Is Partying Worth It?
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Yes it's worth it!!
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malavika413 wrote: »WickedPineapple wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »I wish I partied more when I was younger. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. Do what you want. You don't have to get crazy.
He's not controlling. If I asked to go he'd let me, but he'd just worry. He's always stressed due to his major, family situation and jobs, I wouldn't want to add more stress to his life.
I'm not sure why you feel the need to tell him or feel that you're cheating by dressing a certain way. He doesn't need to know where you are 24/7 does he? If so, then yes, he is controlling. You're dating, not married.
About the party, I've never been a big party person, but I did end up dancing in people's houses I didn't know a few times. First, wear whatever you're comfortable in, there's no dress code. Second, you are in no way required to drink. It might be better if you didn't since you've never had alcohol before. If you want to experiment, do it under controlled circumstances (like in your own dorm room) with only people you trust. Third, if the idea of this party is stressing you out and you don't want to go, don't go. I don't recommend staying in all of college. As another poster stated above, I wish I had had more fun in college.
I'm concerned when you say you "don't want to add more stress to his life". Welcome to adulthood, it's stressful. If your perfectly reasonable actions stress him out, that's his problem. Everyone has to learn to deal with stress, it's a big part of growing up.
He deals with his stress very well, but as a girlfriend I'm around for his comfort, not to stress him out.
I could go without telling him, but seeing as we spend weekends together, he'd wonder where I was. It also feels dishonest--doing something that he loathes and not telling.
If you don't wind up marrying this guy (which at 20, it's likely you won't), you might look back 20 years from now at your college years and think you should have lived more of your own life and regret not having some of these college experiences.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »Lasmartchika wrote: »arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
I'm taken and I wear what I want. My boyfriend is fine with that, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
Yeah, it's really weird that you can't dress the way YOU want. You always choose something your bf would approve. He's your boyfriend, not your father. Please enjoy life right now, that doesn't mean you have to dress like a slut, or get drunk. If you're not completely following the way you were raised, then go have fun at the party, and you don't have to dress up all baggy either. I dress in nice, decent, CUTE outfits even when my boyfriend and I don't do the same activities. He's my boyfriend, not my father.
On another note, now I'm curious to know what dress you choose for that formal you went with your boyfriend last month.
The formal hasn't happened yet (I got the dates mixed up), but I discovered I couldn't return the dress with cleavage I had bought, so I'm stuck with it. I may or may not wear it. He may be embarrassed if I do.
Additionally, I'm not sure what the boundary is in dressing 'cute', and dressing 'like a slut'. I feel I'd make a mistake if I tried, so I tend to stick to sweaters.
A mistake for who? It's your body. Experiment what feels right for YOU outside of baggy clothes. I obviously don't know you, but it worries me that everything you do revolves around what your boyfriend thinks or feels, and you don't want to anger him, make him feel embarrassed... Don't YOU want to know what YOU like, what YOU feel, what YOU think? Step outside your bubble for a while. Learn who YOU are. I think these college experiences without your boyfriend could help a lot with that.
Believe me, I know what it's like to live your life trying to please everybody else but you so that everybody is happy and at peace. And it took me WAY TOO LONG in life to realize I need to do ME. It's my two cents of advice, if your bf doesn't like what you choose to do in your life, he's not the only man in this world who'll love you for who YOU are. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm also 20 years old and in the US, and was invited to college/frat parties by a friend and my boyfriend reacted basically like yours. He wouldn't outright stop me (he can't lol) but he would prefer I not go. I'm not a drinker or partier and decided it wasn't worth the fight with my boyfriend to go do something I might (probably would) hate.
I don't like loud music, being flirted with, or drugs/alcohol, so it would make sense for me not to go to a house party, despite me being a little curious because I've never been to one. And now that a year or two has passed since I've been invited to parties, I've lost all interest in going to any. I don't regret not going. But if the curiosity is killing you and you don't mind possibly fighting with your boyfriend about it, party your heart out, girl.
