Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

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Replies

  • cyberskirt
    cyberskirt Posts: 218
    why... why are you with someone who isn't attracted to you?
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
    Okay, my wife of 11 years has told me repeated that she was more attracted to the fat me, the one that weighed 275 lbs. She says repeated that I shouldn't have lost the weight, and that she wants me to gain it back. Should I dump her? Honestly? She's even gone so far as to point out old pictures and say how much more she liked my looks back then.
    Yes.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

    And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
    He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

    It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.
    BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

    That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    i would appreciate that person's honesty. i never had a gf tell me something like that but some close friends did. i really appreciated it. people who really care about you are honest.
  • MelisRunning
    MelisRunning Posts: 819 Member
    What a tool~dump him!
  • 30forApril
    30forApril Posts: 49 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!
    I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

    For your information, my husband can get it up really well, thank you... Why should I want to look good for my husband? He takes care of himself.. and if you read one of my other posts, you will see that He never once made me feel bad about my weight ever... not even when I was 200+ lbs and he's doing his thing bodybuilding and such... Our relationship is based on so many levels that I believe someone with your mentality couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jerk.

    I think that she is a different case though...I mean...it's one thing to support the other person in their efforts. It's another to put them down and have the "if only" scenario...She's working at her weight and he's still comparing her to a younger version of herself. Let's face it, metabolism doesn't speed up with age...it just seems insensitive. Maybe you and your husband are a different story. I just know I'd have my feelings hurt if, after dieting and working like a dog in my exercise routine, my fiancee told me he thought I looked better when I was younger and he could see being attracted to me if I could lose weight...I'd be like "What the eff does it look like I'm doing?!"

    You're right it is a different case, I just didn't take kindly to the can't get it up right...lol.. Sure he shouldn't expect for her to get back to her teenage years, that's absurd, I just feel that she should appreciate his honesty as jerky/douchey as it may have been and use it to give her strengh. my husband isn't the kindest motivator either... but that's just because of the way he works... he'll prove anyone wrong if they say he can't...He and I jsut agree to disagree when it comes to encouragment when I know he's only trying to help me. Might not be in the most "princess here's your tiara" manner but he's trying to support me in the manner he knows how.. I just don't think that anyone should be telling this girl to leave him, because of his stupid comments... it's up to her how she chooses to take it... relationships aren't always cotton candy and lollipops...
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.
    Yeah...and Hitler was just misunderstood. Anything can be spun. Maybe he has Tourettte's Syndrome? I bet you didn't think to use that excuse.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

    And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
    He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

    It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.
    BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

    That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.

    And most people would rather honestly avoid people with unrealistic expectations. Different strokes is fine -- but he needs to move on, not expect her to keep her teenage body into adulthood.
  • EnergyYesPlease
    EnergyYesPlease Posts: 104
    I'd rather be told the awful truth than be told I wasn't worth it and be lied to! As much as it hurts to hear what he said, at least you know he could never lie to you. Take it how you want, cause you know if he truly didn't love you and only judged you by your appearance then he wouldn't stick around...
    I am personally taking it as motivation, me and my man had the same discussion and we both agreed we're a little sloppy around the edges and are doing our part to make ourselves happy.
    Do what makes you happiest, if you're happy with how you look now then leave him and find someone who will accept you for who you are inside and out!!
    Feel free to add me, I will support you no matter what, good luck hun!!!
  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
    So sorry to hear that your boyfriend hurt you, that sucks. He sounds a bit like he's projecting onto you. You said that he went through a weight loss as well. Depending on how old he is, he may not understand what he is really saying to you. Communication is certainly a tough skill for some. Talk it out and ultimately you know what is best for you.

    Best of luck and great job on the 6 lb loss!! :)
  • jdploki70
    jdploki70 Posts: 343
    Okay, my wife of 11 years has told me repeated that she was more attracted to the fat me, the one that weighed 275 lbs. She says repeated that I shouldn't have lost the weight, and that she wants me to gain it back. Should I dump her? Honestly? She's even gone so far as to point out old pictures and say how much more she liked my looks back then.
    Yes.
    Yeah, not going to happen. And if it did, I would go down as one of the stupidest men in all of history, including Darwin Award winners. I'm not shallow enough to build a marriage on my self image
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.
    Yeah...and Hitler was just misunderstood. Anything can be spun. Maybe he has Tourettte's Syndrome? I bet you didn't think to use that excuse.

    lol wow....good lord.
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!

