Can we discuss public restroom etiquitte???

I hate it when they are on their phone talking....HELLO Hang up for 2 minutes, really!>! Ugh...So I flush once for me, and a few extras so the person on the other end of their phone knows what they are REALLY doing.

This is funny!

For example: If there are six stalls, and they're all empty except for the one I'm in...why would you choose the one next to me???

And for the record, this is not a glory hole type sitch.

Strength in Numbers? Maybe they didn't have enough fiber in their diet and just need the support to make it through.

:laugh: :sad: :laugh: :laugh:

The worst thing I ever saw, and it was at work which made it worse.

One of my clients needed to use the restroom so of course I let her, she was in there for more than a few minutes so I knew what was going on. I needed to pee but I waited for about twenty minutes so that the smell wouldn't be so bad.

Well when I went into the bathroom the only smell was some type of Glade we had in there....BUT wiggling on the toilet seat was a MotherF'in maggot.

I went and pee'd outside.

^^Winner! :sick:

ETA: Aaaannnd I don't think it was a "maggot", my friend.

Oh I am pretty sure it was a maggot, I mean I didn't pick it up and tastes it or anything. But I have seen a few in my days and this definitely looked and moved like one.

Pretty sure it was just a worm. People get them like animals do. They do look like maggots.

Oh man...I really wish I hadn't visited this forum while I'm having lunch. :sick:

You're welcome =]

I used to work in retail and have wondered how in the name of Frodo people managed to SPRAY their poop that high on the wall. They must have taken elephant laxative and then bent over and grabbed their ankles. We're talking 6 feet from the floor. I just marveled.

I almost snorted soda out my nose! This is freaking hilarious!!!!

For example: If there are six stalls, and they're all empty except for the one I'm in...why would you choose the one next to me???

And for the record, this is not a glory hole type sitch.

wow..it REALLY is true what they say about the forum people.

And what exactly is it that "they" say???



edited to add: Also, forum people? Really? Look at my post count.

you got me. quality of posts really does override quantity.

How about people who pee ALL OVER THE SEAT and then just leave it like that - were they born in a barn or something?? If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat!!!

Oh my goodness! With two boys and a husband this is my mantra!!!:laugh:

haha, i hate that too. same with parking spaces, no matter how many spaces away from the other cars i park, someone comes and parks right next to me, as close as humanly possible!

Agree with this and OP....and my biggest pet peeve is the treadmill, if i'm on one and every other one is open why the hell do you have to take the one right next to me and than proceed to sweat on me and my machine....UGH or have terrible bo...

I swear, I keep my sweat to myself but if you are next the the machine that has the best t.v. - while is it against my best judgement - I will take the one next to you. Sorry :frown:

I just read all of the posts! :laugh: I feel sorry for the ones who have to clean up all the mess, like when toilets get clogged!

How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

I had a Health teacher in high school who (and I remember this so, so vividly) used to tell us about conserving water and how she would only flush her toilet at the end of the day regardless of the number of times she had to use the bathroom. I also remember her mentioning she has taught this to her sons and husband as well.
Funny, I don't remember high school much but this stuck with me.

Like the saying goes - "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." Blech.

I hate it when people throw balled up wet toilet paper on the ceiling. Makes me think it's going to fall down on me. Lots of this in park restrooms -.-

How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!! I love it!!

http://www.theofficedump.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/20111019-105510.jpg

Edit.........blast....picture isn't inserting for some reason

Do not talk to me. *unless you need tp*
Do not peek in at me.
Do not bang on my door, because I will stay seated until you give up.
If I have to use the handicap stall please do not stand outside and yell at me and bang on door. I only use it if there are no other stalls open.

Fart like a pack mule if you wanna, just be aware that you may hear a snicker.

^^^That would be me laughing. For some reason I can't stop laughing when some one farts. I can't help it. I once went to pick up my mother from a colonoscopy and was asked to leave. People were half unconscious rippin' em left and right! It was like a war zone in there. I was laughing so hard I was disturbing the patients. I was so ashamed. :ohwell: