Does anyone else NOT want kids?
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ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.0
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I know that I don't want kids. My b/f doesn't want kids either. The ony "kids" I want are four legged, fury and go "meow" or "woof". I have some people in my family that ask if I will ever have kids and I kindly tell them no. Good luck with your mom and mother in law.0
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Fiance and I have always been very vocal about never ever ever ever wanting kids. We just don't feel cut out for it, or remotely interested in having children. Maybe we're freaks but we're freaks together, and hey, we're reducing our carbon footprint, right? lol. There are times when I spend time w/ friends' babies/kids and I feel a tiny little tug towards maternal feelings, but then I watch the hubbub that occurs just loading and unloading the car, how they have to put their lives aside for their kids, and I think about how I'd have to give up my lifestyle... No thanks. I love borrowing them, but I also love giving them back and going home to our cats. We'll get a dog someday. That's the closest we'll get to kids, at least by choice.
I say the best advice is to be as open as possible about your feelings, as early as possible, before MILs, etc, get their hopes up.0 -
I'm also at the end of my reproductive years and chose not to have kids. Once you're in your 40s, people will stop asking you
When you're in your 20s and 30s, especially when you're married, they ask because having children is still the norm in our culture. I was married at 28 and for years I just acted like I was on the fence--'oh, we're thinking about it' or 'maybe next year.' Truth is, I never wanted children and I knew it from a young age, but it was easier to not get into it. And 28 is actually pretty young to say you're NEVER going to do something. Heck, 45 is young to say you're never going to do something! But biology intervenes, and I'm looking forward to NOT having to think about birth control. Can you imagine? What a concept.
I'm a teacher, and I like children. I like playing with children, I like working with children, I like helping children. But, unlike others on this forum!, I like other peoples' children. And I want to go home at the end of the day and be with my husband and my cats and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else. I fully believe that being a parent is the toughest job there is, and I don't need to be one to get that. It's a very, very personal decision, and in this day and age, birth control can be pretty darned effective and women get to decide what they want to do with their lives. You get to make that choice.
it never ends. when you get a boyfriend/girlfriend you're asked when you're getting married. when you get married it's "when are you having a baby?" when you have one, it's "when will you have another one"... etc, etc... never ending0 -
I love (most) kids. I have one. We are done.
So I constantly get the "when are you having another?" "You can't just have one, that's not fair to him!"
How is it not fair? He has friends he's grown up with since birth, cousins that he loves, classmates at daycare.. a large church family with tons of kids to interact with.. but at the end of the day, I don't lose my mind running after 2 or more children!
We're young too. I'm 28, husband is 31. So people just assume we're going to continue to spit out kids.. nope, doesn't always work that way!
I am in a similar boat. We have one son who is 7 and I get the nastiest comments about how I am basically ruining his life. He doesn't have a lot of cousins (2, who are both in college); but we have great neighbors with kids, and he has a lot of friends from school and sports.
People always have something to say about what a family chooses -- whether it is not to have kids at all; whether it is to have "only" one kid; or whether you have too many kids. Really, it is nobody's effing business, I don't understand why people feel the need to make it their business! Okay, end rant
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Thanks for putting this out there. I'm 34, single, and on the fence myself about whether I want to settle down and get married. It's really not anybody's business but your own, but I would suggest your husband tell his mom to stop asking! It's really not her place even if it's par for the course.
My family understands where I'm coming from and NEVER ask me about dating, marriage, kids. They have just accepted me for who I am and know my priorities are different. I'm sure I'm like others who maybe weren't sure about kids but when they had them of course love them - but only time will tell. If that's how you feel there's nothing wrong with it. Good for you for seriously thinking about it rather than just having a complete disregard for the issue and the future well-being of your kids - like so many others do!0 -
I never liked kids when I was a teen and always said I wasn't never going to have any. I had my first when I was 19 and now I have 2 more kids. I love them to death even though they get on my nerves everyday all day. Anyway, just tell anyone that ask you about having kids, that you have made a decision not to have any. End of Discussion! If they are not going to babysit on a whim or buy diapers and clothes, then they don't need to questioning you about having kids. Kids cost money!0
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After 5 kids, I'm ready to join the "no kids club"!!! Just KIDDING! It was a no brainer for me, but I have many friends who are happily childless. They never envied the dirty diapers I endured, and I don't envy the absence of chaos in their lives!! LOL.
I think, if you really don't want children, you really shouldn't have any. They shouldn't be an inconvenience or a burden. People often think that a loved one will "change their mind" on the subject as they get older, but I don't always believe that's true.
Should you and your husband decide to add a child (or children) to your family, that should be your decision, not a MIL's! You actually have more time than you think. I had my last at 34. . . about 2 weeks before my older sister found out she would be giving birth 3 weeks before she turned. . . 46. Her baby girl is absolutely perfect in every way. So, while the ease at which you might get pregnant changes with advancing maternal age, you still have time.
