Does this constitute cheating to you?

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  • giselle9938
    giselle9938 Posts: 194 Member
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    My rule of thumb is, if you have to hide it from your spouse then you shouldn't be doing it.

    If I caught my husband watching porn, I wouldn't care.

    But if I caught him paying for a live webcam show, I'd kill him.

    This!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    My rule of thumb is, if you have to hide it from your spouse then you shouldn't be doing it.

    If I caught my husband watching porn, I wouldn't care.

    But if I caught him paying for a live webcam show, I'd kill him.

    This!

    Just to clarify - this is because he is wasting money when it is readily available for free, right?
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    Real men don't view porn, they get laid. Period.

    Disagree...they do both, but they get laid way more often. :laugh:
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    I believe that porn is an intimacy blocker. How can you have sex with you his future wife when he is using pron to get off so to speak. There is underlying issues here and that is why he is resorting to pron. so you can either work through those issues with him or move on.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    To be honest it isn't much entertainment, at least not for me, I'd much rather have sex, but sometimes you're in the mood for the epic movie, and sometime you just want to put an episode of scrubs on even though you've seen it plenty of times before.

    Real sex is a lot better!! But still, I would would rather watch a rerun of Scrubs than porn...atleast I can laugh at Scrubs...porn is like....oh...so she is doing that again...like they all follow the same basic sex script.
    My rule of thumb is, if you have to hide it from your spouse then you shouldn't be doing it.

    If I caught my husband watching porn, I wouldn't care.

    But if I caught him paying for a live webcam show, I'd kill him.

    This!

    Just to clarify - this is because he is wasting money when it is readily available for free, right?

    I think women find the webcam worse than porn just because it seems more personal. Like if your husband cheats on you, it would hurt more if he fell in love with the other woman....more of a relationship instead of just sex. So, I think most women view the webcam as having more of a relationship with the performer. I think this is why most women do not care for the web cam. And of course, looking for escorts...NOT Good!!
  • Lil_MiSsSunshiNe
    Lil_MiSsSunshiNe Posts: 167
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    I think what is important here is how this makes YOU feel that your SO is doing these things. He should respect your feelings. If you feel as tho he is cheating by doing this. You need to state to him that is how you feel about it and you feel that by interacting with these females that is crossing the line into cheating. Find out if he is willing to change his behavior when he sees how it effects you. If not, that is where some tough decisions might have to be made.
  • m60kaf
    m60kaf Posts: 421 Member
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    I think women find the webcam worse than porn just because it seems more personal. Like if your husband cheats on you, it would hurt more if he fell in love with the other woman....more of a relationship instead of just sex. So, I think most women view the webcam as having more of a relationship with the performer. I think this is why most women do not care for the web cam. And of course, looking for escorts...NOT Good!!

    I've hear this so many times - I think it rings true, men get up to so many silly things...this is true ... it's just us men BUT when it gets personal it is much harder for women to accept

    I think this can be why a lot of women get upity about mens close friends - they see it more as an emotional relationship even though there is nothing physical
  • 2Bskinny4good_Stacie
    2Bskinny4good_Stacie Posts: 40
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    Its a betrayal of trust, no matter how it gets dressed up.
    Its also a step in the wrong direction and who knows where that road leads.
    The positive is that its all come out early and maybe the problems that made him go this way can be sorted out.
    Communication is key.
    Its up to you if you can, will and want to forgive.
    The best things in life are worth fighting for.



    Completely agree with above. If the two of you can communicate and get to the real issues that contributed to his behavior it may be that his behavior is different from this point on...could be that this is a character flaw that will repeatedly rear it's head. I think many of us have had some sort of issue in long term relationships where we had to make a choice...is it worth working through the hurt/risk getting hurt again or should I walk away...only you can answer that...and either way it is going to suck for awhile. If you stay together you will both need to work hard to get past this, you might want to seek the help of a relationship counselor if that's an option. Good luck with whatever decision you make!
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Does it matter what MFP strangers think is cheating or not? You're the one in the relationship so if you're uncomfortable with it, then it's cheating. You shouldn't need other people's definition of the word as they're not the one in your relationship.

    So if everyone in this thread said it wasn't cheating, but you wake up everyday feeling miserable about what he did, you'd stay anyway because we gave our opinion that it wasn't cheating?
  • Steelheart7
    Steelheart7 Posts: 1,056
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    Im one of the few men on here that would tell you it's time to move on without this man.

    Pornography is a parasite. It steals emotions and connections away from your spouse, whether fully intended or not. Certainly not in all cases...but obviously in his case, he has separated himself from you and put his focus on other things...and you aren't even married yet.

    I'll make myself very clear: If he's getting away with this type behavior now and you're not married, why on earth would he quit doing these things when you are married?

    Another thing: it sounds like you aren't happy. So why marry the guy and continue to be unhappy?

    Crazy!

    I love this.
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
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    Im one of the few men on here that would tell you it's time to move on without this man.

    Pornography is a parasite. It steals emotions and connections away from your spouse, whether fully intended or not. Certainly not in all cases...but obviously in his case, he has separated himself from you and put his focus on other things...and you aren't even married yet.

    I'll make myself very clear: If he's getting away with this type behavior now and you're not married, why on earth would he quit doing these things when you are married?

    Another thing: it sounds like you aren't happy. So why marry the guy and continue to be unhappy?

    Crazy!

    i agree, i was in a relationship with a guy who was a porn addict and it was very difficult- especially since i became an addict myself. it is a serious thing- if that is what is going on. it becomes way more than -"a way to spice things up". i hope he is not an addict but it may be something to research. i wish you luck, i hope everything works out.
  • kimby303
    kimby303 Posts: 36 Member
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    LOL. I'm sorry, but this is funny. (in response to the "be more worried about that he couldn't find the free websites")
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I've been in a similar situation. You've got two options, either work this out or leave. I chose to work it out. If you choose this route, it's not going to be easy and you're going to have a very suspicious mind. Over time though, if he sticks to what he says, you'll grow to get over it and forget it. But keep in mind, he may not stick with what he says and may just continue to do it.

    What does your head say?
  • TNGURL
    TNGURL Posts: 89 Member
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    Girl, get real... step out of your denial stage and kick his *kitten* to the curb!! This is beyond your average porn, he is seeking out other women... if hasn't cheated already, he's planning on it. His spending money seeking "other" women... ok... get it????? " Other women, NOT YOU!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna sound cruel, but you did come to "us" for advice and thoughts, but if I were you.. I'd be seeing a doctor and getting myself checked out. Stop and ask yourself... are you not more deserving than this??????????????
  • Vi0l33t
    Vi0l33t Posts: 117 Member
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    You're damn right it's cheating. tell him it's over and move on.
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,279 Member
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    The responses by gender r interesting....not saying where I fall on this, but they r
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    That's the other thing I probably should have mentioned... he really isn't that interested in having much sex with me and my sex drive is much higher than his!

    Not ideal........

    Tell him to quit watching so much porn.
  • m60kaf
    m60kaf Posts: 421 Member
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    The alarm clocks are ringing all over America and this thread has just become self righteous

    OMG
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    That's the other thing I probably should have mentioned... he really isn't that interested in having much sex with me and my sex drive is much higher than his!

    Not ideal........

    Tell him to quit watching so much porn.

    This. I didn't see this part when I first commented.
  • FunandFitMom
    FunandFitMom Posts: 146 Member
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    If he has to hide it, then it's not OK.....

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