Why be a side-chick???
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The side chick doesn't always know. The offender is often the last to find out. My Mum was the last to find out when my Dad was doing the dirty. Family and friends didn't tell her 'because it was akward!!'
So many reasons for cheating....
Sex. simple, its a need and a physical necessity to most of us. (self loving might b fun and easy but it doesnt include the connection level that 'doing it' with others has)
On that note, self loving in a married relationship, may just very well be an option.
Um
Connection, that is an area to go into. We as humans all connect on varying levels. That is why some of us lean towards the physical side of things mostly and others towards the emotional and others towards the mental side of things. Were all different as beings on this earth, if we were exactly the same, we would bloody well connect the same. So we just dont. We all find varying levels for how we connect. Some have higher physical connections and go to the extreme extent of 'getting it elsewhere' for satisfaction. Others, as all you intellegent people can understand, get a different level of the brain and the emo connections right.
The reasons for cheating are really honestly going to be different as there are so many different personalities out there. One persons explanation for love, connection, relationship and emotion is different to the next person. Thats the reason we manage to 'fit' together as couples. It does work in a unison of two people, but that can also mean that it works for more than just one person. Otherwise it would work out that if a couple separates, we would never find love again huh! There is always another person out there in the world that we as individuals will connect with.
We can feel connected with each person within our lives on a differing level. Each person has a different infulence and effect on our lives, and that includes those closer to us in an intimate role. We love others on a scale. It could be as obvious as saying our partners, our husbands/wives are closest because we 'connect' highly on different levels, the emo/physical/mental levels.
OMGosh, I talk tooo much. I'll tell myself to STFU huh. Yeah!0 -
In my situation, one of the side chicks was his ex. :ohwell: He would turn to her and tell her HOW MISERABLE he was with me, and he was going to leave me and go back to her. Painted me out to be this complete miserable old hag. I did what most girls do, keep your friends close & your enemies closer. She stopped having sex with him when she found out I was pregnant, ( although, he disagrees) so we talked, and she found out I was not some miserable person, that he just made me out to look like that bad guy. He never cheated on her, he would just constantly break up with her and go do some other girl and then come back to her, they had some serious emotional ties as well, she had 2 abortions with him. So that was something that you know, kind of kept them attached.
All the other "side chicks" knew he was involved, with a child on the way/ after the baby was born. He needed some & wasn't getting it from me. I don't think I have ever knowingly been a side chick. The ex, who slept with my ex until she found out I was pregnant, to this day she doesn't know why she did the things she did. I guess its just the other person telling us what we want to hear.0 -
All the other "side chicks" knew he was involved, with a child on the way/ after the baby was born. He needed some & wasn't getting it from me. I don't think I have ever knowingly been a side chick. The ex, who slept with my ex until she found out I was pregnant, to this day she doesn't know why she did the things she did. I guess its just the other person telling us what we want to hear.0
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All the other "side chicks" knew he was involved, with a child on the way/ after the baby was born. He needed some & wasn't getting it from me. I don't think I have ever knowingly been a side chick. The ex, who slept with my ex until she found out I was pregnant, to this day she doesn't know why she did the things she did. I guess its just the other person telling us what we want to hear.
If your bolding that, you don't know what your talking about. Have a kid? 1st you have to wait 6 weeks before partaking in sexual intercourse. Have a newborn? I wasn't living with him because my daughter was born in December, we lived in a 1/1 with NO AC OR HEAT. So, please don't say that he cheated because I wasn't giving him any. It has NOTHING to do with that.0 -
because sometimes things start off innocently enough and then one (in this case the "side chick") gets emotionally involved and actually loves the person she/he is cheating with- with the hopes that one day it will all work out and be rainbows and unicorns . . . not always evil or malicious- but you can't always help who you fall in love with- even if you know its "wrong" . . .0
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I use to wonder the same thing as I watched my mom and dad's 18 year marriage crumble to the ground because of infidelity. I finally realized if someone wants to cheat, they are going to. If they want to leave, they will. You trying to stop it or prolong the relationship past what the other wants, only results in much more heartache for you. I really don't understand why people always seem to blame the "side chick/dude" more. Their significant other is just as much at fault, if not more.
Now for those who want to stay with you and with the "side-chick/dude", I lift my middle finger up to you. You're lucky someone hasn't shot or stabbed you.
