He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?
Replies
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Do you know how long I have been with him? you don't know my exact situation therfore will just disregard your comment.
I am sure you have met ruder than myself.I'm sorry but..
Are you stupid?
Seriously , I think you are the rudest person I have ever met.
Are you stupid asking someone who is being emotionally abused such a question?
It was a legit question.
She's dealt with staying with him for this long, why is she waiting till a certain time to end the relationship?0 -
and your not leaving why??0
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Agh! this remind me of a *kitten* ex!!! leave girl!! you deserve better!!0
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Umm...why are you going to continue living in hell until you go to Canada? Why not ditch him now and start living life now. Life is so short, don't spend it being miserable.
I agree. you never know if it will get worse before then. You dont deserve to be treated that way.0 -
This 'man' clearly doesn't deserve you. YES, he is emotionally abusing you...and although the slaps are 'playful' it could lead to other things. Get rid of him, he sounds like an *kitten*. Put it this way...if you had a daughter, or your mum was being treated this way, what would you tell them to do? Dont put up with these mind games. Go and find someone who deserves you. Feel free to add me as a friend. I am always here to support and help others. I hope it works out for you my lovely. Take care xx0
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I have 4 daughters. If any one of them would ever be treated like that I would end up in prison.
Every woman should be treated like queen by her SO. Every man should be treated like a king by his SO. If that is not happening on both sides then it is not meant to be and it is time to move on. You are clearly not being treated right. Move on.
I Agree, My Dad treats me like a princess. I grew up being hugged and praised by him.
My Mom was a bit colder but I was pretty much loved so this is just not feeling good. I agree with everyone who says this is not acceptable!0 -
Yes, let's not. Let's not question whether it's bad enough to be called abuse. If you aren't going to be helpful then keep out of it.i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me
it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you
mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.
let's not do this.0 -
Do you know how long I have been with him? you don't know my exact situation therfore will just disregard your comment.
I am sure you have met ruder than myself.I'm sorry but..
Are you stupid?
Seriously , I think you are the rudest person I have ever met.
Are you stupid asking someone who is being emotionally abused such a question?
It was a legit question.
She's dealt with staying with him for this long, why is she waiting till a certain time to end the relationship?
Sounds like that person could be an abuser... When you leave, keep repeating that quote about your being called stupid, over and over to yourself. Until you raise your strength up to it. Distance yourself... SO you can look back and recognize the pattern. This will help you.0 -
why be with someone who treats you/makes you feel like crap?????? :huh: :huh:0
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You can do better. yes, it's abuse.0
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DITCH HIM0
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My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.
Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..
He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
AM I Being emotional abused ?
sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
I had an ex was like that, where a discussion wasn't over until I said I agreed or he was right. At first it was funny and I didn't give up my argument, but it got really old. Two grownups can disagree, even if they are in a relationship... it's allowed.
Sermonizing/scolding is how children are treated, not grownups. If it was a one-time thing where he was getting on your case, then say "I heard you the first time, I'll be careful next time." But if he doesn't drop it, if he goes on about how dumb you are, that is different, and if he does this regularly, it is abusive.
If he regularly treats you or your body with disgust, that is abusive.
If you have asked him to stop touching you in certain ways, and he says he is only being playful, and if he doesn't stop, then that is abusive.
A good man respects your boundaries. An abusive man does not think you are allowed to have boundaries, and he proves that he gets to do whatever he wants to do, every chance he gets. You cannot make him respect your boundaries, you can only set your boudaries. If he disrespects your boundaries that is HIS FAULT and that is not right. It is not your responsibility to change him and begging him to respect you is a losing battle by definition. Think about it... you have to beg him... to respect you...? Too late.
A good man encourages you to improve yourself without making you feel bad about yourself.
Ridiculing you in front of your friends and family, also a warning sign.
So yes. Sounds like you're with an abuser. I recommend you read a book "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, it changed my life, it shows what to look out for and how abusers get what they want. Your library will probably have it.
