Sleeping in seperate beds, what do you think?

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  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    I never sleep with my husband, he's worked nights for a year now, I'm so used to sleeping alone that when he has nights off, we don't sleep together still.


    This is me and my Husband! He has worked third shift from 6pm to 6am for at least 12yrs. Before that he always had terrible insomnia. Even on his nights off (which can be rare since he works OT) we would try to sleep together but his snoring has gotten horrendous over the years (He even complains of it waking him up it so loud!) But he sleeps for maybe a few hours then goes and watches movies until 6am anyway.

    It works for us and there are far better places to have sex in than just a bed. And it isn't true that you only have to have sex at night either........
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    Right now I am sleep deprived because my dear boyfriend snore!!!

    So I vote for sleeping in 2 different rooms

    I sleep in a seperate room for this very reason.

    I hate it but my wife is the same way as you.

    I didn't always snore when I met my beautiful amazing wife.

    I gained 60 lbs which is when the snoring started.

    Now I'm doing everything I can to get back into that bed. (going from 275-199)


    This is us. We are pretty sure he has sleep apnea but he refuses to go get tested even though he is the first to say he needs it. Awesome job on your weight loss!
  • Kristy_Elizabeth
    Kristy_Elizabeth Posts: 435
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    This would not work for me. I like to be cuddled right up against my guy.
  • ShakeyMD
    ShakeyMD Posts: 59 Member
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    You'll find that a lot of couples sleep in different beds or even rooms. After a certain period of time, one can only go on with lack of sleep for so long. Some people just like to sleep and get quality sleep. Some people simply don't sleep well with others in the bed. I'm a single mother and my daugthers will occasionally sleep in my bed if they fall asleep watching a movie in my room or something, or when the power is out (they think it's creepy LOL) and I can't sleep. At all. I love my children, and I know it's a different love than relationships, but I cannot STAND to have someone else in my bed. Just my two cents.
  • andivaclavicek
    andivaclavicek Posts: 150
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    Hey, at least you wont get pregnant. Also, he's gay.

    This made me LOL.
  • AngiKnick
    AngiKnick Posts: 1
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    I understand all the trouble that this can cause because I too insist on sleeping in different beds. I have my bed and my husband has his. He has restless leg syndrome and snores like a freight train. I have trouble functioning on the little dribbles of sleep that I am able to get when I sleep with him but he hates us sleeping in different beds, though he does admit that he too sleeps much better. I personally think that getting enough good quality sleep every night is way more important than cuddling. When you wake up in the morning, you can always go get into bed with him and snuggle. I know it isn't the same but it's a good compromise. :bigsmile:
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    oh hell no!
    that's just ridiculous.
    I can't even say anything else.

    My thoughts exactly
  • shannonkk
    shannonkk Posts: 192 Member
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    His reason for sleeping in seperate beds is so that he can get a good sleep which I find weird considering I'm the most quiet sleeper in the world and he actually snores!

    I'm thinking of breaking up with him over it, it's so hard not to take it personally and wonder if this is really about him or me. He has lived on his own for quite a long time though and I guess you become accustomed to that single lifestyle?

    I think you answered your own question!! You find it weird and hard, and you are now thinking of breaking up, follow your heart. If you feel this way now, just wait another year and it will probably be doubled. You deserve to be happy and should be with someone more like yourself. I cannot live stressed and unhappy, and that would make me very unhappy.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
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    lol sometimes its been so hot at night that i wear nothing! he knows it but doesn't seem to care :I

    And apparently he wants you in a totally different bed just to make sure nothing happens. You need to find out what's wrong. Either he had his testicles crushed in an industrial accident, he's interested in men, or he's not turned on by you. If you're not married, don't have kids, and he won't change.... get out while you can.

    I sleep naked and my husband isn't always all over me. He's not gay, his testicles haven't been crushed and I most certainly turn him on.

    The OP hasn't answered the question of what the real underlying reason for this is. They are not speaking to each other over this and she's going to dump him for it. There is something else going on besides his want of separate beds. So OP, what's the real issue here?

    I agree, there is more to the story. Why not just ASK him??? When you moved in, what was it like in his bedroom? Did he have one small bed? Did he already have two beds?
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I find is very odd. My boyfriend and I personally would share a twin to be together. Only thing I can think of is really strong religious beliefs or he's insecure about something.
  • AriesGrl
    AriesGrl Posts: 174 Member
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    Oh you just need what my wife and I have - MEGABED.

