Ladies - Would you date someone who is divorced?

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Replies

  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    depends on the circumstances of the divorce.

    i guess that means i wouldn't date an *kitten*. whether they were divorced or not doesn't really matter.
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.

    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    I would be curious to see if your answer is the same 5, 10 or 20 years from now.
  • cyberskirt
    cyberskirt Posts: 218
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.

    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    Okay, but the question wasn't would you get married again, it was would you date someone ELSE who had previously been married.

    You said first no, not at all because marriage should be until death. hence the questions about your answer.

    Would it be better to say your answer is no, even though divorce or annullement is warrented because the person made a poor choice in a spouse the first time.. aka trusted someone with their heart who in the end couldn't be trusted with it... they still can't be trusted to make good decisions?
  • LJ728
    LJ728 Posts: 52 Member
    Sure! A lot of other factors play into that!
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
    Of course I would, why not. I am divorced so I would be a hypocrite otherwise. Now someone who didn't pay child support when they were supposed to, that would be a big fat NO!
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.


    Promising "till death" to someone and then having the marriage end does not mean they didn't take that vow seriously. My mother was married to my biological father for 25 years, she tried to make their marriage work - she took her vows very seriously and she would still be with him had he not turned to drugs and started sleeping with prostitutes. There are a lot of things that make marriages fall apart. I think you are pretty narrow minded.

    To the OP, of course I would. I would probably ask a few questions to find out why they are divorced but really I wouldn't hold it over their head or anything. I know many fantastic people who got married young, or for the wrong reasons and they just couldn't make the marriage work.
  • dreawest
    dreawest Posts: 208 Member
    depends on the circumstances of the divorce.

    i guess that means i wouldn't date an *kitten*. whether they were divorced or not doesn't really matter.
    Yes. Divorced or not I think its a good idea to know why past relationships failed. Divorce shouldn't be a deal breaker in and of itself. And at a certain age if a person has never managed to have a serious relationship that is more alarming.
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
    Hell YES. I mean come on, YOU'RE DIVORCED NOT DEAD!!!"
  • 0AmyMarie0
    0AmyMarie0 Posts: 315
    I don't see why not.
  • Tonnina
    Tonnina Posts: 979 Member
    No but that's mostly because I'm already married and plan to be for the rest of my life. I suppose if I never had met my hubby, I'd still say no because I'm picky and would need to find someone who's a virgin like I would have been.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    LOL been divorced multiple times as has my husband so I guess it is a good thing I don't/didn't find it taboo....IF I were single I would totally date a divorced guy over a married one :wink:
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
    I would....AS LONG AS the ex does not cause drama. I'm getting too old to deal with crazy chicks!!!!

    Amen sistah!! Been there done that!!
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
    Well no, my husband would hardly approve. But if I were single? Sure. Extra points if the person could be civil to the ex.


    same here!
  • MandaJean83
    MandaJean83 Posts: 675 Member
    I'm divorced, and my current boyfriend is also divorced. It's not taboo anymore! :) As long as they are a good person, who cares what their marital status is?
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    No but that's mostly because I'm already married and plan to be for the rest of my life. I suppose if I never had met my hubby, I'd still say no because I'm picky and would need to find someone who's a virgin like I would have been.
    Why would he have to be a virgin? I imagine it's probably a religious thing for you, but can you not allow people to make mistakes...?
  • Hernandeak11
    Hernandeak11 Posts: 351 Member
    Granted I'm pretty young and not single, but I would say yes in this hypothetical situation, granted there was no history of violence/harassment between either the person I'd date and their ex.

    And if the person had children? I would like to say I would be okay with that, but I also know from watching my friends that there sometimes is nothing more frightening than baby-mamma drama! :noway:
  • CrazyLazyStylist
    CrazyLazyStylist Posts: 65 Member
    Why not? First wife gets you ready for the second one!
  • Caligalslim
    Caligalslim Posts: 39
    Yes but he has to have no kids
  • kibby12
    kibby12 Posts: 32
    Been there, done that.

