Are most men like this to live with??

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Replies

  • stacygayle
    stacygayle Posts: 349 Member
    I would tell him the things that bother you. It won't make him do anything though so if you don't want to live like that, move out now. My husband is the same way. He thinks that because he works more hours and makes more money than I do, that the house is all up to me. funny thing was, I used to work more and make more money and he still expected me to do it all. It's a man thing, so if you don't stop it now, it will always be that way.
  • grimm1974
    grimm1974 Posts: 337 Member
    I find it a bit crazy that so many are quick with the 'dump him' opinion. If you haven't discussed it yet then do so. He likely grew up in a household where his mother did all those duties. He probably sees that as the norm. Unless you discuss it, he will continue to do so. Maybe he is the type who is willing to change and maybe he isn't. No one on here knows better than you. But no, not all his are like that.
  • gwduker
    gwduker Posts: 293
    No ALL guys, at least not THIS guy. I'm not a neat freak but there is no reason for dishes to be sitting around. Put them in the dishwasher, or just wash them. Same with clothes, in the drawers or in the hamper, NOT the floor, couch, or kitchen table.

    I am on my third marriage, and have had other long term relationships. I have the same deal now as I did with all my other exes, whoever cooks doesn't do dishes. I like to cook more than I like to do dishes, so I cook as often as I can, BUT, I am a neat cook. I clean as I go, not just leaving crap lay around making a mess.

    I have ALWAYS helped with the laundry. My first wife would ***** at me I didn't fold her clothes right. Hence being an ex.

    The way I look at it, the less house work there is, the more time there is for play....if ya know what I mean!! :)
  • LilGiselle21
    LilGiselle21 Posts: 110 Member
    Talk and figure it out. My bf has OCD so after we moved in together it was hell. My favorite line now is if you don't like you take care of it. Make sure you clean up after yourself at least so he cant complain. My bf did expect me to do everything even with 3 kids and we both worked full time. He actually left one time for a month because he was "fed up with my filthy ness" I can do this by myself he would come by occasionally to visit the kids And saw in those 4 weeks that I can handle my mess and the kids it's was cleaning up after him that I wouldn't get things done. Hence he came back and helps out around the house.
  • Ravenesque_
    Ravenesque_ Posts: 257 Member
    you are his gf, not a doormat.

    Don't let him take you for granted!!!
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
    Did he just leave the dishes to pile up in the sink before you moved in?

    If so, he's probably just messy and a little lazy. If not, then he's probably taking advantage of you and trying to see what he can get away with.


    Also, does he "demand" that you make his dinner, or do you just do it? If you just took over and started doing it, he may think you actually like to do that.. just let him know how you feel.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Moving in together is rough. You're going to have to establish routines together and figure out what works for both of you. This is where that whole 'communication' thing comes in.
  • MissMaggie3
    MissMaggie3 Posts: 2,464 Member
    Happily, no, they are not all like that. My partner is actually better than me at clearing up - your situation would drive me crazy. I agree with all the people who advise communication though - resentment can fester and end up damaging you.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    he has his comfy new double mattress and I have a single mattress on the floor.


    WHOA.

    Hold the presses.

    I was trying to be nice and tell you to communicate with him, but this is INSANITY.

    Get out. NOW.
  • batgirl8809
    batgirl8809 Posts: 32 Member
    NO not all men are like this. My husband always (happily) helps out with cooking and cleaning. Be his partner not his mother! He is definitely taking advantage.
  • BeetleChe13
    BeetleChe13 Posts: 498 Member
    I moved in with my boyfriend after dating for only two months, and now we're married. I'm glad I moved in first because otherwise this first year of marriage would be soooo difficult. My husband is a great man but hard to live with (at first). What I learned is you have to talk to him about this. Moving in with anyone can be troublesome, much less a significant other. It sounds to me that he asked you to move in -expecting- you to cook dinner for him, while this was not communicated to you at all. He also expects you to clean up after him, which was either expected of you, or he simply did not clean up after himself to begin with. You should ask him how he lived before you moved in to give you an idea of his own "normal". Then, you should tell him about how you lived before so he knows what you consider "normal". Then, discuss any expectations you two have, and create a compromise. It may not be 50/50, but find something that works for you both.
  • amosjo
    amosjo Posts: 10 Member
    Of COURSE he expects all that from you! You're DOING it, aren't you?

