The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

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  • Darlingir
    Darlingir Posts: 437
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    I go to the gym with my husband but we do our own thing....I can't talk and sweat at the same time..lol..
  • wolfi622
    wolfi622 Posts: 206
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    Wow! MY wife and I always go to the gym together. She goes her way, I go my way and we meet in the hot tub. Works great! Though we've been married for 30 years so - it gets easier........ :)
  • sarafil
    sarafil Posts: 506 Member
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    No, you are not an awful guy....you sound like a very sweet husband who cares about his wife's feelings. Seriously, I think your wife needs to get a grip....I totally understand wanting to spend time together, but couples also need time to do their own thing....and your own thing is lifting. And I really think she needs to respect that, I don't think she is being fair to you. Like others have suggested, I would stand your ground on your time alone to lift, but suggest work outs you could do together on your off days, or doing something together after the work out (go to the gym together, separate to do your individual work outs, and then come back together at the end and go out for coffee, smoothie, whatever). Good luck!
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
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    You can always ask her to lift with you. :smile:
  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
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    I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.


    this is the best line. i feel for you man. but you laid it out in front of her as it is, and thats the most you can do.
  • sonyaj1125
    sonyaj1125 Posts: 12 Member
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    My husband and I went through a similar issue. So to avoid exactly what your going through, I work out at 5 am while he's at work and his work out is at 3 pm while im at work! We still go together occassionally since I am just beginning my strength/resistance training. Good Luck!!
  • ladykaisa
    ladykaisa Posts: 236 Member
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    My hubby, lovingly, said last weekend "If you just wait til this show if over, I'll got for a walk with you."

    Maybe this may not work, but I was upfront and honest. "No, hun. You watch the show. I want to do my thing, and I can't with you there."

    He was hurt, but utimately by the end of the day, we were much happier then if I missed my weekend run and he was dragged out and made to walk for 2 hours.

    Maybe put it to her that it's not possible to push yourself, or her to push herself, to the max when you're trying to be eachothers "Date" at the gym. I simply refuse to work out with my guy, and if he wants to push himself, he's more then welcome to my equipment or gym pass. But not "with" me.
  • loislane22
    loislane22 Posts: 71
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    Ahahahahaha Thank you for the laughs! Great story!
  • mellabyte
    mellabyte Posts: 193 Member
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    So totally made me giggle, which is a good way to start a work morning.

    But, I totally get what you're saying. I like to go "heads down" when I workout also. Headphones on, blinders on, focus and go type of deal. When I go to the gym, it's to work out and not be social. (Minus any passing nods and quick hellos during rep breaks or whatever.)

    When I tell my boyfriend, "I want to work out together." It's just me trying to get him motivated to start working out again. (He's off the wagon and having a hard time getting back on.) But I don't mean, "Let's go to the gym and run it like a three-legged race together." I'm all good with stretching together and spotting. But other than that, I'm perfectly happy with being in a solo work out bubble.
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
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    LOL this is funny. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together, but we do a little cardio together and then he goes and does his thing for awhile on the free weights and sometimes I go and do a few reps of my own. No way would I stand over him or cry lol
  • k1ngfl1pper
    k1ngfl1pper Posts: 46 Member
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    This is awesome! My wife saw how my going to the gym was working for me (my gym is at work!) and decided that we would all join the YMCA. Turned out to be an excellent idea. I always felt like I was slacking off over the weekend and now we have a place to go. WE just never seem to go together as someone needs to stay home with our son who's 4 months old.
  • solarpower03
    solarpower03 Posts: 12,159 Member
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    Have a baby! :wink:
    It gets much simpler with that. Obviously, you two won't be able to go to the gym (most likely other places as well) together. Works incredibly well for me as one of use take care of the child when the other one goes to the gym!
  • AbbyCar
    AbbyCar Posts: 198 Member
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    That story totally made my morning!
  • mary_kate23
    mary_kate23 Posts: 156
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    only advice i would have would be compromise... every relationship needs it. not telling you in ANY fashion to do zumba... no man should be forced into that unless he volunteered himself. but what you said, about doing cardio together on days off.. that would be compromise to me. she should understand you need your time to be a man and lift or whatever it is you dudes do at the gym, and devote time to her as well. chicks dig working out together - it's been proven to bring relationships closer and it's different than normal "spending time together." I hope things clear up for you!
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,308 Member
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    Tell her if she can rep 220lb deads and bench her body weight then you will go to Zumba with her...

    Your not horrible this is just logical, you don't want to hear about her stuff while your trying to concentrate on lifting. Tell her to do her class then do something together afterwards. Perfectly reasonable.
  • Hungry_Tuna
    Hungry_Tuna Posts: 361 Member
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    I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down.

    She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

    Oh my god I love your sense of humor! HAHAHA!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    It sounds like she has some attachment issues she's just going to have to work through. My boyfriend was sad when I told him I didn't want to work out with him, but only for like 5 minutes. I explained that I need 'alone time', I like to concentrate on my workout, I don't like to do chronic cardio (he runs a TON), and I like having my headphones on. The end. :)
  • yoashisme
    yoashisme Posts: 48 Member
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    Sometimes I feel the same way. My husband doesn't cry about it but does give me a hard time. I love doing a run with the dog as soon as I get home from work. I only do a few miles but I love it. I love putting on my music and just letting things go. He thinks I don't want to hang out with him but that's not it. Plus half the time when we are out he gets a phone call from his business partner and then I feel like I jogging by myself anyways. Of course if I put my head phone on he gets off the phone and says hey wait for me... You don't want to run with me... And it's like well heck if you want to run get off the phone. Then if he I tell him I really rather just do it on my own he asks if I am angry at him... Why would I be I just want to run by myself!
  • thekarens
    thekarens Posts: 254 Member
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    I go with my SO to the gym Fri-Sun. We walk in the door together, sign in and then we say, "See you here at X time." Neither one of us has any interest in working out together. Now we do other fitness things together like hiking or biking, but gym time is alone time as far as I'm concerned.
  • aprilgicker
    aprilgicker Posts: 395 Member
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    Tell that you would love for her to still come to the gym with you. I know... you are freaking out... just try this.
    "honey, I would like you to come to the gym with me. I understand that may our ideas of working out maybe a bit different. But I have been thinking, because I want to be healthy with you. We can look into a trainer for you to get you started and comfortable with weights. And after my lifting and your training we can do HIT together. I will even let you pick the program. If you like lifting maybe we can work on a program together in a a few months." Also, get her the "New Womens Guide to Lifting" and $50 gift card for workout shoes or outfit whatever she needs.

    If she sticks with it, she will be used to the gym. She may decide she doesn't want to lift and take Zumba without you. If she hangs in there get her a HRM.

    Good Luck. And remember a women's libido can increase by 50% just by working out 3 time a week. :wink:

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