Sleeping in seperate beds, what do you think?

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Replies

  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    Some people lik their space when they sleep. I for one can't stand it when someone tries to cuddle with me when Im sleeping.

    ^^This! My husband and I have a king size bed because of this. He is a SUPER warm sleeper and I can NOT sleep next to him without sweating to death. I like my space when sleeping.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I don't think separate beds is necessarily a bad thing. Wouldn't work for me but some people do it. That said, it seems to be bothering OP so much that I'd bet there's more going on here.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    Is his name Tim Tebow?
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
    There is more to it than him not wanting anything to happen or being inconsiderate or not caring she's naked. The OP is not addressing the whole issue.

    Probably not. I'm sure she has other reasons for wanting to leave that aren't mentioned here. She's seeking justification to leave. I don't hear pleas of "How do I fix this?"
  • MeliJean78
    MeliJean78 Posts: 249
    Pack his bags and send him to the monastery.
  • yelpat
    yelpat Posts: 414 Member
    Been doing it for many many years mind you, I'm getting a divorce so probably not the best person to ask.
    To each their own :)
  • Kailuen
    Kailuen Posts: 58 Member
    If you feel that it is emotionally draining you, leave him. If you feel it makes your insecurities grow and you are being unstable due to it, just move on. Sometimes guys lack intimacy and you can never change them. Maybe he's just one of those people. Or maybe it's blazing hot and you add to the body heat. You are in your 20's, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Personally I would find this really odd and off-putting. It would be a deal-breaker for me.
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
    Also, I am awful to sleep with. I have restless legs syndrome and talk in my sleep. I woke him up at 1am to argue with him about guacamole while fast asleep

    I laughed so hard that I couldn't answer a call. I talk in my sleep. When my sister and I shared a room as kids I would frequently wake up with her yelling STFU. I didn't know what she was talking about but i'd lay back down and go right to sleep.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I would love to not share a bed. I love my husband so much and we have a very happy sex life (doesn't sound like you do) but I am an insanely light sleeper I waked up 5-10 most nights. We sleep together sometimes, other times we don't.

    It sounds like there are more issues than just sharing a bed happening though.
  • gwduker
    gwduker Posts: 293
    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant. Also, he's gay.
    Or a bed wetter....
  • missashley884
    missashley884 Posts: 188 Member
    i think its weird. i tend to move a lot in my sleep, and i get up multiple times, but my fiance doesnt care because he loves sleeping next to me, cheesy i know lol.
  • GermanicKnight
    GermanicKnight Posts: 445
    Serious answer here. Maybe he is afraid his morning wood or night time nightstick will offend you if he is cuddling with you while he sleeps.
  • jamers3111
    jamers3111 Posts: 495 Member
    You're too young to be sleeping in separate beds. I say move on because you deserve a man who doesn't want to be away from you for a second!
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    Whether you are quiet or not doesn't account for the space you take up in the bed. Maybe he needs to stretch out to feel comfortable enough to sleep. I really think the fact that you have stopped talking to each other over this disagreement says a lot more than the fact that he wants to sleep in the same room but separate beds.

    I think you both need to look at this from the other's point of view. I assume you want to sleep in the same bed because you crave the physical closeness. He wants to sleep separately because it's more comfortable for him. Maybe you can sleep separately on work nights and together on weekends?
  • TISH27kidneytransplant
    TISH27kidneytransplant Posts: 69
    do you snore? are you a violent sleeper? Hubby and I sleep in different rooms! I sleep in our room and he sleeps on the couch in the living room. This is for two good reasons. He snores like a chainsaw and I NEVER sleep when he is next to me because of this. The other is cause I'm a violent sleeper. I toss and turn and have in the past accidently broke hubbys nose in my sleep! Now we both would love to be able to cuddle next to each other everynight in the same bed, it's just not pratical and in our case safe!



    It wasn't too long ago that my hubby woke me up by punching me in the head (in his sleep), he also suffers from night terrors... Luckily at the moment it doesn't get violent too often so we can still share a bed but I do feel your pain!

