I don't know what to do.... divorce?
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People now a days want a wedding not a marriage. Thats problem number one. Number two, I dont want to be a bully but why are you asking people, most untrained counselors, to have a role in your life. Look for advice from family, close friends, and professional counselors. Third, it is unfair to the man, the one who promised to love you until death, that you are telling your personal business to complete strangers. You need to develop emotionally in order to succeed in a marriage, this shows immaturity. Do what is right and reevaluate your life.
I love you, and I don't even know you.0 -
He doesnt deserve to be married to someone who doesnt want to be married to him, do him a favor and be honest. You are 19, way too young to have gotten married in the first place. If you dont have kids, just leave. He will be better off.0
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getting a divorce because your bored.... isn't a good enough reason.
I'm currently going through a divorce myself but not because i'm bored of him and i wanna see what other fish are in the sea but because we have been having problems for the last 3yrs and he just can't be bothered helping me help the relationship and ignored me 24/7 for weed and the computer and didn't work for 4yrs (we were together in total for 7yrs)
I think you need to sit down and talk with your husband, tell him how you are feeling. You would be surprised at how understand people can be when you are actually truthful with them.
EDIT - just saw your last post!!! *dont read what i posted hahahahaa* ^^0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
Congrats on talking with him and getting counseling! I hope the best for the both of you.
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Ok, I guess I'm going to be the bad guy.
You rushed into marriage. And now you are rushing out of it.
Marriage is something that takes the UTMOST maturity and dedication and patience... Its a lifelong skill. It takes work. And NO 19 year old on the planet is going to understand that. Or make it happen. Not because you don't understand love, but because you don't understand love. lol... As stupid as that sounds.
Love is an amazing ridiculous thing... for anyone. And usually it is still equally hard for someone 30, 40 years old as it is someone who's 18-19. The difference is maturity ... age, life, and the fact that EVERYTHING changes, and your adaptability to change with it.
I wish you understood that at 18, but you didn't... just like the rest of us. lol ... BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Stop thinking your parents are idiots that they "just don't understand" and take their words of advice. If there is ANYONE in the world that is looking out for you and only you... its them. They don't want to make you miserable... they want to help you. (Im only saying this because I'm sure they warned you)
Not everyone who marries young is ditzy about love.
My mother and dad married when my mom was 17, dad was 20 (by a week), and they've been married for.... 43 years in June.
Of course, that was back when forever meant forever and not "for until I get bored..."
Exactly! I don't doubt people are capable of love everlasting... but it is the minority.. now everything .. is very cut and dry.. Being divorced or not, doesn't mean much.And everyone is rushing to do it 1st, instead of doing it forever.
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I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
I just wanted to say...my level of respect for you went up about ten notches right there. Not because you're doing what I think you should...but because your reply was intelligent, well written, and though out....without an ounce of defensiveness.
My apologies if MY posts offended you. This is a subject near and dear to my heart.0 -
Dont mean to sound rude but Ima do it anyways..
Who of ever imagined a marriage at the age of 19 would be a sure thing! Really... Worst decision ever.
In saying that, you made it so you need to deal with it, in the best possible, you should try and sort it out and talk openly about it with him, you owe each other that in the least. Soo soo young, plently of time to get over it and find the real loves of your lives.
Good luck!0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
.....
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
I'm glad to hear you're going to counseling and will try to work it out Anything truly worthwhile is worth the effort.
In a way I've been in your shoes - only 7 months between meeting and marriage (and most of that 7 months was long-distance), and I was 20 at the time. It certainly hasn't been all sunshine and roses (and some of the down times were pretty low), but we recently celebrated our 21st anniversary. Keep hanging in there and fighting for it - it will be worth it!0 -
Good luck with the counseling.....and the best to you and your husband. 0
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Dont mean to sound rude but Ima do it anyways..
Who of ever imagined a marriage at the age of 19 would be a sure thing! Really... Worst decision ever.
In saying that, you made it so you need to deal with it, in the best possible, you should try and sort it out and talk openly about it with him, you owe each other that in the least. Soo soo young, plently of time to get over it and find the real loves of your lives.
Good luck!
Word. lol
I fulllllllllllllllllllly agree with this.0 -
I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
Good Luck!!!! Hope everything works out!0 -
This is why people should live together before even becoming engaged, be together for at least two years before making a decision and never rush into a relationship. I'm not really surprised that after two months of dating and 11 months of marriage you want a divorce.
It takes more than two months to know a person. After four years with my fiance, I'm still surprised by things he does, still happily in love with him and when we can't stand each other, we work through it.
You need to talk with him, start involving him in activities that make you AND him happy, and you need to give it an honest effort before writing off a guy you say treats you like gold. Wanting to travel or something along those lines is not a good enough excuse to go back on vows.
