He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?

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Replies

  • Quiing
    Quiing Posts: 261 Member
    It is very much so abuse, and you are abusing yourself for allowing it to continue to go on. Stand strong and walk away from your relationship with him and NEVER look back.
  • BradyMommy
    BradyMommy Posts: 82 Member
    Sounds to me like you are being emotionally and physically abused.

    Exactly....
  • iHEARTcardiacnurses
    iHEARTcardiacnurses Posts: 437 Member
    If you were my daughter, I'd have a shotgun up his @$$.

    I love this man.
  • AABru
    AABru Posts: 610 Member
    You already knew the answer to your question before you wrote you post...most abuse starts small with namecalling and grows into beatings. Please be proactive and don't him guilt you into staying OR coming back!
  • dancingdeer
    dancingdeer Posts: 373 Member
    I'd get as far away from him as I could! I can't imagine why you would put up with abuse like this. Maybe you think you don't deserve better? You do!
  • anacsitham5
    anacsitham5 Posts: 810 Member
    RUN & RUN FAST..... YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK IN TEN YEARS AND SAY "WELL I STAYED THIS LONG, I MIGHT AS WELL STAY LONGER...HE'LL CHANGE." You are only seeing a brief glimpse of his true colors and it will get worse not better.

    You deserver better and don't need to put up with this. Leave! Don't return his phone calls, texts, emails or anything!!!!
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?

    ^^^^ THIS. he is using you so he can flex his ' intellectual muscles' whilst defining you. Dump him, find a decent guy, have romance and fun from someone who treats you as an equal. this guy is an idiot.
  • Jeneanhh
    Jeneanhh Posts: 16 Member
    I would have to say this is for sure abuse. Both emotionally and physically. If you don't like it and you ask him to stop and he still does it that is abuse. You need to run not walk away from this situation.
  • Behl9
    Behl9 Posts: 95 Member
    i don't think 'abuse' is necessarily the word, at least in the deepest, darkest sense of what it can me

    it just sounds like he's a complete tool and doesn't appreciate you

    mentally torturing someone, being verbally abusive, bullying.........it's ALL a valid and very real form of abuse. Shame on you.

    let's not do this.

    Your comment was....I don't even have a word for it.

    Here's the definition of abuse:

    a·buse/əˈbyo͞oz/Verb: Use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.

    Noun: The improper use of something.

    Synonyms: verb. revile - misuse - insult - vituperate - scold
    noun. misuse - insult - vituperation - invective


    Here's yet another link and some information that you may find useful, OP.

    http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/am-i-being-abused-2/

    Does your partner:

    Embarrass you with put-downs?
    Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
    Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
    Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
    Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
    Make all of the decisions?
    Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
    Prevent you from working or attending school?
    Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
    Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
    Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
    Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
    Force you to try and drop charges?
    Threaten to commit suicide?
    Threaten to kill you?

    If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
    you may be in an abusive relationship.
    For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    I WAS a victim of DV. Operative word is WAS.

    I'm no longer a victim, I'm a f*ckin' survivor.


    I know this post definately has a very touchy subject and everyones really went in every direction with it but, I don't think the poster who originally wrote this meant it as any kind of attack to the OP. He was just sharing his opinion and he did also amend his first comment after reading deeper into the subject. And I'd say the "lets not do this" was meant more to say "lets not take away from the OP's troubles to jump everyone on such a heated topic"
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
    OP if you are still reading, get the book " why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. it's all about abusive men.

    there is a whole section on all of the varieties of abusive men. they don't all act, sound or look the same.

    it's extremely eye opening and i think will help you see that you are indeed in an abusive relationship. that he gets off on hurting you and trying to make you crazy. and that he won't stop.
  • FitnessDynasty
    FitnessDynasty Posts: 62
    I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and say maybe in arguments where he said "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" is not abuse. In honesty I've said that to my wife and she has said it back to me during political, work, religious, etc. conversations because sometimes they are honestly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Enough on the devil's advocate there. As for the rest such as the belly, the "talking down" in front of others, etc. yes, mental abuse.
    I know what you're saying, but with emotional abuse it's generally not the individual incident that makes it abuse. It's more like a habit of saying this kind of thing... tearing someone down slowly.

    Correct. If it is with every single argument that a person says that then yes, that would be clarified as emotional abuse. I was just going off the story that didn't identify if this was a single event or everyday event so, being a criminal justice student, I had to go on the story and the "evidence" presented, so I have to presume this was a single event.


