Is it rude...
Replies
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Family and friends is one thing, but your bridesmaids????I didn't find it rude when some of my family and friends couldn't come to the gift opening party... just tell your friend the reasoning and if she doesn't understand....
My bridesmaids didn't make it to mine... one had to work, the other two had 6 hour drives back home they had to make so they could go back to work as well on the next monday... I had my immediate family there and my bridesmaids had good reason to not be there, so why would I think it's rude?0 -
Um, actually I thinking having a party where people watch you open your wedding gifts is tacky. It's not a birthday party for a 6 year old. I've NEVER heard of a couple doing this in recent years -- couple, even if they haven't lived together before getting married, are usually fairly established when it comes to having a home set up -- they don't NEED the items received at a wedding --- most couples want the time after their wedding to enjoy the first few days of married life before reality setting in. To me, it sounds like they are trying to hold on to "their special day" by dragging it out. Maybe they are just doing it for tradition's sake -- but honestly, if that is the case, they shouldn't be too upset if you skip it.
If the bride wants to give you crap about this -- offer to resign your post as bride's maid because you aren't able/don't want to deal with all the wedding stuff she's planned. And I might add -- your duties as a bride's maid end after the day of the wedding - unless you actively agreed to specific duties that extended beyond the wedding day (ride to airport/clean up).0 -
I'm glad I'm a guy.
If I show up and don't rip out the crotch of my tux when the DJ plays JUMP by Van Halen, I consider the outing to be a success.
LMAO!!!! I love how mens perspective is so much different from womens!!!! :drinker:0 -
I'm glad I'm a guy.
If I show up and don't rip out the crotch of my tux when the DJ plays JUMP by Van Halen, I consider the outing to be a success.
AWESOME!!!0 -
Um, actually I thinking having a party where people watch you open your wedding gifts is tacky. It's not a birthday party for a 6 year old. I've NEVER heard of a couple doing this in recent years -- couple, even if they haven't lived together before getting married, are usually fairly established when it comes to having a home set up -- they don't NEED the items received at a wedding --- most couples want the time after their wedding to enjoy the first few days of married life before reality setting in. To me, it sounds like they are trying to hold on to "their special day" by dragging it out. Maybe they are just doing it for tradition's sake -- but honestly, if that is the case, they shouldn't be too upset if you skip it.
If the bride wants to give you crap about this -- offer to resign your post as bride's maid because you aren't able/don't want to deal with all the wedding stuff she's planned. And I might add -- your duties as a bride's maid end after the day of the wedding - unless you actively agreed to specific duties that extended beyond the wedding day (ride to airport/clean up).
Both me and my husband and then when my BIL got married, we all did this... however, I never even heard of the tradition until I got married... honestly, it's no different than a bridal shower, just AFTER the wedding.0 -
Maybe they are just doing it for tradition's sake -- but honestly, if that is the case, they shouldn't be too upset if you skip it.
If the bride wants to give you crap about this -- offer to resign your post as bride's maid because you aren't able/don't want to deal with all the wedding stuff she's planned. And I might add -- your duties as a bride's maid end after the day of the wedding - unless you actively agreed to specific duties that extended beyond the wedding day (ride to airport/clean up).
I do agree with this, in most cases the couple will not care as who is there and who is not. In my family it is tradtion to have one, I have been to all my cousins parties, but under no cuircumstance is anyone EXPECTED to be there.0 -
Because come on...
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Actually the day after luncheon (or breakfast) to watch the bride and groom open gifts is quite common from where I come from. It's really not about the gifts though...i think that was cooked up so that this event could be lumped into "wedding festivities" (gotta have a reason you know?)
anyways, it's really a (usually in my area anyways) catered affair at the reception hall where the wedding was, it's an opportunity for the bride and groom to buy everyone breakfast (especially travellers) and have that last visit before everyone goes back to where they came from....to be honest in the million of these events I have been too, I have only seen two couples actually open gifts, the time is mostly spent going from table to table visiting with people who you didn't get to really say hi to at the crazy day known as your wedding...eat a little brekkie and laugh at the still tired kids and still hungover young adults....
It's a great time to get together and visit...but that's really the purpose (from where I come from) so if you asked someone if you could visit the family instead, the answer would more than likely be sure go ahead.....
ask her...no harm, no foul...if she's your friend, she A) knows how often you get home to see people and
knows how important family is to you...so she'll say yes.