There is a higher divorce rate with people who live together first. Its mainly because they do it because they are testing each other, sadly this carries over when they do get married and then divorce comes.0 -
THIS!You asked. I'm gonna put it out there the way I see it, and I say this with much love. Tough. Marriage is tough. It is not as simple as should I have the "fish or chicken?" Stick with it through the tough times and have fun in the great times. You obviously think you are mature enough to be married so GROW UP, put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Your life is shared with your husband now its just not about you. Get some wise counseling outside MFP and family. And yep I've been happily married 20 years and with my husband from age 19.
Yup. I married at 20, and am working on my 7th year of marriage. Tough? Sure. Boring? Sometimes. Worth it? You bet. I loooove my husband, through the good, and the bad.0 -
I married my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. (But we dated for 2 years)
We've made things work because we are constantly honest with each other and have the same goals. The 1st year was rougher than the rest, then again we got pregnant a month after getting married so 1st year of marriage on top of having a hard pregnancy made things just that much more.....fun?
Honestly I learned more about my husband that first year than I could have ever imagined and in return I love him in a whole new way.
I'd speak to your husband first, wouldn't go about considering divorce without giving him a chance to have some sort of say so in it all and then get smacked with this out of no where. Work at it, take a little vacation and spend some quality time together or get some counseling and if theres still no feeling there, then move things forward. I really hope you all can work things out. Best of luck!0 -
I wouldn't say marriage is hard work but rather marriage is something you both have to want. You need to be a friend to him as he needs to be one to you, mutual respect, and always remember no one is perfect.0
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Wow.. If you're bored then go do something fun together. *Married 8 years* Boredom happens in LIFE. Do you really want to be chasing he rush of a new romance forever? If you have a good one, hang on to him because there are few out there.. and there will be even fewer by the time you do decide to get married again.0
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I just wanted to clarify that it is not because I am "bored." For about a month now I just could never look at him the same.. every little thing he did got on my nerves. BUT tonight I read all of these responses and sat back and realized that I did make a commitment before God ( yes i am a strong christian) and I just needed to think about why I married him in the first place. There is nothing wrong with him, it is me that has changed. I did have a very long conversation with him and he was sweet and understanding. We are going to get couples counseling and try and work this out. Marriage isn't just something that happens. It is a life long commitment and yes some days will be tough but through it all I have the choice to fall in love with him again everyday. And I am choosing to do so.
And to clarify to the people I upset, I am sorry. I am not an immature 19 year old. I have lived on my own since I was 17 and I finished high school and am in college ( not that those things make you mature).
But thank you everyone for the tough love and support.
I guess I just got caught up in stress of finances and the bad things marriage brings, but there is so much more worth fighting for. I loved this man 11 months ago and my heart still belongs with him!!
Best of luck! Hope this works out for you two.0 -
I have to say that I think that people think that marriage is something you can dispose of because so many of us have divorced parents. I got married at 21 and will be celebrating 11 years of marriage to a wonderful man. However my parents did not set a very good example for me with their marriage. They were divorced at 17 years. I honestly can not imagine living with someone for that long and then just decided you don't want to be married to them any longer. I take my vows seriously. But I will say that if I was unhappy in my marriage, I would leave. But before I left, I would make darn well sure that I did everything in my power to see what I could do to save my marriage.
My parents are why I don't want to get married! My father (aka sperm donor at this point) is on wife #5 and he's a divorce attorney. My biological mother has been divorced at least twice. My step/adoptive mom (my father's 4th wife) is on marriage #3 (my stepdad is awesome so I think this is it for both). Fine examples eh? I have friends who were together for years before getting married but divorced after 1-2 years. I just don't get it. Do people just give up? Not care? I don't even want a wedding if it ever happens for me. Seems like a waste of money these days.0 -
I agree with soccermoma, I would try counseling and working it out first, so that you will know that you tried everything. I also saw your follow up and think it's great that you talked to him. There is a reason they say the first year is the hardest, you're getting to know each other better and figuring out who you'll be as a couple. Give it some time before you give up. I was with my husband for 6 years before we got married and there was a time in the first year where I said out loud "are we going to get divorced?" because we were behaving differently toward each other than we ever had before and it felt weird. But we talked it through and gave it time and now 4 years later I could never imagine my life without him. You are not ALWAYS going to be happy or feel head over heels in love and it's not a matter of IF you fight or IF you hit rough patches but rather HOW you handle them and work through them. Know that what you're both feeling is normal and give yourselves some time to get through it, you may find yourselves in a better place when you do. best of luck and thanks for your courage in being honest.0
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It sounds like you entered into the marriage too casually. Staying in a relationship that isn't working is bad for everyone. Having kids will only make matters worse. And considerably complicate things when you do split up. I'm speaking from experience here...
I suggest counseling. Not just to save the marriage, per se, but to better understand how you got into this situation so it doesn't happen again. I'd start with just you and a counselor (or someone you respect, etc.).
Good luck.
--Prahasaurus0
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