The gym that causes me marriage stress!!
Replies
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I feel your pain. I'm pretty much at the gym to get tea-bagged by my spotter when I bench-press, so yeah... having my wife there would be pretty awkward.
HAHAHA!
I am trying to get into lifting so I ask my man to come with me and show me how so I don't look like a fool with all the other men over there who like to pick things up and put them down. I believe in doing things as a couple, but I also believe in having things that are just yours. You can't be joined at the hip ALL the time. I think offering to do cardio with her on your off days was a good compromise! Maybe she would be interested in learning how to lift? Once she was confident enough in lifting, she would prob. feel better about not talking to you the whole time and stuff, she'd be more comfortable on her own. and you gotta be honest with her about the Zumba! hahaha0 -
I think I would die before suggesting my husband do zumba with me. Mainly I just can not picture him doing pelvic thrusts and me not dying of laughter. As I say this I also can not imagine having a conversation with some one while trying to work out. I ask my hubby to walk with me from time to time but when doing my thing I ask him to leave me the F alone unless I need to know if I am doing a move right.0
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I really do feel bad for you in this situation, but I'm so lmao right now. As a woman, I do have those moments of betching and moaning, but NEVER would I want to chit chat while exercising. It wouldn't be terrible to have some girlfriends to do Zumba with, but my man would not be the first invite I send! Obviously, going to the gym at the same time is convenient, but I would totally ditch you as soon as I walked through the door to focus on what I wanted to do.
There are some great suggestions on this thread, and obviously you can't make her change the way she feels about it. No one can even explain to you why she feels this way. But I would def offer the, meeting up for smoothie and spending some quality time after. Incorporate her into your gym routine without giving up your lifting time.
As they say, "If there's a will, there's a way." And its got to be better than sawing off your hands!!!
Good luck
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My hubs and I used to be lifting partners years ago when we first joined the gym. I wanted him there to help me along, I was insecure in the weight room by myself. That being said, I workout . . . stress on the work part. Exercise is fun, I teach group fit classes and have to make them fun and engaging, but first and foremost they are work and then they are fun not the other way around. Now I don't have a lifting partner (I've found them more of a nusance than anything else), if I need a spot I ask one of the other 530 regulars to look over me. For me the weight room is all business, sometimes (like this morning) I don't even like the distraction of my music and that gets thrown in a corner.
On the other hand, we both like to run (not fast) and do other challenging things together. We will occassionally have Sunday living room tabata sessions, we've signed up for the Warrior Dash together for our 5th wedding anniversary on May 19 and we'll see each other at the end, we ran our first 10K together in November with him behind the helm of the jogging stroller so that we were paced together.
The gym is all business, if she wants to be active together find activities to do together like a softball or kickball league, races, or whatever else floats your mutual boats.0 -
OMG, That is awful! I am married, too, love hubby but we're on two different levels and my gym time is my time, I would sneak to gym if I had to avoid taking him because he would try to tell me how to do what I am already doing well when this is not his thing LOL! #Too funny!! Thanks for the good laugh!0
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Give her some hot, sweaty, just done lifting shower sex and say - see, I need the lifting time to concentrate on all the wonderful things I am going to do to you - for you - with you??!!0
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Dude, your wife wants to do stuff with you, I think that's a very good problem to have.
so true, love this response.
agreed!0 -
1) You're hilarious
2) I think you handled it very well
3) Zumba isn't that bad (I don't dance either but I love Zumba). Maybe you could offer her a compromise: you will do Zumba with her one time (and explain to her that you'd rather die young, hand-less, and fat than do that but you love her THAT MUCH) if she will let you lift weights in peace.
I think this is a good suggestion. I know Zumba isn't really for guys but maybe it'd show her your willing to compromise and do something 'workout' related with her. If it's too terrible to endure then maybe set certain days (on your off days) to run/do cardio with her.
Tough situation. Good Luck!
Ah man, now I have to confess, and might get my man-card revoked in the process....
I like the idea of Zumba....I am even willing to look stupid--If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at--but I have NEVER seen a guy in Zumba class (I look in there all the time) except I once saw a very old guy... and it made me think "dirty old man, leering at the youngins" and I don't really want to be looking like the "dirty old man" (yet)....0 -
before my ex-husband and i were married with kids, we would go to the gym together and he would have me do HIS routine with him. so, i was lifting :-) i was his spotter and him mine. it worked out really nicely!!
i suggest you ask her to join you and teach her how to lift weights :-) she might balked, but tell her this way you get to work out together and she gets fit and strong too!!!!! win win for you both!0 -
After reading other responses and thinking a bit more:
I think you should be a bit firm about this. Definitely offer some other together time activity and follow through. But, um... don't be manipulated. She may continue to be peeved that you want to put on earphones and lift in oblivion. Don't go cajole her out of the locker room and dry her tears, next time. Kindly but firmly tell her your needs, explain your reasons, and then let her deal with it.