    If a man ever told me to have a hot, separate dinner ready for him late after work, I'd laugh in his face. In my house, I cook what I want. If he wants something else that I'm not cooking, he makes it himself.

    The problem with most men is their mothers. They learn to expect women to just do everything for them (like wash a pan they used) because their mothers failed to train them properly. In a relationship, you've got to know what your limits are and then stick to them. If you're happy washing his dirty dishes, go right ahead. But if you resent it, you'd better speak up and figure out a way to live together that works for both of you.
  • losermomof3
    losermomof3 Posts: 386 Member
    You have to train him!!!!
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    No. My husband is AWESOME to live with. Why are you referring to the things in your home as "his"? They're now "yours" IMO.
  • Jess81620
    Jess81620 Posts: 72 Member
    I cook dinner every night because I want to but my boyfriend always reminds me that I don't have to. For me it's easier to cook for two then one because I am making the same meal. I normally do the dishes and clean the kitchen but my boyfriends normally makes our bed, cleans our room, my car, vaccums, cleans the bathroom (well all the other cleaning).

    I think you just need to communicate with your boyfriend that your not his maid.
  • amysuespears
    amysuespears Posts: 127
    Your choices:

    1. Hope that he changes (he probably won't).
    2. Accept things the way they are.
    3. Move out and don't resign to being his maid for the rest of your life.

    ^This! You can't change him (you can try talking to him to see if he's just plain lazy, but if that doesn't work then it's inbred probably).... so, you either accept that he wants someone to do everything for him and just do it, or you can dump his butt and move on to someone who doesn't need a second mom. My ex was exactly like that... that's one of the many reasons why he's my ex. My hubby now does his share of everything... when I first met him, I told him that I'm nobody's maid and I don't put up with a lazy man. Granted, we do compromise and help each other out, but he would never take advantage of me, and I would never do that to him.
  • MelissaL582
    MelissaL582 Posts: 1,422 Member
    Can't live with them and can't live without them!...LOL. Welcome to love and compromise honey! :bigsmile:

    My thoughts exactly. I guess in a way, I've spoiled my husband. Since you two are only dating, I would talk to him and see if that helps. Some people say that things will get better after you say "I do", but it doesn't. Lol!
  • upnorthtim
    upnorthtim Posts: 376 Member
    We both work full time. My wife does the laundry, vacuuming and bathroom. I do the yard, shovel the snow, cook, and clean the kitchen. We pitch in on other things I do more of the grocery shopping. I shlep the kid to school in the morning, she gets him in the afternoon. If he is not contributing either go on strike or run away1
  • future_marathoner
    future_marathoner Posts: 170 Member
    I can't speak for what most men are like but my husband and I have an understanding about all of that. I like to cook because I cook healthier than he does, and he does the dishes and puts up the left overs. As far as you not being able to eat on the couch- is this yalls home or his? Because it seems he thinks its his place and you are just a guest and that's not right for you. Sure- try to get the crumbs up, but seriously- you are an adult not his child.
    Sometimes, when he doesnt do the dishes, I will leave them there until he is done. Sure I don't like to have day old dishes in my sink, but at the same time I'm not his maid, so you have to stand your ground.

    It sounds like maybe he has some expectation that you are a woman and that means you need to cook and clean, and if thats not okay with you, then stand your ground and stop the cycle.
  • librislady
    librislady Posts: 46 Member
    It sounds like you are acting as his mother than his girlfriend. If it bothers you, then say something about it.

    Definitely, communication is key. And there's no reason to cook two meals - I cook mostly vegetarian and my boyfriend is a carnivore, but he never has a problem eating my cooking. If he wants to eat with you, he should understand it'll be vegetarian and he can eat elsewhere if he wants something different, or he can make it himself.

