Is it ok for a woman..........

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Replies

  • newfette81
    newfette81 Posts: 185
    would she be ok with the situation if the roles were reversed and you were talking to another girl that often?

    I know I wouldn't be ok with it. My BF is a BIG TIME gamer and into D&D and all the nerd stuff and is out with the boys alllll the time. I'm the homebody mainly because I'm studying or doing homework and I would never seek out someone else to talk to. when I want someone to talk to I want to talk to my man!

    Something seems fishy there to me...

    good luck
  • mateo57505
    mateo57505 Posts: 83 Member
    Not to be rude but on every other weekend when your gone playing D&D she is probabley spending time with this other guy and not talking on the phone with hime.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    I'd say it sounds a little dodgy. I mean, talking to a guy and having him as a close friend I can understand, but 3 hours? Seems a little much. I'd be a bit pissed about that too.

    I don't know her though, you say they've been friends 14 years. I've never had a guy friend for that length of time before, it could be totally legit.

    If you feel uncomfortable with it, let her know, but I'd be more worried if she's trying to keep things from you. Does she mind you being in the same room when she's talking to him? Would she be bothered if you picked up her phone and read one of the texts? I'm not talking about looking through her phone, but like if I was busy (in the bath or something) and my phone went off, I'd get my bf to read it for me, to see if it's urgent or can wait. Would she object to that?
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    bump..
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    It doesn't matter what we think really. It obviously bothers you, so no, it's not okay. Talk to her.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    Uhhh is this a friend you've always known about and she's always done this or is this a new "friend"?

    I think this is the million dollar question.

    Is this someone she grew up with or something? Cuz if it is then you're just a controlling d!ck...

    If it's not then she's probably wanting to cheat...if she's not already.
  • Ben2118
    Ben2118 Posts: 571 Member
    Just come home 2 hours early when you're next out role playing and you'll find out! :wink:
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    HAHA

    I still play tabletop DnD complete with painted miniatures and everything :sad:
  • dollipop
    dollipop Posts: 379 Member
    I'd have to presume he is gay because NO guy I know would talk on the phone for 3 hours... unless he's trying to get into her pants. What do they talk about? Does she talk to him while you're in the room? Seems to be a double standard though if you couldn't do the same with an old female friend.....
  • crimznrose
    crimznrose Posts: 282 Member
    I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.

    If you can't talk to your old gal friends, then she shouldn't be talking to any guy friends. Plain and simple.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    For the record...if my wife was off playing games she should have grown out of when she was 11 for hours on end every single weekend...I might shop around too. Though I'd at least have the decency to get a divorce first.

    If you want to play games then cool...but it sounds like she doesn't share the same interest...so why don't you cut down on your game time and find something for you both to do.
  • SWiel84
    SWiel84 Posts: 43
    i'm married and i would never talk to another guy for hours on the phone. i'm with everyone else; there's something going on there.
  • calalily77
    calalily77 Posts: 240 Member
    Actually, Grown men do play Dungeons and Dragons. My brother in law plays something like that and travels and plays in tournaments. So as odd as it may sound, it happens. Really gives the wife no excuse to do what she is doing. If all that she is doing is "chatting" then she wouldn't feel the need to be defensive about it.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

    And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.
  • PicNic00
    PicNic00 Posts: 269 Member
    If it makes you uncomfortable.... then there is a problem. talk to her about it.
  • donjoe1024
    donjoe1024 Posts: 30
    Thanks to everyone for all the comments and all the words I appreciate it I want to put it into perspective for everyone and see how everyone feels so far it is fishy to most thanks a ton keep posting I appreciate all the feedback
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    Depends on who this guy is but I can't imagine talking on the phone for 3 hours to anyone unless I was romantically interested in them.
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    After reading this a couple of times, it has to be a joke. No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    HAHA

    I used to be a Teacher's Aide, and the science teacher at the school played D&D every wednesdays w/ a group of kids. It was odd- And his little club had a lot more members than mine. XD
  • bellyake3
    bellyake3 Posts: 135 Member
    Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it? I am curious. WHat everyones opinion is on it. Even if she says you can go do whatever and then brings up the fact that she is supportive of me cause she lets me hang with the guys every other weekend at his house playing Dungeons and Dragons, yes I said I am a role player. Please Id like the opinions of everyone. Thanks

    Hubby is doing the same thing and passing it off like it's a work thing...he admitted to wanting more from her and to have feelings for her..but that's all he admits to..

    dude you already know what's up. I did, and you seem more educated then me...wake up. Even if it is legit (which in my mind it isn't) then she should know better. If she has a history as having guys for buds and can remain "friends" no benifits then yeah your fine. But if not, she's screwin' or gonna be screwin' around...so sorry but i feel you on this one...be well
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
    Simple answer in my own opinion is NO, It's not OK.