Babies sometimes need to be left to "cry it out" so that they can learn to "self soothe."0 -
Hahahahaha! Hysterical!
I would NEVER EVER workout with my husband. We're both alpha's and it would totally end up in divorce.
We are the same way, we tried it ONCE, didn't work...lol But we are ok with it. I do my thing, he does his thing. Then we chat at home about how each of us should be doing something different because we both think we know what we are talking about. HAHAHA
But seriously, Maybe you just need to come up with something to do together, like you said, one day a week do the cardio training, I'm with you on the ZUMBA, that's not for me. How about Kickboxing or something? Lots of guys and gals do that. And my husband (let alone me) would never do ZUMBA. We swim together...in seperate lanes....but we are there at the same time, does that count?0 -
Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
Holy crap, dude. :huh:
Thankfully the female friends I have do NOT act like these women.. It's embarrassing to our gender.0 -
LOL Women!!
My husband and I go to the gym together. I go upstairs and do weights and cardio. He plays basketball. Then we go home and shower together. Tell her you can start doing THAT instead! 0 -
well this made my day! I'm a woman and i find this hilarious. Don't back down and do the Zumba if you don't want to.. Just explain you need to concentrate when lifting, but compromise and do a spin class or something. If shes not willing to accept the compromise its just tough really, you cant get fairer than that! Myself and the partner go together, but i put my headphones on and he puts his on. Music makes us both work harder. we both do cardio with headphones on, then he lifts whilst i swim. I am going to get him to start helping me out and teach me how to lift, but once he's shown me i'll quite happily do it alone, then we meet up in the Jacuzzi for a chat at the end. Do you have a Jacuzzi or steam room where you can meet up at the end? That can be your time together.... im getting the feeling she wont back down easily lol. Just try the compromise! Your posts are so funny, gave me a good giggle! I don't think she's being manipulative, us women can be sensitive things! Zara0
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I recently worked out with my girlfriend for the first time, we pretty much did our own thing. Except some cardio that we did together which was great because she pushed me to keep going, and I'm lazy, and I hate cardio.
Try to find some middle ground.0 -
Great story!! Although, I would never suggest my boyfriend/husband join me in a Zumba class. One, I think it's the corniest class ever....two, a man should NEVER be caught in a Zumba class. It's a lot like a man drinking a martini or any fruity drink....it's just wrong.
Hahaha, my bf loves fruity drinks and said he'd do Zumba with me. :laugh: But people do say I'm the more 'dominant' of the relationship.0 -
My hubby dude and I had an issue like that ,buuuuuuut we are both SUPER competitive so we just stopped the gym buddy system and now we just walk on his 2 days off for an hour (3 miles or so) and just talk about his day,movies we want to see,our fave tv shows, what if any plans we have.We both get some cardio and talk about whatever. Why don't you try making a playlist for her on her MP3, Ipod,phone whatever she can use to listen to music to that way she will think it is soo romantic you did that for her and actually listen to that and reduce the chit chat just a suggestion... 0
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Maybe compare lifting to an activity that is totally "her's" so she understands a little better how it is your time and you really need it to be that way. What is something that if you completely intruded on that she wouldn't be able to handle? Also, she is trying to talk to you while your lifting and complaining that you are ignoring her, but can you really talk during zumba?
Other than that, wow! I'd never sign up my b/f for Zumba or any other fitness class I took....but especially Zumba! I can't imagine a man who would be super excited about that. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together, but we really don't interact there a whole lot. He has his thing and I have mine. Maybe you could also say that her workout routine doesn't suit all of your physical needs. Therefore, cardio together is fine, but lifting...that is all yours!0 -
Awh, you sound like such a sweet guy and a wonderful husband! You got a woman to bring your wife out to you when she was crying to comfort her. :flowerforyou:
My husband and I used to go to the gym together before we had our son. We started off with cardio together. He'd take off after he warmed up and I stayed on the machine until I hit 30-45 minutes. Then I went and did the machines (I never learned to lift maybe when my little one is older and can go to the day care). When one of us finished we went and found the other one waited for the set to finish and asked how much longer they needed. I don't know what he did when I was the slow one, but I usually spent a few minutes in the sauna when he needed more time. Afterwards we'd get a drink (like smoothie or protein shake or something) at the bar together or get dinner at the gym restaurant or just go home. It really worked for us.
