The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

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  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    I think the only reason my husband likes going to the gym with me is to watch my boobs bounce when I'm running.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    definitely don't give up something that is yours. Couples need their own individual things. For example, I have taken up boxing. Three times a week, I leave the house and punch things. Its a hell of a workout and it also enables me to vent some frustration and stress. My wife has said that even if she wanted to, she would never take up boxing now because it is my thing. She has her treadmill time, which she uses to work off her stress and frustrations and we work =)
  • badgerbadger1
    badgerbadger1 Posts: 954 Member
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    Separate date night and gym time. If she's going to the gym as a time to socialize with you, talk to her about doing a date night instead. She should go to the gym with girlfriends if she wants to socialize there. Some people, who are not of the gym = work mindset don't understand that we need concentration and we're there to get the job done and that is all.

    Beyond that, she seems a bit emotionally off. Is she concerned about your change in physique and that you won't be attracted to her anymore? Or is she always prone to drama in public places? I can't think of any other reason for the behaviour.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    Teach her how to pick things up and put them down, so you're showing an effort to include her in the gym. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should ever be caught dead doing Zumba. I danced all through college and find the concept absolutely absurd!

    zumba.jpg

    i am so stealing this for my facebook! lol
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    Healthy marriages are ones where you do some things together and also have some interests separately. Take her to one of those nice places to eat you like, and explain that you hate Zumba, you don't mind her enjoying it, but she'll have to go alone because you don't enjoy it. (Although I'd like to point out, I doubt she'd want to "chat" during Zumba. LOL :wink: ) Tell her what you do want to do at the gym--including listening to your iPod while you lift, and let her know you'd love her to come with you, but you are going to do this workout your way, and let her know you won't be hurt should she decide not to join you. Maybe offer to work with her on her form after/before you start your own workout? It's not just okay, it's crucial, that married couples have some interests they do not share.

    (I'm with ya on the Zumba, though. Every generation we get a new dance-exercise craze, and Zumba's just the latest. My generation had Jazzercize, and you can't get much dumber than that!)
  • ItsMandeeBitch
    ItsMandeeBitch Posts: 159 Member
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    WOWWWWWWWWWWW that is annoying legit. I am annoyed for you lol
  • skckarma
    skckarma Posts: 5
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    my wife and I got into it in the gym to, she like to talk while working out i simply cannot. i yelled at her to shut up..( i know i was wrong) since then we have decided to not to work out together anymore
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    Awwww come on, if you do Zumba you could totally look like this d-bag in no time! Wouldn't that be awesome?!?

    zumba_man%5B2%5D.jpg

    I think he's cute. LOTS better looking than most of the people commonly thought of a good looking. I'm not into guys, but I'd sure pick him over say, this guy:

    bradley-cooper-198x300.jpg
  • ezramedic
    ezramedic Posts: 119
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    I *love* going to the gym with my husband. It definitely feels like date time to me

    - - -except with some major differences to your experience.

    I ask my husband to train me. I ask him to help me improve my form with weights, to encourage me to be stronger, faster, etc.

    While he is far more experienced with weights and proper form, I know he enjoys me being there, encouraging him.

    And when we do our cardio - we both plug in our iPods and listen to our own music, sneaking glances at each other, being happy to be there together. [Which means our 3yo son is somewhere else, LOL]
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    WOWWWWWWWWWWW that is annoying legit. I am annoyed for you lol

    I'm sorry. I was criticizing the exercises of Zumba and Jazzercize, not the people.
  • MelanieAG05
    MelanieAG05 Posts: 359 Member
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    Hmmm.....a tricky one!

    I go to the gym with my husband occasionally - I go more often than him on my own - and we just leave each other to get on with our work outs after a 5 min warm up together, we then stretch off together and meet afterwards in the jaccuzi to chill out or in the cafe for a coffee.

    You could always get her a personal trainer - and then she might understand the need for you to work-out on your own! And she will also have her own work out to do!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Teach her how to pick things up and put them down, so you're showing an effort to include her in the gym. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should ever be caught dead doing Zumba. I danced all through college and find the concept absolutely absurd!

    zumba.jpg

    i am so stealing this for my facebook! lol

    seconded
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Wow...just wow. 9 pages I'm not going to read. But since I like to share my thoughts, I'm going to.

