ugh!! people judge quickly

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  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    thats not true anymore. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2118719/Living-marriage-longer-increases-chances-divorce.html


    and i wonder if people in the past were less likely to get divorced if they didnt live together first because of religious obligation. ive heard lots of people say they couldnt get divorced because they promised god even if they were in a loveless marriage.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    So someone on my FB just made a status saying "If you are not married yet, you shouldn't be living together" and this was meant towards me because before my husband and I got married, we lived together for a few months....

    I see nothing wrong with this! It does not mean we hare having sex just because we live together so stop judging and live your life and leave mine alone

    Also, you don't have to be living together to be having sex lol
  • seantugers2
    seantugers2 Posts: 16
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    ha... i'm 28 and have been living with my girlfriend for 7 years now
  • kstrunk1
    kstrunk1 Posts: 462 Member
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    You have to do what is right for YOU. My husband and I didn't live together before we got married, nor did we have sex before b/c of my Catholic upbringing and beliefs. He knew it was important to me and honored that. HOWEVER, I will be the first to tell you that just b/c that worked for us does not in any way, shape or form mean that it can work for everyone. I was also only 22 when we got married and he was 23. I have friends who went the route we did but many, many more who didn't. Some moved in together, most were having sex and guess what? Happy to report that almost all of us are still married ... and it will be 21 years for my husband and me next Friday. Just because I didn't live with my husband or have pre-marital sex makes me no better than those who did. That was our choice and ours only.

    Live your life for yourself and forget what anyone else says. :flowerforyou:
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
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    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other

    You can hide anything for three months. Living with someone before you get married does not mean you will learn all the things about them that will drive you nuts after you get married.
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
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    All I can say is... for myself... I wish I hadn't lived with mine first. If we hadn't, I likely wouldn't have gotten pregnant and done things the way I see as "backwards."

    That's me. I can't go back, but I'll always feel like I kind of cheated myself in some way...
  • greasygriddle_wechnage
    greasygriddle_wechnage Posts: 246 Member
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    i always say, "i will not be your judge, cause i sure as hell don't want you to be on my jury". :smokin:
  • KMSForLife
    KMSForLife Posts: 605
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    Please! My husband and I lived together for a year before being married. Looking back I am so thankful that we had that time before being married to work through the initial struggles of living together. In my opinion, you don't really know a person until you've lived together. People should mind their own business.
  • MzMiller1215
    MzMiller1215 Posts: 633 Member
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    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other


    Totally agree!!!
  • LilacDreamer
    LilacDreamer Posts: 1,365 Member
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    My husband and I started living together a few months after we started dating. We lived together for 2 years and then we got married.

    It's not really a big deal... I don't understand what the problem is. I find it strange that people would get married and then move in together...you don't really know if you're compatible with someone until you live with them first.
  • pascale485
    pascale485 Posts: 173 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    I work in a small court house and I see about 500 divorces every two weeks, some for people who are 18 years old, some are elderly and even some people who are 90 years old.

    I do not know where you took your statistics but I can assure you that divorce happend in ANY kind of marriage, even with people that are very religious and did not live together before marriage!

    I have seen pretty much any kind of mariage disolve so I am more surprised when a marriage works.

    My grand parents have been married for 58 years and they are still in love, I am a believer in marriage, I know it works!!!

    I just think that some people use marriage the same way we use a car, we are all excited before buying, maybe even test drive it but after some time, when the parts are to be changed or a little rust is shown, we will buy a new one and throw the old one out of the door.

    I don't think living together before or after or anything makes a difference, some people just don't work together and it's okay by me, better be apart than together and unhappy!
  • perdie7
    perdie7 Posts: 278 Member
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    statistics show that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who did not live together before marriage.

    Proof? Link to the statistics? Bulls**t?


    http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics_and_Living_Together

    http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html

    http://drphil.com/articles/article/351

    http://articles.cnn.com/2002-07-24/us/cdc.marriagereport_1_cohabitation-marriage-divorce-within-five-years?_s=PM:US
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Aren't you the same chick who posted about getting married too young and wanting a divorce? Maybe your friends are trying to help but you are too thick to realize it.


    :laugh: that's what I thought :laugh:
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    The whole notion that living together before marriage is "living in sin" is totally archaic. Plenty of people never get married and spend their entire lives together. Plus, I think it's a good idea to live together before saying your "I do"s...I mean, you never REALLY know somebody until you're sharing space with them 24/7.

    I agree... My plan is to save money so I can get my butt out of here & move in with my bf in his country. I will just lie to my folks that I'll be migrating there merely for work. So sick & tired to be living in this kind of culture honestly. I'm actually considered a rebel in our family but who cares. I'm already 33 & I have a job so all their religious banterings I just put them away on the bin. I'm not trying to gather your sympathy here but just telling a reality that opinions do vary from one person & even on culture.

    As for the OP, like others have said de-friend them. If they happen to be your family or close friend then let them know how you feel but if they still insist on their opinions then you have nothing else to do but to walk away.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
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    You gotta try it before you buy it.
  • SoozeE512
    SoozeE512 Posts: 439 Member
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    I see that you're only 19 so I'm assuming your friends are around the same age. And I'm assuming your friends probably aren't in serious relationships or even married. So what do they know? If you felt that living together before marriage worked for you, then what does it matter what your friends think? If you're happy in your marriage, that's all that should matter. Your friends will experience things in their own time and come to realize they shouldn't have judged you.
  • malibulu
    malibulu Posts: 79
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    I lived with my ex for years, we have 3 children, and I never got married - and thank goodness for that because We've split up now and I don't have to wait around for, or pay for a horrendous divorce! :-)
  • kelif5959
    kelif5959 Posts: 202
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    Lived with my husband for 3 years before getting married and we WERE having sex (thank gawd........how miserable if not)! LOL! :bigsmile:
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    So, a comment on FB bothered you so much that you had to bring the drama to MFP instead of dealing with the person whose comment you didn't like? Did that fix anything?
    I see.....
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Never get married before living together. Never.

    ^

    It's pretty ridiculous not to, like buying a pair of shoes without trying them on. Only the shoe gets half of everything if it turns out you don't like it.

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