Is it ok for a woman..........



  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    well, sound slike she's trying to cover her own butt by saying that "you can do whatever you want" so in future if she DOES cheat on you, she can say "well you were allowed to have sex with other women". You hanging out with the guys is no where near same as her spending hours and hours on phone with her guy friend.

    The disturbing thing is that she's ALLOWING you to play D&D? wtf is this ALLOWING crap? I'm not a married man but this ALLOWING thing is kinda disturbing to me.

    Also, she doesn't allow you to hangout with your female friends but she spends hours and hours talking to her male friends? seriously lol.

    Good luck man but Its kinda obvious whats going on (unless you're trolling us)
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I'd have to presume he is gay because NO guy I know would talk on the phone for 3 hours... unless he's trying to get into her pants. What do they talk about? Does she talk to him while you're in the room? Seems to be a double standard though if you couldn't do the same with an old female friend.....

    Wrong girly lol.

    I was on the phone for 3hrs with a female friend last night...and we've no intention of sleeping with each other whatsoever lol.

    You can (and I think have!) draw your own conclusion as to my sexual preferences =p.
    Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

    And about your "gal friends" many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

    FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

    I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..

    And for the that situation the trust isn't "gone" was never there in the first place. Telling someone to drop their friends just because they have the opposite anatomy is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and it's the complete opposite of having trust in someone.

    Judgmental much??

    Every post you've made has been rude, accusational, and judgmental. Get over yourself man. Not everyone defines trust by your personal definition, and not everyone defines their relationship by your personal set of rules. It's obvious that there's plenty of people in this thread who have happy, healthy marriages...who would still be disturbed by how the OP's wife is acting.
    Lol I like how you now are judging my own marital situation based on a response on a forum. I swear some of the *kitten* that gets posted on here never ceases to amaze me.

    Did you even read your own posts?


    My dear friend you raise many good points and I agree, I have some very old female friends who I think i'll continue to be good friends wiht long after a decade. Infact, for one of them I am best friends with her and her now husband and was the best man in the wedding.

    However the ringer thats setting off in my mind is that it sounds like she's trying to be a control freak towards him while doing whatever she pleases herself. She wouldn't let him hangout with his female friends but she talks to her male friend all this time? She's telling him that she LETS him play D&D. What is he 8? Ever other weekend if a man wants to play D&D or go to a bar, its his right to do so.

    To me, at the very least it sounds like double standards if not some sort of cheating going on. Against this is assuming that the OP isn't trolling.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
    After reading this a couple of times, it has to be a joke. No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    Adults are the only people I know who play D&D. :wink:
  • amivox
    amivox Posts: 441 Member
    Unless he is gay or family, then yes, there is a problem.
  • amivox
    amivox Posts: 441 Member
    After reading this a couple of times, it has to be a joke. No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    Adults are the only people I know who play D&D. :wink:

    My ex was 26 when I was with him last. He was still playing D&D. A few of the friends he played with were in their 30's.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    She's been friends with him for 14 years I think it's fine. It's rare but men and women can be friends. I'd keep the lines of communication open to make sure this guy is not taking your place. Maybe she is getting something from him that she is not getting from you. I would try to figure out if that is the case. Honestly I hope this doesn't sound harsh but if she has already made her mind up to leave she's going to leave. Really both of you are better off if this is the case. There are no reasons to stay in a loveless marriage.
  • rsqsquad05
    rsqsquad05 Posts: 125
    I'm really surprised so many people think she shouldn't be "allowed" to talk to her guy friend of 14 years! Don't you think she has had plenty of opportunity to have him if she wants him? I mean, it doesn't sound like she is hiding it from you. ...that might cause reason for concern. I'm sure that the 3 hour talks are not EVERYday either. If she sits at home she probably is bored and appreciates the conversation. Does she lock herself in her room so you can't hear her? Don't be insecure! If she is gonna mess around on you she'd be doing it while your out playing D&D anyway and there is nothing you can do about it. You can only be the BEST BF possible and deal with infidelity if it comes. If you try to say "you can't do this" you will only push her away anyhow. Not always easy but thats how I see it :)
  • ValiCaly
    ValiCaly Posts: 111
    Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it? I am curious. WHat everyones opinion is on it. Even if she says you can go do whatever and then brings up the fact that she is supportive of me cause she lets me hang with the guys every other weekend at his house playing Dungeons and Dragons, yes I said I am a role player. Please Id like the opinions of everyone. Thanks

    NO it is not okay.
    Been down this road and it sucks.
    You hang out with the guys and she is talking it up with 'a' guy.
    There is more to this picture than is being seen at the present moment.
    For the record, women and communication equals bonding.
    Do you want your wife bonding with another man?
    She needs to be talking to her g/f's when she feels the need to be yapping for long periods of time - not some guy.
  • ValiCaly
    ValiCaly Posts: 111
    If she is giving away time that should be spent with you the husband then she is cheating on you.
  • from what i have read of all the posts in here (about the first 3 pages) ihave something i can prehaps shed some light with.

