Is it ok for a woman..........

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  • SingeSange
    SingeSange Posts: 98 Member
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    I would be upset if my husband did that, and I wouldn't do that to my husband.
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    The only time I've ever spent that long on the phone with a man is when I was interested in him, in "that" way.
  • HeatherNoyes
    HeatherNoyes Posts: 114 Member
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    no it is not ok. Plain and simple.
  • calalily77
    calalily77 Posts: 240 Member
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    I find it interesting when a gal posts a question "Can a girl have male friends?" and people say yes...but then if she's married, suddenly the answer is 'no'

    I happen to get along better with men than I do with women. I have zero close female friends. If I happen to meet a guy that I have no interest in hooking up with, I have to automatically nix them as a friend if I happen to also be married?

    That is f'ed up.

    I believe some/most if not all people can have platonic friendships whether the friend is male or female. Honestly, I believe that couples SHOULD spend time apart doing their 'own' things with other friends. I'd go bonkers if I couldn't hang out and do things with different people. I find it boring if i do the same things with the same people ALL THE TIME.

    OP, if wifey has had this friend for 14 years, you have no place to tell her she can no longer be friends with him, you can tell her that you feel uneasy about the time they spend together, but if you push it, you may risk pushing her out of the marriage, that is my honest opinion.

    But she has a place to tell him that he can't have contact with his old female friends? I don't think so. Also I agree that people should have time to themselves, But if that time is spent while you are at home together and you have to go talk to another man, that is not right.
  • PShep17
    PShep17 Posts: 221 Member
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    Depends who the guy is i suppose. I've got a number of guy mates, some of them my best friends, who I speak to regularly and would never dream of changing that. Saying that, I can understand how a bf might be uncomfortable with this. I think if it's someone she's been friends with for years and nothing has ever happened romantically then it's all good. You cab't really do anything about it. Wouldn't be an issue if it was a girl and that just makes it look like 'girls and guy can't just be friends' :)
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    No female over the age of 14 regularly spends hours talking on the phone to a friend. She's either doing him, or she's planning to do him as soon as possible.

    ETA: This is not an issue of "Can men and women be 'just friends?' " Sure, she can have a strictly platonic relationship with a man. But again, I ask you, how many women do you know who talk on the phone to their male friends (or even female friends) for HOURS at a time on a regular basis? I have many male friends, and when I talk to them on the phone, it's for a few minutes. If it's one I haven't spoken to in a while, maybe 15 to 20 minutes, and that is pushing it. Hours? That ain't just a friend. Sorry.
  • bellyake3
    bellyake3 Posts: 135 Member
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    Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

    And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

    FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

    I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no relationship..at least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    You get to play D&D every other weekend!!! That rocks.

    Ok my advise is say you heading out to play D&D on weekend, but leave your Monster Manual II behind. In a few hours had back to the house to get the book. Use your Search and Spot skill to see if something is amiss, like she has a guy ion top of her or something.

    That is what I would do.








    Just kidding, I would never leave a D&D game just to check out of my SO is cheating. that is just crazy talk.
  • ElviraCross
    ElviraCross Posts: 331 Member
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    It would be very wrong in my marriage.
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it? I am curious. WHat everyones opinion is on it. Even if she says you can go do whatever and then brings up the fact that she is supportive of me cause she lets me hang with the guys every other weekend at his house playing Dungeons and Dragons, yes I said I am a role player. Please Id like the opinions of everyone. Thanks

    If he's gay it's not an issue. But if he's straight than it's inappropriate. I used to be of the mindset that married men and women can maintain appropriate personal relationships with each other BUT through the last 6 years of marriage and life experience I have learned that it's not likely to stay appropriate. I've seen SO MANY marriages fail due to either spouse not understanding the importance of boundaries between friends of the opposite sex. I have male friends but we don't text or talk on the phone and rarely email each other. It's friendly chatting on facebook or if we run in to each other. The same goes for my husband and the women he knows. If we spend time with them, we are both there. It's not a matter of distrust. It's a matter of understanding that marriages have ups and downs and marriages don't stop you from being attracted to others so the risk of running to some one during those times and making a mistake is too high. We agree that if we don't want to be tempted than we don't put ourselves in that position.

