Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
Replies
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I hate that women are so RAWR FEMINIST about most things, but this is one of those where they are still pretty backwards. The number of women who say they wouldn't go on a second date with a guy who didn't pay on the first astounds me.
I DO believe that the person who asks should pay. HOWEVER, I asked my husband on our first date, and he refused to let me pay. He actually wouldn't let me pay for the first several, even though I always initiated. Eventually we got into a pattern of me paying dinner, him paying movie, and the next week we'd switch, but he refused at first, even though I was insistent. He's just more stubborn than I am, and there was no reason we should argue over the check for twenty minutes.
In summary: The asker should pay, or the askee should suggest going Dutch (and meaning it. They shouldn't suggest it and then get mad if the asker agrees).0 -
Yes....that's all.0
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And this is another great reason why I never do dinner on the first date, usually just drinks or coffee.
So in order for us to "value" our time together we have to put a price tag on it?
Yup. most women spend more time turning down dates than actually going on them. Men seem to ask everyone out for some reason. I dont go on a date with every single guy so the ones I do go out with I do expect them to value the time i'm giving them.
No...he pays. You are paying with your time.
Because your time is that much more important than his?
If you'd rather go out for dinner, it usually isnt free so yeah obviously. Dont forget that a man can always plan a cheaper option. He can go to a museum on a date which happens to be free.0 -
Another great reason we shouldn't look to our parents for dating advice. Times are different now, women can vote and everything.
No...he pays. You are paying with your time.
Because your time is that much more important than his?
YES
Morgans mom knows best!
As crazy as it sounds, most gentlemen would pay. Back then and today.0 -
i agree as long as he's the guy that asked for the date. if you asked for it, then i'd be willing to go dutch. but it's always a bonus if they pay on those dates too (and they usually do).
So, if he asks he should pay for both but if you ask then you only pay half? That seems.. wrong.
I like the idea of the first date being "dutch" (each person pays for their own). Simplifies things. If he insists he pays, great - if she insists she pays, great. I don't think one person is more 'deserving' or 'required' to pay because of what their gender may happen to be.0 -
Yeah, in my world, the guy not only pays for the first date, but all dates thereafter. My father was old school and so I guess it's sad that men don't take pride in taking a lady out.
If you are low on money, be inventive and take the lady to a free venue.0 -
Whoever asks for the date pays generally, or it can go halves. I would generally offer half anyway even if I was the one who had been asked out.
I just don't *get* what the basis is for the man in a hetero situation always having to pay.0 -
yuck I hate this. Why should men pay for the first date? I understand that its a tradition or whatever, but think about what it symbolizes! IMO he can only pay if I pay the next time. Or its my birthday. If women want to be treated like equals than how can we expect to use sexist practices when they suite our needs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ7wT4CUprQ&list=UU9gFih9rw0zNCK3ZtoKQQyA&index=3&feature=plcp Watch and think about it! (I know you love Jenna Marbles ) 0 -
Just wanting to know everyone's view on who should pay on a frist date. I know equal right and all that but if I guy does not pay for me on the first date I just assume he is a tight a*rse and he not getting a second date.
Sunday night, first date, dinner came to $75 I gave him $50 and he took it and did not offer any change, hmm nice!
Did the guy invite you on the date? I think whoever gives the invitation should pay. And, that is very cheap, but it's possible he's broke. Better to talk about this stuff up front I guess.0 -
I get asked on a lot of dates and I only go on the ones with the guys that I really like. To me it honestly just seem like its a numbers game to guys. If they ask out a bunch of girls eventually one will say yes.
Of course it is a numbers game.
What else do you expect them to do? Sit at home, crying, hoping that women will ask him out?0 -
Of course a guy should pay. Women don't know the first thing about money.
Or maybe we know more than you think, that's why we're always getting y'all to pay for stuff lol
Just thought I'd mention though, the whole men paying for dates thing started way back when women didn't work and therefore had no money and needed to be "taken care of." These days, at our own request, we are able to be independently financially successful. So why should we still expect men to bear all the financial burden of dating? We can't have it both ways. If a man invites you out, then sure, he should pay for you. If you, as a woman, invite a man out, you should at least offer to pay. If he's old fashioned and wouldn't think of it, no problem, let him pay for you. But remember, we're the ones who asked to be treated as equals.0 -
i asked the guy im going with "so when are you gunna ask me out" and he said hed love to take me to a movie but he is tight on money and wondered if id want to go to the park lol. so i suggested we go on 5 dollar tuesday and ill pay my own way. seriously not a big deal.0
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First meeting - Split it.
First date - if he is insistent on paying, I will oblige but prefer to split things. I think that things should start off being 50/50 and continue that direction.0 -
First date - I would say the guy pays, after that it's just as you go. I never think too hard about who's paying when I go out, but it is cool when a girl pays. And I don't mean insists that she's going to pay and has a big discussion, I mean just gets the money out and hands it over without discussion.0
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I get asked on a lot of dates and I only go on the ones with the guys that I really like. To me it honestly just seem like its a numbers game to guys. If they ask out a bunch of girls eventually one will say yes.
Of course it is a numbers game.
What else do you expect them to do? Sit at home, crying, hoping that women will ask him out?
