Does anyone else NOT want kids?
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One of the worst things about having children is that when you are struggling, people say 'well its what you wanted', I guess you will get equal amounts of comments when you hold a relatives baby etc.
FWIW I got duped by mother nature! I only planned to have 2 children. my 2nd pregnancy was full of surprises and suddenly I had 4 kids from 2 pregnancies!0 -
I'm on the fence about kids. Some days I think it might be fun but some days I would hate the responsibility of caring for someone else. I'm 31 so I might change my mind, who knows? Having kids is a personal decision in my opinion. For people who ask, I'm completely honest with them about my feelings about having kids. Once they know the idea doesn't thrill me, they quit asking.0
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get her a puppy to baby sit. Just tell her straight up thats now what you and your hubby want right now. Thats def a topic for the two of you and no one else should be concerned in that. I always wanted a huge family like 8 kids. BOY did I get a wake up call. I have 2. Both planned. One girl 13 one boy 10. DONE! I will definiately say there are times when I feel like I have 2 too many. and they are times when I get that baby twinge, and I go home to the insanity of fussing and fighting. I'm glad those twinges pass easliy! lol0
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People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.
It would be so nice if all people would abide by this. There would be less unwanted children and less people having them because they were pressured into it.
It's your choice. If you don't want to have them then don't and don't let anyone talk you into it. After a while my mom has come to accept the fact that I am not going to have children. She still gets it in her head that the fact that I love animals and recently became a happy fur mommy that means that I have "womb throb" meaning what I really wanted was a child. Um, no. I don't think so. I just adore animals and love my dog to death.0 -
There are days when I would swap my ticker picture for yours!!!!!I'm on the fence about kids. Some days I think it might be fun but some days I would hate the responsibility of caring for someone else. I'm 31 so I might change my mind, who knows? Having kids is a personal decision in my opinion. For people who ask, I'm completely honest with them about my feelings about having kids. Once they know the idea doesn't thrill me, they quit asking.0 -
Don't really want to have kids now, but if I decide later I will most likely adopt0
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I used to want to have a couple of kids but I work where I have to deal with them everyday. So now I DO NOT WANT KIDS!!!!!!!! Just the thought makes me want to vomit.0
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I've never wanted kids. It's not that I don't like them, lord knows I can get down on their level, but I come from an abusive parent who screwed me up pretty badly. I realize I'm only 22, but considering my boyfriend has a son and we've already talked about children it's not like some thing that will never happen anyway. I also have a mental disorder that's genetic and considering the hell I was put through before my mother and doctors both decided it was real, I don't ever want my child to go through that or the lifetime of therapy, medication, possible blood testing every 6 months depending on medication. And I don't want them to have me as a mother.
In all honesty I don't think I could ever handle having a child and the thought of having one never seems pleasant.0 -
Depends on how diplomatic you wish to be. Could just tell them that you and your spouse are waiting until you feel the time is right for you. It is possible that the way you feel will change. It is also possible it will not. And, life happens. You just never know. When I was in my early twenties, I wanted kids. By the time I married, my stance on that had changed for various reasons. On the up side, my spouse felt the same way, so no drama there. But then, after we'd been married less than a year, our niece's parents died and she came to us. We've been raising her since. It is tough, but she's ours and we love her, and we have no regrets. She's about to go off to college now. And we're happy to return to a childless state. But, you know, I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy grandchildren somewhere down the line (several years, at least, I hope!!)
A side note - my niece was conceived even though her mother was on birth control. So, again, you just never know.0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.
It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.
I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?
That's not what I said. Don't take things out of context. But, I do think it's important to think about your future. Yes, your kids can rob you blind, and stick you in a state run facility to die. That's on them, at that point. They will have to live and die with that. But, that's like saying, I'm not going to save money because I'm just going to die anyway. Or, I'm not going to clean my house because it's just going to get dirty again. It's kind of silly. What I am suggesting is not the ONLY reason to have kids, but it is a reason. You have to learn to read thorugh sarcasm if you want to make it in life.0 -
Lovely response!0
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HA HA! I love my ticker pic, it's so HOT!
