Is it rude...
Replies
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Ahhhh....well, then I agree with you.the fact that this additional wedding event was just added to the wedding. After probably a year of planning and no mention of this is a little bit off putting and because of that I don't think that it has anything to do with having agreed to be in someone's wedding. If the OP knew about this for months I would feel totally differenly, but since it was sprung on her I don't think she is required to go. Should she respectfully talk to the bride about this, absolutely, should she feel obligated to go, no.0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
I have read every single post on this thread. And yes...you and everyone else are attacking the event itself by calling it selfish, ostentacious, rude, self-indulgent, etc.
I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.0 -
I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
I did read the whole thing, but there were some people who jumped all over saying how it was selfish and ignorant and I am just trying to defend the "tradition" (ya I said it again)
so here to make you happy...
to the OP I don't think you are required to go, let her know and let her know you want to spend time with your family and she will most likely understand...0 -
This was actually made clear in the original post.
Ahhhh....well, then I agree with you.the fact that this additional wedding event was just added to the wedding. After probably a year of planning and no mention of this is a little bit off putting and because of that I don't think that it has anything to do with having agreed to be in someone's wedding. If the OP knew about this for months I would feel totally differenly, but since it was sprung on her I don't think she is required to go. Should she respectfully talk to the bride about this, absolutely, should she feel obligated to go, no.0 -
I'd explain to them that you'd like to spend that last day with your family and be done with it. If they are really your friends, they will understand.0
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I'd say if you are in the wedding, you are close enough to the bride to explain. Just tell her that you are glad you got to spend two days with her for her big day, but you will have to sit out Sunday to hang with your family. Otherwise, just go for a short time and leave early.
If she is your friend she will understand.
Have a good time!0 -
Not everyone uses every tradition just because they exist... there would have been no reason to expect that it would happen, if it hadn't been mentioned.I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.
But more importantly, she clearly said she's never heard of this tradition, so how on earth would she expect it?0 -
Your point? So, I missed it and retracted part of my initial statement. Move along...This was actually made clear in the original post.0 -
I've never heard of this and hope it's not a common "tradition". I wouldn't attend.
IMO, not rude, at all. Go home to your family.
Agree! I never heard of this "tradition," and IMO your family, specially elderly grandparents, should come firsts. If your friend doesn't understand tell her to go a suck a lollipop.0 -
Politely decline and say you want to spend the day with your family since you are leaving Monday to go back home and do not know when you will be able to come back again.0
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Not everyone uses every tradition just because they exist... there would have been no reason to expect that it would happen, if it hadn't been mentioned.I don't agree with springing it on the bridesmaid last minute. However, if she's from there (as I assume she is since she called it "Home") and it's a tradition/custom from that area (which I'm also assuming it is since she's heard of it and knows what it is), she should have expected it to be happening. And as part of the wedding party, should have expected to have to go to it.
But more importantly, she clearly said she's never heard of this tradition, so how on earth would she expect it?
I %100 agree0 -
I had no idea there was such a party.....I thought the wedding ended and that was it.
I wouldn't go, but I would talk to my friend and explain why. That way it doesn't look like you just blew her off. I bet she'll be fine0 -
I have never heard of A wedding Gift opening Party. My Hubby and I just opened our gifts by our lonesome! For sur eof you paid for your trip then family is first on Sunday.0
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Not to attend a wedding gift opening party? I'm in a wedding this weekend back home (1300 miles from where I live) and I was informed yesterday that not only will I be attending bridal party/wedding festivities Friday and Saturday, but I am also invited to a wedding gift opening lunch on Sunday. I leave Monday. Is it completely rude to skip this party to spend time with my family? I only go home once a year and I don't want my time to be wasted, especially since my grandparents are pretty old. I just feel like I can't ditch my friend either because I live so far away I feel like I haven't really been a good bridesmaid for her. Any suggestions?
Its not rude to skip it. Your friend should be able to understand, if she can't then she isn't a good friend.0 -
I think you should explain all this to your friend. If she doesn't understand, then she is not a very good friend. As far as you being a good bridesmaid, you showed up, and you travelled from far away to get there. What more could she have asked of you?
i agree!0 -
A gift opening party? Jeez, I know brides like to have their moment and all but talk about milking it! Who wants to sit for hours watching people open gifts? The bride shouldn't expect everyone to attend, it's ridiculous.0
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I have been to a ton of weddings, and I've never heard of a wedding gift opening party. Is it a regional thing?0
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I've never heard of this and hope it's not a common "tradition". I wouldn't attend.
IMO, not rude, at all. Go home to your family.
THIS 100%. You have some pretty wacky things in the States. This is pretty high up on the list of Weirdest Traditions.
Spend time with your family.0 -
Ugh wedding gift openings are the WORST. You already got a whole day that is all about you, not to mention all the events leading up to your wedding. Making your family and friends sit through the snooze fest of watching you oooh and aaaah over gifts when you are exhausted (honestly, I don't remember much about the day after my wedding except for the fact that my husband and I just wanted to nap and cuddle most of the day) and they are probably hung over is just cruel.