OH and definitely tell him if you're planning on going. Lying is a huge relationship/trust killer.0 -
Lasmartchika wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Lasmartchika wrote: »arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
I'm taken and I wear what I want. My boyfriend is fine with that, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
Yeah, it's really weird that you can't dress the way YOU want. You always choose something your bf would approve. He's your boyfriend, not your father. Please enjoy life right now, that doesn't mean you have to dress like a slut, or get drunk. If you're not completely following the way you were raised, then go have fun at the party, and you don't have to dress up all baggy either. I dress in nice, decent, CUTE outfits even when my boyfriend and I don't do the same activities. He's my boyfriend, not my father.
On another note, now I'm curious to know what dress you choose for that formal you went with your boyfriend last month.
The formal hasn't happened yet (I got the dates mixed up), but I discovered I couldn't return the dress with cleavage I had bought, so I'm stuck with it. I may or may not wear it. He may be embarrassed if I do.
Additionally, I'm not sure what the boundary is in dressing 'cute', and dressing 'like a slut'. I feel I'd make a mistake if I tried, so I tend to stick to sweaters.
A mistake for who? It's your body. Experiment what feels right for YOU outside of baggy clothes. I obviously don't know you, but it worries me that everything you do revolves around what your boyfriend thinks or feels, and you don't want to anger him, make him feel embarrassed... Don't YOU want to know what YOU like, what YOU feel, what YOU think? Step outside your bubble for a while. Learn who YOU are. I think these college experiences without your boyfriend could help a lot with that.
Believe me, I know what it's like to live your life trying to please everybody else but you so that everybody is happy and at peace. And it took me WAY TOO LONG in life to realize I need to do ME. It's my two cents of advice, if your bf doesn't like what you choose to do in your life, he's not the only man in this world who'll love you for who YOU are. :flowerforyou:
This made me smile. I'm not losing my individuality over him, though. I've never had a guy give me a second look before, and it's very flattering to be liked/loved. It makes me happy to make him happy. It makes me very happy to be his girlfriend and I don't want to create conflict that could be avoided by avoiding parties. I don't know if it would be worth it to jeopardize this great relationship over something like college parties.
But at the same time, I've regretted dozens of decisions I've made over the years. Not sure if NOT going would also lead to regret.0 -
I personally love alcohol so I might not be the one to ask. :P but I know I would have regretted it if I didn't experience an all out party at least once. You might be different. don't pay attention to what your bf wants you to do, its your life. if you want to go, go. If you want to have one beer then do, if you want to experience what it's like to get *kitten* faced and sleep on your friends bathroom floor all night then do that...though I highly rule against it (I speak from experience). but don't live for other people. go and have fun.0
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Going to the occasional party is worth it. You're young, have some fun!
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malavika413 wrote: »Hey y'all. I'm just asking a question to the peanut gallery, trying to get a variety of opinions.
I'm nearly 20 and a college student. I have a lot of friends that like to party on the weekends (dorm parties, since there's no greek life at my school), and they always invite me. I've never gone, but I'm very curious. However, there are a few reasons that I've held back. I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life, so I don't know how I'd react to it. I don't know what to wear. I have a boyfriend that's very against alcohol and partying, and I'd either have to go behind his back or go knowing he'd be worried about me and my safety. Also, most girls go to parties to flirt with guys, which would dismay my boyfriend. I'm not attractive, so no one would hit on me, but still.
Is it worth going to a college party at least once? My friends really want me to go and experience it, and I am curious. What do you think?
OK... so what you do is dress casual and invite BF with you. If he decides not to go then you can go with the understanding that he can stop in anytime he likes to make sure you are ok. And that if you feel uncomfortable then you will call him and ask that he pick you up.
As for Drinking.... I don't think it would be the best idea to start drinking in that situation. If you decide you want to try alcohol do it in your own space with someone who can help you if anything goes wrong. I understand wanting to make BF happy and all but you also must think of yourself. Don't hold yourself back from experiences for someone else's happiness. Go or don't but make the choice for yourself not others. GOOD LUCK0 -
It's important for your own personal development to experience all aspects of college life. You don't have to drink just check it out. If you feel like having a drink then limit yourself.0
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MonicaA2013 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Hey y'all. I'm just asking a question to the peanut gallery, trying to get a variety of opinions.
I'm nearly 20 and a college student. I have a lot of friends that like to party on the weekends (dorm parties, since there's no greek life at my school), and they always invite me. I've never gone, but I'm very curious. However, there are a few reasons that I've held back. I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life, so I don't know how I'd react to it. I don't know what to wear. I have a boyfriend that's very against alcohol and partying, and I'd either have to go behind his back or go knowing he'd be worried about me and my safety. Also, most girls go to parties to flirt with guys, which would dismay my boyfriend. I'm not attractive, so no one would hit on me, but still.