There are days when I would swap my ticker picture for yours!!!!!I'm on the fence about kids. Some days I think it might be fun but some days I would hate the responsibility of caring for someone else. I'm 31 so I might change my mind, who knows? Having kids is a personal decision in my opinion. For people who ask, I'm completely honest with them about my feelings about having kids. Once they know the idea doesn't thrill me, they quit asking.0 -
I have 2 daughters, age 32 and 28. The oldest and her husband definitely do not want children. At this point the youngest does, but if she and her husband changed their minds and decided not to have any, that would be totally fine with me! I don't define myself with if have grandchildren or not. I always knew that i wanted children and we raised them to be independent self sufficient women. It is their decision weather to have children or not. You have to do what is right for you. You need to be confident in how you feel and not let others make you feel guilty.
When I had my children, I did NOT have any interest in breastfeeding them. People tried to pressure me, but I have always been confident in making decisions that worked best for me, so i really did not care what others thought. I just told them, you do what is right for you and I will do what is right for me.
When you are certain about this issue you will have the confidence to not be bothered by what others say.0 -
LOVE LOVE LOVE my niece. But, do not want any of my own. I have felt this way as long as I can remember. I am 33, married for 5 years and my husband feels the exact same way. This world is too disgusting for me to raise someone in. IMO
I despise when people ask me why I don't have kids yet. It doesnt help that my MIL keeps telling me she would like a grandchild.0 -
I never wanted kids. I feel the same way. Everyone kept saying oh you should have kids, or you will have kids don't worry. No I will worry I don't want kids. Kids aren't my thing. I don't understand why other people don't get that. I can't stand those people who have to have 50 kids or more thinks EVERYONE ELSE has to have kids.And yes those people keep saying oh you will change your mind. Well I think those people jinks me because I end up getting pregnant and I had my son 5 months ago. I still feel the same about kids. I don't anymore and people keep saying oh you will change your mind and one kid isn't enough. Your son will be lonely if he doesn't have a sibling, well not my problem. There are other kids out there that he can play with and make friends. It's my body and my life and I still don't want any more kids and my mind hasn't changed about them. I am 30 years old now if I say to this day that I don't want kids my mind will not change. It will stay the same. i wish people will get that and understand that. Not everyone fits for being a parent. If you want so many kids be my guest but just because you want all those kids not everyone else should. I wish they will let them be and let us live our lives. I just gave birth 5 months ago and people are still asking me so when is the second one coming along? Really people? Give me a break. I had a c section. Dr's recommend if you want another kid after giving birth you are suppose to wait a year and people are already asking me for a second one. Let me body get a rest from pregnancy and giving birth.0
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Don't get me wrong I love my son very much but no more kids for me.0
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People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have them. The last thing we need are parents who are resentful of the children in their care.
THIS is the best advice so far.
Agreed!
I simply don't enjoy children. They rarely tug on my heart in the way other people seem to gush over. I try & try to like other people's kids and I just don't. Kid are just tiny people growing into adults, in my opinion. They are awkward & annoying. These are just facts of life. And no, they aren't all "cute"... they're just not. They are gross, obnoxious and demanding.
I'm sure being a mother WOULD change my life, and not in ways I'd like. Like the others have stated, I'd hope that once I had one I'd love it and feel changed forever... and all that great stuff. But going into it, feeling like this?? I'd do a disservice to that child, myself and the world if I gave birth feeling the way I do about them. I'm just not the best candidate for "mother". But bless those who are, they really seem to be rewarded through it.0 -
I've never wanted kids. It's not that I don't like them, lord knows I can get down on their level, but I come from an abusive parent who screwed me up pretty badly. I realize I'm only 22, but considering my boyfriend has a son and we've already talked about children it's not like some thing that will never happen anyway. I also have a mental disorder that's genetic and considering the hell I was put through before my mother and doctors both decided it was real, I don't ever want my child to go through that or the lifetime of therapy, medication, possible blood testing every 6 months depending on medication. And I don't want them to have me as a mother.
In all honesty I don't think I could ever handle having a child and the thought of having one never seems pleasant.
