ugh!! people judge quickly

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  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
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    Tell them to mind their business! LOL I hope you are happy with your husband and made the right choice! I'm not married, but I personally would never marry someone without living with them first because you need to see if that is something you're able to do before moving on. But people can do whatever they feel comfortable with doing! She shouldn't be talking about you via facebook... very immature!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    In my situation, we're both college students so neither of us are making any real money. We split the bills and the groceries but the rest of our money is totally separate (not that either of us have a lot of it). When we get married after college and hopefully have real jobs, actually having money and learning how to combine it will be a pretty big transition for us!
    Yes, finances were one of them. You can't really tell someone you are just dating that they shouldn't spend their money that way. It was also our separate activities with our friends. And even household chores. Maybe we were just a bunch of whimps that didn't want to start a fight so we didn't say anything. I REALLY believed that once we were married, he would act more like my idea of a "husband". I was VERY naive. I really think my huband thought I was going to turn into a housekeeping machine when we got married, too - HA!

    Be smart and know that the issues you have now while dating will still be there when you get married (& maybe even bigger) AND talk about eachother's expectations of married life. We never did that. We both ASSumed because we loved eachother that we'd each would be the perfect spouse.

    People don't just change suddenly and become perfect after putting a ring on. Its easier to pull finances when your dating then just a room mate. What if one month you get sick and are short on rent? Did your spouse kick you out and find a new roommate? Or you wanted some milk that your spouse bought, or do you buy two seperate gallons of milk? With roommates (usually) they don't pay your half of the water, electric or cable if you come up short. Maybe once so it doesn't get turned off, but after that you're usually evicted if you can't make ends meet.

    These are the little things that become ambiguous when living with a lover as opposed to a roommate. So unless this happened, I don't think that it was completely 'single' living.
  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
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    I'd never marry someone without living with them first. You really learn a lot about a person when you live with them!!

    A fairly bad comparison but I wouldn't buy a shoe without trying it on. I am a firm believer that in order to truly KNOW a person, you need to either do long traveling, live with or do business with them. Thats when the true characteristics come out

    I wouldn't buy a car before a test drive! hehe :smile:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    People who make statements like that are emotionally immature, feel sorry for them -- but not so sorry that you don't delete them.
  • mcrowe1016
    mcrowe1016 Posts: 647 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 572 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?

    No. Because her friend is being a passive aggressive *kitten* hat.
  • mcrowe1016
    mcrowe1016 Posts: 647 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?

    No. Because her friend is being a passive aggressive *kitten* hat.

    LOL....you know nothing about this "friend" and are callling her names, thereby judging too quickly which is the EXACT same thing the OP was complaining about.

    So you are, in fact, disagreeing with the OP :laugh:
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,512 Member
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    I happen to be married (will be 13 yrs this month), but if I should ever find myself single again, I would NEVER marry a man who I didn't live with for at least 5 years first!

    It will be 13 years for us next month. :)
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    Be smart and know that the issues you have now while dating will still be there when you get married (& maybe even bigger) AND talk about eachother's expectations of married life. We never did that. We both ASSumed because we loved eachother that we'd each would be the perfect spouse.

    I think people should do that whether they live together first or not. Sigh...too many people don't have meaningful conversations about what it means to them to BE married before they go and GET married.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?

    No. She might be complaining about what this "friend' said, but I don't see her judging them.

    Oh, I lived with my husband for 1 1/2 years before we got married and we were married 20 years last month. Yes, there have been ups and downs, some worse than others, but we love each other and are committed to each other. Probably more so now than when we first started living together or were first married. Because we have so much invested in each other after so long.
  • mcrowe1016
    mcrowe1016 Posts: 647 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?

    No. She might be complaining about what this "friend' said, but I don't see her judging them.

    Oh, I lived with my husband for 1 1/2 years before we got married and we were married 20 years last month. Yes, there have been ups and downs, some worse than others, but we love each other and are committed to each other. Probably more so now than when we first started living together or were first married. Because we have so much invested in each other after so long.

    Person goes on facebook and (while making no reference in particular to the OP) says that you shouldn’t live together before marriage. This is an opinion she has.

    I don’t know the entire back story, but for some reason, the OP thinks this post is directed at her. It very well could be – I don’t know. She feels judged and comes onto MFP to express that in her opinion this statement was judgey and people shouldn’t judge too quickly. There is obviously judgment towards this “friend”, IMO.

    In other words – complaining about someone is judging them. All the “friend” was doing was complaining about people living together before marriage. This is considered a judgment, but the OP complaining about the “friend” isn’t?

    And, for the record, I don’t care if people live together or don’t live together before marriage.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 572 Member
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    I didnt really come on here to whine about the fact that she said that. Im a big girl I can handle it. I just wanted to bring up the issue all together about people judging others to quickly..

    My relationship is mine and his and no one gets to decide what we do with it.

    But aren't you judging this "friend"?

    No. Because her friend is being a passive aggressive *kitten* hat.

    LOL....you know nothing about this "friend" and are callling her names, thereby judging too quickly which is the EXACT same thing the OP was complaining about.

    So you are, in fact, disagreeing with the OP :laugh:

    Welp...this thread is not about me. It is about someone who made a comment that is absolutely idiotic.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other


    Aw, shoot. There goes my productivity for the day.

    Lol I know right
  • sammyjowedeking
    sammyjowedeking Posts: 116
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    I have posted in a commetn ebfore that I know this post is about me because me and this person had a private message going on about 30 minutes before about how I am not a christian and I am a horrible sinner for living with him before marriage, etc..... it may be a coincedence but I highly doubt it...
  • DeadlyDame13
    DeadlyDame13 Posts: 197 Member
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    Live with my guy 5 yrs now......judge me because I can care 2 cents on people's evil opinions ....and we have a 3 month old....so what we will get married when a. There's money b. I feel like it c. After I lose the baby weight I need to looook fab in those pics lol
  • ajball90
    ajball90 Posts: 211 Member
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    I would NEVER marry a man who I didn't live with for at least 5 years first!

    I agree with this. Imagine if you married someone, then found out things didnt work out when living together! I think you should just ignore this person on fb, they should concentrate on their own life!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    In my opinion I am glad I didn't live with him before we got married. November will be 5 year we have been married :love:
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    I think that it should be required as part of pre marital counseling that you need to live together for 3 months before getting married. I would be willing to be there would be less divorces. That towel that's left on the bathroom floor may be endearing the first few times but after picking it up for the zillionth time and telling your SO again not to do it grates on your nerves.

    I love this comic:
    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other

    I think I've commented about this before but that wouldn't be a good idea. People who live together have a higher divorce rate. Part of the reasoning behind this is because people live together as a 'test', but they never get out of 'test' mode. You'll see divorce rate go up if there was that requirement.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
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    Judge not lest ye be judged... right?

    Better to quote the passage than just to repeat it.... :P

    Matthew 7 1-2
    1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

    As for the opening post,

    You can't change others, unless if they want to be changed. I for one don't see an issue with living together before marriage... as long as one person doesn't ditch the other one after getting what they want.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    every opinion is a judgment. it seems that people only get upset about others making "judgments" when those opinions differ from their own. when the opinions agree then funnily enough no one is accused of being judgmental

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