    It's a Twin and a Queen pushed together. (I get the twin of course). The extra space means no blankie stealing or accidental "wolverine having a bad dream about the war" impaling. If one of us has a restless night the other doesn't get affected. I get to have my firm mattress, she gets to have her weird all-engulfing soft white blood cell type thing.

    And best of all, wanna cuddle... you can just roll right over across the gap and do so.

    SERIOUSLY....BEST IDEA EVER!!!!!!!!
  • Genem30
    Genem30 Posts: 431 Member
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    Is your boyfriend **** Van *kitten*?

    2beds0520.jpg

    Oh, and of course his first name is censored.
  • rwindover
    rwindover Posts: 20
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    Have you discussed the idea of a king size bed? I sleep with my partner every night and couldn't image not doing so. If he mentioned the idea of separate beds to me, I don't know if I could stay with him unless he had a VERY valid reason...different shifts, medical etc.

    If the reason is "just because" sorry, but it doesn't cut it and I would call it a day and move on. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.

    I know every person is different as is every relationship and this is why you have to find what works for you regardless of our 'opinions'.

    Just becuase it works for some, doesn't mean it will work for others.

    Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for:)
  • reneelee
    reneelee Posts: 877 Member
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    We keep our house cool in the winter so when reading a book in the guest bedroom I would get tired and the bed would be warm and comfy. So for months I was sleeping in the guest bedroom and I loved it, because in the winter it is the coldest room in the house and I have nice sheets and down comforter on the bed. Friend would say that it was terrible that I would choose to sleep in the guest room. My reply was I didn't want to go across the house to a cold bed when I already warmed the guest bed and besides if we are going to be intamate we will before bed time when I go to bed it is to sleep!
  • redshoeshelley
    redshoeshelley Posts: 206 Member
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    My opinion?

    RUN.
    You are young and have your entire life ahead of you. Plenty of time to find that one person who wants to wake each morning beside you.
    I couldn't live like that ... I look forward to crawling into my bed every night beside my love, my best friend.
    It's the perfect end to my days.
  • harleygaljojo
    harleygaljojo Posts: 111 Member
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    I have been married to my husband 42 years, have never slept in separate beds and never will. If we wanted separate beds we would be living in separate locations. Just my opinion
  • yesIsaidthat
    yesIsaidthat Posts: 9
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    wow....see i love to wake up next to my fiance but try to ask him why he does not want to sleep with you in the same bed. Then you tell him that you guys need to work something out so that both of you are happy with this and you guys can move on.
  • redshoeshelley
    redshoeshelley Posts: 206 Member
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    Ugh, you also said you are in your early twenties and he has been living alone for a long time. Is he much older than you? I don't care who disagrees with me, but as a FABULOUS 42 year old woman - I am TELLING you, no good guy would want to be with a younger girl. People who are older have more life experience come from a position of power and an imbalance of power in a relationship is never good. PLUS are moving into his place? WHY? Do you plan on building a life together or just fitting into his? You should RUN!!!

    What the heck?
    You can't be serious ?!?
  • daking639
    daking639 Posts: 37 Member
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    I threatened my wife with separate beds and even rooms. But it was only because I didn't feel she was putting out enough. I figured why be in the same bed if she's only going to sleep. And NO the threat didn't work and no I didn't get my own bed.
  • kgoble89
    kgoble89 Posts: 13 Member
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    I never sleep with my husband, he's worked nights for a year now, I'm so used to sleeping alone that when he has nights off, we don't sleep together still.

    My husband & I are the exact same way! Everyone thinks its really weird but it just works for us. We're both 22, we've been married almost 3 years & we're very much in love but people often assume we're not because of our sleeping arrangements. He has his separate bedroom & I have mine....don't get me wrong, there are nights when he's off ( i honestly cant remember the last time he was off because of all the OT he works) that we decide we want to sleep together but for the most part we just sleep alone. He grinds his teeth so badly at night that it wakes me up, this is another reason for sleeping alone. Before he started nights we always slept together...as we got used to sleeping alone it just became habit.

    As for cuddling & sex...well nights & beds aren't the only places that those things can happen, nor should they be!!! ;)

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