We also (at my husbands request!) signed up for ballroom dance lessons. We had a blast stepping on each others feet and giggling like children when we couldn't get it right. Some nights we'd get frustrated with each other because he has a bit of a confidence issue and it's sometimes difficult to take his lead. Once I was about 7 months pregnant Samba because nearly impossible, then the Vienna waltz and the Tango. Then we stopped because my due date was approaching and I didn't want my water to break and ruin our dance shoes
We're looking for a sitter so we can go back now.
Try explaining outside the gym setting that lifting is your thing and that you're willing to try and find a fitness related "our thing" like hiking or golf or rock climbing or whatever interests you both. Good luck to you and if you are the kind of husband that asks a random stranger to go get his wife out of the locker room because she's crying then I know you can figure out a way to explain things to her that she'll understand.0 -
Teach her how to pick things up and put them down, so you're showing an effort to include her in the gym. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should ever be caught dead doing Zumba. I danced all through college and find the concept absolutely absurd!
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Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
Holy crap, dude. :huh:
Thankfully the female friends I have do NOT act like these women.. It's embarrassing to our gender.
Seriously. BRIDEZILLA!0 -
I all else fails get her to have a go at lifting and see if let her see for herself that you don't feel too talkative whilst your doing it! zara0
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OMG, That is awful! I am married, too, love hubby but we're on two different levels and my gym time is my time, I would sneak to gym if I had to avoid taking him because he would try to tell me how to do what I am already doing well when this is not his thing LOL! #Too funny!! Thanks for the good laugh!
Exactly!0 -
I think this took the price for the most times I've laughed out loud while reading a post. :laugh:
My husband is in total support of me doing my workouts without him, whether it's strength or cardio. He is content to go on the every other day family walk and he's hit hero status because of that support.
Now my kids are a totally different story. They are the ones who want to workout with me which simply translates in to they are the ones who want to seriously get in my way, distract me and cause me to want to get a punching bag addition in our home gym. "Mom, what are you listening to now - Mom, how fast are you running - Mom, how many times have you lifted that thing - Mom, you are really sweating" and my absolute favorite "Mom, you chubby parts are squeezing out when you move like that". :explode:
So now I only workout in the morning before they are up or after they've gone to school. I LOVE my children fiercly and God blesses me with their existence daily but oh dear Lord - they are not safe with me when we are in the home gym together! :noway:0 -
Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
Holy crap, dude. :huh:
Thankfully the female friends I have do NOT act like these women.. It's embarrassing to our gender.
If a woman posted that her husband did that, we'd all be appalled.
Women should be held to the same standards as men. When men demand women curtail their activities to suit them and pout if they don't get their way, they're called "controlling" or "emotionally abusive."0 -
Meanwhile, I'm trying to talk my fiance into going to the gym with me so we can lift heavy weights together...0
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I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me.
Your answer is in your post. Tell her lifting time is your time, cardio time can be together time. You should also tell her you don't feel comfortable doing zumba for cardio (tell her it makes you self conscious).
She's going to likely be mad when you tell her (this is my assumption from breaking into tears at the gym). That's ok - let her be mad. Then a few days later, you invite her to the gym on a cardio only day. Tell her you meant what you said in that you would like to share cardio with her, but that lifting takes concentration and focus, and you just can't have her hot butt around while you're doing it our you'll get distracted and drop your weights and injure yourself. Then laugh, hug, and go hang out on neighboring ellipticals.0 -
My husband and I for the most part work out / lift together.... If we don't, it's not big deal.. But I do look at it as time we get to spend together and get in shape at the same time...
It works for us, but maybe not so much for others...0 -
I feel for ya bro, as my wife and I have gone through some of this before as well. What made my situation different was that she'd make me feel guilty for going when she couldn't (I work til 3, she works til 5) stating that it "made her look bad". Of course there were days where I'd go ahead and wait for her only to see her not motivated to go, which would jeopardize my work out schedule. I finally decided one day that her perception of herself does not take precedence over my health, so I started going again without her. Since then she still doesn't go, but has started doing things for herself at home...on her time....because time seems to be the biggest issue (yes it's a 24 hour gym, but she doesn't want to occupy her whole night with workouts) . So we bought a Wii and both play the sports/fitness games. Also bought her a weighted hula hoop and keep some dumbbells around along with an exercise ball.
What I found really annoying wasn't the fact that she wanted to go with me. What bothered me was that it vicariously put me in charge of her fitness program. Since I didn't know what else to do, I had her lifting in with my workout. Either way best of luck to you \m/0 -
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Are your wife and my wife related? EXACT SAME almost to the T! When I jog she expects me to jog at her pace so we can talk. If I don't, she pouts (sometimes cries) and stop jogging. One time she threw her shoe at me and it hit my head.
1 - Holy *kitten* balls!!!
2 - If you are exercising and you can have a full on uninterrupted conversation you are doing it wrong.0
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