Favorite CLEAN jokes?

that's what she said...

where does a fish keep it's money?












in a river bank!!!
hehe x

This is fabulous! I can't stop laughing.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
-Knock knock-
Who's there?
THE CHICKEN!

Why rain falls?
- Because there's no stairs to use.

Three British gents are riding in a train - an older military man and two brothers, one of whom is nearly deaf. They have a conversation.

Brother one: I see by your uniform that you are a Field Marshall, Sir. I say, have you ever been to India?
Military man: Oh yesss, yesss, India. Love the place! Been in India a good deal of my service, yes...
Brother two: What'd he say???
Brother one: He says he's' been to India!

They ride a while in silence, and the brother asks another question.

Brother one: I say, Sir... since you've spent so much time in Inda, I wonder - have you ever been to Punjab?
Military man: Oh yesss, yess, Punjab. Lovely place, wot? Spent 27 years in Punjab, jolly good fun, yess....
Brother two: What'd he say?
Brother one: He says he's been to Punjab!

The brother turns back to the military man with yet another question.

Brother one: I say, Sir... since you've been in Punjab 27 years I wonder... is it possible you know a lady named Elinor?
Military man: Oh yessss,. yess! Elinor! Why, all the men in the regiment know Elinor! She give the finest oral *kitten* in all of Punjab!
Brother two: What'd he say?
Brother one: He says he knows mother!

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A blonde driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. What should I do?"

The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The blonde turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

Two men are pushing their carts around wal-mart when all of a sudden they run into each other.

Man1; I'm sorry I was just looking for my wife

Man2: Wow me too, what's your wife look like?

Man1: Well she's about 5'5'' blonde flowing hair, blue eyes,beautiful face, big boobs, nice tan, tight bubble butt, and very outgoing.
What does your wife look like?

Man2: Who cares let's find your wife:bigsmile:

What do you call a woman standing between 2 houses?




Ali..................i'm here all week thankyou very much!

What do you call a woman standing between 2 houses?




Ali..................i'm here all week thankyou very much!

LOL!

What do you call a guy who leaves ski tracks on both sides of a tree?


An ambulance. Zhank you... I'll be here ze veek.