    I would never EVER ask my husband to do any kind of zumba. Hell, I can't even get him to go ice skating with me. (Maybe he thinks I'd show him up, do a jump or something, while he's clinging to the boards for dear life.)

    Whatever. I don't care. Skating/Dancing is MY thing. He likes disc golfing. I went once with him when we were dating. I declared, "this will be YOUR thing." And it has been. I never go with him.

    All that being said, I decided several weeks ago I wanted to start lifting heavy. I knew my husband was a weight room junkie in high school. So I informed him that we were joining a gym to lift heavy together. I needed the moral support to enter the weight room by myself, and I was also likely to need a spotter. I gave him relations to sweeten the deal...

    So yea, we've been going 3x a week for about 6 weeks now. He loves it. I love it (except for these damn squats). It works for us.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Wow...just wow. 9 pages I'm not going to read. But since I like to share my thoughts, I'm going to.

    I would never EVER ask my husband to do any kind of zumba. Hell, I can't even get him to go ice skating with me. (Maybe he thinks I'd show him up, do a jump or something, while he's clinging to the boards for dear life.)

    Whatever. I don't care. Skating/Dancing is MY thing. He likes disc golfing. I went once with him when we were dating. I declared, "this will be YOUR thing." And it has been. I never go with him.

    All that being said, I decided several weeks ago I wanted to start lifting heavy. I knew my husband was a weight room junkie in high school. So I informed him that we were joining a gym to lift heavy together. I needed the moral support to enter the weight room by myself, and I was also likely to need a spotter. I gave him relations to sweeten the deal...

    So yea, we've been going 3x a week for about 6 weeks now. He loves it. I love it (except for these damn squats). It works for us.

    See this is the thing. I Don't want/won't lift or train my wife either. I'm sorry the weight program I do I don't have time to stop between sets so she can lift. I am too nice to tell her no but I have no desire to lift weights with her. If she wants to lift, I'd be happy for her but I don't want to spot or take time out of my lifting to do that. Wife hasn't asked to lift but even if she did I wouldn't do it. I'd have no problem with her getting a personal trainer, it's just not going to be me as it's not something that would be good. It would kill my style of lifting.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    OH MY GOSH, this made me giggle A LOT! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I get where she is coming from, but then again I get where you are coming from too! My suggestion to get your point across is to pick something of hers that you dislike and tag along and make a nuisance of yourself. For me that would be coming along while I shopped at the Scrapbook store. He'd follow me around and question every little thing I pick up asking me if I really needed that. It's an option I'd take if the discussion with her about how this is "your" time and you don't want to socialize doesn't get anywhere soon. I for one leave DH alone at the gym even though we are both lifting together. I only approach when he asks me to spot him or to ask how much longer (so I can go run if it's gonna be more than 5 min).

    Wishing you an amicable resolution to your issue!
  • allisonrozsa
    allisonrozsa Posts: 178 Member
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    This is AMAZING! I laughed SOOOOOO hard! I have no advice other than what everyone else said. Thank you for the great story, you made my day. :-)
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
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    Double post sorry!
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    I'm in a similar boat with my fiancee.

    Suck it up, do zumba or whatever she wants on your off days, but make it absolutely clear that your lifting times are your own. That's what I did anyway, all I can say is that I was HANDSOMELY rewarded the nights after I did body sculpt or power yoga or whatever the f*** she wanted to do.

    I can swallow my pride to make her happy, and it does end up helping somewhat, if only because I'm mad as *kitten* the next time I lift that I had to do all that pretzeling-butt shaking stuff.
  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
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    Everyone has a lot of good ideas... Just tell her it's your own thing, maybe take her along with you and let her do her thing while you do yours, maybe go out to dinner or something afterwards.

    It's WORKOUT time not SOCIAL time.

    I can totally relate to you though - I have had boyfriends try to come to the gym/workout with me and I always say NO.... I can't even have a platonic workout buddy... I remember my mom wanted to tag along with me to the gym and it was awful, she only does 30 minutes on the elliptical then says she is done... while I am there 1.5-2 hours. My workouts are one of the few things I have absolute control over so I'm not losing that :)

    Good luck!
  • mommamisty823
    mommamisty823 Posts: 99
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    lol. Too funny! I wouldn't expect my husband to do "my type" of exercise just like he wouldn't expect me to do his. When we went to the gym together it was simply to avopid having to take more than one vehicle.
    I would suggest that you tell her that you'd do Zumba if she lifts weights....but that might backfire.

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