Ladies - Would you date someone who is divorced?

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Replies

  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    Depends on the person, why they divorced, how they relate to the ex and whether they have kids.

    this
  • HeatherMN
    HeatherMN Posts: 3,821 Member
    I always used to say no to this one, but my friend set me up with a divorcde guy (with a young son, no less) and we hit it off immediately! That was almost four years ago and we got engaged in February! Wasn't his fault his ex cheated and left.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I'm married so I'm not dating, but I expect people to live their lives, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes.
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
    What I find amazing is how many women wouldn't date someone who has kids....

    But, would these women if they were single moms expect men to date them?

    I wouldn't rule out a divorced man. If he had children, I would be a lot more hesitant, and that is largely because I don't actually want children. If I don't want children of my own why would I want someone else's? I'm not saying I would categorically rule that guy out but children bring a whole extra layer of complication, not the least of which would be having to deal with his ex. That may or may not be a problem but it would be a lot to take on.

    Oh! I wasn't referring to a woman who DIDN'T want children at all. but I read a few comments from people who stated that he couldn't have kids or women who already had children saying he could be divorced but couldn't have kids. But would these women who are single moms or if they became single moms then not date at all or expect no man to date them ever because they have children?

    I wondered if they had a double-standard.

    Some of them said that they wouldn't date men with kids younger than their own, and I can see why. I think that's just an "I moved on from that phase of child rearing and I don't want to go back" type of thing. but I think for so many people, you can put all kinds of qualifiers on who you would and wouldn't date, but sometimes you just meet someone and all bets are off.
  • starcatcher1975
    starcatcher1975 Posts: 292 Member
    Considering the fact that I'm divorced it'd be extremely hypocritical of me to not date someone because he's been divorced. Some divorces happen because there's no other option- abuse, drugs, cheating (why stay with that crap even if you took a vow of "till death"? you're worth more than that). Some happen because people are young and dumb and think they know everything (haha this was me). And some happen because you don't have a choice- the other person just wants out (also me...my track record with men sucks, lol)

    Divorce doesn't necessarily mean you're any worse than the person who's never been married, it is what it is, your past doesn't define you but it does help shape you into the person you are today.

    I'd like to get married again one day. I'm even open to the idea of having another kid. Will either of those things ever happen? Who knows. But I wouldn't turn down a date just because he said he'd been divorced. That's shallow and small minded...in my opinion - and that's the only one that counts :wink: :laugh:
  • jennifermcornett
    jennifermcornett Posts: 159 Member
    I married "until death do us part" too...and tried for 20 years to ignore the emotional, verbal and occasionally physical abuse. Yeah. When the violence kept escalating (slamming on brakes on freeway, throwing plates of food, spitting on the floor, the counter, etc., threatening to get a gun because he was mad at our teenager...the name calling...I could go on) and he was doing it in front of our younger child so that law enforcement had to get involved, it kind of gave me the wake up call that I do NOT have to live this way and teach my children that this behavior is normal. Living with that kind of abuse is NOT God's punishment for choosing the wrong spouse.

    I'm really curious what story he will tell his future dates. He insists he's a "nice guy." Whatever. If whomever he dates is in his life and has in impact on my kids', I will do my best to get along with her. And good luck to her.

    Will anyone want to date me? They'd be crazy not to. I'm a catch.

    YES!!! I wonder what my abusive, alcoholic ex will tell his future girlfriends, too! Sometimes I think I should warn all women about him!! It sounds like you went through a lot of the same kind of abuse I went through, but luckily I didn't have any children with my ex. And most of the time, I think I'm quite the catch, too!! I'm sure you're awesome, because I know I am, divorced and all!! :)
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    I've been married twice. Both times the guy had been married before me. It's the time in which we live nowadays.

    Why is it about the time in which we live? The only reason that would be the case would be that our generation are too lazy to work at their marriage and divorces are the easy option. I live in the same time as you and I manage to make my marriage work
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    What I find amazing is how many women wouldn't date someone who has kids....

    But, would these women if they were single moms expect men to date them?

    I wouldn't rule out a divorced man. If he had children, I would be a lot more hesitant, and that is largely because I don't actually want children. If I don't want children of my own why would I want someone else's? I'm not saying I would categorically rule that guy out but children bring a whole extra layer of complication, not the least of which would be having to deal with his ex. That may or may not be a problem but it would be a lot to take on.

    Oh! I wasn't referring to a woman who DIDN'T want children at all. but I read a few comments from people who stated that he couldn't have kids or women who already had children saying he could be divorced but couldn't have kids. But would these women who are single moms or if they became single moms then not date at all or expect no man to date them ever because they have children?

    I wondered if they had a double-standard.

