Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

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Replies

  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
    yup

    Except you, right? :tongue:
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."

    Exactly
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."

    Stereotyping's fun!
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."

    Stereotyping's fun!
    :flowerforyou:
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    I read something in a magazine the other day that made a lot of sense. The gist of it was that if you expect to be the ONLY companion of the opposite sex that your partner is going to have for the REST OF THEIR LIFE that you are setting your relationship up for failure. You simply can't provide all of the attention that they will ever need. It even hinted that a bit of harmless flirting outside of the relationship is good for the relationship.

    It hit home with me and I completely agree.

    I wish I could have thought this way in some of my past relationships. I used to be completely over jealous.

    Growing up, lesson learned. I've changed a lot since them and my next serious relationship will be much better because of it.
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
    yup

    Really? So guys don't just talk to chicks out of friendliness?
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
    Lol, my ex would have gone nuts if I was like "Hey, I met a guy on the bus today, he's really cool & funny & wants to hang out with me."
    He would have gone off thinking I was gonna cheat on him or something & not even tried to hear what I have to say.
    Having male friends & a boyfriend is complicated unless you already had that friend before you got with your boyfriend. But I dunno, it depends what sort of person your boyfriend is :]
  • solarpower4
    solarpower4 Posts: 250 Member
    ...
    If your BF has a problem with you having male friends, he is not allowed to have ANY friends, as he is too immature and controlling.

    ^^^^ This! If your significant other has a problem with you having other friends (including guy friends) -- beware! It NEVER gets better.

    Also, your boyfriend is not your spouse. (Even a spouse should not be controlling like that.)
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
    I had the same thing happen recently. I got a new job at a hospital, and the person training me this past week was a guy, and he is awesome and funny, and we have a lot in common just as friends. We hung out the other day, and my fiance is fine with it. He has female friends, and I never used to be comfortable being around any guy that wasn't my fiance, but now it's fine. You seriously need to talk to your boyfriend about it. If he isn't ok with it, then he has some serious trust issues/insecurities
  • shaelataylor
    shaelataylor Posts: 224 Member
    i say dont hide it, make sure things stay just friendly, maybe ask your boyfriend to come too sometimes, and then all is well
  • gpstrucker
    gpstrucker Posts: 930 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
    yup

    Really? So guys don't just talk to chicks out of friendliness?

    Exactly what I was thinking. I have lots of female friends that are just friends.
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."

    Stereotyping's fun!
    :flowerforyou:

    nope, hurt my feelings. meanie pants.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    There's nothing wrong with having a guy friend.
  • ahadj
    ahadj Posts: 257 Member
    If the guy on the bus doesn't know you have a boyfriend, then his motives are clearly romantic/sexual. I don't think hanging out one on one would be a good idea, but if he invites you out with a group of friends, go! And then make it clear to everyone there that you have a boyfriend that you are happy with and love (maybe even bring him along). I don't think you should cut yourself off from meeting people just because of what parts they have down below. Just make it clear that you are not interested in that way -- if he still wants to be friends, awesome. If he wanted to hang for other reasons -- well, now you know.

    Edited to add: I think a lot of the people saying "no guy friends!!!!!!!!" are overlooking the fact that you are in a city and don't know anyone. A friend is a friend is a friend! He can introduce you to his friends. It's networking. You could meet your new best girlfriend through that guy. Who knows? (As someone who just moved to a new city, I can totally relate, though I haven't had this exact problem yet, but maybe it's because I don't take the bus:wink: .)
  • MDawg81
    MDawg81 Posts: 244 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
    yup
  • thinkpositive3
    thinkpositive3 Posts: 85 Member
    Do you like playing with fire? Tread carefully my dear.

    Yes, we women can have guy friends - but if you have to ask or are afraid of asking your BF, you may need to ask yourself what your motivations are.
  • PhoebeC123
    PhoebeC123 Posts: 28
    Hmm.. My view is that it's not okay to make opposite sex friends WHILE you're with someone. BUT it's totally cool to keep old friends that you did have before you got involved. Like my best friend ever (other than my husband who is actually my best friend and my everything) is a guy, but I've known him since I was ten and wouldn't give up our friendship for anything, he has way too much dirt on me anyway, so I have to be nice to him always, haha >.<
    But I wouldn't go out and become friends with guys now (unless my husband was also involved so he was both of ours friend) just out of respect. I wouldn't like it if he went out befriending young lasses, so I wouldn't do that to him either :) Simples.
    I may be old fashioned in that regard, but it's just how I feel.
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
    YES! when I was with my ex, I had lots of guy friends that I worked with (worked in a factory surrounded by them, actually met my ex there as well, haha) if the relationship ever goes bad, it's those funny guys that will keep you sane! :)
  • MDawg81
    MDawg81 Posts: 244 Member
    I read something in a magazine the other day that made a lot of sense. The gist of it was that if you expect to be the ONLY companion of the opposite sex that your partner is going to have for the REST OF THEIR LIFE that you are setting your relationship up for failure. You simply can't provide all of the attention that they will ever need. It even hinted that a bit of harmless flirting outside of the relationship is good for the relationship.