As my favorite tattoo artist said, as he was jabbing me with a needle, "There would be less cheating and less divorces if one of them would come out and tell the other that their past partner cheated and the police never found enough of the body for full identification.":laugh:0 -
kinda funny, i just saw this on my fb wall
http://www.waaf.com/If-You-ve-Been-Cheated-on--You-ll-Probably-Never-Know/12721726?pid=247913#.T-GywFgUED4.facebook
if i had no interest in sex (which i always thought was overrated), i'd allow my partner to have a sexual relationship with other people.0 -
because sometimes things start off innocently enough and then one (in this case the "side chick") gets emotionally involved and actually loves the person she/he is cheating with- with the hopes that one day it will all work out and be rainbows and unicorns . . . not always evil or malicious- but you can't always help who you fall in love with- even if you know its "wrong" . . .
agree0 -
I'll put it like this: What one woman won't do, another woman will. The problem is that things get complicated. You get kids, you get a mortgage, you get things in your life that bind you together. The compliments began to wane, things you used to do aren't done anymore. The relationship grows stagnant and stale. It becomes unexciting. In the end, neither party wants to hurt the other. I've been there. So suddenly, someone comes along that makes you feel like a man. They make you feel needed and wanted. It starts innocently enough at first; You're a committed man sworn to forsake all others for this relationship. However, you begin to rationalize things a little differently. You begin to feel that you deserve to be treated better. This other person begins to provide you with everything that your main girl doesn't. She becomes a supplement to what you already have like a protein shake is a supplement to your diet.
It's not right and I don't condone it, but I COMPLETELY understand where those who have been side chics are coming from. I don't find it reprehensible, disgusting, bitter, or even cheating. I know that's how society views it, but then again I don't understand the correlation between love and sex. I understand it on a fundamental level, but I don't understand it on a primal level as it relates to us as humans in regards to evolution, but I digress.
So yeah, it's messed up and people get hurt sometimes. On the other hand people deserve to find their happiness in whatever way they see fit so until you get caught I say Have fun, keep it pimpin', and let it do what it do. I agree with others though: The minute that emotions get involved, cut it loose. Also, the one woman that mentioned the wife knew, I understand that as well. That is a very real situation and happens more often than many here would care to admit. It just depends on so many factors.
Wow. Well said.0 -
There's a lot less drama in this thread than I expected. I'll count that as a win. *waits for the ****storm.*
Lmao I love you!0 -
You may like to think so, but I would have to disagree. Although I would never cheat on my partner (there are other releases for tension) I understand the need for release. It was coupled with the fact that he is an idiot, but don't discount that as a factor.All the other "side chicks" knew he was involved, with a child on the way/ after the baby was born. He needed some & wasn't getting it from me. I don't think I have ever knowingly been a side chick. The ex, who slept with my ex until she found out I was pregnant, to this day she doesn't know why she did the things she did. I guess its just the other person telling us what we want to hear.
If your bolding that, you don't know what your talking about. Have a kid? 1st you have to wait 6 weeks before partaking in sexual intercourse. Have a newborn? I wasn't living with him because my daughter was born in December, we lived in a 1/1 with NO AC OR HEAT. So, please don't say that he cheated because I wasn't giving him any. It has NOTHING to do with that.0 -
You may like to think so, but I would have to disagree. Although I would never cheat on my partner (there are other releases for tension) I understand the need for release. It was coupled with the fact that he is an idiot, but don't discount that as a factor.All the other "side chicks" knew he was involved, with a child on the way/ after the baby was born. He needed some & wasn't getting it from me. I don't think I have ever knowingly been a side chick. The ex, who slept with my ex until she found out I was pregnant, to this day she doesn't know why she did the things she did. I guess its just the other person telling us what we want to hear.
If your bolding that, you don't know what your talking about. Have a kid? 1st you have to wait 6 weeks before partaking in sexual intercourse. Have a newborn? I wasn't living with him because my daughter was born in December, we lived in a 1/1 with NO AC OR HEAT. So, please don't say that he cheated because I wasn't giving him any. It has NOTHING to do with that.
It wasn't like I WASN'T giving it to him ever. I was't giving it to him like I was when we first got together. That was his excuse. We were not having sex as much. I said what do you expect? I just pushed an 8 lb baby out of my vag! Plus at this point in time, I KNEW he was doing things we has not supposed to do. So that kind of turned me off as well, and I was DUMB enough to stay for the sake of our daughter. When he really didn't care who he was screwing.0 -
A loving relationship is not all about sex, which he made it out to be. Sex is a bonus. It should not make or break a relationship.0
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A perfect storm of terrible reasons. Four years ago, I'd have thought nothing of saying I would never get involved with a married man! I have since learned that we are all really, truly capable of anything. Maybe sometimes the things we think we're not capable of most of all. It's a dangerous thing to discount. I, of course, can only speak for myself.
I was in a very volatile (by which I do not mean violent or abusive, to be clear) relationship for three years. I know now-- in fact, now it seems like a no-brainer-- that said relationship was a terrible idea from the outset. But however ill-advised, I was completely in love with this jack*ss man. Predictably (in hindsight, anyway), it did not end well. I was in so deep and ended up so heartbroken, and I allowed that (note: responsibility taken) to throw me into a self-destructive spiral. I made the incredibly poor decision of accepting an invitation to drinks from a coworker, and I knew at that moment that it was an incredibly poor decision and I knew exactly why. And still, somehow, gathering my clothes from his living room floor at 4 o'clock the next morning, I felt a little surprised.