Hope you can get out of there soon.0 -
Okay, the stupid comment...eh, people say dumb things when they're mad. But everything else is awful! He's a total *kitten* and you should stop putting up with his crap right now!0
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Oh my God.I left. I had to protect myself and my baby. But I couldn't take my dog, so he killed my dog.0 -
If you are trying to justify the way things are then there is a problem. Canada sounds like a good time to end it!0
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Sounds like abuse to me...dump his *kitten*!0
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My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.
Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..
He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
AM I Being emotional abused ?
sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
its abuse... and even if you dont think it is now... give it a while and it will be.
i had a relationship like this.... and 6 a half years later it got to the point where me and our children were put into a refuge for our own safety.0 -
I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
sweet!!! I love when the first post solves the problem discussed in the topic!
NEXT!
Seems like only a few noticed I wrote that ! Good for you..If more people had read that I wouldn't get .. " Why are you with him? or are you stupid ? comments. Next!0 -
It is surely Emotional and physical abuse... I wish a man would be fool enough to playfully or otherwise slap me in my face... I'd pull a Al green on that *kitten*. You probally should figure out what his deal is cause I dont think its love. if he treats you like this he cannot love you and if he cant love you for who you are RIGHT NOW... then his a@@ can kick a rock! You are way better than that and you DO NOT have to accept that fool butt crap!!0
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When you leave to Canada, please make sure that you do not retain any form of contact with him.
No phone calls, no emails, no facebook. Please, please, please cut this guy out forever and for good.
Do not listen to his pleas or his excuses or how he will "change". He won't.
Do not give yourself any avenue that leads back to him.
You need to leave him COMPLETELY behind before you get sucked back into his vortex of abuse (which could soon become dangerously physical).
For your own sanity, trust me on this. And don't ever feel sorry for him.0 -
i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me
it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you
mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.
let's not do this.
Your comment was....I don't even have a word for it.
Here's the definition of abuse:
a·buse/əˈbyo͞oz/Verb: Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
Noun: The improper use of something.
Synonyms: verb. revile - misuse - insult - vituperate - scold
noun. misuse - insult - vituperation - invective
Here's yet another link and some information that you may find useful, OP.
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/am-i-being-abused-2/
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
I WAS a victim of DV. Operative word is WAS.
I'm no longer a victim, I'm a f*ckin' survivor.0 -
Umm...why are you going to continue living in hell until you go to Canada? Why not ditch him now and start living life now. Life is so short, don't spend it being miserable.
I'm in a foreing country , a third world country not very safe to move from place to place. My aunt's place is not an option either. I just need to be pacient and let him think we are ok..thenk just ditch him when i leave for good.0 -
My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.
Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..
He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
AM I Being emotional abused ?
sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
It is abuse. Leave him as quickly as yu can for your sake before the playful slaps aren't playful anymore... Love isn't supposed to hurt.0 -
You need to leave him......yesterday.0
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Run fast and run far now!0
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Yes, let's not. Let's not question whether it's bad enough to be called abuse. If you aren't going to be helpful then keep out of it.i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me
it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you
mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.
let's not do this.
making this about me is not helping, either. you need to keep your focus and energy on her, not on calling other people in here out. and go ahead and read what I wrote after my original comment.0 -
Yeaaah, you should probably get out of that as soon as possible.. before his "playful" slaps aren't so playful anymore.0
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http://www.thehotline.org/
He may not be beating you (yet)., but this crap sounds like emotional abuse to me. I would call The Hotline and get an educated opinion.
Most abused women make excuses for the abuser. This, too is part of the pattern, OP.
Nobody can help you until YOU ARE READY TO HELP YOURSELF. Making excuses for your abuser isn't going to get you the help you want or need. Seriously. Call The Hotline today.0 -
If you think it's abuse and you feel abused then get out now! Is it abuse to the level he should be arrested, no. You relationship should feel happy, secure and trusting. Move on.0
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It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?
^^^ THIS^^^ - get out now! He doesn't deserve you.0
This discussion has been closed.
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