    Reverse the roles, with the guy on the phone to a female friend for hours or constantly texting - I personally would be peed off.

    Moreso over the night time conversations.

    Now, the ONLY reason why I say the above is because my Ex has been friends with a female for pretty much 13 out of 15 yrs that I've known him and still is may I hasten to add. Apparently they used to know each other BEFORE we got together. Now ever since they started up as friends again, lets just say, she has followed us EVERYWHERE we have gone / moved to. At certain times, she has actually worked for us or him rather. But, back a number of years ago, she was CONSTANTLY texting and ringing sometimes late at night adn at the time when I was pregnant with my first child, it was pretty horrible. There's other aspects of her being more than friendly with him at the time too....yes, twice. She hangs around him everyday like she's with him. She's partly the reason, he's an ex. pretty much.

    So, yeah, I'd be peeved if there was more to it that was VALIDATED / CONFIRMED if there was something going on.

    OTHERWISE, if they are calls and messages from friends only, then yeah, even if they are of the opposite sex. I'd personally be fine with it unless I thought there was more to it. But then you have to be careful not to stray onto the path of becoming paranoid.

    It's about trust too, which I obviously lost complete trust in my ex after certain events. If you know REALLY know deep down that your spouse is being 100% faithful to you, then there shouldn't be ANYTHING to worry about.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,412 Member
    At least she isn't trying to hide the fact she's cheating on you like mine did. If she hasn't cheated already... she's heading that direction. You guys need to talk. Good luck.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
    The only one that can say if it is ok its you.
    Talking on the phone , sending messages doesnt mean that she thinks of him in a romantic way or sexual way .
    Can u talk with her from 3 hours if he doesnt ? Instead of talking with her about it, if it bothers u, take her to do things, talk with her about different subjects
    Married or not married , a person has to be happy .
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    I think it depends on context. With just the information given, I would have a chat with her.
    Make sure you upgrade your armor class first, though!
  • donjoe1024
    donjoe1024 Posts: 30
    She is a homebody she likes to stay home and if I ask to go out she says nah Id rather enjoy the tme at home. SO I have tried asking her to go out with me and such but she never really has the urge a lunch she enjoys but not much else
  • Manarelle
    Manarelle Posts: 33 Member
    If you can't talk to your old gal friends, then she shouldn't be talking to any guy friends. Plain and simple.

    This is my second reaction. That sounds like a huge double standard, and I've found hypocrisy and cheating tend to go hand in hand.

    My first reaction is that yeah, something is fishy. Unless it's a relative or a gay guy that she treats as a girlfriend, then something is amiss. As sexist or whatever as it sounds, as dollipop said, no man would spend that much time on the phone unless he's trying to get into her pants....
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    I think she found someone that doesn't still play Dungeons and Dragons.

    ^ This.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
    After reading this a couple of times, it has to be a joke. No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    HAHA

    Uh... I know many adults who play D&D. So... yeah.

    Anyways, the texts don't really raise any flags for me... I have guy friends that text me late at night, but usually it's just to tell me something stupid. BUT the three hours on the phone at a time is pretty excessive. :huh: Maybe you should ask her how she would feel if you had a female friend that you spent three hours on the phone with every other day? It doesn't mean she's done anything wrong, but it does seem that something' could be brewing. Good luck!
  • mollyonamission
    mollyonamission Posts: 268 Member
    How long have u guys been together?
    I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.
  • Valkira
    Valkira Posts: 7
    You should talk to her. No point in guessing and pointing finger, no point in wondering what if. Marriage should be about communication and compromise. Hopefully it is nothing, hopefully it all works out in the end. However, you have to talk to her. I wish you all the best. Good luck.
  • PWalker1913
    PWalker1913 Posts: 4
    I'm a married woman and I do not believe its ok.
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