    I could hug you for this.
  • gatorginger
    gatorginger Posts: 947 Member
    That was an terrible thing for him to say, I would give him the boot you deserve better. You also need to watch your sodium I think you could lose more weight if you could cut way back on the sodium. Also remember lose the weight for yourself not for him
  • ali_b83
    ali_b83 Posts: 324 Member
    Looking at your picture on your profile, you have a great body! If you're not good enough for him now, or 50 pounds lighter or heavier, he's an *kitten*. Period. Save yourself the frustration. Hope you get past the plateau, good luck!!
  • coraliethomas
    coraliethomas Posts: 336 Member
    Well, I hope he is an ex-boyfriend now...
  • 30forApril
    30forApril Posts: 49 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.
    Yeah...and Hitler was just misunderstood. Anything can be spun. Maybe he has Tourettte's Syndrome? I bet you didn't think to use that excuse.

    haha! now that was funny!
  • GodsGirl37
    GodsGirl37 Posts: 348
    this!
    And you are moving back why? Hopefully not for him!
    I would kick him to the curb
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
    You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

    And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
    He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

    It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.
    BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

    That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.
    His personal preference makes him shallow.

    So you think it wouldn't be shallow for him to say, "Honey, I'm not attracted to your brown eyes. I saw a picture of you in the past when you had blue contacts and it gave me a chubby. Can you wear blue contacts from now on?"

    Ridiculous.
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 378 Member
    Obviously, this guy doesn't love you. If he did, he would accept you as your are, good and bad. I wouldn't even call him a friend. Dump him and find someone who will love you for who you are.
  • terrappyn
    terrappyn Posts: 324 Member
    I say make yourself 185-200 lbs light by ditching him! Oh that made me mad. Then work on your weight for you and you alone and then send him pics of you and your new boyfriend while you are sporting a hardly there bikini! On the back of the pic. How's my weight now? F-er!!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    THIS IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU ARE THE PROBABLY THE DOUCHE WHO SAID THAT TO THAT POOR GIRL!! IF YOU DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE THEN I HOPE SHE DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT COAL AND FINDS HERSELF A REAL MAN!

    ^^^^ I agree!!!!
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    [/quote]

    And most people would rather honestly avoid people with unrealistic expectations. Different strokes is fine -- but he needs to move on, not expect her to keep her teenage body into adulthood.
    [/quote]

    ...they've only been dating for a year and a half...

    People are too sensitive.
  • RikanSoulja
    RikanSoulja Posts: 463 Member
    There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!

    I could hug you for this.

    I agree 100% with this... the statement not the hug part =P
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    First off, I wouldn't get discouraged by your 6lbs loss.. you started off without a lot to lose, so I think it is respectable..

    Secondly, ANY guy who would say such a thing to you does NOT DESERVE YOUR TIME!!!!!
  • CDMAGS
    CDMAGS Posts: 150 Member
    What a tool! That's pretty S****y!
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

    And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
    He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

    It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.
    BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

    That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.
    His personal preference makes him shallow.

    So you think it wouldn't be shallow for him to say, "Honey, I'm not attracted to your brown eyes. I saw a picture of you in the past when you had blue contacts and it gave me a chubby. Can you wear blue contacts from now on?"

    Ridiculous.

    Is it any less shallow to say "I prefer blondes"?

    I'm saying if someone was saying "oh he said he wished I had blue eyes", you wouldn't be all up in arms.
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
    He has been honest about this before (christmas 2011), and I took it to heart, and started making these changes because I also realized I was the heaviest I had ever been (155). It's not his honesty that upsets me, it's the fact that he's attracted to someone he's never met - 17 year old alleycat.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.
    Yeah...and Hitler was just misunderstood. Anything can be spun. Maybe he has Tourettte's Syndrome? I bet you didn't think to use that excuse.

    LOL Hitler reference. that didnt take long.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    Any boyfriend who says to you "while I'm not attracted to you because of your weight" has GOT TO GO AND FAST!! You want a life with this tool? What if you get cancer in the future and get too thin? What if you develop an overactive thyroid and gain 60lbs in a year like my naturally skinny Mom did?? THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO ATTRACTION THAN HOW YOU LOOK OR YOUR BODY TYPE! I wouldn't waste another second on him! What if he decides in the future you need implants and a face lift too? Do this for YOU, dump him, lose the weight and then shove it in his face! And 145lbs isn't heavy!! I'm 136 so I guess I'm too heavy for him too huh?

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