Is Partying Worth It?
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malavika413 wrote: »
Scratch that--I just spoke to him. He's not happy, but he admits he can't control my life and my decisions.
Well that's that then. He spoke his mind and he calls all the shots, apparently. He sounds like a controller. I dated one of those, too. He was always "worried" about me.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
He is definitely not a controller. I had a long talk with him and he just wants me to be safe, but he won't monitor my decisions, nor will he berate me for them. I have a trusted friend that he also knows that has offered to take me to a party, and I've accepted. BF and I have a perfectly loving relationship--nowhere close to abuse.0 -
ryanwood935 wrote: »Partying at the very least is a lot of fun and a great way to meet new friends. You really don't have to drink if you don't want to. If you are going to drink, you should probably have some trusted friends with you, and you may not want to do it around a huge group of people. Everyone reacts differently to alcohol.
If you want to go to a party, your can't always let your boyfriend get in the way of that. Him stressing about his major, family situations doesn't get any better down the road. His family isn't going away. Work is always going to be stressful, except now he'll be worrying about promotions, that new job prospect, his jerk boss, etc...He's not controlling. If I asked to go he'd let me, but he'd just worry. He's always stressed due to his major, family situation and jobs, I wouldn't want to add more stress to his life.
You never know when you might impress someone outside of class. Might sound crazy, but some of your most unexpected networking can come at parties. Everyone knows someone, and the more people you can meet, the better opportunities you might find for yourself down the road.
Your self esteem seems to be awfully low. Sounds like the biggest reason for you to love your boyfriend is because he is the first person to be interested in you. That's not something to build a relationship on. Your a pretty girl, and being pre-med you are obviously smart. You will have other options if you branch out. If you want to do fun things, you should be allowed to. If he isn't OK with that, you can find someone who is. There's 3.5 billion other fish in the sea!
I appreciate what you have to say (though I've never considered partying as a networking opportunity, I would think it would have the opposite effect). I do have low self-esteem, but I don't love my boyfriend because he's the first person to be interested in me. I love him because he's kind, smart, considerate, etc. He's just worried about my safety, and he is a bit jealous (but hey, we're all human, I'd be jealous too).0 -
malavika413 wrote: »
Scratch that--I just spoke to him. He's not happy, but he admits he can't control my life and my decisions.
Well that's that then. He spoke his mind and he calls all the shots, apparently. He sounds like a controller. I dated one of those, too. He was always "worried" about me.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
The BF doesn't have to be happy about it or pretend he is happy about it if he isnt. Perfectly fine for him to say he doesnt like it but he accepts it is her decision.
I don't see that as abusive or controlling.
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Hi Malavika,
Using the word party as a verb is usually code for using illicit drugs recreationally and/or misusing prescription drugs for recreational purposes. Drinking alcohol is also included in the verb "party". Why not call the activity exactly what it is? Let's go out and party tonight! or Let's go out and use illicit drugs for recreational purposes and have cocktails and get buzzed too! It's so much lovelier and cleaner and light hearted to say "party".
So assuming you only mean drinking alcohol, and it isn't against your religion or moral code, the jist of it is you want to try it?
I'd say drink an alcoholic beverage in the safety of your own home while you're with your boyfriend (who sounds like a catch, by the way) and see how it makes you feel with a person who cares about you and would protect you instead of exploit you. He doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to and he probably won't condone it. But it's better than imbibing alone or with a bunch of drunken strangers when you don't know how it will make you feel.
As far as attending parties with drunks, go ahead. I recommend you stay alcohol free though to really be able to see it for what it is. It will be crystal clear and you'll probably be quite bored and opt to leave early. Drinkers and non drinkers mix like oil and water
Congrats on being a lovely, smart, level headed young woman who has never touched a drop of alcohol in her life. Better yet, keep it that way. As the years go by, it will be a point of pride and you'll have bragging rights. Bragging rights you will have earned
ETA: It looks like you've already made up your mind about what you'll be doing. Best of luck to you.
I'll be honest, this is a new one on me. Maybe it's the area I'm from, or the people I've known, but I can honestly say I've never hosted a party with and/or been to a party with illicit or prescription drugs. I've been partying since I was 16, and yeah, there has been enough alcohol to sink a battleship, cigarettes, and some people have smoked pot here and there. I don't really consider pot to be "illicit". Most people who want to do drugs are flat out blunt about it. They don't say, you wanna go party? They say, you wanna go get high? The people that are doing the "illicit" stuff you're referring to, they aren't doing that *kitten* at parties. That's hardcore. They're baking that and having their OWN kinda party, that NO one wants to go to. It's a whole 'nother level.
Am I going to say that there aren't parties where people do coke, meth, pop pills and other things? Sure. They probably do. People you work with right now are probably popping pills to get through the day. They might be smoking meth in the car on lunch to function. I don't know. Unfortunately, it happens.
I own every bit of the partying I did. We were kids and we were wild. I think I was probably drunk most of 1999. Even after I got married, I still partied. Three of my best friends rented a house together, and it was like party central. I think we partied more when we were 26 than we did when we were 21. After I had my daughter, it slowed down, dramatically, obviously. She comes first, always.