I can certainly understand your concern about the genetic condition. And I'm not trying to change your mind; I think everyone should deal with the children question as they see fit. I just wanted to share something from my own experience, because I also had an abusive childhood. This tends to go one of two ways; either the pattern of abuse is repeated, or broken. In my observations, it seems as though, when you have an awareness of coming through it and emerging stronger on the other side, you break the pattern. With my child, I was determined to never, ever treat her the way I was treated. If there is such a thing as a perfect parent, it certainly isn't me, but I have never once abused her, either physically or emotionally. It isn't a foregone conclusion. Seeing it clearly, as you do, and being aware of the potential, I think, would ensure that you would never, ever repeat the pattern. It's sort of like wondering if you're crazy, you know? If you're aware enough to ask the question, you probably aren't.0 -
I have a daughter, but unless i lose my mind i am not having another kid. Everyone around me has 2 or more, and me and my significant other don't agree on the kid issue. He's the one who is telling me its not fair to Maya we should have one more. I'm only 22 there is plenty of time to have another if i do in fact those my mind. I love her to death, but one is enough for me. Kids aren't for everyone and if you don't want them then tell your mil that. Your husband knew ahead of time that you didn't want kids and married you anyway.0
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i too am Child Free By Choice. i dont' have them, i don't want them and i don't have to justify my choice.
the only difference between us is that you need to talk to your husband. if he's starting to think kids... this is something you guys would need to work out now, before it turns into resentment.
at the end of the day, your partner is the ONLY one who has ANY right to ask you "why don't you want kids?". everyone else needs to mind their own. that includes family.0 -
I have no desire to have children. I don't hate them, I'm not a monster, I think they are great but I don't want or feel the need to create another human life.
Not wanting kids has contributed to the end of one amazing relationship and has been a stumbling block for starting others. But, I can't create a human life when I don't want to just so a woman will stay with me--THAT is selfish,0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.
It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.
I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?
That's not what I said. Don't take things out of context. But, I do think it's important to think about your future. Yes, your kids can rob you blind, and stick you in a state run facility to die. That's on them, at that point. They will have to live and die with that. But, that's like saying, I'm not going to save money because I'm just going to die anyway. Or, I'm not going to clean my house because it's just going to get dirty again. It's kind of silly. What I am suggesting is not the ONLY reason to have kids, but it is a reason. You have to learn to read thorugh sarcasm if you want to make it in life.
Not sure how you saying "it's not a joke" would help someone read as sarcasm, but if it was, then my mistake.
Also, there is a very big difference between saying "I'm not going to clean my house" and "I think I'll bring a small human into the world because I want someone to be there when I'm old". I guess as someone who is constantly told they are "selfish" for not wanting to bring children into the world, I rarely hear reasons to have children that don't begin with "I want".0 -
ugh, I hate driving a minivan too. The minute my youngest graduates High School, we are getting rid of it. I hate it.
Right there with you on that. Swore I'd never get one. Just couldn't bear it. We got a four-door pickup instead. Loved it. Still do, and the thing is 12 years old!!0 -
No kids for me. I would be a horrible mother, and due to our finances I would be the at-home parent doing 99% of the work. My husband would be a good father, but he's never home. Also, it probably would not be healthy for me to get pregnant at this point. That said, I do like kids, and kids like me. But I'm happy to leave the 24/7 part to other parents
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I went through this with my husband. Agreed to a 2nd one and got triplets! I'd love another baby though now and I guess he is done now!! lolI have a daughter, but unless i lose my mind i am not having another kid. Everyone around me has 2 or more, and me and my significant other don't agree on the kid issue. He's the one who is telling me its not fair to Maya we should have one more. I'm only 22 there is plenty of time to have another if i do in fact those my mind. I love her to death, but one is enough for me. Kids aren't for everyone and if you don't want them then tell your mil that. Your husband knew ahead of time that you didn't want kids and married you anyway.0 -
I always swore I'd never drive a minivan either, but my MiL gifted her old one to us when she finally got a regular car...and honestly? I'm sort of in love with having one. :ohwell:0
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So I just turned 28 and I am married. I have always said "kids aren't my thing". My husband is on the fence and might like one but knows how I feel. I suppose many Mother in Laws & mothers are this way where they will constantly talk about babies or ask about when I plan on having kids, since I am getting to the age where I would need to decide soon. How do you say that you don't want them? My MIL keeps talking about my husband holding our new niece as "good practice", but I don't have the heart to tell her how I feel! Any advice?