So... my reasons. I was bent on doing something self-destructive. It was a pathetic coping mechanism. I felt desperate to feel anything other than the sadness, sorrow, and loss of my relationship. It was escapism (and I hate to tell you this, but for a while, it really worked, in that completely unhealthy way escapism sometimes does). I reasoned that he was still a decent, if deeply flawed man; the marriage was crumbling way before me; there's no possible way she couldn't know he cheats; we're all adults, here; etc., etc., etc.
I never trusted him and neither of us ever entertained the idea of a romantic relationship between us. I'm certainly not proud of it, but I can say it's a grave mistake I've at least learned from. I'm sure in the long run, it probably just delayed my recovery from that relationship. I'm sure it did wonders for my innate trust issues.
So there you have it, short story long.0 -
Okay, well that's different. When you said he 'needed' it and wasn't getting it from you, I took it that it had been many months rather than a recovery period from giving birth. I also assumed he wasn't getting it anywhere else.It wasn't like I WASN'T giving it to him ever. I was't giving it to him like I was when we first got together. That was his excuse. We were not having sex as much. I said what do you expect? I just pushed an 8 lb baby out of my vag! Plus at this point in time, I KNEW he was doing things we has not supposed to do. So that kind of turned me off as well, and I was DUMB enough to stay for the sake of our daughter. When he really didn't care who he was screwing.
As to your last comment; a loving relationship may not be ALL about sex, but for a lot of men it as just as important as the cuddles, kissing and general affection that women need. It absolutely can and will break a relationship and viewing it as a bonus or reward is a very naive view. How would you feel if your partner (assuming you were with someone that wasn't a complete asshat) showed you no affection, never cuddled you, kissed you, or told you how beautiful you are?0 -
ive never cheated but i have been the other girl!!!
we were friends to start with then became friends with benefits!! then he decided to get a gf so it stopped when things got rocky with the gf he would call me!! i never actually thought about the other girl!! i guess thats kinda harsh but i was thinking bout my needs!! plus we had a pretty secrety ''relationship'' no one knew about what we were doing neither of us would dare say anything to anyone so the secret was safe!!0 -
OOPS!The world is filled with pathetic, lonely people who hunger for intimacy.
And instead of setting relationship goals and taking the right action to achieve those goals, they just blow around like a reed in the wind.
Losers....
Who says you have to have relationship goals and that there is a certain path you are supposed to take to get them? People have different tastes in relationships, sex, etc. Some couples are perfectly happy in open relationships, some people are not. Some people just enjoy sex (it's human nature) and not relationships.
Who are YOU to judge!?
Sounds like I hit a nerve. Hey, do whatever floats your boat so long as you're happy with it.
Life is too short to be discontented.
I just know plenty of cheating people, and they're miserable souls who long for relationships, yet they keep falling short.
And they wonder why....duh!
People who set goals achieve; it's just that simple.
And you, and ONLY you can determine that path. Good luck!0 -
Okay, well that's different. When you said he 'needed' it and wasn't getting it from you, I took it that it had been many months rather than a recovery period from giving birth. I also assumed he wasn't getting it anywhere else.It wasn't like I WASN'T giving it to him ever. I was't giving it to him like I was when we first got together. That was his excuse. We were not having sex as much. I said what do you expect? I just pushed an 8 lb baby out of my vag! Plus at this point in time, I KNEW he was doing things we has not supposed to do. So that kind of turned me off as well, and I was DUMB enough to stay for the sake of our daughter. When he really didn't care who he was screwing.
As to your last comment; a loving relationship may not be ALL about sex, but for a lot of men it as just as important as the cuddles, kissing and general affection that women need. It absolutely can and will break a relationship and viewing it as a bonus or reward is a very naive view. How would you feel if your partner (assuming you were with someone that wasn't a complete asshat) showed you no affection, never cuddled you, kissed you, or told you how beautiful you are?
See he was an asshat, and never told me. He tells me I was not affectionate, therefore that was the demise of our relationship. Now, he regrets it. I left with the baby, and he misses what he had. We never went MONTHS without Maybe a week. But I have health issues that also stopped us from doing it as well. And he couldn't grasp it.
Scenario- Your with someone. They have cheated on you ( No confirmation just suspicion & texts/pictures etc) Your on something that makes your libido plummet to like less than nothing. Would you do it when ever they wanted to even if you got NOTHING out of it every single time you did it, and it was like maybe a 5 minute thing?0 -
I have to comment on this one...2 years ago my husband and I were going through a rough patch and along comes the girl who listens and sympathizes. She was getting fed all the bad stuff but was well aware that he was still married. He did not actually sleep with her until all hell broke lose and I left to go stay with my parents. Not really sure where I am going with this but.....she actually thought he would leave me for her.0
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You sound very successful and classy.The world is filled with pathetic, lonely people who hunger for intimacy.
And instead of setting relationship goals and taking the right action to achieve those goals, they just blow around like a reed in the wind.
Losers....
Really?!?! My relationship goals were at the time to just have fun and be me. Not a loser at all. I am a very successful woman with many great friends, a good job, a great kid, and an even greater rack.
Best of luck to you; keep up the good work...:flowerforyou:0
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