Is it worth going to a college party at least once? My friends really want me to go and experience it, and I am curious. What do you think?
OK... so what you do is dress casual and invite BF with you. If he decides not to go then you can go with the understanding that he can stop in anytime he likes to make sure you are ok. And that if you feel uncomfortable then you will call him and ask that he pick you up.
As for Drinking.... I don't think it would be the best idea to start drinking in that situation. If you decide you want to try alcohol do it in your own space with someone who can help you if anything goes wrong. I understand wanting to make BF happy and all but you also must think of yourself. Don't hold yourself back from experiences for someone else's happiness. Go or don't but make the choice for yourself not others. GOOD LUCK
I'd invite him along, but boys don't typically attend these parties unless they're the hosts or friends of the guys hosting. I go to a school with single-sex dorms, so these parties revolve around "girls allowed, boys stay out". It sucks.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
There's something very wrong if you think that taking pride in your appearance is like cheating...
I mean, if I wasn't taken I'd wear sweats everywhere and go with my hair unbrushed and makeup ignored. It's comfortable, but I keep up appearances because of my relationship. It doesn't feel right to dress myself up for someone other than him.
What's wrong with dressing up for yourself?
I dunno...just always figured my appearance is for others. Not really sure how else to answer this question.
:huh:0 -
malavika413 wrote: »Lasmartchika wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Lasmartchika wrote: »arditarose wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »Do what you feel. You are young to be worrying about upsetting a boyfriend. Let him have his moral code and you yours. Don't let someone control your life at 20.You can go to a party and not drink alcohol and have fun too as an option. Wear what you want and feel good in.
Since BF wouldn't be with me, it feels like cheating to wear typical 'party apparel'. Does anyone party in an oversized sweater?
Gosh will go to a party in glamorous partywear now at 44 and dont worry about what my husband would think if not with me. Never cast me a thought at 20. Your boyfriend shoukd trust you enough not to worry about your attire.
He does trust me, but I feel I wouldn't be sending the right message in party clothes like a dress or tights. I feel it's more appropriate for me to wear oversized, baggy clothes--since I'm taken.
I'm taken and I wear what I want. My boyfriend is fine with that, if he wasn't we wouldn't be together.
Yeah, it's really weird that you can't dress the way YOU want. You always choose something your bf would approve. He's your boyfriend, not your father. Please enjoy life right now, that doesn't mean you have to dress like a slut, or get drunk. If you're not completely following the way you were raised, then go have fun at the party, and you don't have to dress up all baggy either. I dress in nice, decent, CUTE outfits even when my boyfriend and I don't do the same activities. He's my boyfriend, not my father.
On another note, now I'm curious to know what dress you choose for that formal you went with your boyfriend last month.
The formal hasn't happened yet (I got the dates mixed up), but I discovered I couldn't return the dress with cleavage I had bought, so I'm stuck with it. I may or may not wear it. He may be embarrassed if I do.
Additionally, I'm not sure what the boundary is in dressing 'cute', and dressing 'like a slut'. I feel I'd make a mistake if I tried, so I tend to stick to sweaters.
A mistake for who? It's your body. Experiment what feels right for YOU outside of baggy clothes. I obviously don't know you, but it worries me that everything you do revolves around what your boyfriend thinks or feels, and you don't want to anger him, make him feel embarrassed... Don't YOU want to know what YOU like, what YOU feel, what YOU think? Step outside your bubble for a while. Learn who YOU are. I think these college experiences without your boyfriend could help a lot with that.
Believe me, I know what it's like to live your life trying to please everybody else but you so that everybody is happy and at peace. And it took me WAY TOO LONG in life to realize I need to do ME. It's my two cents of advice, if your bf doesn't like what you choose to do in your life, he's not the only man in this world who'll love you for who YOU are. :flowerforyou:
This made me smile. I'm not losing my individuality over him, though. I've never had a guy give me a second look before, and it's very flattering to be liked/loved. It makes me happy to make him happy. It makes me very happy to be his girlfriend and I don't want to create conflict that could be avoided by avoiding parties. I don't know if it would be worth it to jeopardize this great relationship over something like college parties.