    It was fine after his ex stopped flipping out on me & we established that I never, ever had to interact with his children.
  • DSCLBD
    DSCLBD Posts: 40
    I got married at 22 so not really an issue for me ... but I would think these days you would be seriously limiting the field if a prior divorce was a deal breaker. Of the single people I know if I struck off the divorced, has kids, and gay ones there is actually only 2 people I can think of ... and they're both girls :laugh:
  • Amy911Gray
    Amy911Gray Posts: 685 Member
    Yep--and married him and got.....his two kids, her two kids & her baby, her mother. I still think I'm the luckiest person in the world!!!
  • musicgirl88
    musicgirl88 Posts: 504 Member
    It would sort of depend on the reason for the divorce. I mean if the reason for the divorce was you cheated, then that would be a HELL NO. There is no reason to cheat. Even if you claim the marriage was falling apart before you cheated, I'm pretty sure waiting for a divorce would not be that complicated. I have been played too many times by cheaters, and would never go through it again. It would also depend on if the divorce was due to a major addiction (i.e. gambling, drugs, something that would greatly affect my life). If it was something said person was working through, then I would consider it, but if it's something they are oblivious to and have no intention of working through the issue, then no. As I said before, I've been played a lot, so my history plays into my choices. It all is really personal preference. Many women can just look past everything and not care. Those women were most likely not hurt in the past. Also, while some people are capable of changing, not many people are. LOL So far in my life (short as it has been, but not just through personal experience, also through the experience of family and friends), I have found that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" has proved to be true.

    Wow, that was really longer than I expected it to be LOL, but at least I was thourogh right? LOL
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    If there are no kids involved I guess I would give it a try...
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
    I have been divorced for so long, I forget to mention it at all. I think it is because I sometimes get mistaken for someone younger, men assume I have never been married. Heck, I am a teacher and I get mistaken for a student all the time.

    I wouldn't date someone who was GOING THROUGH a divorce. But if he has been divorced for a while and he has no kids, yes I would date him.
  • daisyduck0427
    daisyduck0427 Posts: 54
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I believe this as well but what if the spouse was the one that wanted the divorce, you can't make someone stay or what if an affair happened. I am married, my husband and I don't believe in divorce but if he had an affair I don't think I could stay married to him. Fortunately, I am not worried about that ever happening.

    As far as the original question goes. If for someone reason I was single I wouldn't NOT date someone that was divorced but I would have to consider the person, why they got divorced, etc. Then see what happens.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
    If I were single:
    I would not seek out a divorced man, and it would certainly matter the reasons why he was divorced. Was he the sole reason for the failed marriage (did he cheat, did he emotionally check out, etc)? Or was it just incompatibility? Being divorced absolutely does not make a person undateable, unlovable, etc., but it would be enough of a red flag to make me want to understand why the marriage failed and if he had learned and grown from the entire thing. The sole fact someone was divorced would not cause me to make any decisions, though.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 151 Member
    If I were single...I honestly don't know. Not that I have any general qualms with divorce per se, but as I'm only 22 and generally only date people very close to my age -- I might be a bit off put with someone so young already having been married and divorced.

    I think if I were older I would see no general issues with it, so long as there wasn't any drama/immaturity regarding exes running rampant.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    I'm going through a divorce so Yes and I'd hope it'd go both ways....such a stigma. ;((
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
    I married a man who was the custodial father of four... from 11 to 16 yrs old.

    It takes a certain amount of courage, but, yes, this was successful! We've been married 13 years now... the kids have grown up and gone, and we all have an excellent relationship. It really does depend on the relationship, and just how willing a person is to look at long-term goals.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    If everything else was ok with the guy, why not?... Of course, you are going to take into consideration his priorities when deciding on getting serious, but it's the same for anyone. Once you get to a certain age (pretty much over 30, everyone is either married, divorced, gay or too young to waste your time with. So you have to be open to going for the person who makes you happy and doesn't completely complicate your entire world. I can't imagine i'd have a big pool to choose from if i became single and decided to only go for people who haven't been divorced.

    I find it strange that so many people say "no kids". I'd be more concerned if the guy wasn't committed to his kids from previous relationships. Yeah, sure, i wouldn't exactly want to move into a ready made family and try and pretend to be live in "step mum", and i wouldn't want to take on responsibility for someone elses kids, but i'd expect any man that had children, to be committed to them 100%.

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