    Edited to say I notice you say she's known him 14 years but is this amount of talking to him more recent or has she always spent this much time talking to him? There comes a point when if your significant other is talking to some one else more than they are to you and about problems, hopes, goals, that would normally be communicated to you, that you start to wonder why they are with you when there is some one else they would prefer spending their time with emotionally. Even if you take sex out of the equation it's still not very considerate of your relationship.
  • nas24
    nas24 Posts: 880 Member
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    it seems odd to me. but what are they talking about anyways?? I dont even talk to my husband that long on the phone, about anything. I would just dig a bit deeper by saying "so i notice you talk to "blah blah" a lot. Whats up with that? What yall talking about?"
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    Before assuming the worst, I would find out if the guy is a good friend and maybe going through some tough times (like a divorce or death in the family) and needs a friend. If not, then I would have to say no way, not ok.
  • jasonr1442
    jasonr1442 Posts: 67 Member
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    The only time I've ever spent that long on the phone with a man is when I was interested in him, in "that" way.


    THIS^^^^^

    I haven't spent more than 3 minutes on the phone with anyone in 20 years.
  • keenslk
    keenslk Posts: 126
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    if it was me and my partner - would def say no it is not okay....!!!! it is more than okay to have friends of the opposite sex but not 3 hour phone calls and late night texting friends.... just saying!!!! it's too close... tell her your unhappy about be straight up!!!!

    if it bothers you be honest!!!
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
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    I'm a fairly liberal person; I think that a woman or a man is entitled to have friends of the gender to which they are attracted, sometimes even exes... but man, what she is doing is not okay. That is WAY too much time spent, even by phone, with another guy (especially if he's straight). I agree that it's emotional cheating. Even if the dude is gay, or even if she spent that much time talking to her female friends, I would still be concerned that she's sharing more personal details of her life with them than with you (also not healthy, as relationships go). I would keep copies of your phone records, if I were you.

    In my view, if you are in a serious relationship, your closest confidante should be your partner, with family (blood relations) and people who in no way have a sexual orientation compatible with yours second. While I personally refuse to give up my friendships with long-time male friends (I have some going back to junior high, and also some exes have become long-time friends), I believe that certain ground rules should be followed, out of respect for one's significant other. They are:

    -Occasional phone calls only. Like maybe a half hour every couple of weeks or something, tops.

    -A fair amount of time can be spent with such friends, if in a wider social group gathering to which my S.O. is readily invited. There should be nothing I have to say to these male friends that I can't say in front of the one I love. As for my exes, any talk about past intimacies is a no-no. I will not tolerate them dragging up ancient history, because we no longer have that kind of relationship, and it would likely be hurtful to my S.O.

    -No one-on-one meetings with these male friends, except for maybe a chance meeting out in public that turns into coffee, and/or I haven't seen them in a really long time.

    I think that would give me plenty of time to maintain such friendships, while still not giving any rational man a reason to worry. I would expect the same to apply to my S.O. and any of his female friends/exes.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

    And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

    FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

    Are you serious? If you had a good friend for 14 years and your husband wanted you to stop talking to that person you'd be fine with that? I call bullsh!t.
  • mikek333
    mikek333 Posts: 78 Member
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    My advice: less time with D and D and more time with the wifey.
  • Rizabees
    Rizabees Posts: 80
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    That made me laugh.

    Anyway "letting" you hang out with your buddies to role play D&D isn't the same as talking to some chick for hours.

    Don't assume the worst, but try to really figure out what's going on between the two.
    Most of my friends are guys, but the only time we talk is online while playing Diablo...
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

    And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

    FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

    I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no relationship..at least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..

    And for the record...in that situation the trust isn't "gone"...it was never there in the first place. Telling someone to drop their friends just because they have the opposite anatomy is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and it's the complete opposite of having trust in someone.
  • donjoe1024
    donjoe1024 Posts: 30
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    WOw this post has really grown I want to thank everyone for their comments on both sides it has helped me to figure it out more so for myself so I thank each and everyone of you Hugs to you all. This has been a good therapy session so far and all the comments will continue to help thanks

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