But at the same time, I've regretted dozens of decisions I've made over the years. Not sure if NOT going would also lead to regret.
You seem like you're interested to know what the party will be like. It's only one party. If you choose to go, then stick with that choice. Tell your boyfriend you're going, and no matter what his reaction may be, you stick with your choice to go. If you like the party, you stay, if you don't, then leave... but it's going to be your choice, because YOU like/don't like the party, not because of his non approving reaction. Prove you're not losing your individuality because of him. Dress in a cute blouse you like with jeans. Have fun!! You're 20!!
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My eldest step son has just gone to medical school - it took him and his gf about 2 weeks to break up. Without wanting to be patronising, who you're with at 20 is unlikely to be your life partner if he's offended or upset by you exercising a bit of curiosity then it's his problem and not yours.
Go or don't' go, it's up to you but don't let anyone make your mind up for you, you're at college - you are capable of exercising a bit of free will ;-)0 -
They can be fun and to be honest, I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than is warranted. You don't even have to drink if you don't want to. Maybe one day you'll feel more comfortable with the idea and when that happens, you can always give it a try. For now, it sounds like you don't even want to go since you have so many reservations so don't force yourself.0
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My eldest step son has just gone to medical school - it took him and his gf about 2 weeks to break up. Without wanting to be patronising, who you're with at 20 is unlikely to be your life partner if he's offended or upset by you exercising a bit of curiosity then it's his problem and not yours.
Go or don't' go, it's up to you but don't let anyone make your mind up for you, you're at college - you are capable of exercising a bit of free will ;-)
Interesting that you mention this--I'm premed as well. BF is engineering, so obviously we'll have an issue come graduation, but we come from families that have all married young *fingers crossed*0 -
i hate parties. Perhaps it would suit you to go for the experience. Even if your boyfriend hates parties, maybe he'd go with you just so you can see firsthand what it's like.0
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by the time I was 18 I was at the bars at least 4 times a week
sooooo I think you should for sure go and have fun also go slow with the drinking you don't have to be wasted off your *kitten* pissing everywhere to be having mega bro fun
also invest in a taser you can get cute pink ones
oh and also go to open mic nights at bars those are the best0 -
salembambi wrote: »by the time I was 18 I was at the bars at least 4 times a week
sooooo I think you should for sure go and have fun also go slow with the drinking you don't have to be wasted off your *kitten* pissing everywhere to be having mega bro fun
also invest in a taser you can get cute pink ones
oh and also go to open mic nights at bars those are the best
These aren't bars, though. There are actually no bars near us (very small town). Just cramped dorm parties, that's the only real 'social scene'.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »I'm not attractive, so no one would hit on me, but still.
You're gorgeous. Why would you think you're not? You would get hit on and that is without a doubt.
I don't dress up for others. I dress up for myself. It will make you feel good about yourself.
I am not a big party animal. My love is 29 and I am 21 so he is well past his partying days and I should be in the midst of mine...but I'm not. I wanted to experience it when I was 19. I wanted to see what it was like. So I did...and it wasn't my scene. But it was experienced and I will have no regrets when I'm older. So I encourage you to try it once. If your boyfriend and you break up then you will highly regret letting him keep you from trying something you deserve to experience at least once. Believe me. I know.
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LifeInTheBikeLane wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »I'm not attractive, so no one would hit on me, but still.
You're gorgeous. Why would you think you're not? You would get hit on and that is without a doubt.
I don't dress up for others. I dress up for myself. It will make you feel good about yourself.
I am not a big party animal. My love is 29 and I am 21 so he is well past his partying days and I should be in the midst of mine...but I'm not. I wanted to experience it when I was 19. I wanted to see what it was like. So I did...and it wasn't my scene. But it was experienced and I will have no regrets when I'm older. So I encourage you to try it once. If your boyfriend and you break up then you will highly regret letting him keep you from trying something you deserve to experience at least once. Believe me. I know.
Thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately, this school is very limited demographic-wise. Most men ignore ethnic minorities here, or find them completely unattractive. So in terms of this college, I'm unattractive. It's unfortunate--hopefully I'll move to a more diverse area when I have the chance, and thankfully my BF finds me somewhat cute. 0
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