Does anyone else NOT want kids?

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  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.
  • Mogwai1985
    Mogwai1985 Posts: 31
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    I know that I don't want kids. My b/f doesn't want kids either. The ony "kids" I want are four legged, fury and go "meow" or "woof". I have some people in my family that ask if I will ever have kids and I kindly tell them no. Good luck with your mom and mother in law.
  • jenniebean1680
    jenniebean1680 Posts: 351 Member
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    Fiance and I have always been very vocal about never ever ever ever wanting kids. We just don't feel cut out for it, or remotely interested in having children. Maybe we're freaks but we're freaks together, and hey, we're reducing our carbon footprint, right? lol. There are times when I spend time w/ friends' babies/kids and I feel a tiny little tug towards maternal feelings, but then I watch the hubbub that occurs just loading and unloading the car, how they have to put their lives aside for their kids, and I think about how I'd have to give up my lifestyle... No thanks. I love borrowing them, but I also love giving them back and going home to our cats. We'll get a dog someday. That's the closest we'll get to kids, at least by choice.

    I say the best advice is to be as open as possible about your feelings, as early as possible, before MILs, etc, get their hopes up.
  • MJ7910
    MJ7910 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    I'm also at the end of my reproductive years and chose not to have kids. Once you're in your 40s, people will stop asking you :smile: When you're in your 20s and 30s, especially when you're married, they ask because having children is still the norm in our culture. I was married at 28 and for years I just acted like I was on the fence--'oh, we're thinking about it' or 'maybe next year.' Truth is, I never wanted children and I knew it from a young age, but it was easier to not get into it. And 28 is actually pretty young to say you're NEVER going to do something. Heck, 45 is young to say you're never going to do something! But biology intervenes, and I'm looking forward to NOT having to think about birth control. Can you imagine? What a concept.

    I'm a teacher, and I like children. I like playing with children, I like working with children, I like helping children. But, unlike others on this forum!, I like other peoples' children. And I want to go home at the end of the day and be with my husband and my cats and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else. I fully believe that being a parent is the toughest job there is, and I don't need to be one to get that. It's a very, very personal decision, and in this day and age, birth control can be pretty darned effective and women get to decide what they want to do with their lives. You get to make that choice.

    it never ends. when you get a boyfriend/girlfriend you're asked when you're getting married. when you get married it's "when are you having a baby?" when you have one, it's "when will you have another one"... etc, etc... never ending
  • tuffytuffy1
    tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
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    I love (most) kids. I have one. We are done.

    So I constantly get the "when are you having another?" "You can't just have one, that's not fair to him!"

    How is it not fair? He has friends he's grown up with since birth, cousins that he loves, classmates at daycare.. a large church family with tons of kids to interact with.. but at the end of the day, I don't lose my mind running after 2 or more children!

    We're young too. I'm 28, husband is 31. So people just assume we're going to continue to spit out kids.. nope, doesn't always work that way!

    I am in a similar boat. We have one son who is 7 and I get the nastiest comments about how I am basically ruining his life. He doesn't have a lot of cousins (2, who are both in college); but we have great neighbors with kids, and he has a lot of friends from school and sports.

    People always have something to say about what a family chooses -- whether it is not to have kids at all; whether it is to have "only" one kid; or whether you have too many kids. Really, it is nobody's effing business, I don't understand why people feel the need to make it their business! Okay, end rant ;)
  • fitjerseygirl
    fitjerseygirl Posts: 76 Member
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    Thanks for putting this out there. I'm 34, single, and on the fence myself about whether I want to settle down and get married. It's really not anybody's business but your own, but I would suggest your husband tell his mom to stop asking! It's really not her place even if it's par for the course.
    My family understands where I'm coming from and NEVER ask me about dating, marriage, kids. They have just accepted me for who I am and know my priorities are different. I'm sure I'm like others who maybe weren't sure about kids but when they had them of course love them - but only time will tell. If that's how you feel there's nothing wrong with it. Good for you for seriously thinking about it rather than just having a complete disregard for the issue and the future well-being of your kids - like so many others do!
  • lamos1
    lamos1 Posts: 167 Member
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    I never liked kids when I was a teen and always said I wasn't never going to have any. I had my first when I was 19 and now I have 2 more kids. I love them to death even though they get on my nerves everyday all day. Anyway, just tell anyone that ask you about having kids, that you have made a decision not to have any. End of Discussion! If they are not going to babysit on a whim or buy diapers and clothes, then they don't need to questioning you about having kids. Kids cost money!
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    After 5 kids, I'm ready to join the "no kids club"!!! Just KIDDING! It was a no brainer for me, but I have many friends who are happily childless. They never envied the dirty diapers I endured, and I don't envy the absence of chaos in their lives!! LOL.

    I think, if you really don't want children, you really shouldn't have any. They shouldn't be an inconvenience or a burden. People often think that a loved one will "change their mind" on the subject as they get older, but I don't always believe that's true.

    Should you and your husband decide to add a child (or children) to your family, that should be your decision, not a MIL's! You actually have more time than you think. I had my last at 34. . . about 2 weeks before my older sister found out she would be giving birth 3 weeks before she turned. . . 46. Her baby girl is absolutely perfect in every way. So, while the ease at which you might get pregnant changes with advancing maternal age, you still have time.

