Who initiates in your house??

1…78101213…18

Replies

  • mmildice
    mmildice Posts: 63
    Most men don't express their feelings well. Consider yourself lucky he said something to you rather then just go somewhere else to get what he needs. What you do with that information is up to you. :)



    On a semi related note... dating services should just throw all the rules away and match couples based on libido. Couples would probably be happier.

    I dont think that would work..Libido's change over time. When my husband and I first got together 8 years ago, I wanted it all of the time. I got frustrated about getting turned down all of the time so I stopped trying. Now I've had surgery the first of the year and he wants it all of the time and I wish I did as well but just dont have the desire i once did. Life changes sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. I am trying to work on it tho
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
    Keep the books coming...whoa...my hubby is going to be a happy man when I am done with him!!!!

    :laugh:

    Yea, the next guy I'm intimate with after the divorce is going to be thanking you all....
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    We both do. We make it a point to flirt all the time so sometimes I don't even know who's started it. He is very aware that I'm attracted to him and want him and I know he wants me too. It is important in a marriage. We've been together for more than 23 years total and have four kids, lots going on and plenty of stress but we make it a point to flirt and spend time together. You can't expect your relationship to flourish (in any area) if you don't put any energy into it.
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    Keep the books coming...whoa...my hubby is going to be a happy man when I am done with him!!!!

    :laugh:

    Yea, the next guy I'm intimate with after the divorce is going to be thanking you all....

    LMBO!!!!

    Well...I am getting very antsy and impatient..hubby is on his way home and I dont think I am going to be able to wait much longer!!!!
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    Used to be 50-50. I was especially fond of the sneak-attack when he got home from work.
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    We both do. We make it a point to flirt all the time so sometimes I don't even know who's started it. He is very aware that I'm attracted to him and want him and I know he wants me too. It is important in a marriage. We've been together for more than 23 years total and have four kids, lots going on and plenty of stress but we make it a point to flirt and spend time together. You can't expect your relationship to flourish (in any area) if you don't put any energy into it.

    I AGREE!!!!!
  • OnWisconsin84
    OnWisconsin84 Posts: 409 Member
    Pretty even in our relationship :love: :love: :love:
  • sdereski
    sdereski Posts: 3,406 Member
    Me. 90% of the time.
  • AmyS79
    AmyS79 Posts: 65
    Agree after 16 years and he is willing to leave you over sex. Maybe he needs to reword his needs instead of a threat.
  • kristalfrissy
    kristalfrissy Posts: 158 Member
    Seriously? WAKE UP! This is your husband straight telling you what he needs in your relationship.

    Just hearing the words "give in" from you screams for help in the sack and your relationship as a whole. You have to remember there needs to be a balance. He Needs more from you than being a turtle on your back.

    Are you speaking to me? Kinda harsh.I don't remember using those words because I don't "give in" because there doesn't have to be any coaxing. He tells me where he wants me and I'm there. I just don't intiate. And I have stood by him through meth addiction, opiate addiction, nicotine addiction and alcoholism so I think our relationship is fine except that this one need "needs" more attention.
  • kristalfrissy
    kristalfrissy Posts: 158 Member
    We both do. We make it a point to flirt all the time so sometimes I don't even know who's started it. He is very aware that I'm attracted to him and want him and I know he wants me too. It is important in a marriage. We've been together for more than 23 years total and have four kids, lots going on and plenty of stress but we make it a point to flirt and spend time together. You can't expect your relationship to flourish (in any area) if you don't put any energy into it.


    Good point--thank you.
  • lolcatftw
    lolcatftw Posts: 36
    Me!! lol And now that I'm pregnant hubby doesn't want it at all.. and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna put up with it. I mean I'd be fine with it if he didn't want it during the first pregnancy either.. but we still did it then. :/ I'd say make a date night once a week or once or twice a month for you to initiate. I understand how it can feel. :/
    Waaaat? I guess everyone's different. Can't wait to hit that when the after [responsibly and carefully planned] conception. Small breasts FTW in my book, but for a few months bigger can be better.

    ^^^^Note to self after re-reading this: Don't reveal my screen names to my future children!!!
  • opus649
    opus649 Posts: 633 Member
    After 16 years he is going to leave you over something as petty as that?
    But, to answer your question, my wife is usually the one who initiates.

    :noway:
  • Malaika946
    Malaika946 Posts: 107 Member
    I don't initiate. I don't know. I just feel like the man is supposed to do that.

    Get naked.


    Really though, sometimes, I will just whisper in his ear the things I would like him to do to me or me to him, He will come home and I will be cooking dinner in an apron, panties and heels - nothing else, I will buy something really sexy to wear for him and tell him that I got something for him - then model it, when we are laying in bed I will just rub his chest and down his leg and just barely graze "down there" and once it responds, I just start taking care of things......... There are TONS of ways. It is way easier to get them in the mood than us.

    OMG.. I found you! you do exist!..... LOL, your husband is a lucky lucky man.