Lauren
Perfectly said Lauren - especially "It's a great time to get together and visit...but that's really the purpose (from where I come from) so if you asked someone if you could visit the family instead, the answer would more than likely be sure go ahead.....'
It is often just a casual affair and I am sure your friend would totally understand your wanting to spend time with your family...
We did not do a gift opening for my wedding, but we did host a brunch, and it was fantastic... even though many were tired (and a wee titch hung over!), some of my best wedding memories are from that brunch!0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.0 -
Because come on...
for people who have them, that is like saying the wedding itself is stupid....I could say having a wedding in a church is stupid because that is not my tradition...0 -
Um, actually I thinking having a party where people watch you open your wedding gifts is tacky. It's not a birthday party for a 6 year old. I've NEVER heard of a couple doing this in recent years -- couple, even if they haven't lived together before getting married, are usually fairly established when it comes to having a home set up -- they don't NEED the items received at a wedding --- most couples want the time after their wedding to enjoy the first few days of married life before reality setting in. To me, it sounds like they are trying to hold on to "their special day" by dragging it out. Maybe they are just doing it for tradition's sake -- but honestly, if that is the case, they shouldn't be too upset if you skip it.
If the bride wants to give you crap about this -- offer to resign your post as bride's maid because you aren't able/don't want to deal with all the wedding stuff she's planned. And I might add -- your duties as a bride's maid end after the day of the wedding - unless you actively agreed to specific duties that extended beyond the wedding day (ride to airport/clean up).
Both me and my husband and then when my BIL got married, we all did this... however, I never even heard of the tradition until I got married... honestly, it's no different than a bridal shower, just AFTER the wedding.
You're kind of making my point -- you never heard of this until you got married. It's likely that it was done to appease some family member's sense of tradition, not because it is something YOU desired personally.
And it is a whole lot different than a bridal shower. Bride's maids can reasonably expect that they will need to host a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party -- those event occur prior to the wedding. Nobody should expect their wedding party to go to events AFTER their weddings. Period. The invite to an event like this should be worded "If you would like to come to xyz, we'd love to have you -- but we understand that you've given up a lot of time to be apart of our wedding, so don't feel obligated".
The point is though, it comes AFTER the wedding. Unless0 -
Blah.. weddings. I opted to elope in the Bahamas.. none of the traditional stuff. I think you can skip it. Who wants to sit around and watch people open gifts? Sooooo boring.0
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Not only is the opening gift luncheon a joke and a waste of time; this thread just wasted my time so I have to post about it being a a waste of time to make it worth my time.0
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Because come on...
for people who have them, that is like saying the wedding itself is stupid....I could say having a wedding in a church is stupid because that is not my tradition...
Um, anything somebody does (especially wedding related) because of tradition and not personal desire/belief is kind of stupid because you are subjecting others to it.0 -
Yes, I'm here in the Midwest and I did have a wedding gift opening gathering the day after the wedding. It is a tradition, sort of, and it's so everyone doesn't have to watch at the wedding reception. I did have lakeside cabins for everyone to stay the weekend in and we just used the pavillion at the resort to have the gift opening and we made a huge breakfast for everyone too. Honestly, I don't regret having it, but would figure something else out next time. I didn't even want to go since I was so worn out for the day before, lol. I wouldn't have cared if the wedding party did not attend, if they let me know ahead of time. The only reason I say that, if they didn't tell me that they were not gonna be there, then I would assume that they were upset about something or sick or something like that. I think that your friend will understand especially if you have known her along time, she will know that family is very important to you.0
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this thread is going to be epic.0
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Good grief, people. If you don't like the "gift opening" party, then don't agree to be in someone's wedding party who is having one. Why do YOU care if someone else has one?0
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Wow, I'm from the midwest too, and have never seen this done... As I said earlier, its probably more of a way to entertain those who came in from out of town on that day after...Yes, I'm here in the Midwest and I did have a wedding gift opening gathering the day after the wedding. It is a tradition, sort of, and it's so everyone doesn't have to watch at the wedding reception.
Personally, I would have found it in poor taste to open the gifts in front of others, especially considering we had a shower before the wedding, and the majority (for us anyway) of the actual wedding gifts were cash anyway (I certainly wouldn't have wanted to make anyone uncomfortable by opening that in front of others). We only had maybe a 10 actual gifts that required opening more than an envelope.
