Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

Honestly...I think whoever asked should pay....If I ask I usually plan on paying atleast for half....My husband and I were like that...

I have had a similar thing happen to me. I then considered him a cheap &*@$#%^! and a moocher. I didn't learn my lesson the first time however and continued to see him for a little while. Every time we were together he would say he didn't have enough money for what we were doing and he kept the money I gave him. Also, he never told me how much the outings cost so for all I know he could have had enough money and I paid for everything and he got a tip.

i agree as long as he's the guy that asked for the date. if you asked for it, then i'd be willing to go dutch. but it's always a bonus if they pay on those dates too (and they usually do).

Dutch?!? When do you figure it's your turn to pay for both of you? Being a gentleman is great, but if you ask him out, you should be prepared to pay. For BOTH of you. Why should we be treated equally if we don't act like equals?

I think it depends what is discussed before... Plus, circumstances. Sometimes, its not possible, if you know the guy, and you know he is skint at that time, would you really expect him to pay? or wouldn't you just arrange to do something cheaper?

Neither myself or my boyfriend have a lot of money, but its all swings and roundabouts, sometimes i will pay, others him... who cares.

I'd say split it...

^^This

If a man asks you out on a date he should pay.

I would offer to pay for myself, but a gentlemen would most likely refuse

Whenever I have gone on dates, the guys always insisted on paying, and that's fine with me. I've offered to pay for myself many times, though.

Now that I have a boyfriend, I cook a lot of nice meals for him, and often after he is done working out I make him protein shakes. If we do go out, he definitely pays, as that restores the order of things.

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

I always go by the who asked who rule. Even for a first date. If the girl asked you, then she should expect to pay. But you should ALWAYS offer. If you asked though, you definitely pay. Even if she offers.

yes

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Love that.

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Agree that probably wouldn't be a good match.
However, allowing a woman to pay isn't really a sign of disrespect. Can a woman not show respect, admiration, love, and affection by paying for a dinner?

Actually...as you've seen in this thread, for the majority of society it surely is a sign of disrespect, and I agree with them.

As for a woman showing respect, admiration, love, and affection...respecting my need to provide for her in the form of paying for our 'dates' does all of those things and more. Again, if she is so independant that she has to send some sort of message just to express it, by paying for herself, or even for both of us...we're not going to work out well anyhow.

There are many ways, even financially...for a woman to show appreciation for a man, that don't take away from the societally accepted (and sometimes deeply ingrained) ways a man financially shows appreciation for a woman.