ugh!! people judge quickly

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  • schume89
    schume89 Posts: 118 Member
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    I moved in with my ex after a year and a half of dating (about two weeks after graduating high school), and in some ways it was one of the best things I have ever done. Before, I thought he was the one, but I learned real quick that was not the case and I found out he wasn't who I thought he was. Now I will never even consider marrying a guy without living with him first.

    Just don't get someone's name tattoed on your body! A woman I work with learned that the hard way haha
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
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    On the opposite side of the spectrum, my 21 year old daughter got married yesterday and last week my husband commented that he sure wishes they'd "at least lived together before they got married." LOL

    I'd just answer their comment with "Well, maybe YOU shouldn't, but for us it was the right decision." Don't even worry about it, when you let others upset you, you're essentially giving your power away to them, the power to be happy. Only you control your happiness, so stop giving your powers away!
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
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    living together first is a must so you can get to know the other persons daily habits and quirks that you may just not be able to deal with. Best that you know before getting married
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    He who is without sin cast the first stone
  • cranford_s
    cranford_s Posts: 55 Member
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    Judge not lest ye be judged... right?

    Yep.

    Not really my place to decide how someone else should live their life. I know I'd raise hell if someone tried to run mine for me :)
  • Expialidojess
    Expialidojess Posts: 588 Member
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    I'd never marry someone without living with them first. You really learn a lot about a person when you live with them!!
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I'd never marry someone without living with them first. You really learn a lot about a person when you live with them!!

    A fairly bad comparison but I wouldn't buy a shoe without trying it on. I am a firm believer that in order to truly KNOW a person, you need to either do long traveling, live with or do business with them. Thats when the true characteristics come out
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
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    Yes I am the "chick" who posted about me and my husband having problems before. That is all worked out and has nothing to do with this..

    And to clarify, I know this was directed to me because we had private messages back and forth on FB before this status where she was saying I am not a "christian" for living with my husband before marriage and that we possibly couldn't have not had sex. Her and her husband got married a month before my husband and I did and she lived with his parents for a few years before they got married.

    AND the only way she knew about this was because she goes to church with my father in law and he told EVERYONE in the church we were living together and needed to be prayed over... seriously? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

    Normally things don't bother me and everyone is entitled to their own opinion I just hate when I say yes I did live with my husband before marriage that everyone automatically assumes I cannot be a christian and that we had a butt load of sex.

    I just dispise pple who judge without asking first.
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
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    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally

    So if you're forced then its probably not a good situation. I think its fine is people want to live together first but it should be a responsible planned out decision. Everyone should be able to fend for themselves first before living with anyone anyway. Its important to be able to have that independence and know you can survive on your own before living with another person. If this guy were to walk away from you, what would be your options then?

    I don't really care what other people do but for myself, I wouldn't live with someone first. I already take care of myself, have my own apt and manage all my expenses. I would never want to marry a person who lacks any trust in the future of our relationship that they feel the need to "test drive" a marriage. I have no interest in playing housewife without a solid commitment. Living with a person first means I'd be getting rid of my apartment and taking a giant risk and leap of faith for someone who wouldn't take that risk for me and marry me. And if playing house doesn't work out, then I'm left starting over.

    I think when both people live on their own and you spend enough time at each others places you get to know the persons quirks and habits very well that way. You should also spend time with their family and see if their family dynamic matches up with yours. If their upbringing and the way they take care of themselves is something you can live with, then I'm not exactly sure what kind of problems you're looking for in a pretend marriage. When you test out living together first you're set up to find faults in the relationship and to find reasons it won't work. If you're looking for a problem you'll always find it. Not everyone's perfect.

    Some people never want to get married though, which is fine too. Also some people can't get married so they don't really have any other option. I think in cases like these you should weigh out all the decisions and plan ahead of time. It should never be a "hey its more convenient and we'll save money by being roommates!" kind of living together situation. I see that way more often than not with couples who move in together.

    I'm also swayed by this way culturally as well. I'm sure its fine in other peoples family's but it would cause a lot of friction in mine if I were to be shacked up with a guy. I wouldn't marry a guy that my family doesn't accept either. I have pretty nice and rational parents and siblings. Usually if they strongly don't like a person its probably in my best interest. That hasn't happened yet, but if it did I would really take their opinions very seriously. Its not an automatic deal breaker, but it really carries a lot of weight.
  • sculptandtone
    sculptandtone Posts: 300 Member
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    I think it is a legitimate opinion and so do a lot of other people. If you don't like their point of view, it is a free country and you can unfriend them. Or if they really are a friend, you can ask them why they hold that opinion and maybe try to understand it.

    If you don't believe in living together, then by all means you shouldn't. Just like people who don't believe in marriage shouldn't get married. Or people who don't believe in pre-marital sex shouldn't have it. Or people who don't believe in monogamy, shouldn't be monogamous. So, yes, it's a legitimate opinion and you should feel free to employ it in your own life. But, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't appreciate people with the opinion opposite to your own telling YOU that you should live with someone before marriage. It's personal and that's exactly where it should remain.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    What statistics?
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Teenage drama

    LMAO, Cliff.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    I am a quick unfriender on FB, if I dont like it, I dont look at it.

    I'm pretty quick IRL, too.

    *claps*
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    What statistics?
    Divorce statistics. Choose whichever source you want. They all say the same thing.

    I didn't live with my husband before we got married. I wanted marriage to be special not just another day of waking up the same way in the same place as the week before but with an extra bit of gold and some new photos on the wall. that was just my opinion about my own situation though. I really don't care what anyone else does (athough I'd discourage it with my kids in the future.)

    Personally, I think it's far more important for someone to live on their own before they get married than to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Preferably alone but living on your own with a roommate works too. I just think it's important to learn to manage your own finances, do your own laundry, do your own shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, etc before you get it all tied up with someone else.
  • jnettiedotson
    jnettiedotson Posts: 163
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    It's 2012. I really just wish people would learn to mind their own business!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    And honestly, I may or may not have lived with him before marriage but i was forced to because I was kicked out when i turned 18.. but I am so glad I did! I learned a lot more about him by living with him before marriage..

    I think everyone should do it personally

    Uh well not if you're in the Philippines where the culture is ultra-religious & conservative & living in with someone who is just your boyfriend is generally considered a taboo & most locals here will take it negatively. But I would love to do that if only I was fortunate enough to be born & raised there in the US or other more open-minded countries. Unfortunately I wasn't :(
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Oh crap, I'm screwed then! Does this mean we'll get divorced after only 24 years of marriage? Bummer...
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Oh crap, I'm screwed then! Does this mean we'll get divorced after only 24 years of marriage? Bummer...
    I wouldnt jinx it. Anythings possible
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    Are you not just assuming this is about you? I mean, you weren't tagged in it or anything, right?

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