    It hit home with me and I completely agree.

    I wish I could have thought this way in some of my past relationships. I used to be completely over jealous.

    Growing up, lesson learned. I've changed a lot since them and my next serious relationship will be much better because of it.

    If you can't be everything your partner needs, you're doing it wrong and shouldn't be with them.
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
    My vocalist is a broad. Shes one of my besties. My wife is completely cool with me having male or female friends, as I am with her having male or female friends. My wife is one of those "one of the guys" type. I'm definitely "one of the girls" type. Ultimately its about trust though. If you have not given him any reason to be insecure, then you should have the right to have a guy friend. If he can't handle that you have friends that aren't females, then tough cookies. He needs to grow up.
  • PhoebeC123
    PhoebeC123 Posts: 28
    I read something in a magazine the other day that made a lot of sense. The gist of it was that if you expect to be the ONLY companion of the opposite sex that your partner is going to have for the REST OF THEIR LIFE that you are setting your relationship up for failure. You simply can't provide all of the attention that they will ever need. It even hinted that a bit of harmless flirting outside of the relationship is good for the relationship.

    It hit home with me and I completely agree.

    I wish I could have thought this way in some of my past relationships. I used to be completely over jealous.

    Growing up, lesson learned. I've changed a lot since them and my next serious relationship will be much better because of it.

    If you can't be everything your partner needs, you're doing it wrong and shouldn't be with them.

    <3 this
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    Hmm.. My view is that it's not okay to make opposite sex friends WHILE you're with someone. BUT it's totally cool to keep old friends that you did have before you got involved. Like my best friend ever (other than my husband who is actually my best friend and my evwerything) is a guy, but I've known him since I was ten and wouldn't give up our friendship for anything, he has way too much dirt on me anyway, so I have to be nice to him always, haha >.<
    But I wouldn't go out and become friends with guys now (unless my husband was also involved so he was both of ours friend) just out of respect. I wouldn't like it if he went out befriending young lasses, so I wouldn't do that to him either :) Simples.
    I may be old fashioned in that regard, but it's just how I feel.

    This.
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member


    If you can't be everything your partner needs, you're doing it wrong and shouldn't be with them.

    Really? So you can just lock yours in a basement and check in on her every now and then? You really think that they don't need other friends? You opinion is WONG!
    :)
    No, seriously, though, I totally disagree. If someone relies on a single person for every grain of social activity they are both unhealthy and creepy. And don't ever disagree with me again.
  • Lib_B
    Lib_B Posts: 446 Member
    Whatever happens dont put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him...

    good advice - depends relationship by relationship. my hubby has met my male friends - he knows them. but i wouldn't dream of inviting one of them to my house without my husband home and i wouldn't go to one of their houses without my husband or their wife present. it's just the mature thing to do. and my husband travels for work. if i wanted to, i could have anyone here and he would never know. but i don't because i respect him enough to never make him wonder if one of the neighbors would say, "hey, saw your wife had someone over."

    that's my nickel's worth of advice....
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
    I read something in a magazine the other day that made a lot of sense. The gist of it was that if you expect to be the ONLY companion of the opposite sex that your partner is going to have for the REST OF THEIR LIFE that you are setting your relationship up for failure. You simply can't provide all of the attention that they will ever need. It even hinted that a bit of harmless flirting outside of the relationship is good for the relationship.

    It hit home with me and I completely agree.

    I wish I could have thought this way in some of my past relationships. I used to be completely over jealous.

    Growing up, lesson learned. I've changed a lot since them and my next serious relationship will be much better because of it.



    If you can't be everything your partner needs, you're doing it wrong and shouldn't be with them.

    Smother much, brah?
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Make it quite obvious to both of them where the new guy stands and I don't see a problem with it.
  • gpstrucker
    gpstrucker Posts: 930 Member
    Umm, what do you mean "if I ask him"? You have to get your friends cleared by your boyfriend? WTF?

    My previous girlfriend had it straight. One night we were out at a club and a female friend of mine asked me to dance with her. I looked at my GF to see how she would react. She looked at me and said "As long as you aren't ****ing her it's ok with me".

    That's the way it is supposed to be.

    ^I agree with what this guy said

    Well that's a first.

    LOL
  • LoveBaseball61
    LoveBaseball61 Posts: 11
    The more posts I read on this from the women that think it's no big deal, how would you feel if your BF or hubby came home and said, hey Hon, I met this really cool girl today, gave her my e-mail address and I'm going to be hanging out with her? My guess is it wouldn't go over too good with most of you.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    If it's that big of a deal to your boyfriend, he shouldn't be your boyfriend.

    ^^ I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. If your boyfriend has a problem with it, he's controlling and not worthy of you.

    I wouldn't hide anything from him, but you DO NOT need PERMISSION to live your life!
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    The more posts I read on this from the women that think it's no big deal, how would you feel if your BF or hubby came home and said, hey Hon, I met this really cool girl today, gave her my e-mail address and I'm going to be hanging out with her? My guess is it wouldn't go over too good with most of you.

    Fine with me, he needs more friends anyway.
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