More women should ask men out. I actually invited my bf out for the first time (it was a group happy hour), and he beat me to the first-date asking out--kinda caught me off guard! I was going to ask him to go to dinner with me and before I could even get the sentence out he asked me out first. I just think if you're interested, do something about it.0 -
If he asks you out, then he needs to pay, especially on the first date. Now, if you come to a place where you are both exclusive, a little later on, then it needs to be a little back and forth. That's when you are both in a relationship. If you are not in a relationship, then it's considered courting/dating and a gentleman always pays. ALSO, you don't have to always spend money on dates. Since the summer is coming, there are so many festivals and free things to do in cities (Atlanta is near me so I'm in it almost every weekend.) Be creative and enjoy each others company.0
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The way I was raised, if the guy invites you to a date first, second, etc. then he is obligated to pay. If you have compromised beforehand and the offer of "go dutch" then yes you split the bill (food, movie, cab fare, etc.) equally in half. If you invite him to a date, then expect to cover the expenses as you would expect of him. Relationships are based on fairness, treat him as you would want him to treat you :flowerforyou:0
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I get asked on a lot of dates and I only go on the ones with the guys that I really like. To me it honestly just seem like its a numbers game to guys. If they ask out a bunch of girls eventually one will say yes.
Of course it is a numbers game.
What else do you expect them to do? Sit at home, crying, hoping that women will ask him out?
More women should ask men out. I actually invited my bf out for the first time (it was a group happy hour), and he beat me to the first-date asking out--kinda caught me off guard! I was going to ask him to go to dinner with me and before I could even get the sentence out he asked me out first. I just think if you're interested, do something about it.
AGREED 0 -
Uhhh No. I wouldn't buy your dinner unless I asked you out.
This is a touch subject though. My girlfriend currently works and I get side jobs. She makes min wage... I pay the bills in my house without a job, I buy the food, i pay for everything. The only thing she has to pay for is her car insurance and her phone bill... She wants me to get a job so I can help her out because she's broke all the time. I say when I get a job I got to focus on me and progressing my life. I may love you but I'm not going to hand you my money because I depend on it. Even if i had a job I'd still be the same way. Some people would call it greedy I call it looking out for myself.
You want to impress me, show me that your independent. Have your own job, your own money, your own car etc...0 -
BAMFMeredith:
[/quote]Just thought I'd mention though, the whole men paying for dates thing started way back when women didn't work and therefore had no money and needed to be "taken care of." These days, at our own request, we are able to be independently financially successful. So why should we still expect men to bear all the financial burden of dating? We can't have it both ways. If a man invites you out, then sure, he should pay for you. If you, as a woman, invite a man out, you should at least offer to pay. If he's old fashioned and wouldn't think of it, no problem, let him pay for you. But remember, we're the ones who asked to be treated as equals.
[/quote]
Very well said.
Of course I would be the one that sucks at quoting someone on here,0 -
The person who requests the date should offer to pay.0
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Yes - I think always. After the first date, it can be split, etc.0
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I agree with you - if he can't afford to feed me, he can't afford to see me. Tho it doesn't have to cost $75 .. that would be a special occasion0
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Just wanting to know everyone's view on who should pay on a frist date. I know equal right and all that but if I guy does not pay for me on the first date I just assume he is a tight a*rse and he not getting a second date.
Sunday night, first date, dinner came to $75 I gave him $50 and he took it and did not offer any change, hmm nice!
WOW! That's a deal breaker. The gentlemanly thing to do would to have said your money's no good here. if you asked HIM out then dutch is cool.
Chivalry isn't DEAD just harder to find these days!0 -
Whoever initiated and asked the other person out on a date, that is who should be paying.
If it was a casual "Hey, wanna catch a bite after work?" then it should be dutch. But if he actually asked you out on a date then he should pay.
Not too many people know ettiquette anymore and that is sad0 -
I get asked on a lot of dates and I only go on the ones with the guys that I really like. To me it honestly just seem like its a numbers game to guys. If they ask out a bunch of girls eventually one will say yes.
Of course it is a numbers game.
What else do you expect them to do? Sit at home, crying, hoping that women will ask him out?
More women should ask men out. I actually invited my bf out for the first time (it was a group happy hour), and he beat me to the first-date asking out--kinda caught me off guard! I was going to ask him to go to dinner with me and before I could even get the sentence out he asked me out first. I just think if you're interested, do something about it.
AGREED
Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?0 -
Regardless of who asked who, I'm ALWAYS prepared to pay my own way. Nice bonus if they insist on footing the whole bill, but I'm certainly not covering them until we know each other better and it looks like it's going somewhere!0
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IMO, whoever asks should pay. Dutch treat isn't a date in my book.0
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If he invited her out then he should pay. If she invited him out then she should pay. If they decided, mutually, that they wanted to go out then they should each pay for their own half.
This could just be me, but, I actually feel objectified when someone I barely know insists on paying for food that I ate.0 -
Well, that guy was a jerk, he could have at least payed half!! I can't believe he let you pay 2/3rds. I think the person who invites the other should pay, otherwise split right down the middle. Splitting down the middle implies more friendship than "hey I want to date you" though. Don't call that guy back.0
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