    Hope you get it sorted out soon!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Let him go. Find someone who respects you and has the same ideas of cleanliness and self worth that you do. He's a waste of your time.. relationships are about mutual understandings in day to day decisions. Find someone who you communicate well with, and treats you like a best friend. LIfe is too short for anything less. I'm sorry and good luck <3

    aww you give your hubby a time out for leaving the toilet seat up don't you? Is he allowed to go out to the bar with his guy friends or is it always couples night in on weekends? :o
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    wait i totally missed the part about the separate beds and the OP essentially sleeping on hay in the corner.

    girl, leave this fool before it's too late
  • mischa_12
    mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
    He used to live with his mother for quite a while prior to us moving in together, I figure now she must have done most, if not all of the cleaning and other chores.
    I really don't see this as a way I want to live my life long term and I don't even think I want to get married now. I know that if I have the talk with him about dividing things up equally that he will get really angry and defensive so I would rather just let the issue go. It's a shame though because we got along so well together before we started living together and I would have my own place if it wasn't for the fact that I'm broke right now.
  • jazzalea
    jazzalea Posts: 412 Member
    you are out of your freaking mind if you tolerate that behavior.... do you think it's going to get better over the next 60 years??? and if you're thinking shorter term..... leave his freaking dishes in the sink and let him wash them himself.... what do you care what he thinks... he's a rental??????


    I'm just saying :flowerforyou:
  • abcmom03
    abcmom03 Posts: 89 Member
    As my husband told me when we got married "I can't read your mind, you have to tell me!". If you don't talk to him about it, then he won't know it's bothering you. Men are just men :-)
  • Colbyandsage
    Colbyandsage Posts: 751 Member
    No. Not all men are like that. My husband was a bit like that when we moved in together but not that bad.

    The key is to talk to him, tell him what you need/ want but not in a nagging way. My husband can trip over a basket of dirty laundry somedays. I just ask him if he will rotate, etc if it needs done.

    If you keep doing everything for him, he is going to expect it. I am a busy mom. I work full-time and so does he. We both pull our own share of things to do around the house/kids/family. I travel for work sometimes, so does he. We help each other. I think you have to TALK to him.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    :noway:

    What a jerk. I'd slap him in the face and tell him he can cook is own damn meals right before I march my *kitten* out the door.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
    I hate messes, but I also live with my dad.... who gets upset, if I wash his fry pan... Normally you can tell which side of the house I mostly keep clean and the "man cave" (the place he lives in)

    If you can talk to him, but if he doesn't want to communicate leave. The bases of any good relationship is communication.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and I'm just wondering if I'm being taken advantage of or if all guys are like this?

    My boyfriend NEVER washes up his dishes which really annoys me because he has friend eggs and bacon every morning for breakfast. I just think he could at least clean his pans and plates and cups once as a sign of respect rather than leaving than for me. I also have cereal every morning which he knows that I don't use a pan...I just have one bowl.

    He also just expects I'm going to make his dinner every night which is a pain for me because I'm a vegetarian and he's not so I have to make separate meals. He often doesn't finish until late so I have to make sure his meal is ready and hot by the time he gets home. I hate to sound like I'm ranting and being selfish but it's getting to the point where I don't want to do it anymore and I resent him for it sometimes. It's things too like making his bed which he just expects I'll do every morning and then it's funny because sometimes I'll leave a couple of crumbs on his couch and he'll say 'You can't eat breakfast on the couch, it has to be at the table...you're too messy' and then I'll look in the sink and there's a bazillion plates and cups there again :I

    I'm just wondering if it's me being picky or if there really is a problem here?

    this guy is clearly out for himself, i cook just about every meal in my house and clean up the mess. full meals to (not cold cereal) pancakes eggs bacon, burgers, steaks, fish, vegees, pastas, rice, there is no way my wife would cook something special just for me to eat. either we both eat it together or we make our own meals. if one doesn't like whats made, make what you want. sounds like a selfish jerk,, oh and we do our own laundry. adn she takes one kids stuff i take the other kids stuff.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    first off, you don't have to make separate meals. or any meals.
    same with me and my fiance. i am a veg, and if he wants dinner, he can eat the veg version. if not, then there is a frozen pizza in the freezer, make it yourself.
    put your foot down and don't let him walk all over you. it may not even be intentional, he may jut think that is how it supposed to be, b/c of how society is.
    my fiance was really bad at first with the dishes, and i just laid it out to him one day and told him that i'm not cleaning up his ****, and if it's a problem he can find a new roommate.
    most men are like that, they are oblivious to many things, and he may not even realize if. if you talk to him numerous times about it and he keeps being an *kitten*, then he can suck it.
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