Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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  • jagar07
    jagar07 Posts: 266 Member
    Imagine reading this in an irish accent....lol Why did the Irish men nly put 239 beans in their bean sooup?






    Because if they put in 1 more It would be 2 FARTY :D:D
  • Abells
    Abells Posts: 756 Member
    A scientist walks into a bar and says to the bartender: 'I'd like a cool glass of H2O please'.

    The guy sat next to him - wanting to appear smart - says: 'I'll have a glass of H20 too'.

    His funeral is on Monday.

    buahahhahha
  • alyson820
    alyson820 Posts: 448 Member
    wanna hear a joke about cats?

    just kitten!
  • Wen37
    Wen37 Posts: 218 Member
    Ha ha ha ha..........................................
    Columbia South Carolina Headline News....

    Tornado rips through local cemetary. Thousands dead!
  • johnny_k
    johnny_k Posts: 150 Member
    Imagine reading this in an irish accent....lol Why did the Irish men nly put 239 beans in their bean sooup?






    Because if they put in 1 more It would be 2 FARTY :D:D
    [/quote
  • Lissakaye81
    Lissakaye81 Posts: 224 Member
    A little boy is staring at a wall in his churched covered with plaques and pictures to commemorate soldiers. The pastor sees the boy tells him not to be sad, that all the men and women on the wall died bravely in the service. The little boys eyes get real wide and he asks "Was it the 10 am service?"

    What does a dyslexic atheist insomniac do at night?





    wonders if there really is a DOG
  • deabora
    deabora Posts: 20 Member
    What day does an egg hate most?











    Fryday.
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
    Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

    LOVE IT!! Favorite one so far!

    JM
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    your mom
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender makes it up, hands it to him, and says, "For you, no charge."

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    that's what she said...
  • Ayeshat
    Ayeshat Posts: 209
    What did the sea say to the sand?


    nothing it just waved
  • MumMumOfMany
    MumMumOfMany Posts: 79 Member
    where does a fish keep it's money?












    in a river bank!!!
    hehe x
  • lickmybaconcakes
    lickmybaconcakes Posts: 1,063 Member
    What did one photon say to the other photon?









    I'm sick and tired of your interference.
  • cowsstealmythong
    cowsstealmythong Posts: 173 Member
    This is fabulous! I can't stop laughing.

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To get to the other side.
    -Knock knock-
    Who's there?
    THE CHICKEN!
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!
  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
    Why rain falls?
    - Because there's no stairs to use.
  • u2fergus
    u2fergus Posts: 422 Member
    bump :)
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
    Three British gents are riding in a train - an older military man and two brothers, one of whom is nearly deaf. They have a conversation.

    Brother one: I see by your uniform that you are a Field Marshall, Sir. I say, have you ever been to India?
    Military man: Oh yesss, yesss, India. Love the place! Been in India a good deal of my service, yes...
    Brother two: What'd he say???
    Brother one: He says he's' been to India!

    They ride a while in silence, and the brother asks another question.

    Brother one: I say, Sir... since you've spent so much time in Inda, I wonder - have you ever been to Punjab?
    Military man: Oh yesss, yess, Punjab. Lovely place, wot? Spent 27 years in Punjab, jolly good fun, yess....
    Brother two: What'd he say?
    Brother one: He says he's been to Punjab!

    The brother turns back to the military man with yet another question.

    Brother one: I say, Sir... since you've been in Punjab 27 years I wonder... is it possible you know a lady named Elinor?
    Military man: Oh yessss,. yess! Elinor! Why, all the men in the regiment know Elinor! She give the finest oral *kitten* in all of Punjab!
    Brother two: What'd he say?
    Brother one: He says he knows mother!
  • ActiveGuy81
    ActiveGuy81 Posts: 705 Member
    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh
  • ActiveGuy81
    ActiveGuy81 Posts: 705 Member
    Two peanuts walk into a bar.
    One was a salted.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    A little boy is staring at a wall in his churched covered with plaques and pictures to commemorate soldiers. The pastor sees the boy tells him not to be sad, that all the men and women on the wall died bravely in the service. The little boys eyes get real wide and he asks "Was it the 10 am service?"

    What does a dyslexic atheist insomniac do at night?





    wonders if there really is a DOG
    Lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

    The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

    A blonde driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

    "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. What should I do?"

    The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

    Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!

    The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The blonde turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
  • thomassd1969
    thomassd1969 Posts: 564 Member
    My 5 year old at the time told me this joke.

    "Why dont monsters eat clowns?"










    "BECAUSE THEY TASTE FUNNY!!!!"
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Two men are pushing their carts around wal-mart when all of a sudden they run into each other.

    Man1; I'm sorry I was just looking for my wife

    Man2: Wow me too, what's your wife look like?

    Man1: Well she's about 5'5'' blonde flowing hair, blue eyes,beautiful face, big boobs, nice tan, tight bubble butt, and very outgoing.
    What does your wife look like?

    Man2: Who cares let's find your wife:bigsmile:
  • xSophia19
    xSophia19 Posts: 1,536 Member
    Yo mamma's so fat that when she wore her yellow raincoat, people shouted TAXIIIII!:laugh:
  • muzmacol
    muzmacol Posts: 358 Member
    What do you call a woman standing between 2 houses?




    Ali..................i'm here all week thankyou very much!
  • muzmacol
    muzmacol Posts: 358 Member
    what do you call a man with a seagull on his head??


    Cliff
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
    What do you call a woman standing between 2 houses?




    Ali..................i'm here all week thankyou very much!
    LOL!

    What do you call a guy who leaves ski tracks on both sides of a tree?


    An ambulance. Zhank you... I'll be here ze veek.

    :wink:
  • muzmacol
    muzmacol Posts: 358 Member
    what do you call a man with a shovel in his head?


    Doug

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