    Some of them said that they wouldn't date men with kids younger than their own, and I can see why. I think that's just an "I moved on from that phase of child rearing and I don't want to go back" type of thing. but I think for so many people, you can put all kinds of qualifiers on who you would and wouldn't date, but sometimes you just meet someone and all bets are off.



    It's my preference. I have no idea what it's like to be a single mom and don't pretend to. But the point is, I'm NOT. So I can have my preference of dating a man w/o kids. Dating is complicated enough.. add children in there and there are more things to figure out. I'm not speaking anything negative about kids or single parents, just facts. For example, if I were to date a single dad and he had kids with him every other weekend, I would only be able to see him alone every other weekend where as a guy who didn't have kids, could see me whenever we wanted.

    If I were a single mom, I'd probably prefer a single dad as he'd understand. But as a divorced young woman w/o kids, I prefer someone w/o them.
  • tracy1971x5
    tracy1971x5 Posts: 19
    yep sure would ...ive been divorced twice ...different circumstances and sometimes what life throws at you means sometimes you cant get through it ...doesnt make you a bad person or undateable(is that a word ) ..anyone that thinks otherwise may not have been worth your time anyway , so no loss .

    Good Luck x
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I dated someone once who was "divorced" only get a call from his WIFE asking me why I had been calling her HUSBAND. Therefore, I made a rule to myself not to do that ever again.

    He even took me to his apartment ... even though I found out later he still lived with his wife in a house on the other side of town. Must have just used that apartment to lure young innocent girls.

    Creep.

    Now I'm "old" and very happily married. :love:
    The guy could just as easily have said he was single and had never been married. Would you have had the same reaction? "Well, I'm never dating a single guy again because this one turned out to be lying!"
  • Gwen7121
    Gwen7121 Posts: 126 Member
    What I find amazing is how many women wouldn't date someone who has kids....

    But, would these women if they were single moms expect men to date them?

    Nobody said 'he couldn't have kids, but has to love mine". A lot of women just don't want children, so it would be a deal breaker. Or you are at an age where the idea of young kids in the house again is just not your thing. Both of which apply to me.

    If I were a single parent, I wouldn't 'expect' anyone to date me. I would respect the fact that some people don't want children, and some do.

    Saying you don't want to date someone with kids has absolutely nothing to do with single mom expectations.
  • starcatcher1975
    starcatcher1975 Posts: 292 Member
    Sure, provided he learned from the experience and didn't badmouth his ex-wife or pin all the blame on her.

    So true...also makes you think if he/she says that about their ex what will they say about you if things don't work out?
  • Gwen7121
    Gwen7121 Posts: 126 Member
    What I find amazing is how many women wouldn't date someone who has kids....

    But, would these women if they were single moms expect men to date them?
    I don't see what's wrong with that. Some people don't want kids, and some don't want to deal with the drama of someone else's kids.

    Or the other parent of the kids.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member

    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.
    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.
    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?
    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.
    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.


    I'm not going to defend divorce because I'm anti- divorce... and didn't plan on being a divorced 32 year old. I thought I was going to grow old with the man. But like others have said, sometimes divorce is necessary. In my case, he was unfaithful and still being an *kitten*. Best decision ever.
    And why should I be bitter and not believe in marriage again (specifically how you say "I didn't do a good job of picking the first time")?? When I married my ex and walked down the aisle, I'm sure neither of us knew he was going to be unfaithful. I don't think we would have gotten married if we knew what mess it was going to turn into. But marriage and divorce have taught me so much. I've thought about never getting married again but I can't say for certain. I don't know my future. The only thing I do know is that I believe in love and that there are good men out there. If I found one that I adored and wanted to marry me, well I'm not going to let my past dictate my future.
  • jennifermcornett
    jennifermcornett Posts: 159 Member
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.

    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    please tell us what it's like to live in a world with unicorns where people fart rainbows and gardens grow lollipops? it sounds so lovely. :huh:

    NOOOO!! Don't encourage her... I'd rather she just stop talking. And in her world, people surely don't fart at all. :-/
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    Please explain to me how an annulment makes "till death do we part" void and a divorce doesn't beside the fact that you're saying the marriage never happened in the first instance. Either way you're ending your marriage, period.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.

    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    please tell us what it's like to live in a world with unicorns where people fart rainbows and gardens grow lollipops? it sounds so lovely. :huh:

    NOOOO!! Don't encourage her... I'd rather she just stop talking. And in her world, people surely don't fart at all. :-/

    As opposed to your world were you attack people who have a different opinion to you :noway:
  • 04warrior
    04warrior Posts: 16
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    Even if that death comes at the hands of a sadistic abuser? Really??...yeah, there are circumstances....
  • thecarbmonster
    thecarbmonster Posts: 411 Member
    I think if I had more relationship experience, I would definitely consider it if there was chemistry. But being very new to the dating I was super intimidated by the idea of an "ex-wife" when I first starting seeing a new guy and he dropped the "ex bomb". He was also 10 years older than me and there were so many unknowns about him (he didn't talk about himself a lot) so we eventually fizzled out.
  • jennifermcornett
    jennifermcornett Posts: 159 Member
    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    Sometimes there are circumstances that warrant a divorce or make it inevitable.