I love my nieces and nephews and loved holding them when they were little (the youngest is nine now and the oldest 26, so no more holding) but it wasn't "practice." I have never wanted kids. I spent 5 years working for the Dept. of Human Services doing Child Protective Services and teaching parenting skills to parents of CHINA (CHild In Need of Assistance) kids, so I suppose I could do a decent job of it, but I never wanted to. When asked about when I was planning to "settle down and start having babies" I simply told the truth--I'm not going to.0 -
I think people that don't want kids are selfish.
LOL. Ducking.
Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.
Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.
It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.
I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?
That's not what I said. Don't take things out of context. But, I do think it's important to think about your future. Yes, your kids can rob you blind, and stick you in a state run facility to die. That's on them, at that point. They will have to live and die with that. But, that's like saying, I'm not going to save money because I'm just going to die anyway. Or, I'm not going to clean my house because it's just going to get dirty again. It's kind of silly. What I am suggesting is not the ONLY reason to have kids, but it is a reason. You have to learn to read thorugh sarcasm if you want to make it in life.
Not sure how you saying "it's not a joke" would help someone read as sarcasm, but if it was, then my mistake.
Also, there is a very big difference between saying "I'm not going to clean my house" and "I think I'll bring a small human into the world because I want someone to be there when I'm old". I guess as someone who is constantly told they are "selfish" for not wanting to bring children into the world, I rarely hear reasons to have children that don't begin with "I want".
I'm with you. I hear that not wanting children is selfish, but the reasons for having kids always begin with what the parent wants. "I want to 'leave a legacy'." "I want my family line to continue." But I have to say, I do not believe the comment about taking care of her when she got old was supposed to be sarcasm until it was pointed out to her how selfish it sounded. "It's not a joke." was BOLDED for pete's sake!
But to answer the question about who will take care of me? I WILL. I am responsible for me. Like my mom before me, I'll make my own arrangements so when I can't, it will all be taken care of.
If people want children, by all means they should have them. But there is nothing more selfish about choosing not to have kids than in choosing TO have kids, and every time I hear that there is I'm gonna call someone on it. It is flat out not true.0 -
Well, no birth control is 100% effective, other than just not having sex. Sry to say, but you can be on birth control and use a condom and still get pregnant. Hell even having a vasectomy doesn't always work, I have a cousin who has had three kids since he got snipped. Sometimes it just happens.I am 25 and casually dating someone...we had one mention of kids and neither of us wants them (he's 30). I don't foresee myself ever having one and I probably shouldn't anyway, because I'll be WAY too busy to be a quality parent. He's the same way. All these conceiving on birth control stories are freaking me out. :noway: I mean...were you taking the pill at the same time every day? Didn't miss any? Been on it for a long time? No antibiotics? EEEEK!
Well vasectomies take a while to 'kick in' and the tubes can grow back together. Lost of people just don't wait long enough. Just like lots of people use the pill incorrectly and then say they got preggers on it. Sure there's a 1% possibility if you use it 100% correctly, but the vast majority of oopses are due to incorrect use or antibiotics.
ETA: I totally agree that I'm selfish. Nothing wrong with it and I'm not ashamed to say it!
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I am 25 and casually dating someone...we had one mention of kids and neither of us wants them (he's 30). I don't foresee myself ever having one and I probably shouldn't anyway, because I'll be WAY too busy to be a quality parent. He's the same way. All these conceiving on birth control stories are freaking me out. :noway: I mean...were you taking the pill at the same time every day? Didn't miss any? Been on it for a long time? No antibiotics? EEEEK!
Well I have a 10 yr old that I conceived on the pill- same time everyday, never ever missed no antibiotics....but the pill does nto woprk for me- I react differently to hormons. Best thing that EVER happened to us. But I knew I wanted to be a mother! If you know 100% for sure then you need to use multipule protection and maybe talk to your dr about it!!
Well I'm not going to get a major sterilization surgery at 25. I'm happy to say the pill definitely works for me and has for years lol, but I do take extra precautions as well. If sterilization wasn't so hard on the female body and expensive, I'd go for it.0
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