"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"

I've never been morbidly obese but I'm usually an outsider in some way. It's hard.

Appearance wise though, yes all of society judges you on your appearance. Blonde or brunette. Skinny or fat. I'm a natural blonde and I look young and I'm female--all of these things make it much harder for me to gain respect professionally. I've even considered going brunette but honestly I don't want to keep up the dye job. I know this in part because I have been told as much.

It's really unfair how much society bases things on appearance.

Now when it comes to fat it's particularly unfair. I think that a lot of people missed the point about this article. It's not so much about finding a significant other. It's the basic idea that people treat the morbidly obese differently. We're just asking them to smile and be friendly not to ask them on a date!

On the other hand I think that having received many slights and insults and judgments obese people often also see slights, insults, and judgement where there is none. But really who can blame them? This happens to any person who has been treated a certain way b/c of something in the past--we tend to look for same thing to happen again.

While in college I was in a group of female friends and I asked the group in general if they knew anything about stretch marks and dealing with them. A morbidly obese girl in the group acted as if I had spoken directly to her and responded in an offended voice, "I've never been pregnant, why are you asking me?" Now I was kind of surprised/shamed into silence so I didn't say anything else. I suddenly wondered if I would be judged if said why I had been asking--because at 165lbs I had a TON of stretch marks. Older and wiser now I would simply have said, "Well I haven't been pregnant either but they are popping up all over me." Point is, this girl totally overreacted to a question that was not directed specifically at her. But I'm sure she had been judged in the past.

Another thing to consider. As a result of my experiences with people like this, I found especially when I was younger that I just DIDN'T know how to act around them. In public I would avoid eye contact b/c I didn't want them to think I was staring or judging. I might even avoid talking too much for fear of saying something that would be found offensive. Let me extend this even further. I often react the same way to any person who doesn't fit the social norm. And I don't think I'm alone in facing the simple dilemma of not knowing what to do or how to act. I wasn't always like this--interactions with people taught me to be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing for fear of offending. The fact that the people who get offended were taught they are probably being judged b/c of their appearance by THEIR past experience doesn't help MY personal dilemma despite the fact that initially I wasn't judging.

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So true..all of it. Thanks for sharing your success and for being true to yourself.

This has been my experience too! Except, I find that the fitter I get is the nicer and more attentive the male species are. However, I have female friends who hardly talk to me any more. I guess I was the fat friend...lol. Other females I run into are more stand-offish and some even seem to be caddy about my weight loss.

The overall result though is that I no longer get viewed as lazy even though I never was....I just ate too much. I get treated as more intellegent even though I'm pretty sure losing weight did not increase my IQ at all. I even get told that I look younger even though at 46 my skin has not bounced back like it should from the loss of fat so I have far more wrinkles and drooping than ever before. Oh well.....not complaining.......... I wouldn't go back to being miserably overweight!

I am currently 30lbs over my goal. I am at my heaviest that I have ever been including 3 pregnancies. I have 2 sisters that I adore but they are bigger than I am. I am petrified that if I do not get a hold of this now I will end up like them and with this kind of abuse. I was always small but never was the person making fun of others. I have taught my children to not judge anyone. No one knows someone elses' situation. I am scared of society as a overweight person. I remember the days when men tripped over themselves to open doors for me...now I open doors for them. I have not heard vicious comments but I see the looks. This is why I am here...to get "me" back. This kind of treatment of anyone just makes me sick.

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A brilliant reminder to not judge only by appearance. I know that I've caught myself judging someone by only their looks from time to time, and I have to remind myself that appearance isn't everything - and that it doesn't come anywhere close to defining a person.

For those of us with a substantial amount of weight to lose - this article, and the wonderful responses, give us some idea of what life might be like when we reach our goal - the difference between being experiencing life as a "normal" person versus an obese person.