    Thats an idea!
  • microwoman999
    microwoman999 Posts: 545 Member
    I'm a newlywed, and I very rarely initiate. Once we get health insurance, I will discuss my low libido with a doctor, but until then, he initiates almost 100% of the time. Since sex isn't important to me, he just lets me know when he wants it, and I take care of him. :wink: It's an odd situation, but we're both satisfied, and that's all that matters.

    omg, you sound like me. my low libido the doc thinks comes from dealing with my mom (cancer patient) and not feeling good about myself. I don't feel sexy and some days don't know what he sees in me. Mine is coming back slowly since my parents moved out though.


    I could care less about sex. I usually want to once a month and that is it I don't even ask for it I just let the thought pass me by. If he initiates it then I say yes most of the time but even then we don't a lot of the time. He has told me in the past that I need to work on initiating it and I just forget. My doctors said it was my depression and that the medicine I am on won't help things either :( I just wish I could care sometimes just because I know my Hubby would appreciate it.
  • Xia21
    Xia21 Posts: 84 Member
    lol
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    Hm. I would say that we are both good at picking up cues from one another. Like he can tell if I'm responding to the "snuggle down and bump" move, and if I don't he lets it be. And he knows what I'm after with the "hand on penis" move.

    We're very subtle like that.

    He may initiate more often, but I make sure to catch him off guard too, because everyone wants to feel wanted, and initiating happy couple time is a big neon sign flashing "Even after all this time, I still find you sexually attractive and want to do naughty things with you."
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    If a guy gets turned down enough it is my experience that they will just go find someone who won't turn them down...

    Unless you are one of those guys who think that's not right. Then you are screwed... oh the irony.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    honestly i'd say that he initiates more than I do, but we work conflicting schedules so one or both of us is always tired. Neither of us ever says no. He usually initiates physically, I usually initiate by yelling at him from half way up the stairs "I already have my shirt off, are you coming or not?" But then again I'm uber romantic like that. I only cuddle if you wear me to shreds, usually I just want either roll over and fall asleep or I'm ravenous and need some serious food.
  • amoffatt
    amoffatt Posts: 674 Member
    Usually me, but it requires negotiation, usually related to promising to buy her something the next day. I hurts my feelings, and makes me feel pretty cheap and worthless.

    Wow, that is sad. I am sorry to hear it has to be that way... :frown:
  • msiamjan
    msiamjan Posts: 326 Member
    If threatening to leave was his opening salvo, that is probably a bit extreme, BUT, he has told you what he needs instead of just being frustrated and brewing on the inside. That might not have been easy. Take it seriously and do what you can. Because you are happy to oblige, it's not that big a leap to initiate. It probably won't take that much effort :wink:
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    Geez! Your husband should be happy!! 4X a week is a lot IMO. Mine is ALWAYS the initiator and pretty much always gets shot down. I wouldn't be surprised if he left me cause of that. Tell your husband to get over it.

    Change your name to "Lightningrod" for this thread? ;)
  • Salvi30
    Salvi30 Posts: 196 Member
    She says "Let's," I say "Go"

    PERFECT! =)
  • mfp_junkie
    mfp_junkie Posts: 359
    21 years married....

    I'd say I suggest it more often but my wife is a willing participant, so it's not that I don't feel needed, I just happen to suggest it. She will surprise me once in a while by climbing into bed wearing something naughty, or perhaps just a pair of high heels (dear lord that does it everytime...)

    If you are more than willing most of the time, light the fire a bit more often. Probably won't take much to show him you really do appreciate him, and it will only make your times together even better!
  • FrostyFour
    FrostyFour Posts: 262
    I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

    I was just thinking the same thing... then I remembered he has school tonight... only 5 minutes between coming in the door from work and back out to go to school, and he has to spend those minutes changing clothes. Dang it!
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    I've read this entire thread, and I'm 100% sure my husband is getting lucky today.

    High five! :)
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member

    I could care less about sex. I usually want to once a month and that is it I don't even ask for it I just let the thought pass me by.

    And this is very unfair to your partner. When you enter into a physical, emotional relationship, or a marriage. You can't just take away a huge aspect of that and expect them to be ok.

    I feel like THIS is why many men cheat. It's wrong, but I don't feel as bad for their wives when I hear about these kinds of situations.
  • SirZee
    SirZee Posts: 381
    . But like I said--I don't hardly ever tell him no and we are together probably 4 or 5 times a week. What is the norm in your relationship?

    Oh my god! Three or four times a WEEK? I've only been with my fiance three years and we 're lucky if it's once a week! I have basically no libido and don't think about sex at all, and he stopped wanting to initiate it all the time, so now we just don't do it much. Is that strange?

    This my sound harsh.. but do yourselves a favor and REALLY REALLY explore this before tying the knot.
  • comogirl
    comogirl Posts: 154 Member
    I initiate almost all of the time. I also get turned down most of the time. I can understand his feelings of not being wanted. It is really hard to be rejected all of the time. I don't think I would ever threaten to leave over it though. I have always been....shall we say.....very hard to keep up with. I have only had two partners (one of which being my husband) and neither were/are able to keep up. But I think I am strange because I am always ready to go so to speak. I would be really happy with multiple times a day....
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    What is up with the high heels?????????????????

Categories