Is Partying Worth It?
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Are we back in. The 1940s if women who have a boyfriend or husband can't dress up for fear of giving off a vibe. Am really surprised at this attitude.
Dress the way you are comfortable unless there is a dress code. Also only drink if you want to. Really do what you want to in life and don't worry about others.
Feel partying is part of college life but you can party responsibly and within your own boundaries.0 -
Are you in the US? If so, legal drinking age is 21. So, I'd say totally not worth it, since you'd be breaking the law.0
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TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
Maybe this has something to do with your upbringing. It's all good, just not the modern view.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
What's wrong with dressing up for yourself?0 -
Your bf shoul want you to be happy and be supportive, even if its not his cup of tea. Its an experience you should try imo. Go and look, dont feel pressured, its just a way to socialise. If you dont like it then, get a cab or get your bf to pick you up. Just wear what you are comfy in.0
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arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
Maybe this has something to do with your upbringing. It's all good, just not the modern view.
Perhaps. Though if I was doing things in accordance with my upbringing, I wouldn't even be dating.0 -
Also, going to a party doesn't mean you have to drink. You seem like a smart girl, think of it as a social experiment.0
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malavika413 wrote: »arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
Maybe this has something to do with your upbringing. It's all good, just not the modern view.
Perhaps. Though if I was doing things in accordance with my upbringing, I wouldn't even be dating.
So you have already made some decisions for yourself. It's okay to keep making more, whatever they may be.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
What's wrong with dressing up for yourself?
I dunno...just always figured my appearance is for others. Not really sure how else to answer this question.0 -
When I was at university I was out at the pub at least 3 times a week, but hey, I'm English. It's just part of student life here. We had about 6 bars just on campus.
I wouldn't have dressed up (like in a dress, heels etc) unless I was going to a club, I'd just wear something casual for a pub.
I'm married with 3 kids, but I occasionally go on a girly night out, and I dress up and enjoy myself. Just because I dress up doesn't mean I'm going to flirt with every man I see! I dress up for me.
Go and enjoy yourself. Have a drink if you want one, but you don't need to drink to have a good time.0 -
I wish I partied more when I was younger. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. Do what you want. You don't have to get crazy.0
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I wish I partied more when I was younger. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. Do what you want. You don't have to get crazy.
He's not controlling. If I asked to go he'd let me, but he'd just worry. He's always stressed due to his major, family situation and jobs, I wouldn't want to add more stress to his life.0 -
arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
I'm taken and I wear what I want. My boyfriend is fine with that, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
Yeah, it's really weird that you can't dress the way YOU want. You always choose something your bf would approve. He's your boyfriend, not your father. Please enjoy life right now, that doesn't mean you have to dress like a slut, or get drunk. If you're not completely following the way you were raised, then go have fun at the party, and you don't have to dress up all baggy either. I dress in nice, decent, CUTE outfits even when my boyfriend and I don't do the same activities. He's my boyfriend, not my father.
On another note, now I'm curious to know what dress you choose for that formal you went with your boyfriend last month.0 -
Even Amish kids go on Rumspringa. Doesn't mean you have to lose your values.0
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Lasmartchika wrote: »arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
I'm taken and I wear what I want. My boyfriend is fine with that, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
Yeah, it's really weird that you can't dress the way YOU want. You always choose something your bf would approve. He's your boyfriend, not your father. Please enjoy life right now, that doesn't mean you have to dress like a slut, or get drunk. If you're not completely following the way you were raised, then go have fun at the party, and you don't have to dress up all baggy either. I dress in nice, decent, CUTE outfits even when my boyfriend and I don't do the same activities. He's my boyfriend, not my father.
On another note, now I'm curious to know what dress you choose for that formal you went with your boyfriend last month.
The formal hasn't happened yet (I got the dates mixed up), but I discovered I couldn't return the dress with cleavage I had bought, so I'm stuck with it. I may or may not wear it. He may be embarrassed if I do.
Additionally, I'm not sure what the boundary is in dressing 'cute', and dressing 'like a slut'. I feel I'd make a mistake if I tried, so I tend to stick to sweaters.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »I wish I partied more when I was younger. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. Do what you want. You don't have to get crazy.
He's not controlling. If I asked to go he'd let me, but he'd just worry. He's always stressed due to his major, family situation and jobs, I wouldn't want to add more stress to his life.
I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell him or feel that you're cheating by dressing a certain way. He doesn't need to know where you are 24/7 does he? If so, then yes, he is controlling. You're dating, not married.
About the party, I've never been a big party person, but I did end up dancing in people's houses I didn't know a few times. First, wear whatever you're comfortable in, there's no dress code. Second, you are in no way required to drink. It might be better if you didn't since you've never had alcohol before. If you want to experiment, do it under controlled circumstances (like in your own dorm room) with only people you trust. Third, if the idea of this party is stressing you out and you don't want to go, don't go. I don't recommend staying in all of college. As another poster stated above, I wish I had had more fun in college.
I'm concerned when you say you "don't want to add more stress to his life". Welcome to adulthood, it's stressful. If your perfectly reasonable actions stress him out, that's his problem. Everyone has to learn to deal with stress, it's a big part of growing up.0 -
Parties in the first 2 years of university were what solidified my friendships with new peers who have grown into dear, dear friends (guys and girls) I treasure seeing outside of a crazy, drunken, wild party environment. I am Canadian, so I think it's a little different because our drinking age is 19, so we get indoctrinated a bit earlier and give less *kitten* about the whole legality and stigma around it because we don't have to wait so long. Always bring an appropriate amount of liquor for yourself, if you go without your bf, NEVER...I repeat NEVER accept a drink from a stranger because 1) who knows what's in it 2)it is a sign of acceptance of sexual advance/interest 3) know your limit, play within it and if you don't know, START SLOW.