That being said, I had out of town guests, and my parents hosted a picnic the day after my wedding to get all of the cousins (and their kids - who weren't invited to the wedding) together. We did attend for a little bit, but it was a family event, and the bridal party members who weren't related were not obligated....0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. I LOL because when my husband and I opened our gifts, it was when we finally took a break on our wedding night from our own private festivities and we opened the gifts in our robes at the hotel. I certainly would not have wished that on anybody
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I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!! Cancel Christmas while we are at it, that must be a really stupid tradition since some people don't celebrate it.
I don't care that people think it is stupid, and I also don't care if not everyone does it....but for those of us who have had one or plan to have one what is the big deal...if your invited to one and you think it is stupid don't go...simple as that!!0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.0 -
Good grief, people. If you don't like the "gift opening" party, then don't agree to be in someone's wedding party who is having one. Why do YOU care if someone else has one?
You are totally ignoring the fact that this additional wedding event was just added to the wedding. After probably a year of planning and no mention of this is a little bit off putting and because of that I don't think that it has anything to do with having agreed to be in someone's wedding. If the OP knew about this for months I would feel totally differenly, but since it was sprung on her I don't think she is required to go. Should she respectfully talk to the bride about this, absolutely, should she feel obligated to go, no.0 -
My sister and brother in law had a wedding gift party the day after the wedding and it was optional. I don't think it would be rude. You've already spend 2 days of your life on these people.0
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Good grief, people. If you don't like the "gift opening" party, then don't agree to be in someone's wedding party who is having one. Why do YOU care if someone else has one?
The point was -- OP's bride decided to have one AFTER she agreed to be a bride's maid.0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??0 -
Not rude at all - some people like to "see" the person get the gifts you got them - but I would guess that will be a pretty small group of family and best friends maybe. To be honest - when I got married - I couldn't remember who was at what - its such a whirlwind that unless you are their best friend or they have specifically asked you personally to come - I doubt they will care!! They should feel honored you made it all that way for the wedding in the first place IMO!!!
Agree0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No body is REQUIRED to go to a gift opening...it is an open house type thing...nobody is subjected to anything...the people who are there go because they want to be there.0 -
After my daughter's wedding we did the same thing. We had a lovely brunch with Mimosas, etc. and it was nice. She invited family and her friends who were in the wedding party.However, iIt ended up being awkward because so many guests gave cash and some gave a lot, some gave a little. Not that she cared what they gave but she felt embarrassed telling the amounts aloud so they could be written down for future thank yous. She ended up just handing me the cards and that worked but we still had that awful awkward moment whenever she opened a card. Everyone would get quiet. lol
This^ is exactly why it seems awkward to me. Who wants everyone to know how much or how little they were able to give someone, even if it may be a lot for that person to give, and why should others care and have to be subjected to that? A bridal shower is one thing, but that is not usually where the cash might be offered.
To the OP, I would definitely talk to your friend about spending time with your family. That seems more important to me, especially since you have already given up so much of your time to the bride for the weekend anyway, surely she would understand.0 -
After my daughter's wedding we did the same thing. We had a lovely brunch with Mimosas, etc. and it was nice. She invited family and her friends who were in the wedding party.However, iIt ended up being awkward because so many guests gave cash and some gave a lot, some gave a little. Not that she cared what they gave but she felt embarrassed telling the amounts aloud so they could be written down for future thank yous. She ended up just handing me the cards and that worked but we still had that awful awkward moment whenever she opened a card. Everyone would get quiet. lol
This^ is exactly why it seems awkward to me. Who wants everyone to know how much or how little they were able to give someone, even if it may be a lot for that person to give, and why should others care and have to be subjected to that? A bridal shower is one thing, but that is not usually where the cash might be offered.
To the OP, I would definitely talk to your friend about spending time with your family. That seems more important to me, especially since you have already given up so much of your time to the bride for the weekend anyway, surely she would understand.
And this is exactly why my husband and I only opened the wrapped gifts. The cards stayed in the card box until we were alone and could open them by ourselves. Most people assume that if there's a card, there's money or a gift card (at least around here), so why bother opening them in front of people?0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?0
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