    He first said "You are stupid ..then he said ." that is the stupiest thing I have heard.
    He has called me stupid in the past ..he playfull slapping it's an everyday thing. I'm physically tired and drain of telling him how it upsets me.

    My apology. I must have missed that "called me stupid in the past". Again, STUDENT, not teacher. ;) The point still remains, time to say GOOD BYE!
  • pstaceyca
    pstaceyca Posts: 306 Member
    Ummmm, I would say RUN as fast and far as you can!!! No one should deal with that crap!!
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    Why are you still with this tool?
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    1. Everything he's doing sounds emotionally abusive to me, hun. Now, it's not just men who can be emotionally abusive - anyone can, even without realising it, but it sounds a lot like emotional abuse to me.

    2. If he can't acknowledge your feelings, that is another indicator of emotional abuse.

    3. I can relate. I often wondered this about my recent ex. He would call me names sometimes (including fat), and would never accept responsibility for how he hurt me. Thank God I'm out of it.

    4. Please don't feel stupid or like you're over-reacting. Emotional abuse is one of the most common, widespread and, sadly, underrated types of abuse out there. It is also insideous and well hidden, and is often extremely damaging.

    Here are a few articles about emotional abuse, spousal and otherwise;

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_abuse

    http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

    http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220042&sectionTitle=Emotional+abuse

    http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10078

    Lastly, I wish you luck in whatever you do. I advise you to garner some strength to leave this toxic partnership.

    Oh, and before I go, here is a BIG hug *BIGHUGGYSQUEEZYCUDDLE*
  • sdow
    sdow Posts: 71
    Love yourself. Leave now.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    My bf loves to get into deep conversation about politics, religions,social events..etc...
    Whenever he does this , I try no to talk to much for he loves to just go on and on and on...
    Then he asked me some specific questions and I answered ,,he then of course disagreed..
    I disagreed again ..he then got defensive and call me stupid and said " That is the Stupiest thing I have ever heard " Last night he gave me a whole sermon bc the kitchen sink is clogged up..he said " Never ever in this house has anyone clogged up the kitchen sink drain ..it had to be .. you!" Made me feel like crap of course and told him not to be so mean about it . He makes comments about my weight and jokes on how I always like to think about food.

    Last night as I laid down to sleep he looked at my belly and made a face of disgust. He had deleted me from his facebook account ..he then added me but has restricted ..I can't see his info or photos..


    He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired. He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad. There are times he will ridicule me in from of his daughters for either having said something wrong ..or for breaking something around the house..even if they were not there to see it ..he will tell them about the accident .
    AM I Being emotional abused ?
    sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.

    wow.
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
    I know this is a heavy response to a forum topic, but I just want to hug you. You deserve better. It doesn't matter if he says he's joking or not. It's just not funny and he seems to be taking every opportunity to belittle you to make himself feel like a big deal. You are strong enough to be alone and SO better off without him. Please get out of there. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. Especially because he will most likely try to argue you into staying and make you feel bad for leaving. Don't fall for that crap. I'm praying for you!

    Ditto! I've been thinking about you all day. I hope that all of the encouragement to have a healthy relationship along with your healthy body is giving you strength and clarity. I will pray for you. I'm sure I'm not alone.
  • mfp_junkie
    mfp_junkie Posts: 359
    I have been married for over 20 years.

    I have and never will....

    call my wife names (other than honey or sweetie)
    hit her (in jest or not)
    blame her for some household issue like a clogged sink
    belittle her if we are having a disagreement about anything.

    Find someone who thinks they are the luckiest man alive to have found you. Someone who loves you more tomorrow than they did yesterday. Someone who wants to be with you forever.

    YOU deserve it.
  • unapologeticallyemma
    unapologeticallyemma Posts: 134 Member
    run.... far and fast...

    That guy is a jerk
  • Lisseth03
    Lisseth03 Posts: 518 Member
    Sounds to me like you are being emotionally and physically abused.

    THIS, there are guys out there who will treat you so much better
  • kiekokay
    kiekokay Posts: 101 Member
    http://www.thehotline.org/
  • dawnschrecengost66
    dawnschrecengost66 Posts: 30 Member
    Get Out, Get Away, and Move forward. Life is short, now is the time to decide what your future will be, and make it happen.

