Favorite CLEAN jokes?

Options
1…6791112…14

Replies

  • lizard053
    lizard053 Posts: 2,344 Member
    Options
    LOL! Some of these are awesome! Others are even better!

    Ok, I have a real childish one, but it makes me laugh every time.

    A tribal chief goes in to see the doctor. He says, 'doctor, big chief no fart." The doctor prescribes him a pill and has him come back the next week.
    The chief returns, "doctor, big chief still no fart." So the doctor gives him a bigger pill and has him come back the next week.
    The chief continues to return saying "big chief still no fart." The doctor continues to give him larger and larger pills each week.
    One week the chief's wife comes in to see the doctor. She says "doctor, big fart no chief!"

    That just killed me, I can't breathe hahahahah :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


    *scratches head* I don't get it.
    The chief farted so hard he got blown away! Fart jokes, so juvenile, but they get me laughing every time.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
    Options
    LOL! Some of these are awesome! Others are even better!

    Ok, I have a real childish one, but it makes me laugh every time.

    A tribal chief goes in to see the doctor. He says, 'doctor, big chief no fart." The doctor prescribes him a pill and has him come back the next week.
    The chief returns, "doctor, big chief still no fart." So the doctor gives him a bigger pill and has him come back the next week.
    The chief continues to return saying "big chief still no fart." The doctor continues to give him larger and larger pills each week.
    One week the chief's wife comes in to see the doctor. She says "doctor, big fart no chief!"

    That just killed me, I can't breathe hahahahah :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


    *scratches head* I don't get it.
    The chief farted so hard he got blown away! Fart jokes, so juvenile, but they get me laughing every time.


    oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Got it! haha.
  • skatters
    skatters Posts: 48
    Options
    An oldie but a goodie...

    Two ROBINS were lying on their backs, BASKING in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained, 'Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat?' To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied,

    "How about some Baskin Robbins?"
  • johnny_k
    johnny_k Posts: 150 Member
    Options
    My grandfather was a very wise man, I remember his last words to me...
    "Oh my goodness, a bus"


    When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother not screaming and yelling like the other people in the car with her.
  • johnny_k
    johnny_k Posts: 150 Member
    Options
    How do you catch a squirrel?



    Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
  • cfreema
    cfreema Posts: 30 Member
    Options
    These made my work day so wonderful! Thank you!

    Here's my tidbit:

    What does the daddy buffalo say to the child buffalo when he leaves?

    Bison!

    BAAHAHAHAHA
  • Meaganandcheese
    Meaganandcheese Posts: 525 Member
    Options
    What do you call a lady with one leg?

    Lena.



    What do you call her when she gets a wooden leg?

    Peggy.
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
    Options
    My grandfather was a very wise man, I remember his last words to me...
    "Oh my goodness, a bus"


    When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother not screaming and yelling like the other people in the car with her.

    BAHAHAAAAAAA I think I have heard this before, but it definitely brought out a big laugh!!!! Thanks!
  • JanineHarrison
    JanineHarrison Posts: 164 Member
    Options
    I haven't had a chance to scan of these yet so I hope this isn't a repeat,.

    These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
    The string says "Yeah."
    The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
    The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Options
    Columbia South Carolina Headline News....

    Tornado rips through local cemetary. Thousands dead!
  • Jessicalynnelliott
    Jessicalynnelliott Posts: 10
    Options
    what happens when a tick eats to fast.....

    it gets the tickups!
  • JanineHarrison
    JanineHarrison Posts: 164 Member
    Options
    I haven't had a chance to scan of these yet so I hope this isn't a repeat,.

    These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
    The string says "Yeah."
    The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
    The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

    Crap.. it was up here twice already.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Options
    Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its
    cruising altitude, the Captain announced:
    'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.
    Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to
    Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth,
    uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and... OH, MY GOD!'

    Silence followed!

    Some moments later the Captain came back on the PA;
    'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to
    you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
    lap. You should see the front of my pants!'


    One Newfie passenger yelled,
    'lord tunderen jezis, you should see the back of mine!


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That was the best one yet!
  • Pebbles536
    Pebbles536 Posts: 199
    Options
    funny-pictures-peep-show-easter-candy.jpg
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
    Options
    Chuck Norris slams revolving doors.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    Options
    What do you call a lady with one leg?

    Lena.



    What do you call her when she gets a wooden leg?

    Peggy.

    What do you call her when someone saws off the tip of her wooden leg?

    Eileen
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
    Options
    bump
  • annmrie
    annmrie Posts: 38
    Options
    bump! jokes always make my day.
  • hypallage
    hypallage Posts: 624 Member
    Options
    What are the dirtiest animals on the farm?


    "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"



    sounds like Bow chicca bow wow... lol - yeah it sounds better in person!



    I still don't get it! :ohwell:
  • dustygn
    dustygn Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.
    lol nerd jokes :)

Categories