Anyway, by all means dress however you feel comfortable. I personally love dressing up, getting to make a more fabulous outfit is part of why I enjoy going to parties (it's also a great jumping off point for conversations with girls to make new GIRLFRIENDS) because as is life, we all always compliment gorgeous accessories and polished outfits and bond over it. I've been silversmith-ing since high school so it's a way to network as well.
I'm a serial monogamist and met my boyfriend of 4 years at a party at my male best friend's house in first year. Ever since, by bf and I often go to separate parties (sometimes meeting up after), we both dress up even if our partner isn't there, but trust each other whole-hardheartedly. Plus, our parties have our friends at them...they all know we're in relationships, and if there are friends of friends who hit on girls in relationships all you have to do is treat them like a human, tell them you have a boyfriend and move on.
My final note: parties usually have games, like wonderful wonderful strange games such as beer pong, king's cup, various board games, Cards Against Humanity, and fingers. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse so if a party gets boring, it can be saved by a game like Ride the Bus. No one needs to know what you're drinking if you're sticking with just pop, or have moved on to water to sober up, and if they really insist, tell the truth! People respect honesty over all, maybe it is that I'm Canadian, but we love a party n00b and respect safe drivers over all. There's more to parties than just drinking, a party is how much social effort you are willing to put in.
Have fun, have fun with your friends, make new friends (also sometimes there's free food): that's what it's all about!0 -
thingofstuff wrote: »Parties in the first 2 years of university were what solidified my friendships with new peers who have grown into dear, dear friends (guys and girls) I treasure seeing outside of a crazy, drunken, wild party environment. I am Canadian, so I think it's a little different because our drinking age is 19, so we get indoctrinated a bit earlier and give less *kitten* about the whole legality and stigma around it because we don't have to wait so long. Always bring an appropriate amount of liquor for yourself, if you go without your bf, NEVER...I repeat NEVER accept a drink from a stranger because 1) who knows what's in it 2)it is a sign of acceptance of sexual advance/interest 3) know your limit, play within it and if you don't know, START SLOW.
Anyway, by all means dress however you feel comfortable. I personally love dressing up, getting to make a more fabulous outfit is part of why I enjoy going to parties (it's also a great jumping off point for conversations with girls to make new GIRLFRIENDS) because as is life, we all always compliment gorgeous accessories and polished outfits and bond over it. I've been silversmith-ing since high school so it's a way to network as well.
I'm a serial monogamist and met my boyfriend of 4 years at a party at my male best friend's house in first year. Ever since, by bf and I often go to separate parties (sometimes meeting up after), we both dress up even if our partner isn't there, but trust each other whole-hardheartedly. Plus, our parties have our friends at them...they all know we're in relationships, and if there are friends of friends who hit on girls in relationships all you have to do is treat them like a human, tell them you have a boyfriend and move on.
My final note: parties usually have games, like wonderful wonderful strange games such as beer pong, king's cup, various board games, Cards Against Humanity, and fingers. I always keep a deck of cards in my purse so if a party gets boring, it can be saved by a game like Ride the Bus. No one needs to know what you're drinking if you're sticking with just pop, or have moved on to water to sober up, and if they really insist, tell the truth! People respect honesty over all, maybe it is that I'm Canadian, but we love a party n00b and respect safe drivers over all. There's more to parties than just drinking, a party is how much social effort you are willing to put in.
Have fun, have fun with your friends, make new friends (also sometimes there's free food): that's what it's all about!
I don't know what college parties are like, but I don't think there are games here (that would be fun, though). I don't really know how to dress for certain occasions. My friends have very different bodies than me, so they can get away with certain clothes. So I tend to stick to XL sweaters. Your outfits and accessories sound really nice, though.0 -
WickedPineapple wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »I wish I partied more when I was younger. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. Do what you want. You don't have to get crazy.
He's not controlling. If I asked to go he'd let me, but he'd just worry. He's always stressed due to his major, family situation and jobs, I wouldn't want to add more stress to his life.
I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell him or feel that you're cheating by dressing a certain way. He doesn't need to know where you are 24/7 does he? If so, then yes, he is controlling. You're dating, not married.
About the party, I've never been a big party person, but I did end up dancing in people's houses I didn't know a few times. First, wear whatever you're comfortable in, there's no dress code. Second, you are in no way required to drink. It might be better if you didn't since you've never had alcohol before. If you want to experiment, do it under controlled circumstances (like in your own dorm room) with only people you trust. Third, if the idea of this party is stressing you out and you don't want to go, don't go. I don't recommend staying in all of college. As another poster stated above, I wish I had had more fun in college.
I'm concerned when you say you "don't want to add more stress to his life". Welcome to adulthood, it's stressful. If your perfectly reasonable actions stress him out, that's his problem. Everyone has to learn to deal with stress, it's a big part of growing up.
He deals with his stress very well, but as a girlfriend I'm around for his comfort, not to stress him out.
I could go without telling him, but seeing as we spend weekends together, he'd wonder where I was. It also feels dishonest--doing something that he loathes and not telling.0
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