    "Circumstancs" is not 'till death, now is it?

    I know people who got divorced because their spouse was abusing them. Cheated on them (and in one case gave them an STI). frauded them. turned out to be gay... seriously, there are a lot of reasons why people get divorced and not all of them are issues that can be 'worked through'.

    I am not saying one shouldn't get divorced (or, preferrably annulled) in some of the extreme circumstances. I am saying I wouldn't get remarried after going through that, because obviously I didn't do a good job of picking the first time.

    please tell us what it's like to live in a world with unicorns where people fart rainbows and gardens grow lollipops? it sounds so lovely. :huh:

    NOOOO!! Don't encourage her... I'd rather she just stop talking. And in her world, people surely don't fart at all. :-/

    As opposed to your world were you attack people who have a different opinion to you :noway:

    Whatever you say.
    I'll just cross my fingers for her that she never has to find out what it's like to marry someone who isn't what she thought he was... And then end up divorced and out of "chances to be happy."
  • Gwen7121
    Gwen7121 Posts: 126 Member
    I married "until death do us part" too...and tried for 20 years to ignore the emotional, verbal and occasionally physical abuse. Yeah. When the violence kept escalating (slamming on brakes on freeway, throwing plates of food, spitting on the floor, the counter, etc., threatening to get a gun because he was mad at our teenager...the name calling...I could go on) and he was doing it in front of our younger child so that law enforcement had to get involved, it kind of gave me the wake up call that I do NOT have to live this way and teach my children that this behavior is normal. Living with that kind of abuse is NOT God's punishment for choosing the wrong spouse.

    I'm really curious what story he will tell his future dates. He insists he's a "nice guy." Whatever. If whomever he dates is in his life and has in impact on my kids', I will do my best to get along with her. And good luck to her.

    Will anyone want to date me? They'd be crazy not to. I'm a catch.

    YES!!! I wonder what my abusive, alcoholic ex will tell his future girlfriends, too! Sometimes I think I should warn all women about him!! It sounds like you went through a lot of the same kind of abuse I went through, but luckily I didn't have any children with my ex. And most of the time, I think I'm quite the catch, too!! I'm sure you're awesome, because I know I am, divorced and all!! :)

    I'm still friends with my ex in-laws so I actually got to hear a couple of things that he told other people. I think the best one that my alcoholic, cheating, abusive ex told was that I cheated on him, and gave him HIV, so that they would let him move in (the sympathy vote). Went a step further and said none of his family would have anything to do with him because of the HIV, and he couldn't afford the meds. My ex SIL heard about it, hunted down the girl and told her the the whole truth of the matter. Her brother took care of that situation.

    I had a good laugh though. :)
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    In my early 20s, I could see how that would have made me a little cautious about dating someone. Mainly because back then I had my fairytale idea of what marriage was supposed to be like and how it would be when you met "the one". Now in my 30s, if I was back in the dating world (hopefully that never happens), I really wouldn't see it as a red flag or a big deal. More life experience can change your perspective on things.
  • GB333
    GB333 Posts: 261 Member
    Curious to your opinion on this one. It seems to be the elephant in the room when it comes to dating.

    I did. And I married him. :)
  • picassoadagio
    picassoadagio Posts: 407 Member
    Would depend on why he's divorced. If he's divorced because of differences or something else, yes I'd date him... but if it's because of adultery, no.
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    Yes I would. I'm single and in my 40's. Most people my age who are dating have been married before. I like to think their "starter" marriages helped prepare them to be better spounses when they marry again!! : )
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
    My boyfriend is divorced and we live together now... I think it depends on the situation though. My guy's ex cheated on him with three different guys before they called it quits... There were no children involved either which helps... she is long gone and out of his life.... oh and she got a baby with her new guy anyways.


    And to those that don't believe in divorce, I find it hard to believe that you would stay with someone that would repeatedly cheat on your or abuse you because you said "til death"
  • Johnece
    Johnece Posts: 7
    I did and now we've been married for 34 years, so I think it worked out well for me!
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    If I were single, sure, why not? I mean, what's the difference in somebody who is divorced and let's say, somebody who has a child from a previous relationship? Or was in a very serious long term relationship with somebody before me? Everybody has a past.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
    I would date a man who has been divorced but as long as he wasnt bitter.

    Its hard to date anyone who is bitter
  • masigirl
    masigirl Posts: 16
    I would have no problem with it. I divorced my ex cause he treated me like crap and now he treats his girlfriends so good. I think men and woman both learn from their mistakes. Divorce has made my ex a better man!!
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