He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?

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  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    The point is, there were big red flags before we were married, but I didn't heed them. Things escalated after we were married to the point of violence and fear. Whatever you are suffering now will likely be much bigger if you marry him. He might just be a jerk, but keep in mind that I went through what you are going through, and he turned out to be so much more than a mere jerk.

    Please be careful around this guy. Take care.

    This is what I'm scared about. I get pushed around a lot by my boyfriend, small things that don't hurt like slaps and pinches. Once in a while he covers my mouth so I can't breathe. And it's all done in a joking way (most of the time). But I get worried about this-what if it gets worse later, once I'm much more committed? Thanks for sharing your experience.

    That I fear too, We were engaged and due to all this stress and me feeling awkward I told him no more wedding ..that we needed to get to know eachother more. Thanks to the ladies that have shared their stories with me privately ..I know see just how ugly it could get .
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    are you ****ting me?

    Girl, if you were my daughter and her "man" was doing this to her, i would rip him a new one and then you would be next for putting up with this ****.

    Tell that little BOY to grow up or get out.
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    The guy is obviously a moron, anyone that discusses politics or anything and is incapable of even considering another opinion is stupid. He obviously is making up for areas he lacks.

    Also stupid guys will be a jerk to a girl because he thinks if he is a **** it'll make her stay... He is just some meatbag wasting our resources. Dump him and the minute you do, make sure to get all of your stuff out cause he will try to drag it out for as long as possible.

    Stupid is a commonplace word, so in itself it is not abusive, him being a jerk is... So are you a victim or not?


    I Agree.
    The Word Stupid although is common , It's a word that out of respect for him I would not call him that ,,,so when he calls me that ..my gut tells me " OOOhh no honey get out ! "

    So have you gotten out? Cause you know if you don't.... It's negative attention and no one likes a negative nancy.
    No I have not gotten out , I'm in a foreing country , dont have friends near of family. I know what I need to do and I just wanted validation that I was not going crazy. I have a flight to Canada Mid May. He is aware that I'm leaving ..we are meant to have a long distance relationship..so he thinks. Obviously he has issues and I can't take that for the rest of my life. I have to think with a cool head , realize this is not for me ..nicely exit....The negative nancy remark..i dont think it was necessary. thanks for you input anyways.
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    You are only stupid if you stay.
  • KatieCuth
    KatieCuth Posts: 569 Member
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    Its abuse, emotional abuse is all about control... the longer you stay the longer it will take for you to get over it and move on.

    I stayed 10 years and still working on my issues...
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
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    It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?
    Um, yeah. Exactly.
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,142 Member
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    my ex used to call me stupid etc. in order to make up an excuse as to why he beat the crap outta me all the time :/ and u obviously stayed like i did because he has u so tore down and/or scared u dont leave. i completely understand. however it WILL escalate!!! my ex went from calling me stupid etc. to smacking me(not hard) to full on smacking to punching n kicking and throwing things at me to a point where he stabbed me for no &$%&ing reason. . . i was lucky his dumba&# got himself deported. cuz i know i was too torn down and scared to leave.
    GET OUT NOW!!!
    don't think
    don't ask everyone for advice
    you KNOW you HAVE to!!! so do it!!!!! please!! remember he only calls u names etc to control u!!!
  • luvmycandies
    luvmycandies Posts: 489 Member
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    Leave now! He sounds awful. You deserve better!!
  • Maridelsol82
    Maridelsol82 Posts: 90
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    You need to leave this person!!!!!!!
  • LWeiler82
    LWeiler82 Posts: 40
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    DTMFA!!! (For those of you unfamiliar with the column Savage Love, it means Dump The MoFo Already-except not censored) And I mean that in the most loving Canadian way :)
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    "He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad."

    How much older is he then you? He's defiantly abusing you and should not treat you that way. A relationship is a caring partnership, you wouldn't want to make your significant other feel that way and if he is doing that he is no good for you. Stay away from men like him.
  • pjtucker
    pjtucker Posts: 2
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    it definitely sounds like an abusive relationship, he may not realize he is being abusive, maybe his father treated his Mom the same way. You need to set some boundry's. A couple a book a recommend reading is the Circle of Abuse and "Is this relationship worth keeping. Both books helped me decided to get out of my abusive marriage. My husband used to call me stupid or an idiot. Then say I was taking things wrong. Etc. He is being abusive. If you love him the ask him to go for counsellors. :happy:
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?
    Um, yeah. Exactly.

    Did you read this?

    AM I Being emotional abused ?
    sure feels like it ! I will be travelling far far away and will end the relationship once I'm away ..but I put this on here just so you guys can confirm that in fact I'm not crazy and this is abuse.
    I'm not use to being treated like this ..That's why I will leave him.
    Edited by Rabiosa07 on Wed 04/25/12 12:17 PM
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    "He then comments on when he was my age he had accomplished so much ..a profession, a good job, houses,cars ...etc... and while me I haven't done much. ...again makes me feel bad."

    How much older is he then you? He's defiantly abusing you and should not treat you that way. A relationship is a caring partnership, you wouldn't want to make your significant other feel that way and if he is doing that he is no good for you. Stay away from men like him.

    I'm32 He is 42
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    I have been married for over 20 years.

    I have and never will....

    call my wife names (other than honey or sweetie)
    hit her (in jest or not)
    blame her for some household issue like a clogged sink
    belittle her if we are having a disagreement about anything.

    Find someone who thinks they are the luckiest man alive to have found you. Someone who loves you more tomorrow than they did yesterday. Someone who wants to be with you forever.

    YOU deserve it.

    ^^ Exactly!!!! :) LOVE this^^^
  • Margentine
    Margentine Posts: 113 Member
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    I have been married for over 20 years.

    I have and never will....

    call my wife names (other than honey or sweetie)
    hit her (in jest or not)
    blame her for some household issue like a clogged sink
    belittle her if we are having a disagreement about anything.

    Find someone who thinks they are the luckiest man alive to have found you. Someone who loves you more tomorrow than they did yesterday. Someone who wants to be with you forever.

    YOU deserve it.

    ^^ Exactly!!!! :) LOVE this^^^


    Ditto! THanks , Nice to hear from Good man out there.
  • esphixiet
    esphixiet Posts: 214 Member
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    Yes, you are being abused. The tone of your post has a tone that suggests that you know the way you are being treated is not right, and that gives me hope that you won't find yourself in this situation again. still, if you can afford/find free counseling, I recommend it. you may have suffered more damage than you realize, and venting (screaming, crying, admitting) to an impartial 3rd party can help you grow beyond this experience. Counseling has saved my life.
  • lauramonster
    lauramonster Posts: 94
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    It sounds like ur a glutton for punishment. WHy would u put up with this?
    Um, yeah. Exactly.

    Clearly neither of you understand how abuse works.

    OP, I would recommend getting out of this relationship as soon as possible, and please try to stay safe until then. You deserve so much better. Good luck!
  • DebbieDee2012
    DebbieDee2012 Posts: 7
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    Girl, it is abuse. I think with him treating you this way that it can cause low self-esteem which will make it hard to do anything productive. I have been married to my husband for 23 years and have been putting up with the exact same stuff, minus the slapping. It has all been emotional abuse. He is controlling and manipulative and deceptive and a functional alcoholic. Believe me, I have thought about leaving several times. I will be talking to my therapist about it tomorrow. I have three teenagers at home that will have to leave behind if I go and it will be hard for me to do that. I am thinking of speaking to them about it if I decide to leave so as to soften the blow.
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
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    You are being emotionally and physically abused and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is a very good person. You deserve much better than this and I hope you can see this soon!

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