    And, if you choose to remain childless, you'll have plenty of time to invest in your marriage and in your community! So, in all, either choice is a "win"!

    :-)
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    If you'd have asked me 10 years ago if I ever wanted kids I'd probably have said "Eh, not really."

    The whole marriage and kids and the white picket fence thing was just never something that crossed my mind. Wasn't really a big part of my life plan.

    Then, at 20, I got into a relationship that was, we'll just say...unhealthy...and I got pregnant at 21. Everything changed. Seeing as I had a perfectly good support system, and I knew that I could be a good parent, I embraced my pregnancy and now I'm the mom of the most awesome 5 1/2 year old. I left my son's dad when he was about 1 1/2, that's a whoooole different story for another day, but I'm thankful for the way things turned out and am now in a relationship with an amazing man who I plan to marry one day and have more children with.

    BUT---had I not become pregnant at 21...I probably wouldn't plan on having children at all. I FULLY respect a person's decision not to have children. It's not fair to bring kids into the world just because you feel like you have to, ya know? While my family is very Catholic, and I knew what they expected of me when I got pregnant, never once did any of them pressure me into keeping my child, or anything. The decision was 100% mine, and I truly appreciate that I was given that freedom, and that's how it should be. YOUR decision to have children or not.
  • txwildfire
    txwildfire Posts: 46
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    I grew up in a large family and became an aunt when I was seven! I had kids around me my entire life. I also assisted in taking care of them. When I became a young adult, I decided that I really didn't want children. Of course, I had those people that say I would change my mind, or that children are the reason you marry, or that children will take care of you when you get old. Really?? what guarantee do I have of that?? lol

    When I was ready for marriage, I had the discussion with my boyfriend. He thought he wanted children, so I gave him time to go off and think about it because I was sure I was not going to change my mind. If children was what he wanted, he would have to look somewhere else. Fortunately for me, he decided that he wanted to be married to me more than he wanted children. We are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year and we could not be happier! We are very spur of the moment people, like to vacation, go and come when we want to. We love our nieces and nephews and are there when they need us!

    I agree with the other posters in that it is your husband's responsibility to clear up the baby topic with his family. I just don't think children are for everyone. You know your own situation at home better than anyone. Make yourself happy :)
  • FollowThatUnicorn
    FollowThatUnicorn Posts: 200 Member
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    It's nobody else's business other than you & your partner if you want kids or not. Everyone else can go **** off. If someone can't respect YOUR choice to NOT have kids, screw them.
  • jenniebean1680
    jenniebean1680 Posts: 351 Member
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    To the folks who keep hearing that they're jerks for only having one kid: I'm an only child, and while I did feel I had trouble identifying with kids my own age until ...oh... late highschool, I turned out fine. Sure, I'm a little biased because I'm me. I def wanted a sister or brother when I was little, and there are times when dealing with my emotional trainwreck of a father that I wish I had someone else to share the burden with... but 90% of the time I am glad I was raised an only child.

    There is no right or wrong as long as your heart is in the right place and you do your best for/with what you have, be it one child, or 5, or none. At least, that's my thought.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    I can't stand children. I love my nieces and nephews and I think one day I will have a child of my own who I will of course love with all of my heart but as of right now even the thought of being around children irritates me.
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    i think it's fine. I have a kid....and i don't regret it. LOVE him.

    But I also really adore my friends who don't have kids who like hanging out with him. If you don't want your own kids, that's not something I judge one way or another...but I do hope that you aren't anti-kid completely. Kids enrich our lives, and kdis lives are enriched by having as many awesome adults in it as possible. My friends who dont' have kids, don't want kids, but love taking my kid to the zoo, or teaching him how to play drums, or whatever...those folks are awesome sauce!
  • onequirkygirl
    onequirkygirl Posts: 303 Member
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    I feel like the thread title........needs to be a dating profile headline. hahah
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
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    29, can't picture myself with children either.
  • Ristia_Amore
    Ristia_Amore Posts: 15 Member
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    Twenty-Three and a half and married, don't want kids either. My husband has been discussing the possibility of a vasectomy since he doesn't want them either. We both love kids, and we have many nieces and nephews, but we also love our kid-free life so much more. We can do more with it!

    When we get an itching to spawn, we visit one of our niece or nephews and get our fill for the rest of the year.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.

    I made a serious vow to myself and my bf and I promised each other that no matter what happens, no matter how many kids we wind up with...we will never, ever own a minivan. It's just...I can't do it. I'd rather fork over the extra cash (and extra cash for gas) for an SUV than drive a minivan.
  • bkelley32148
    bkelley32148 Posts: 279 Member
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    I have one child and thats all I will ever have. I feel like this... everyone knows what fits into their lives. We only get one life to live; live it as you want it. Besides, if you change your mind about wanting children in the future there will always be someone to adopt or mentor.
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    also, having kids and "settling down" are two different things :)

    When someone I love dearly found out I was pregnant, she said "But I thought you were going to do something with your life!"

    Duh.

    I *do* do things with my life! I am in a band! I am a professional! I rock climb and surf and travel...AND I raise my child! I date. I party. I dance. I work out. I sail. I *gasp!* have a great love life!

    And i'm sure it'd all be much easier if I didn't have to calcuate raising a child into everything I do, but it's not like I got put in jail, fer pete's sakes!!!

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