As a bridesmaid you are probably walking a fine line if you refuse to go, particularly if the bride is all gung-ho about the gift opening and honestly thinks it's a good idea and "fun". She may use it as a focal point for calling you a bad bridesmaid. Then again, she may be totally cool with you not being there, especially since you're travelling so far. I'd say the only thing to do is talk to her about it ahead of time and see what her reaction is, and then make your decision. Just don't let it sit too long, the closer you get to the wedding the more all these little outlying issues become huge deals.0 -
:noway: A gift opening party? That seems more rude to me than opting out of one.
I say spend time with your family and relax before you head home. :flowerforyou:0 -
A wedding gift opening party? What? Sounds like an odd tradition. If i had one of those, it would have been a pretty quick party.. I received all cards and one knife set.
I know. I would think the bride and groom would be busy the day after the wedding.
LOL - THIS!
IMO - explain to the bride why you can't be there and skip it. She should understand and if she doesn't.. oh well.0 -
aaaah, middle america. this is why i like the coasts. you give gifts for the bridal shower, and money at the wedding. no silly "wedding gift opening party."
this...0 -
I've never even heard of a wedding gift opening party. It sounds like a super lame way to spend your time.0
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Visit yor family. You are not obligated to watch the couple open gifts. My daugher was just married and would not dream of asking her wedding party to participate in a "gift :laugh: opening"........LOL !!!!0
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People even have parties for this??? WOW...0
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It is rude IF you didnt discuss it with the bride beforehand ..
I would think your circumstances are unique and hope she would completely understand ....
I agree with this. See what the bride thinks. I had lots of family at my gift opening, but not our attendents and I didn't feel one bit bad. Good luck!0 -
There is no established etiquette for this because a "wedding gift opening party" would not be allowed by traditional standards of etiquette. Inviting people (other than, say, your mom, your sister, and your groom) over to watch you open gifts is a terrible idea! I think you can politely decline and hang out with your family.0
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IMO - asking people to watch you open gifts is rude. Lol. I'm just do not into wedding crap. Just tell them you'd like to spend that day with your family.
I knod of like this answer. I have never heard of a wedding gift opening party. Sounds boreing.And you just found out about it and the weddding is this weekend. You should have been told ages ago.
If the bride is your friend she will understand your need to see you family. So definatly go see them.0 -
Unless you're travel was paid for by them, I would simply tell your friend that you can't make it because you want to spend time with your family because you only get to see them once a year. I don't really see the point in opening wedding gifts in front of people. When I got married, we opened them after the reception (we planned a later honeymoon). Our immediate family and my bridesmaids were with us, but we never expected anyone to be there at all. In fact, I didn't know at the time that it was any type of custom or tradition to have people there for gift opening. My bridesmaids were there because they wanted to be. I definitely didn't ask them to stay or even expect them to. I'm sure the bride and groom will understand if you're honest with them up front :-)0
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I've never heard of a gift opening party. What a selfish, indulgent, ridiculous waste of time! I would not go....
(and no I am not jealous, I have all the household carp I need and then some!)
AND another thing? Doesn't the couple go away to spend one-on-one time with each other on their wedding night? Why would they want to get up early the next morning and go to yet another event? Wouldn't they want to enjoy their first morning as husband and wife together?
BECAUSE IT IS A TRADITION!!!!!!!
TRADITION!!!!
one more time
TRADTION
A tradition that lots of people here have never heard of, so how about you calm down.
Lots of terrible things were traditions - hanging the sheets from the wedding night outside to prove the bride was a virgin, comes to mind. Tradition does not equal good.
So a tradition that my family celebrates and has since I can remember is "bad" just because some people have not heard of it? And I can't defend it? I can clearly see why opening presents can be such a horrible tradition one that clearly should be stopped immediately!!!
Sure you can defend it -- but you need reasons aside from "It's tradition!" if you want to be taken seriously. The fact of the matter is, subjecting people who just spent the entire day before (and presumably other days along the way -- bridal shower, etc.) making sure your wedding was as perfect as it could be -- to another event based around YOU and your wedding, comes off as selfish to a lot of people.
My sister opened her gifts and we ate left overs the day after her wedding. But it wasn't a formal "thing" anyone was required to attend. She just said "Hey, if you want to..." but it was very clear there was no expectation of attendance from the beginning. Do you know who came? Her family -- the groom's family. Most of the wedding party moved on with their lives.
No one ever said this was something you are REQUIRED to attend. And it's not a formal thing. How about finding out a little more information about the actual event before you attack it??
I am not attacking the tradition itself -- I am attacking brides and grooms who spring this little event on bridal party members and don't make it clear that it is optional and not formal -- which, if you bothered reading ALL the comments, you would know is the situation with the OP. How about you try reading what you're commenting on, eh?
HOLY MOLY BATMAN, where is the popcorn???0
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