabey you are giving off a "vibe" that you don't even notice....My personal experince is my "shyness" came off as "stuck up" beacuse I rarely made eye contact with people, and my "focused" face came off as my "angry" face, and I walked around like this for years without even the slighest idea I was giving off that impression. Now I try to walk around with a smile on my face beacuse A) You can't go wrong with a smile B) I have alot more to smile about these days. :):):):):):):)

    I agree... you've admitted you're working on your self-esteem and you're going through a divorce? I'll bet you come off as "guarded" or "off limits". Next time you're out, say in a mall, or at the grocery, be sure to walk tall (shoulders back), don't race through the store, but seem to have purpose, look up and forward (if you're not actually reading a label :), and give a polite smile to people you pass. You may not get a direct hit, but I'll BET you'll be "noticed". I'm a bit older now, but in college I became very aware of how others reacted to my body language. If I wanted to be left alone, I gave off that signal... not the "coy" or "shy" won't meet your eyes, but the "glance over you and kept on going" way of looking around. If I was feeling good and not really thinking about it one way or the other, I had lots of folks looking my way. Happy attracts happy. :)

    Good luck in your ventures!
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
    I suspect, there are a lot of people here taking a break from life and looking for some inspiration. And you if I may say so are inspirational. Out in the "real world" we are so often consumed by our own problems and just busy in life, so people may not even notice.

    Also, I see you post on the boards all the time, great sense of humor and good insight, so in a sense I may know you better on some level than random guy down the street.

    All that said, you deserve to be hit on, in a nice respectful way of course.

    ml,

    Craig
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    it might be a location thing. Not just where you live, but where you go. If I go to soccer games, scout meeting, or the many other thing that take up my weekends or free time, I never have anyone approach me. But if I end up a work related event with folks I don't have much contact with, I get notice more (not always in a good way). part of it is the environment that a work event is, but also I am forced to make more small talk and eye contact with people then at a close to home, comfortable event.

    So see where you are going, see if there are available guys there and make eye contact. sadly you will get you just as many creepers as OK guys, but that how it breaks.

    and as always this advice is worth what you what you paid for it. :tongue:
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I've only read the OP, but you said you have a lot of insecurities. It may be a vibe yoy're giving off.

    I'll also say that in the past, I never noticed men looking at me, but friends would point it out, so maybe they look but you don't notice.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    You look really tall in your pictures, which could be a factor. How tall are you, BTW?
    Tall. I'm 5'10"
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    i have liked yeah since i joined mfp. you are so hot that i might get burned. but i do like your pics all of them there sexy
    Bwahaha!

    Thank you!
  • DistilledVixen
    DistilledVixen Posts: 93 Member
    Mabey you are giving off a "vibe" that you don't even notice....My personal experince is my "shyness" came off as "stuck up" beacuse I rarely made eye contact with people, and my "focused" face came off as my "angry" face, and I walked around like this for years without even the slighest idea I was giving off that impression. Now I try to walk around with a smile on my face beacuse A) You can't go wrong with a smile B) I have alot more to smile about these days. :):):):):):):)

    Wow...this sounds just like me! I walk around with a "focused face" and people think i am seriously mad at something..lol. Im going to try the whole -smile all the time- in public thing..sounds like it feels a little awkward though.

    Yah I probably look like a crazy person walking around with a smile all the time.......lol.....but I just can't help it....I am happy :)
    And I've gotten alot more positive feedback from that than my "angry/shy" face.
  • kevinsherrell
    kevinsherrell Posts: 21
    That's probably a big reason...but on the bright site you get dibs on all the guys 6'3 plus! :)
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member

    according to my husband I am 3) which is that I subconsciously give off "not interested/too awesome for you" vibes from too much self confidence.

    Ditto.

    Also, do you ever get the feeling that our expectation of what real life is like is too influenced by what we've seen on tv? It makes me think of the Friends episode where the guys have free porn, and then they start getting freaked out in real life situations because the hot chicks they randomly run into don't ask to come see what their bedroom looks like, that kind of thing. On a similar level, does anyone get hit on as much as people on tv?
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    That's probably a big reason...but on the bright site you get dibs on all the guys 6'3 plus! :)
    Funny thing - I don't think I have ever even gone on a date with someone taller than me. I was married to someone 4 1/2 inches shorter and I think the tallest guy I've ever even hung out with as anything other than strictly friends was my height (5'10")
  • salxtai
    salxtai Posts: 341 Member
    Haha, I'm the invisible friend when I head out with friends.
    I get all the ugly ones who can't succeed with the prettier girls :tongue:

    then again, I'm far from pretty so really.. :tongue:
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
    Question for the men here: Is flirting in a joking way the same as actually flirting? I think some women are not sure how to read that kind of flirting.

    Yes, this is flirting in a way that allows us to tell ourselves we were just kidding if you don't respond well. Many men have had lots of rejection and it is no more fun for us than you. So if we flirt, throw us a bone and flirt back.
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    Funny thing - I don't think I have ever even gone on a date with someone taller than me. I was married to someone 4 1/2 inches shorter and I think the tallest guy I've ever even hung out with as anything other than strictly friends was my height (5'10")

    *walks by whistling .... 6'4" over here* ..... oh wait, I think I miss the age requirement. :tongue:
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    sometimes getting hit on is okay if the guy is nice and not a jerk. don't worry about it. focus on you and having fun in life and they'll see how wonderful you are!
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Funny thing - I don't think I have ever even gone on a date with someone taller than me. I was married to someone 4 1/2 inches shorter and I think the tallest guy I've ever even hung out with as anything other than strictly friends was my height (5'10")

    *walks by whistling .... 6'4" over here* ..... oh wait, I think I miss the age requirement. :tongue:
    Yeah, it looks like you're 10 years older than my ex. Older's not a problem (it's actually preferred), but old enough to be my parent... yeah. Not so much.

    Thanks anyway!

    ETA - I just looked at your pictures. With that body, you could be 80 and I wouldn't care as long as you looked my way. lol

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