    the act itself talking for hours almost constantly texting an old freind this is not wrong, if out side of a relationship no one would say anything odd about it and it does happe, espically if they do not see each at all or often.

    what seems wrong to me is her responses, i can't say how much of them you are putting into here, but they seem quite defeinsive and abrupt.

    the only other thing that would bug me is a persoanl bug bear, she is allowed to do this but you are not with your old girlfriends (as in freinds that are girls), but i persoanlly hate a double standard.

    i don't plan to draw any conclusions as i may not have enougth information to that, but thats my thoughts on the matter.
  • Ok, so I read the first 2 pages. Forgive me if I missed vital updates

    I;m going to go against the grain and say I'd be OK with it. I can talk for hours with old friends about great times, mutual friends, common interests and the like. When I game I'm often on xbox live or vent with 6+guys doing a raid that will last HOURS.

    I think that from her comment (first page) she thinks the issue is the time she's on the phone and that's taking away from your relation ship, which is why she points our shes ok with you being unavailable. , Does she know your issue is that this other person she's talking to has a penis.

    If she's given you a reason not to trust her, then I can understand. Trust is earned. But if my boyfriend all of a sudden said I couldn't be on the phone with anyone buy girls for a certian amount of time, I'd tell him I need to do my raids and he could eat a ****.

    Sometimes girls aren't looking to get laid when they talk to guys. They just have common interests. Yeah, I get hit on sometimes, but I'm faithfull, and my man can trust me.

    Trust. You guys need to get some
  • Weathers58
    Weathers58 Posts: 246 Member
    Are you a goblin or an elf and do you have the fifth key to the cave dwellers.

    Its all about the ring Luke trust the one they call smeagol

    PS shes shagging someone
  • yeah i would def have a prob with that
  • Are you a goblin or an elf and do you have the fifth key to the cave dwellers.

    Its all about the ring Luke trust the one they call smeagol

    PS shes shagging someone

  • Somethings not right....
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
    ..I would ask you firstly do you feel as if by her keeping in touch with this guy are you missing out hearing all about whats going with her? or are you missing out on feeling close to her? I ask because I've been that woman! and believe me my husband WAS missing out big time. I think we just can't have male friends as women, it doesnt work and certainly the amount of time she is spending talking to him/texting etc is just TOO much to be healthy.
    At the end of the day if you give her an ultimatum thats not usually the best thing to do (us women don't like being told what to do lol)
    Think you need to have a good chat with her about all this and tell her how you feel :)
  • scrmngdsy
    scrmngdsy Posts: 54 Member
    First of all, your behaviors are reasonably normal, so I don't think it's fair of her to say "I LET you do these things". You should have that freedom anyway to maintain normal goings on and see your friends as should she without asking the other person's permission. Her behavior, however, sends up several red flags. It's NOT normal for a woman to talk to another man who isn't their boyfriend or husband on the phone for such a long amount of time. I would definitely beware of this and not ignore it. Please talk to her and get the truth about the situation.


    Sorry, just read on and saw that they've been friends for 14 years...

    Yeah, that's probably legit. Maybe one of them is having a problem and needs to talk about it. But still, if it bothers you that much you should just ask her about it.
  • sazzyp1973
    sazzyp1973 Posts: 517 Member
    I don't think that is unsupportive. I would question her motives. Is she still living in the fantasy role play world?
  • The fact that you're even questioning whether it is right or wrong shows you are feeling uncomfortable with the situation. She knows what she is doing is inappropriate, hence why she is trying to justify it by telling you that you can do whatever you want...

    You should tell her how you feel. If she respects you and understands, she will cool it. If she rises to it and becomes angry and defensive, then you know you were right to suspect something wrong. She is being very inconsiderate and should put herself in your shoes; I doubt she would like that very much. Regardless of whether you have been friends with someone for fourteen years, you do not have to speak to them every day for a large amount of time. It is you she is in the marriage with, not him...

    Good luck.
  • ccadroz93
    ccadroz93 Posts: 136 Member
    I do not believe it is any where near appropriate for a married woman to spend that much time talking and texting with a man that is not her husband. Women are relational; in other words, as a general rule, we get alot of fulfillment out of talking and being heard which can turn into an emotional affair or worse. From an outsider's perspective, if I knew a woman was married and she was always talking to some guy I would have to wonder if there wasn't something else going on.

    I have lots of guy friends, but any communication is short and to the point, because I have alot of respect for my husband and our marriage.

    Opinions are like noses.....everyone has one.....that's mine since you asked!