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

First of all, congratulations for losing 100lbs..great job ! You know, people don't realize when they look at someone that they are doing exactly what we are taught not to do. We have all been told at some point, "Never judge a book by it's cover" and that is so true because no matter if you are a tiny person or an overweight person, you're still that wonderful person inside of that cover who can smile, laugh and have a good time with friends and family just the same as anyone else. Not only do I weigh in on my bathroom scales but I also weigh in on my Wii which was a gift from my daughter and son-in-law and everytime I get on that Wii it tells me I am obese, but I keep plugging away like everyone else. I thank the good Lord for friends and family who got me involved with my fitness pal because I couldn't lose weight for years until now and I would never have gotten to read this beautiful story. Thank you for sharing this story and keep up the good work all you guys and gals ! We all need support and can help each other.

Thanks for sharing - its a salutory story, however, dissapproval of obesity is not only the domain of the thin.

I am a fat man, there's no doubt about it, although I am getting thinner - I started out at 316lbs and have lost just over 24lbs in just less than 4 weeks. Its dropping off, largely due to the tools available to me on my ipad version of MFP. Yet, I have always looked at fat people and thought "Can't you see that you are too big?" - though of course, looking in the mirror and saying the same thing to myself at least stops me being a total hypocrite - and probably made me start looking after myself, although concern for health (sleep apneoia) pushed me to do something. I know that sounds a bit strange, but I think we are conditioned by the media and other pressures, like the workplace, to respect and aspire an often unrealistic ideal. One can't use that to excuse such an attitude, but perhaps merely to explain it, and of course, those private opinions can never be uttered about an individual. I once worked alongside another manager, a woman, who was very obese, but who was good looking, who dressed so stylishly, was so approachable and lovely, who was so good at her job and who was quite cheeky and sexy too, that the matter seemed almost trivial, putting aside the possible risk to her health. She told me she had a crush on me, but knew I didn't like big women. I ended up admitting to her that it was not so much that I didn't like big women, but that they reminded me of my own obesity and embarrassment followed.

What is more insidious than judging a big person's appearance, is assuming their character is diminished compared with thin people - thankfully something I don't believe I do. But I see it a lot of it at work, and I once had to fight tooth and nail with my boss to get a raise for one of my staff who was a big lady. She was among the most competent and hardworking of my team, but to him it didn't seem to count. I managed to get her the raise, but I later discovered that the boss in question was bigoted in other ways too, so maybe its all connected.

For good health, I'm glad to hear you have been so successful in achieving your aim to lose weight, and I hope I can emulate you - I will probably hear things expressed around me that I wouldn't as a fat man, just as you have, so it will be interesting. I should say though that even having admitted I gawp in fascination at bigger people, including my reflection, I am appalled by the stick-thin creatures that litter magazines and TV. If I don't stop losing weight at a reasonable point, (should I enjoy the luxury of getting to my target weight), and I continue on to Karl Lagerfeld territory, you have my permission to shoot me. (Sorry Karl - I suppose that thin-ist is it?)

I think a lot of it is overweight people like myself are just easy targets.

....I'm definitely a big target, ahem.

i liked this article

amazing read. thanks so much for sharing.

I really don't like all of these preachy posts about "you can lose weight, calories in calories out, it's simple, blah blah blah. It's not simple. It's not easy, or we would all do it.

I half agree. It is simple, but it is not necessarily easy.

If straight weight loss is the goal, with no particular health issues, it really is cals in/ cals out. But that conceals some subtleties because calories in and out can result from a range of things. That in itself is pretty tough if you don't differentiate across food groups, and get tempted to pursue a one dimensional diet, like "all fat is bad". Keeping your intake interesting and varied helps a lot, as does little things like NEVER eat in front of the TV -always at a table because your relationship with the meal makes a difference to how satisfying it is. By considering some of these issues, and following a pretty good exercise routine I am losing wieght very effectively , without any trouble with willpower - for me its been about not getting bored. Without wanting to make a mantra out of it, boredom means hunger, and hunger temps the sinful!

However, if you wish to be a certain shape or want to manage excess skin, increase muscle mass, can't exerise for some reason and so forth, it gets more complicated.

I've been trying ot figure a regime for my stepson who is enviably thin, but wants to put on about ten or twelve pounds. The problem for him is he is not a big eater, has an active job and likes the gym. I calciulated he needs about 4000 cals a day to put weight on, but it meant cutting down on gym, and so his weight gain might be too much fat - better if he could add some muscle mass too. So the food profile starts to get compicated and my head begins to hurt.