"babe" "hun"

Woah! Paranoia much? Not only do I not think it's wrong for men and women to use these terms, I think it's perfectly natural that they do. For example, in Yorkshire (UK) ****, Duck and Love are commonly used terms. Just because my other half calls the woman down the road Love, does not mean he's in love with her, and just because I greet people (of both genders) with Heyup **** does not mean I have seen their gentiles. Such terms are a part of regional culture and most regions have a set of these which are commonly used.

If you're uncomfortable with them, I think you need to look at yourself rather than your partner.

If you're with a man who has been this way for a lifetime and you're expecting him to change who he is, don't you think that maybe you're being disrespectful and should've known what you were getting yourself into?

There's an old saying: "Women marry men expecting they'll change. They are frequently disappointed when it doesn't happen. Men marry women expecting they WON'T change. They are frequently disappointed when it does."

There's another newer saying: "People who ask for advice about problems with their spouse on Internet forums are going to get a whole range of opinions, and through sheer coincidence some of the solutions might actually be right. But the ONLY way to start actually dealing with the problem is to step away from the Internet and talk to the spouse. Reading the pages of responses from tons of well-meaning people who are not living your life just costs you time or clouds the real communication you have to have with your spouse."

To OP: Please stop reading the thread NOW and actually express your feelings to your husband, face-to-face, honestly and without trying to judge. If this is a real crisis for your marriage, you need to deal with it now. Because he's probably not seeing it that way - he's just seeing an innocent nickname with some co-workers he's friendly with. Decide how important this is to YOU, not a bunch of well-meaning people on an Internet forum, and work with your husband to resolve the problem in a way you can both live with.

A few suggestions:
- Have him invent a nickname that's special to the two of you that he will ONLY call YOU. That differentiates it from other more commonly used nicknames like "hon" and "babe" and "dear " and "sweetie" that are fairly commonly-used "social/non-intimate" nicknames. Then you've got a nickname all your own that no one else gets.
- Ask him to change jobs to a company with a different, more formal "vibe". If he's in the restaurant/hospitality industry currently, that will probably mean a career change too.


Most importantly, you have to pick a priority for this. Is this worth ending your marriage over, or is it something you can life with if you are reassured that they are just empty nicknames to him?

You'd hate it in Newfoundland. Everyone refers to everyone as hun, honey, sweetie, ducky, my doll etc lol

I think it's a boundary thing. You're his wife, not his girlfriend. He should only call his coworkers by their actual names. This clearly delineates that he is not available and those terms of endearment are for his beloved, and her only (or your children if you have them).

Bartending might be an exception because it's a fun environment and all that. But it makes me mad when men call their female coworkers "babe", "hun", etc. Not okay!

I'm your colleague, I'm not "sweetie" in the workplace. As said before, it all depends on the work environment.

Really, in the grand scheme is this really that big of a deal?

My friends and I call each other "hun", "love", "sweetie", etc. all the time. Unnecessary jealousy is highly unattractive.

hun - ok

babe - NO!!! That shud b what he only calls me.

I'm fine with "hun" or "babe" for other people because I don't like being called those names myself. Plus, I call people "love", "sweetie", and darling myself. That said, I do find babe a bit more troublesome than the rest of those words, but still not bothering me. Now, if he gave away my pet name (Goober/Peanut), I would be more worried.

My boyfriend this one friend that uses names like that when interacting with him ever so often, and it just burns me! I ignore it though. Nothing i can do, or that he can do.

I'm Southern, so I kind of call everyone hun or sweetie - lol! Just can't help that. But really, it's a bartender thing. I've done it in the past, and you really are kind of required to be a little flirtatious. It just goes with the territory. My boyfriend was a bartender for a little while too, and he got hit on so much! I kind of took it as a compliment for how hot he is! ;-)

Really, this is all about being insecure in your relationship, and that's what you should be focusing on. Once you have that confidence with each other, those little things just don't matter anymore.

Hahaha ask every girl on my friend list - it must be a Boston thing or something, but I call every girl babe and hun. Christ, I call some of my guy friends hun to be funny and catch them off guard.

I'll address my girlfriend (when I have one) as beautiful sometimes - can't say it all the time, then they get used to it and it loses it's meaning.

I did have a girlfriend get pissed at me about the hun/babe issue back in college. I was 100% faithful, she was the one cheating, go figure.

If your man treats you right, that's all that should matter. Personally it sounds like he has swag so you should be happy

It would bother me, I know it would bother my husband too.

+1 for the Southern thing - whenever I go to VA or TN, all the women call me "baby". But that's probably cause I'm swaggin haha

My boyfriend has a pet name just for me.. well and sometimes he uses it with our 3 month old daughter but I am okay with it. Now if he called another girl by that name i would be pissed. But I call everyone.. male and female hun and sweetie, unless I am at work. Then I use names I'd rather not get fired, but I work at a bank. He trusts me just as if i heard him calling a girl hun or some other pet name I wouldn't care, as long as it isn't my pet name. Then I would be pissed.