Halloween is the one time of year that I get to go out and have a good time with my friends. One of them usually has a big party at their house, and we all have a blast. Everyone dresses up in costumes, we have food, jello shots, any kind of beer, wine, or liquor we want. We didn't get to have a party this year due to a death in one of our friend's families, but last year was a blast. I'm 36 years old, and still have a good time. I'm realizing that no, it's not a great idea drink myself into oblivion like I did when I was 21. but I still enjoy having a drink, dancing and laughing with my friends.
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My parties have pizzas and cookies (considered illicit on MFP)
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fearlessleader104 wrote: »My parties have pizzas and cookies (considered illicit on MFP)
Don't you read the threads with most of us agreeing it's okay to eat cookies and pizza?
Ice cubes at the movie theater, on the other hand...0 -
Hi Malavika,
Using the word party as a verb is usually code for using illicit drugs recreationally and/or misusing prescription drugs for recreational purposes. Drinking alcohol is also included in the verb "party". Why not call the activity exactly what it is? Let's go out and party tonight! or Let's go out and use illicit drugs for recreational purposes and have cocktails and get buzzed too! It's so much lovelier and cleaner and light hearted to say "party".
So assuming you only mean drinking alcohol, and it isn't against your religion or moral code, the jist of it is you want to try it?
I'd say drink an alcoholic beverage in the safety of your own home while you're with your boyfriend (who sounds like a catch, by the way) and see how it makes you feel with a person who cares about you and would protect you instead of exploit you. He doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to and he probably won't condone it. But it's better than imbibing alone or with a bunch of drunken strangers when you don't know how it will make you feel.
As far as attending parties with drunks, go ahead. I recommend you stay alcohol free though to really be able to see it for what it is. It will be crystal clear and you'll probably be quite bored and opt to leave early. Drinkers and non drinkers mix like oil and water
Congrats on being a lovely, smart, level headed young woman who has never touched a drop of alcohol in her life. Better yet, keep it that way. As the years go by, it will be a point of pride and you'll have bragging rights. Bragging rights you will have earned
ETA: It looks like you've already made up your mind about what you'll be doing. Best of luck to you.
I'll be honest, this is a new one on me. Maybe it's the area I'm from, or the people I've known, but I can honestly say I've never hosted a party with and/or been to a party with illicit or prescription drugs. I've been partying since I was 16, and yeah, there has been enough alcohol to sink a battleship, cigarettes, and some people have smoked pot here and there. I don't really consider pot to be "illicit". Most people who want to do drugs are flat out blunt about it. They don't say, you wanna go party? They say, you wanna go get high? The people that are doing the "illicit" stuff you're referring to, they aren't doing that *kitten* at parties. That's hardcore. They're baking that and having their OWN kinda party, that NO one wants to go to. It's a whole 'nother level.
Am I going to say that there aren't parties where people do coke, meth, pop pills and other things? Sure. They probably do. People you work with right now are probably popping pills to get through the day. They might be smoking meth in the car on lunch to function. I don't know. Unfortunately, it happens.
I own every bit of the partying I did. We were kids and we were wild. I think I was probably drunk most of 1999. Even after I got married, I still partied. Three of my best friends rented a house together, and it was like party central. I think we partied more when we were 26 than we did when we were 21. After I had my daughter, it slowed down, dramatically, obviously. She comes first, always.
Halloween is the one time of year that I get to go out and have a good time with my friends. One of them usually has a big party at their house, and we all have a blast. Everyone dresses up in costumes, we have food, jello shots, any kind of beer, wine, or liquor we want. We didn't get to have a party this year due to a death in one of our friend's families, but last year was a blast. I'm 36 years old, and still have a good time. I'm realizing that no, it's not a great idea drink myself into oblivion like I did when I was 21. but I still enjoy having a drink, dancing and laughing with my friends.
Yeah, I agree with you. None of the parties my friends have described involve illicit drugs. Glad to see that you're still having fun after having a child and getting older. I didn't think people had fun after all that happened--my parents' idea of fun these days is watching a movie on TV every weekend.0 -
Some people like to party and some people don't. I'm one of those people who doesn't like to party...I don't drink or smoke...I don't like how stupid alcohol can make people and being an introvert I'd just be chilling wherever the food bowl would be. I'm a musician in my late 20s and the only party I've been to was last halloween where my friends were hosting a day festival (different local bands doing covers of The Muse, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Strokes, Dead Kennedys, Queens of the Stone Age). Even then I was very uncomfortable as Halloween is my least favorite holiday but it was still fun because I knew it wouldn't get too out of control thanks to the awesome security at the venue.0
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Respectfully, Malavika413, there are some flags in your statement that I hope you'll consider.
First of all, the choice of whether to go party is entirely up to you. Not your friends, not your boyfriend, you.
Second, going to a party won't require you to drink. It might be boring if you're the only sober person there, at which point you can go home and know you're not missing anything.
Third, if you go to a party it doesn't mean you have to ever go to another party. If you don't go, that doesn't mean you can't go in the future. You're choosing how to spend an hour, not whom to be for the rest of your life.