    Thank you! Its been awhile since my dreams make do something violent. It's been a couple weeks I would guess that I punched my headboard! lol. Now that hurt! oh and I'm so sorry you got puched in the head in your sleep!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    If you guys were trying to remain abstinent until marriage then I could see this, but otherwise..............that is freaking weird and I wouldn't want to live like that, make sure he doesn't have some kind of past trauma or reason other than the lame one he is giving. Otherwise I myself would break up with him, but you do what works for you....not him.
  • sbermud
    sbermud Posts: 58 Member
    I'd love it.. that's my dream relationship. :)
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

    LOL this is crap. age means nothing. 10yrs between my husband and i and im pretty confident after being together for 11yrs hes a great "guy" (i prefer man but whatever) who has turned into a loving husband and wonderful father.
  • Edestiny7
    Edestiny7 Posts: 730 Member
    If you get a king size bed, it will be like sleeping in separate beds. Ours is over 10 years old, and despite flipping and rotating it, you can see exactly where we each lay, from the indents in the mattress.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
    Oh you just need what my wife and I have - MEGABED.

    It's a Twin and a Queen pushed together. (I get the twin of course). The extra space means no blankie stealing or accidental "wolverine having a bad dream about the war" impaling. If one of us has a restless night the other doesn't get affected. I get to have my firm mattress, she gets to have her weird all-engulfing soft white blood cell type thing.

    And best of all, wanna cuddle... you can just roll right over across the gap and do so.

    I want a MEGABED... is all I got from this
  • jen_bd6
    jen_bd6 Posts: 501 Member
    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

    Some people just give terrible advice...

    Agreed... terrible advice is right... I have dated men older than me, and they were good guys... The relationships didn't even end on bad terms, just didn't work out. I know plenty of couples who are married (happily even) where the husband is older than the wife... People who don't know what they are talking about should think twice before giving "advice".
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 846 Member
    I suffer from deep wave parasonmia & my husband would love to get separate beds but i said no, we compromised & got a super king size. sort of resolves the issue as long as he doesn't move to much & sets me off.

    As for sleeping in single beds on either side of the room, I think you have bigger problems tbh, he clearly has some issues about sleeping next to you, you could push the beds together & still get decent sleep alone.
  • jadedzen
    jadedzen Posts: 221 Member
    Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

    So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

    ^^^^^^This, so very much. My fiance has untreated sleep apnea and i wear ear plugs and all but STILL get woken up by him. Though i'd want to be in a completely different room. possibly on the other side of the house.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    I sleep in a separate bed from the husband. We love each and cuddle before bed, but I LOVE my sleep!!! we have the beds close to each other so we can hold hands or something, but I am a wild sleeper and he's massive so it works out.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    i think you should sit down and talk. not talking isn't going to help. you explain why it bothers you and he can explain why it bothers him. talk it out and maybe you guys can figure out how to make you both happy.

    that being said, i sleep well with or without my husband in the bed. he deploys for a year at a time. i PREFER him here obviously, but that doesn't always happen. i enjoy cuddling. he doesn't. he will hold me until i fall asleep because he knows i like it, but when i'm asleep, he will roll over because sleeping on his side is uncomfortable. i'm fine with that. we compromise.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    How do you know that?
  • future_runner
    future_runner Posts: 136 Member
    I'd say go for a king, as others have said and see how you like that. My story on living with the BF- for both of us this is the first time we've lived with a significant other (both 25) and for the first month he moved in to my one bedroom while we were waiting for our 2 bedroom to be available and I did not think it would work out. Now that we are in a two bedroom its been great. I've decided the key to sharing your life with someone is to never share the bathroom!! And separate closets are nice as well.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

    LOL this is crap. age means nothing. 10yrs between my husband and i and im pretty confident after being together for 11yrs hes a great "guy" (i prefer man but whatever) who has turned into a loving husband and wonderful father.

    I agree that is total crap. My grandpa 10 years older than my grandma, my uncle 11 years older than my aunt, and Me 11 years younger than my fiance, and guess what I went after him not the other way around, and he actually said no the first time I asked him because he thought I wasn't serious. Some women like older men that doesn't make the man a pervert or a bad guy. especially when the girl reaches her 20's that age gap closes. I of course don't agree with a 15 year old and a 25 year old.........because she isn't an adult and doesn't think like one yet.
  • LifeChangingExp
    LifeChangingExp Posts: 454 Member
    Um throw him out with both beds and find a hot babe who wants to wake up to your beautiful face everyday .
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