    You deserve happiness, you deserve a person who cherishes you, and respects your differences of opinion, and is enthralled by your thought processes.

    Not a jack as that is berating, belittling, disrespecting and abusing you !!

    I wish you luck !!!!!
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
    OP if you are still reading, get the book " why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. it's all about abusive men.

    there is a whole section on all of the varieties of abusive men. they don't all act, sound or look the same.

    it's extremely eye opening and i think will help you see that you are indeed in an abusive relationship. that he gets off on hurting you and trying to make you crazy. and that he won't stop.

    Thank you , My MFPF have recommended it . I will look for it. thanks again
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
    I know this is a heavy response to a forum topic, but I just want to hug you. You deserve better. It doesn't matter if he says he's joking or not. It's just not funny and he seems to be taking every opportunity to belittle you to make himself feel like a big deal. You are strong enough to be alone and SO better off without him. Please get out of there. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. Especially because he will most likely try to argue you into staying and make you feel bad for leaving. Don't fall for that crap. I'm praying for you!

    Ditto! I've been thinking about you all day. I hope that all of the encouragement to have a healthy relationship along with your healthy body is giving you strength and clarity. I will pray for you. I'm sure I'm not alone.

    Thank you for your prayers, I myself need to have sometime with the allmighty for He knew I would get into this mess ..but he has the answer and power to heal me . thanks ..and hug :)
  • mwcraig34
    mwcraig34 Posts: 359 Member
    I have three sisters and 2 daughters! With that said it would be a cold day in hell before I would stand by and watch a boy (not a man because only a boy treats a woman like that )treat my loved ones this way! He is a douche bag and likes the sound of his own voice! Yes 100% Yes leave his @$$! Trust me there are hundreds of men that would line up to be with you! I dont even know you and I would say this is true! You are worth so much more! Even though Canada is America Light I'm sure it is better than Douche Bag Land where your BF lives! Go be free like a butterfly!!!!:wink:
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    I know this is a heavy response to a forum topic, but I just want to hug you. You deserve better. It doesn't matter if he says he's joking or not. It's just not funny and he seems to be taking every opportunity to belittle you to make himself feel like a big deal. You are strong enough to be alone and SO better off without him. Please get out of there. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. Especially because he will most likely try to argue you into staying and make you feel bad for leaving. Don't fall for that crap. I'm praying for you!

    ^The best response on this thread.

    Seriously, you put it perfectly. No judging, no rudeness, just love, kindness and understanding.

    It especially touches my heart, knowing that a lot of the ways my ex treated me was abusive.

    On both OP's half and mine, thank you <3
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
    good luck! if you want to someone that's 'been there done that' feel free to message me or friend me here. i got out and he still harasses me. but, after reading that book and working with a domestic violence counselor for a year, i deal with it much differently now and it doesn't get to me anymore. i can ignore it, even when it's IN MY FACE!


    OP if you are still reading, get the book " why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. it's all about abusive men.

    there is a whole section on all of the varieties of abusive men. they don't all act, sound or look the same.

    it's extremely eye opening and i think will help you see that you are indeed in an abusive relationship. that he gets off on hurting you and trying to make you crazy. and that he won't stop.

    Thank you , My MFPF have recommended it . I will look for it. thanks again
  • amandavictoria80
    amandavictoria80 Posts: 734 Member
    If a guy treated me that way, I'd knock all his teeth out.
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
    good luck! if you want to someone that's 'been there done that' feel free to message me or friend me here. i got out and he still harasses me. but, after reading that book and working with a domestic violence counselor for a year, i deal with it much differently now and it doesn't get to me anymore. i can ignore it, even when it's IN MY FACE!


    OP if you are still reading, get the book " why does he do that" by lundy bancroft. it's all about abusive men.

    there is a whole section on all of the varieties of abusive men. they don't all act, sound or look the same.

    it's extremely eye opening and i think will help you see that you are indeed in an abusive relationship. that he gets off on hurting you and trying to make you crazy. and that he won't stop.

    Thank you , My MFPF have recommended it . I will look for it. thanks again

    I'm reading it on Amazon just the freebie pages for now ..will look for a counsoler when I settle down in a new place.
  • FitToBeFab
    FitToBeFab Posts: 537 Member
    You need to leave him immediately. Don't wait. Get the $&%* out of there!!
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