Fourth, the part about being unattractive is OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE if you're either woman in your profile picture, and is just a lousy (although very common for girls and women) to think of yourself.
Basically, I'd encourage you to think about this in terms of what you want to do and not what other people want you to do. If your boyfriend will be upset by you making decisions for yourself, well that's a much bigger warning sign right there.0 -
Respectfully, Malavika413, there are some flags in your statement that I hope you'll consider.
First of all, the choice of whether to go party is entirely up to you. Not your friends, not your boyfriend, you.
Second, going to a party won't require you to drink. It might be boring if you're the only sober person there, at which point you can go home and know you're not missing anything.
Third, if you go to a party it doesn't mean you have to ever go to another party. If you don't go, that doesn't mean you can't go in the future. You're choosing how to spend an hour, not whom to be for the rest of your life.
Fourth, the part about being unattractive is OBVIOUSLY NOT TRUE if you're either woman in your profile picture, and is just a lousy (although very common for girls and women) to think of yourself.
Basically, I'd encourage you to think about this in terms of what you want to do and not what other people want you to do. If your boyfriend will be upset by you making decisions for yourself, well that's a much bigger warning sign right there.
Thank you for your kind words. I've decided to go to a party, but most likely I'll avoid alcohol. I've talked to BF about it, and he has agreed.0 -
it confuses me a little that you can't invite your boyfriend though. seems like a strange party if people can't bring their s.o.'s, unless only women in general are allowed and no men at all.0
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Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.0
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roanokejoe49 wrote: »Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.
It was this article, as well as many others like it, that have my boyfriend so worried. I'm not exactly strong, so I wouldn't be able to fight anyone off. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's going to make me carry his pocket knife and a container of pepper spray.0 -
it confuses me a little that you can't invite your boyfriend though. seems like a strange party if people can't bring their s.o.'s, unless only women in general are allowed and no men at all.
Yeah, it confused me too. But I've been told by all my friends that if you bring a guy along, they won't let you into the dorm parties. The guys have to be invited specifically, girls can just show up because they're girls.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »roanokejoe49 wrote: »Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.
It was this article, as well as many others like it, that have my boyfriend so worried. I'm not exactly strong, so I wouldn't be able to fight anyone off. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's going to make me carry his pocket knife and a container of pepper spray.
hmmmm, so this is a frat party and other guys are there? yeah, i'm not really thinking this is such a great idea anymore....0 -
malavika413 wrote: »roanokejoe49 wrote: »Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.
It was this article, as well as many others like it, that have my boyfriend so worried. I'm not exactly strong, so I wouldn't be able to fight anyone off. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's going to make me carry his pocket knife and a container of pepper spray.
hmmmm, so this is a frat party and other guys are there? yeah, i'm not really thinking this is such a great idea anymore....
No frats at my school. We live in single sex dorms, and the parties are hosted at the male dorms. Girls hop from dorm to dorm looking for parties. That's what my friends tell me, and that's what I've observed. It's the only real form of social life around here.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »roanokejoe49 wrote: »Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.
It was this article, as well as many others like it, that have my boyfriend so worried. I'm not exactly strong, so I wouldn't be able to fight anyone off. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's going to make me carry his pocket knife and a container of pepper spray.
hmmmm, so this is a frat party and other guys are there? yeah, i'm not really thinking this is such a great idea anymore....
No frats at my school. We live in single sex dorms, and the parties are hosted at the male dorms. Girls hop from dorm to dorm looking for parties. That's what my friends tell me, and that's what I've observed. It's the only real form of social life around here.
aaaah, i see. most likely perfectly safe, but be careful who you accept drinks from.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »roanokejoe49 wrote: »Read the recent article in Rolling Stone about women attending parties at frat houses @ UVA. Make sure you're protected. Drink very little and only canned or bottled beer that YOU open. Go with friends, as many as possible.
It was this article, as well as many others like it, that have my boyfriend so worried. I'm not exactly strong, so I wouldn't be able to fight anyone off. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's going to make me carry his pocket knife and a container of pepper spray.
hmmmm, so this is a frat party and other guys are there? yeah, i'm not really thinking this is such a great idea anymore....
No frats at my school. We live in single sex dorms, and the parties are hosted at the male dorms. Girls hop from dorm to dorm looking for parties. That's what my friends tell me, and that's what I've observed. It's the only real form of social life around here.
aaaah, i see. most likely perfectly safe, but be careful who you accept drinks from.
I agree. It would make me feel better if I knew these guys personally, but I don't have any male friends. I'll just have to take my friends' word on who's safe and who isn't.0 -
malavika413 wrote: »
I just don't know if it's right to betray his trust for the sake of a party I may or may not like.
Betray his trust?!? You are an adult and should NOT need his permission for anything except having sex with other people. Live free and do whatever you feel like doing everyday (because you might run out of days sooner than you think).
That being said, parties are kind of overrated but yes you should go check it out... It's part of the college experience. And you should not let your bf deny you youthful experiences. If you are curious... You will always wonder.0
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