And, if you choose to remain childless, you'll have plenty of time to invest in your marriage and in your community! So, in all, either choice is a "win"!
:-)0 -
If you'd have asked me 10 years ago if I ever wanted kids I'd probably have said "Eh, not really."
The whole marriage and kids and the white picket fence thing was just never something that crossed my mind. Wasn't really a big part of my life plan.
Then, at 20, I got into a relationship that was, we'll just say...unhealthy...and I got pregnant at 21. Everything changed. Seeing as I had a perfectly good support system, and I knew that I could be a good parent, I embraced my pregnancy and now I'm the mom of the most awesome 5 1/2 year old. I left my son's dad when he was about 1 1/2, that's a whoooole different story for another day, but I'm thankful for the way things turned out and am now in a relationship with an amazing man who I plan to marry one day and have more children with.
BUT---had I not become pregnant at 21...I probably wouldn't plan on having children at all. I FULLY respect a person's decision not to have children. It's not fair to bring kids into the world just because you feel like you have to, ya know? While my family is very Catholic, and I knew what they expected of me when I got pregnant, never once did any of them pressure me into keeping my child, or anything. The decision was 100% mine, and I truly appreciate that I was given that freedom, and that's how it should be. YOUR decision to have children or not.0 -
I grew up in a large family and became an aunt when I was seven! I had kids around me my entire life. I also assisted in taking care of them. When I became a young adult, I decided that I really didn't want children. Of course, I had those people that say I would change my mind, or that children are the reason you marry, or that children will take care of you when you get old. Really?? what guarantee do I have of that?? lol
When I was ready for marriage, I had the discussion with my boyfriend. He thought he wanted children, so I gave him time to go off and think about it because I was sure I was not going to change my mind. If children was what he wanted, he would have to look somewhere else. Fortunately for me, he decided that he wanted to be married to me more than he wanted children. We are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year and we could not be happier! We are very spur of the moment people, like to vacation, go and come when we want to. We love our nieces and nephews and are there when they need us!
I agree with the other posters in that it is your husband's responsibility to clear up the baby topic with his family. I just don't think children are for everyone. You know your own situation at home better than anyone. Make yourself happy 0 -
It's nobody else's business other than you & your partner if you want kids or not. Everyone else can go **** off. If someone can't respect YOUR choice to NOT have kids, screw them.0
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To the folks who keep hearing that they're jerks for only having one kid: I'm an only child, and while I did feel I had trouble identifying with kids my own age until ...oh... late highschool, I turned out fine. Sure, I'm a little biased because I'm me. I def wanted a sister or brother when I was little, and there are times when dealing with my emotional trainwreck of a father that I wish I had someone else to share the burden with... but 90% of the time I am glad I was raised an only child.
There is no right or wrong as long as your heart is in the right place and you do your best for/with what you have, be it one child, or 5, or none. At least, that's my thought.0 -
I can't stand children. I love my nieces and nephews and I think one day I will have a child of my own who I will of course love with all of my heart but as of right now even the thought of being around children irritates me.0
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i think it's fine. I have a kid....and i don't regret it. LOVE him.
But I also really adore my friends who don't have kids who like hanging out with him. If you don't want your own kids, that's not something I judge one way or another...but I do hope that you aren't anti-kid completely. Kids enrich our lives, and kdis lives are enriched by having as many awesome adults in it as possible. My friends who dont' have kids, don't want kids, but love taking my kid to the zoo, or teaching him how to play drums, or whatever...those folks are awesome sauce!0 -
I feel like the thread title........needs to be a dating profile headline. hahah0
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29, can't picture myself with children either.0
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Twenty-Three and a half and married, don't want kids either. My husband has been discussing the possibility of a vasectomy since he doesn't want them either. We both love kids, and we have many nieces and nephews, but we also love our kid-free life so much more. We can do more with it!
When we get an itching to spawn, we visit one of our niece or nephews and get our fill for the rest of the year.0 -
ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.
I made a serious vow to myself and my bf and I promised each other that no matter what happens, no matter how many kids we wind up with...we will never, ever own a minivan. It's just...I can't do it. I'd rather fork over the extra cash (and extra cash for gas) for an SUV than drive a minivan.0 -
I have one child and thats all I will ever have. I feel like this... everyone knows what fits into their lives. We only get one life to live; live it as you want it. Besides, if you change your mind about wanting children in the future there will always be someone to adopt or mentor.0
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also, having kids and "settling down" are two different things
When someone I love dearly found out I was pregnant, she said "But I thought you were going to do something with your life!"
Duh.
I *do* do things with my life! I am in a band! I am a professional! I rock climb and surf and travel...AND I raise my child! I date. I party. I dance. I work out. I sail. I *gasp!* have a great love life!
And i'm sure it'd all be much easier if I didn't have to calcuate raising a child into everything I do, but it's not like I got put in jail, fer pete's sakes!!!0 -
I didn't want children initially and even then I got more than I ever bargained for.
I can totally respect men and women who are choosing not to bring unwanted children into the world. What I don't understand is why you don't just 'own' it! Its your choice and your husbands. Your MIL would probably appreciate the honesty in the end and will stop making comments that she doesn't know are inapropriate. She may not like it but she will have to deal with it. You can tell her all of the wonderful adventures you and he have planned for your lives and that is your future together, not years of dependants.
We are finally in a stage in society where, in most cultures, women have a choice about whether they want children or not. Don't hide away from your choices. You are certainly not alone.0 -
Nope...Never. We have a chihuahua, and he's enough trouble. Anybody out there want an AKC blue and white chihuahua? He's super cute but VERY clingy.
I'm kidding. My husband would leave me if I got rid of the dog.0 -
So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?
Your situation sounds similar to mine! I'm 28 and married, but my husband is anti-baby and I'm on the fence. My MIL has accepted that my husband doesn't want them, but made many comments to me about how I "shouldn't throw away my chance". I felt like if I had a strong opinion about wanting kids, I would have left before we got even got engaged. My mom is in denial... She doesn't believe we won't have them.
My issue is that I had Gastric Bypass last year and #1. Don't want to run the risk of hurting myself or the baby by getting pregnant. I barely eat over 1300 calories a day. How could I nurish myself AND someone else?? and #2. I don't want to get fat again! Vain, but true!0 -
I can totally relate. I am 28 and my husband it 35 and we're BOTH on the fence for the long term but definitely not interested right now. On our wedding day, it felt like everyone expected me to get pregnant right away and it really frustrated me as we would both like to focus on our careers for a few more years not to mention take the time to actually enjoy some time together traveling and having some fun as a married couple. After so much pressure from everyone I finally just blew up and told them to get off my back about it. That it was our decision. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel selfish about that because I really would like to see my grandmother become a great-grandmother but I'm not willing to sacrifice our happiness to do that. Kids aren't for everyone and I don't think we should have to feel like inferior women because we're interested in doing other things. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE kids. I'm the first one to offer to babysit for friends, but as the old saying goes it's always nice to be able to give them back!0
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I love kids, when they're not mine. :laugh: I'm pretty sure that I don't want any, but I know that I could change my mind at some point in the future. In other words, I know I definitely don't want any anytime soon, and my husband is in firm agreement. We've talked about him getting a vasectomy because we couldn't "afford" (financial and otherwise) to have a child right now. If we decide to have one, we both prefer adoption anyway.
As for the MIL, I'm lucky that mine is so understanding. She knows that we don't want any children but is happy because my SIL does. I also have two sisters who already have one son each, so I don't feel too pressured. The rest of society on the other hand...0 -
People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.
THIS is the best advice so far.
I have children and have a VERY different life than what I would have had without them. I never have any extra money. I can never find my scissors. I am forever picking up after everyone, worrying myself silly and generally being a mom. HOWEVER, there is NOTHING like your child looking up at you with their chubby little arms wrapped around your neck telling you "I love you Mama".
BUT, if you do not want children, DO NOT let anyone else decide differently for you. If your husband has changed his mind, let him get a dog. (j/k). You probably should have another heart-to-heart talk with him about it to remind him of your feelings. After all, YOU will be the pregnant one, YOU will end up the main caretaker, even if he says differently.
Good luck with this.0 -
You can never change your mind about having children once you have had them....
Don't have a child until you are more then ready and sure.
This is not a taboo.. even if it may feel that way.
Stand your ground and keep to the side of the fence that suits you.0 -
I have to say that "it is your choice" BUT being a parent of 20 year old twins boy/girl, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I always told myself that I was lucky my mom/dad put me on this world and I got the opportunity to experience life. If your parents didn't want you than you wouldn't exist...so to me It is only natural to want to have a part of me enjoying what I got to enjoy which is life. Am I broke most of the time, YES...do I go without so my children have it all, YES... Does my heart stop beating when they are hurting, YES...Does my life feel complete and full when I hear their laughter, joy and see their accomplishments, YES... Being a parent is Priceless and being a parent doesn't stop EVER!!! So if you truly feel that you can't love someone that strongly or put yourself behind someone than you aren't ready to be a parent. Being a parent takes LOVE!!!0
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ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.
I made a serious vow to myself and my bf and I promised each other that no matter what happens, no matter how many kids we wind up with...we will never, ever own a minivan. It's just...I can't do it. I'd rather fork over the extra cash (and extra cash for gas) for an SUV than drive a minivan.
haha. My sweetie drives my kid to school in one of these:
but I hope someday he'll get a ride to school in one of these:
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I know I'm only 20 but for years I've not wanted kids, all my friends are always going on about how many kids they want and when they want to have them and they seem shocked when I say I don't want them. I like kids but I don't think I could cope with looking after them 24/7 which is why for me it would be best not to have them at all.0
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